


Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys: Year 3

by Jayden und Verwelkt (SailorVFan10), SailorVFan10



Series: Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys [2]
Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-10
Updated: 2011-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-14 15:27:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 88,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/150744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorVFan10/pseuds/Jayden%20und%20Verwelkt, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorVFan10/pseuds/SailorVFan10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine someone weirder than Crazy Hand in charge of a school. Now add some very reluctant transfers from the local public school. Toss in some psychotic teachers while you're at it. Welcome to the Melee Academy, where nothing is ever normal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at Fanfiction.net on 5th October, 2008 and completed on 18th October, 2009.

**Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

**Year Three**

**-One-**

Young Link grumbled as he stared as his reflection in the mirror, holding two ends of his uniform tie and wondering how one was to tie such a thing. His first day of high school, a big deal to Zelda, who actually cried about it the night before because he was "growing up so fast" or some other sappy thing. At least he was taking Ness and Popo with him to hell.

"Oh, the Academy isn't _that_ bad," Link chided, ruffling Young Link's hair as he looked in the mirror as well. "It can be hell on earth as a freshman, but..."

Link turned Young Link around, grabbed the tie out of his thirteen year old 'brother's' hands, and tied it himself, all the while Young Link sulked at the loss of his no-uniform days at the grammar school.

"It still sucks," Young Link said, crossing his arms as Link smoothed out the wrinkles in his shirt. "Now I'm gonna become _you_."

His older self cupped his cheek and gave him a reassuring smile. "Let me give you some advice, something that Roy will probably reiterate later. If you can help it, become the complete opposite of your dipshit failure of an older self."

Young Link reached for the blazer hanging from a hook on the closet door and tried it on. A perfect fit, but that would make sense since it was Link's blazer from freshman year - he was around the same size then.

Roy stuck his head in the doorway, buttoning his shirt cuffs, which were sticking out from his blazer sleeves. He needed to remind Marth to give him his old blazer. "You ready yet? We can't spend all morning up here." Hanging off his arm from the laces were his ratty old Converse, one of the shoelaces drastically shorter than the other side, making it hard to lace up.

"Young Link's just making sure he's ready to give up his childhood innocence and enter high school," Link said. "We'll be right down. And do something with your hair, Roy - you look like a girl."

Roy stuck his tongue out and disappeared beyond the doorway. Just because his hair was almost shoulder length (after he cut it two weeks prior), didn't mean he looked like a girl. Link should be the one to talk since his hair was definitely not shoulder length.

"Marth, I need money for lunch!" Roy called down the stairs, leaning precariously over the wooden banister of the second floor.

"Then hurry the hell up and get it already!" Marth called from the kitchen doorway, glasses perched haphazardly on his nose, newspaper in hand. He looked like he just got back from a nice vacation and thrown into Hell.

Roy sighed and nearly collided with Link and his younger self.

"Are first days usually this hectic?" Young Link asked. "I don't remember there being this much commotion."

Link led Young Link downstairs and into the kitchen, which looked like a war zone. And no wonder, since it seemed like Bowser and Mario were trying to see who could kill the other first with pancake mix. The floors, the walls, even the walkway outside was covered in the stuff, as were the mutated turtle and the Italian plumber. Roy walked past all the carnage to where his boyfriend was sitting, as usual, reading the newspaper. The front page headline was "Public And Private Clash In Epic Battle", with a picture of Master Hand and Tabuu underneath it, both engaged in what appeared to be a wrestling match.

"The first floor is always this hectic at this time of day, YL. You'll have to get used to it, especially with more people here," Ness quipped from his seat next to Mewtwo.

"I remember Peach making breakfast, Zelda feeding Pichu, and Marth reading the newspaper every morning, but not pancake wars, Snake sneaking around the yard in a cardboard box, or all sorts of things breaking."

Link patted Young Link's arm, practically pinning the poor kid to his side, like an overprotective mother with her son on the first day of kindergarten.

"Lunch money, Marthy," Roy said, grabbing one of the few chairs at the kitchen table not covered in flour.

Marth shifted in his seat to remove his wallet from his back pocket; he flicked it open and gave Roy a few bills before closing it and replacing it back to his pocket. Roy took the cash and gave Marth a peck on the mouth.

"Thank you, Marth."

Lucas, who just came through the back door and ducked from oncoming pancake mix, watched an innocent peck on the mouth turn into a make-out session. Ness noticed his friend and beckoned him to sit down at the table, seemingly oblivious to Roy practically throwing Marth down onto the kitchen floor.

"Are they _always_ like this?" Lucas whispered. "I mean, yeah, it's nothing strange since a girl and guy are _supposed_ to be romantic with each other, but... _at the breakfast table_? Don't Marth and Roy realise that that's not...proper?"

"Yep," Ness replied, going over his supplies list for the hundredth time that day. He did a double-take when he heard 'a girl and guy' and 'Marth and Roy' in the same sentence. Or nearly the same sentence. In any case, Lucas was referring to Marth and Roy using incorrect pronouns.

"Wait a minute, Luc," Ness said, looking up from his list. "Marth and Roy are both _guys_."

Bowser cursing Mario's mother, punctuated by pancake mix hitting the wall behind the plumber, kept the kitchen from being completely silent.

"Are you _sure_ that Marth person is a guy?" Lucas asked after a long pause.

Ness nodded, his face completely serious. "You're not the first to mistake him for a woman."

"But..." Lucas knew that the argument was moot now, but he wasn't going to back down just yet. "But...he _sounds_ like a girl."

Before Ness could say anything more, he was interrupted by Link.

"Come on, guys, let's go!" he shouted over the calamity in the kitchen. "Don't wanna be late for your big day, do you?"

Young Link reluctantly followed his older self through the back door, Ness, Lucas, and Popo not far behind him.

"Come on, Roy!" Link called, poking his head back into the doorway. "Marth'll be here when you come home, you know."

Roy frowned and clung to Marth's arm. "I'm still afraid of being around you without him around." As if to make his point clear, he gave Marth's arm a tiny tug.

Link crossed his arms. "You and I won't be alone ever again now that YL's a freshman. I'll be watching over him like a hawk."

That didn't reassure Roy any.

Marth kissed Roy's forehead and ruffled his hair. "I already gave Link a talking to last night. And he's right - I'll be waiting for you to come home, all right?"

"Promise?" Roy didn't know how childish he was sounding.

"On my honour," Marth replied, kissing the back of Roy's hand. "Now go before you're late. I'm not signing your tardy slips, either."

Link had to practically drag the Pheraean away from Marth, but not before Roy gave Marth one last kiss on the cheek. With a final tug, Roy was dragged out of the Manse and down the back steps, the freshmen not too far away from them.

"It's gonna be so awkward not having Marth there, though," Roy remarked. "I'm...I'm not sure I can stand it."

Link rolled his eyes. "Roy. Get over it. You still have me, and you have Young Link now, too. And he'll be sitting there at the Manse after a long day at work, you'll come home from school, and then you can cuddle or whatever. It won't change _too_ much."

"He'll come home and complain about how many people don't know sword polish from their elbow," Roy joked, grinning now.

"Better than him saying, 'I don't know why I still work at the stupid lingerie store'."

And so, with the group of thirteen year olds in tow - Lucas straggling a little behind because he wasn't too fond of groups - they continued their trudge down the gravel-lined driveway to the litter-filled streets. Nintendo Land wasn't known for its cleanliness.

"Why do I even have to _go_ to the Academy, anyway?" Young Link wondered aloud as they neared the corner of the street.

"Because Zelda wants you to have an education," Link replied.

"But I'll learn all this crap that I won't ever need..."

"Life's like that," Roy chimed in. "Get used to it, Young Link."

"Welcome to the real world, I'm your host, Link. And reality's a real bitch."

If it was one thing Link was good at, it was making a joke out of any situation. That was probably what compelled Roy to converse with him the first time he arrived at the Manse. Or maybe it was because Link looked not like others in the Manse. One or the other - Roy really didn't remember.

-x-

"Can you believe we're juniors already?" Roy asked as they walked through the all-too-familiar front doors of the Academy.

"Technically, I'm still a sophomore," Link confessed. "Because of my credits."

"Well yeah, but you're still a junior. And you're taking Geometry, finally, so that's a good thing."

Young Link tugged on Link's sleeve, a slightly scared look in his eyes.

"What is it?" Link asked, stopping in front of the auditorium, Roy not too far ahead. "You look like Epona did when Ganondorf was chasing after us."

Young Link gulped and looked all around. "...How do I know where my homeroom is? What if I have to change something on my schedule? Oh Nayru, what if they ask about my ID? I didn't even get it yet-"

"Young Link, calm yourself." Link came down to his younger self's eye level, his hands on his shoulders. "Your homeroom is posted on one of the lists in this doughnut-shaped hallway. There's a big sign above them that says 'Freshmen', and it's in reverse alphabetical order. Schedule changes are done the first full week of school by appointment-only. And all freshmen get their IDs today, so don't worry about it. They'll give you a temp. instead."

"Where the heck are the homeroom postings for freshmen?" Popo shouted. "This is so confusing!"

"There's too many people!" Lucas cried, hiding behind Ness.

Link didn't remember there being such a commotion over homeroom postings when _he_ was a freshman.

"They're right there," Roy answered, pointing to the board by the guidance suite. "Says 'Freshmen' right there." He tapped Link's shoulder then as more people filtered into the front hall.

"You're gonna be fine," Link said, smiling. "You have my cell in case you have questions, Roy's too. And Marth's, though I'm not sure how much help he'd be." He stood and pushed Young Link to where Popo, Ness and Lucas were.

"Have fun!" Roy shouted behind them as they started to walk over to the other side of the floor. He squeezed Link's shoulder to comfort him, for Link looked like someone ran over his hamster.

"He'll be okay," Roy comforted, keeping his eye out for the junior class list all the while. "You worry too much."

They stopped over by the Practical Biology classrooms and there, right before their eyes, was the homeroom roster.

"This should be fun," Roy remarked, scanning the five sheets taped to the drywall. "Trying to find our names is like trying to find a needle in a haystack." It didn't help that there were several people crowding around the stupid list, either. It didn't even look like they were searching for their names, just milling about, and being a pain in the arse all the while.

"Aha!" Roy whooped and wrote his new homeroom number - 406 - on the palm of his hand. "Hey Linky! We're in the same homeroom this year!"

Link came over to see the list, and sure enough they were. "Sweet!"

Somehow, Link almost got knocked out by some kid with wings sticking out of his blazer, and Roy almost got knocked over by a tall and very blue haired youth with a bandanna tied around his head.

"Well _that_ was lovely," Link said, rubbing his face. "Just what I expect every morning."

"They're probably the transfers from Brawl High's merging with here," Roy replied, massaging his shoulder. "I've never seen them around here before."

"Wouldn't kill them to say 'Excuse me' or something," Link muttered. He looked at the clock on his Nintenpod and wheezed. Then he realised it was in the wrong time zone and switched it to the correct one.

"We have ten minutes," Link said, double checking. "Well, nine now. I can't believe I spazzed for a whole minute-"

"We should go to homeroom then." Roy tried to think of the quickest way to get to their homeroom, but Link grabbed his arm and dragged him off to where the guidance suite was located.

Scanning the list of freshmen when they arrived, Link tapped the page and then muttered "two seventy en" to himself before running back in the direction they came.

"Where are we _going_?" Roy asked, nearly bumping into a group of burly-looking seniors as they made their way to the second floor tunnel. "Our homeroom's that way-"

"I'm gonna check on YL one more time before-"

"Will you stop _worrying_ about him so damn much? You're acting like my retainer back in Pherae!"

They zipped around the corner and past two classrooms before arriving at Link's destination - 217N, their old sophomore accelerated English classroom.

Link poked his head through the door and saw his younger self sitting in the far corner, his head in his hands with the boredest expression possible. Everyone else was congregated on the nearest side of the classroom, chatting away to old friends, people extending the hand of friendship to those they didn't know... And yet there Young Link was, all by himself.

Roy poked his head through the door as well, over Link's since he was taller than the blond.

"He's by himself," Link observed.

"So? He'll find friends, I'm sure."

"But...But I don't want him to be just like _I_ was on the first day," Link argued.

_Link clutched his messenger bag in his arms for dear life as he entered the classroom filled with unfamiliar faces. They probably thought he was a freak because of his ears, which stuck out like sore thumbs on the hands of a clumsy carpenter. He slid into a seat by the window, away from the stares, away from the comments. Why was Zelda putting him through this? Besides, the two boys he befriended two weeks before weren't there in his homeroom - he was essentially alone._

"Do you realise how often we have Administrative Stations?" Roy asked, snapping Link out of his reverie. "Almost never. So don't worry about him being alone. Ness and the others are probably in at least _one_ of his regular classes."

Link withdrew his head from the classroom, Roy following suit.

"He signed up for Chorus," Link commented. "So he'll know us at least."

"Providing he's in our period, yeah. But don't worry about it. I know _I_ didn't."

"But you at least look _human_. I mean, you don't look part dragon even though you are. Young Link's ears stick out because he's _Hylian_."

So _that_ was what Link was worrying about - how people would perceive Young Link based on what he looked like.

"...I'm a quarter Ice Dragon, so of course it wouldn't show. And even if it _did_ , I would still look human for the most part. And I doubt anyone gives a damn, Link. Now c'mon, we should go before the bell-"

The bell rang. The Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys was officially open for...schooling. At least, that was what Master Hand always _said_ it was for, and that was what Tabuu told them yesterday. Roy wanted to know how they would get screwed over this year.

"How much do you want to bet Bowser and Ganondorf are gonna string someone up on the flagpole?" Roy asked as they continued on to their homeroom, located on the fourth floor.

"A hundred rupees," Link answered, hands in his pockets.

"In Nintendo Land currency, that would be...?"

Link sighed. Being in Hyrule for a month made him forget about the differing currencies. "About fifty bucks."

"You're making me bet my _lunch money_ on it?"

Link stopped just short of their homeroom and nearly got knocked over by a burly senior. "Marth gave you fifty dollars for lunch?" Disbelief tinged his voice.

Roy waved his hands and shushed him. "Don't go telling the whole _world_ about it, dumbarse. And it's for _two_ people - Marth and I are going out later, but he's meeting me at this new place on the Avenue."

Sliding the classroom door open, Link stepped into the brightly lit room, Roy behind him, and sat down in the nearest seat.

"All right then, how much money of your _own_ can you wager?" Link asked, producing a pad of paper he dubbed his 'wager log'.

"Ten bucks, roughly," was the answer. Link wrote it down and checked it, grinning all the while.

"Sign here, here, and put your initial here," Link said, pointing to the various places for Roy to sign. Roy wrote his name and initials practically all over the sheet of paper before Link put it away, and they shook on the deal to confirm it.

A disgruntled looking person trudged into the room and threw his things onto the desk.

"Another year to put up with this bullshit," he murmured, sliding the office chair out from underneath the desk, and sat on it. "I should've taken that one job offer and ran away from here, but _nooo_. Everyone always said, 'Oh Schuldig, you're the smart one!' but apparently that's a load of shit, since I'm _here_. And your minds all taste gross." He sighed and then narrowed his eyes when everyone in the room was staring at him oddly.

"What grade is this, third?" the man named Schuldig asked, pulling out a shiny Glock hand gun.

"Yes," Stephen Alvarez answered, his trademark DS stylus in hand as he plowed the fields in Harvest Moon DS. "Are you a psycho?"

Schuldig grinned menacingly and waved his gun in the air. "Guilty." He grinned somewhat twistedly and stared. "Your mind doesn't taste _that_ bad..."

Stephen did not know what that meant, nor did he want to. And he didn't want to know why his thoughts felt violated.

Link then realised he had seen this teacher before.

"Oh sweet Farore," he cried, hiding behind Roy. "It's _him_ , the guy Marth said belonged in an asy...asy..."

"Asylum?" Roy offered as his body began to shake from Link's panicked sobs.

"Yeah, that," Link answered, his head buried in Roy's back. "Though there is a funny thing I noticed..."

"What would that be?" Roy watched their whack job of a homeroom teacher lovingly caress the Glock, as if it were his baby, and felt his eye twitch.

"Doesn't he kinda sound like Marth?"

Roy heard Stephen shouting obscene things and heard the gun go off, the bullet lodged in the cement wall behind the ash-blond boy.

"What the fuck was _that_ for?" Stephen asked, under his desk with his hands over his ears. Everyone else was screaming as Schuldig blew the smoke from the tip.

"Your whining is pissing me off."

Stephen wasn't whining at all.

"And stop plotting an assassination attempt on me," Schuldig said, pointing at one of the students way in the back. They jumped from their seat, eyes wide. They didn't say anything aloud about it...

"Are you even supposed to _have_ a gun?" Broccoli Savannah-Sodashake shouted, trying to hear himself over the ringing in his ears.

"Not really, no. I don't really _need_ one."

Roy cried out in distress as Link sobbed harder.

 _You know, Link's right - he really_   
__  
**does**   
  
_sound like Marth. Kinda._

"I'm not quite sure who this 'Marth' person is, but I'm sure I don't sound like him," Schuldig said in such a nonchalant way.

There was something weird about their homeroom teacher, but no one could place their finger on it. Roy would have to ask Marth about it when he got home. Or got to a class where he could easily text. Whichever came first.

"Actually," Link whispered in Roy's ear, still cowering behind him, "he sounds like that J-Pop singer you listen to. What's-his-face. Hikaru Utada?"

Roy banged his head against his desk. "Hikaru _Utada_ is a woman, Link. You mean Hikaru _Midorikawa_."

Link rubbed the back of his neck and laughed nervously. "Yeah, him."

Roy froze when Link leaned over his shoulder, practically right on top of him. "Doesn't he?"

"Doesn't he _what_?"

"Doesn't he sound like Hikaru Midorikawa."

Roy said nothing for a moment. "...I guess."

Link jumped out of his seat. "No no _no_. No 'I guess'! It's uncanny!"

Roy shrugged. He really didn't care if Schuldig sounded like Midorikawa Hikaru.

"You said the same thing about Marth, you know," Roy said, opening a blank notebook. "'Oh _Roy_ , doesn't Marth sound _just_ like Hikaru Midorikawa? Huh, huh, huh, _huh_? Doesn't he? I think he does!' And then you even _asked_ if he knew who that even _was_."

Link leaned back in his seat. "And he said he did. And remember freshman year? That's originally why Terry and company went after Marth. It was originally a club for the other guy, for whatever he did."

"The 'We Worship the Sexiest Seiyuu Ever' Club."

"Yeah. And so they like, fawned over him 'cause he sounded like him. And Marth just denied it the whole time. I don't think he realises it yet."

Roy, meanwhile, wrote a letter to his father as Link rambled on and on.

Schuldig rummaged through the things on his desk and found a manilla envelope with everyone's schedules in them.

"Since you're all Third Years, I'm assuming you all know the drill by now," he said, running a hand through his hair as he placed his feet on the desk top. "And if you're new to this school, tough shit. You, with the fruity Nintendo DS" - he was referring to Stephen - "...hand these out. Now."

Stephen closed the lid of his DS and cautiously approached the orange haired man. Taking the schedules and keeping the fact that Schuldig had a gun tucked into the back of his mind, he distributed them, stumbling over a few names as he went along.

"Compare time," Link said in a sing-song voice, grabbing Roy's schedule before the red head had time to absorb it to memory.

"Heeey, we'll be having most of our classes together again!" Link chirped. "This is great. It'll be like last year all over again!"

"Minus the thing that happened at the end of the year," Roy corrected, taking his schedule back. "We don't want a repeat of _that_."

Link hadn't forgotten Marth and Roy's break-up and subsequent coming-back-together.

"Marth said he would fillé me with Falchion if I put the moves on you," Link said. "Which means he'd gut me like a fish."

"I hope he didn't say it like that."

"Oh no, of course not. I think he spent a whole paragraph on my punishment when alls he had to do was say, 'I will gut you like a fish, cut your body up into pieces, and make stew out of you'."

Leave it to Marth to not be eloquent.

Link examined his schedule more thoroughly after comparing them.

"Hey, Roy, there's something weird about my schedule."

Roy leaned to the side to get a better view. "What's wrong with it?"

The Hero of Time shrugged. "I dunno. I can't place my finger on it."

So Roy grabbed the schedule and scrutinised it, looking at the teachers instead of the courses.

"You _did_ sign up for Chorus again, right?"

Link nodded. "Of course I did. I've been in that class since freshman year!"

Roy handed the schedule back with an emphatic shrug of the shoulders. "Guess you'll have to see Ms. Seventy-Five about it, then."

Link released an exasperated sigh and banged his head against the desk. "Why do these things always happen to me? They always manage to mess it up."

Roy looked his schedule over, just to be sure, and discovered that he had the same problem.

"Oh holy hell, they screwed everyone over, I think. I'm supposed to be in Pre-Calc, not this class." He pointed to _Integrated Math 31_ on his schedule, the same math class Link had.

Roy didn't need remediation. Link might have (along with Geometry), but Roy didn't need it.

-x-

"...lunch periods are omitted," the PA announced, and Young Link and Ness could hear the groans of the freshmen around him; no one else really cared since they knew how it went by now.

"Oh shut _up_ ," Young Link said to one kid on the way to first period. "We get out early."

"B-B-But," wibbled one boy with short brown hair and up to Young Link's shoulder in terms of height. "That means no recess!"

"We haven't had recess since fifth grade, 'Lex," Ness quipped, circling all the classes he needed changed. "And getting out at one isn't that bad."

The boy called Alex sniffled and stopped at first period, Young Link and Ness on either side of him.

"You _sure_ this is 221?" Ness asked, hand on the handle.

"It says so right above the door, jackass," Young Link replied, pointing to the peeling paint that declared the room as 221. "I don't understand why Link told me to take Japanese in the first place. I wanted to take Hylian this year."

Ness slid the door open and nearly squashed his fingers in the process. He pushed the scared-half-to-death Alex through the door, Young Link following behind.

A podium, a desk for the teacher, and about a million chairs for the students was all that filled the room. Alex went to the very back, where Lucas was also sitting.

"What the- There's shag carpeting back here!" Alex called, pointing to the purple coloured shag rug.

"That's a little weird," Ness agreed.

"I think Link mentioned something like that." Young Link sat down in the first row, right next to the wall. Ironically, that was Link's very seat, and Ness sat next to him in Roy's.

"So who teaches this class?" Alex asked, taking out his schedule. "I'm not sure who this 'Lowell' person is."

And their new teacher decided to take that moment to enter the room, Doughnuts Dunkin brand tea in one hand, briefcase in the other. Alex thought that this guy looked very teacher-like, which would make sense since he _was_ one. But his homeroom teacher looked more like a student than anything else...

"...Oh Saint Akaneia, you guys are my first period?" their teacher questioned, surprised. He was so surprised, he almost dropped his tea.

Young Link snorted and Ness simply settled on staring.

"Hey, you're that guy I saw kissing that red headed guy this morning!" Lucas remarked, pointing an accusative finger at his teacher, who turned all shades of red.

"Anyway, for those who don't know who I am, I'm Mr. Lowell. Not _loh-ul_ , Lowell. But in this class, you can use either Lowell-sensei or just 'sensei'. I have no preference." He set his tea and briefcase down on the desk and grabbed a dry-erase marker.

"This is Japanese 11, so if you're not supposed to be in here, I suggest you visit your counselor as soon as possible to get that fixed. Some of you will hate this class, others will love it; some will find it difficult, others will find it easy."

"Link said this class was hard," Young Link commented. "Did he really fail this class?"

Marth was in the process of writing things on the board. "...I am not at liberty to discuss a student's grades with another."

Capping the marker, he stepped to the side so everyone could see what was written.

"You need your textbook, notebook, a folder, and a writing utensil of some sort every day unless I specify otherwise. I'm not picky about whether it's in pen or pencil - providing I can read it. I prefer black ink, but blue is fine. I don't care what colour pen you use on your notes, but quizzes, tests, and homework need black or blue. I will be _checking_ your notebooks, and I collect homework every day."

Ness was diligently taking notes whereas Young Link stifled a yawn. Typical first-day-of-class spiel. He had heard it many times before in grammar school.

"If you make a mistake, use white-out. I hate scribbling outs and cross outs. And I know some of your penmanship isn't the best, but please try to be neat."

Another student in the class, Inigo, raised his hand.

"What is it?"

"Are you OCD or something?" Inigo asked, lowering his hand back to his desk. "Seriously, sensei. When we rip things out of our notebooks, do we have to remove the frilly things? If there's one tear, will you make us redo the assignment?"

Marth sighed and opened his planner. "Congratulations, Mr. Montoya, you earned your first detention. See me tomorrow morning."

Inigo looked flabbergast.

"I deal with enough crap at home with twice as many as you, I'm not going to put up with it here. Oh, and yes, I prefer you use loose-leaf or get a notebook with perforated edges. And if your work is too sloppy, I will make you redo it. There is nothing wrong with being _neat_."

Perhaps the long list of rules about assignments being neat didn't bother Young Link and Ness as much as it should have. They _lived_ with Marth - they were very well aware of how anal-retentive he was about neatness.

"I also want a planner, so you can write down your assignments. I will check them every day we have homework - which will be every day, possibly - so make sure you get one. It can be a memo pad for all I care."

"Do you want a certain size or colour or pattern, _sensei_?" Inigo asked for the purpose of being a smart arse.

"Not only do you have detention tomorrow morning and _Friday_ morning, but that's a referral to Discipline for you." Marth removed a pad of paper from his desk and filled it out. Thirty seconds later he ripped it off the pad.

"Go now before I lose my last nerve."

Inigo grabbed his bookbag from the floor, swung it over his shoulder, grabbed the slip from Marth's hands, and walked out the door to 206A on the other side of the roundish hallway.

"Now that that's out of the way...I'll be giving out your textbooks. I want them covered."

-x-

"Why am I in this class?" Roy muttered as he and Link entered their first period together. There were only about two other people in the class, all asking themselves the same question.

"I know why _I'm_ here!" Link chirped, planting his rear in a seat near the middle of the smallish classroom.

"So does everyone else," Roy replied, taking the seat next to him. "But...but I did _fine_ and everything in my classes! I even got _switched_ from Geometry to Algebra Two, for the love of Roland."

Link drummed his fingers against the desk from too much anticipation build-up. "Then go and make an appointment to get out of here."

"I shall," Roy replied, just as their teacher, Mr. Olimar, entered the room, binder in hand.

 _Oh sweet Elimine_ , Roy thought. _He looks like my Fencing instructor back in Ostia before General Cecilia took over._

Mr. Olimar placed his things on the desk at the front of the room, and flipped the binder open to his first period roster.

"You're all Third Years, correct? At least credits wise."

Link was about to say something, but Roy elbowed him in the ribs.

"Let's just say you're a junior and be done with it," Roy murmured, doodling in his notebook.

"All right then. Let's see... Gary Martin Stu Wesker?" Olimar looked up and peered around the room to see where he was. "Gary?"

Gary Stu Wesker strolled into the room then, just as the late bell rang out. He smoothed out his platinum blond hair and produced a hall pass.

"And you're coming from where?" Olimar asked when Gary stopped in front of his desk.

"Discipline office," Gary replied, half out of breath. "I was...needed there." It was no secret that Gary Stu Wesker's father was the new Head of Discipline, and no secret as to what his father did to naughty students. If Crazy Hand were still the head of the school, such activities would not be going on, for he was good about things like that. However, Tabuu felt that extreme measures for bad students would be great, for it would deter future delinquents from causing trouble. That was what Tabuu _wanted_ , anyway. Whether it would actually work, no one knew.

Olimar took the pass and pointed to a seat in the front. Gary shuffled dejectedly to his seat, sighing all the while. There _had_ to be a way to stop his father from experimenting on innocent students. It wasn't like anyone would _believe_ him outside of the people who already knew, for his father was good at covering these things up. A chemical spill during a Chemistry lab. Toxic waste being dumped in a nearby lake. There were many things he could say to keep the authorities hot off his tail.

"All righty, Gary's here... Roy Eliwood Pherae?"

Roy was amazed someone managed to pronounce his last name right on the first try. He raised his hand slightly.

"Here."

"Link Anaka Mekkai?"

Link, preoccupied with his Nintenpod, almost missed his name. "Right here."

"Stephenie Alvarez?" Olimar didn't realise how outdated that name was, and was in search of a girl with ash-blonde hair. "Stephenie?"

Stephen cleared his throat and crossed his legs. " _Stephen_ , thank you. Stephenie was my old name."

Olimar cleared his throat and simply stared at Stephen. "Bwuh?"

Stephen sighed. He hated explaining to new teachers his situation. "When I first came to the Academy, I was a girl. They threatened to expel me if I didn't change to a guy, so I did and changed my name to 'Stephen', basically chopping of the 'ie' part. Everyone calls me 'Steff', though, if it's easier."

Link snuggled into his Melee Academy Cheerleading Squad hoodie and lowered the volume on his Nintenpod. He had heard Stephen's story about a million times and didn't want to hear it a million more.

Olimar nodded slowly, the knowledge sinking in slowly. Tabuu didn't say anything about transgendered students.

"Um...okay. Well, now that that's settled... Onto what I need in this class."

And that was where Roy stopped listening and began texting instead. Flipping open his red RAZR-esque phone, he checked his messages.

"You have 3 new messages," was displayed on the screen, vibrating thrice.

 _dis class sux_ , read the first message. Roy rolled his eyes at Link's atrocious netspeak and texted him back.

 _You need this class. I don't. STFU and deal with it_. He clicked Send and waited for it to continue before moving on.

 _I get off from work early. Need a ride?_ was the next message. It said the sender was Marth, which Roy figured.

_Yeeees, I do._

The last message was your standard spam text from your dopey phonebook friends.

"...since you're all probably taking another math class in addition." Olimar was unaware that half of his students weren't paying any attention to him whatsoever. "And that's about it."

Link was playing Solitaire on his Nintenpod and losing miserably; Roy was playing Tetris on his cell; Stephen was playing his DS; and Gary was thinking of various ways to change out of this class.

"I don't expect much from you guys, but please take this class seriously. This isn't an easy 'A'."

"Bullshit," Roy muttered, texting Link back. "Full of crap."

Olimar neared Roy's desk just as Roy pocketed his phone. "Is there something you would like to share with the class, Mr. Pherae?"

Roy blinked. "Uh...no?"

Olimar tapped his foot. "Uh huh." He made a motion for Roy to cough up whatever he was hiding. "Give me your cell phone."

Roy cocked his head to the side. "Why? I don't have it out or anything."

"You were texting, and that is against the school policy."

Roy couldn't refute that logic, of course, since Olimar was right. But you had to be stupid to think that the students didn't bring their cell phones. Stupid or naive. Even the head of the school, the guy-hand-being-thing that made the rule, knew the students brought their phones to school.

"You have no proof I was texting," Roy answered. "My phone is in my pocket and off. I use it for emergency purposes only, not to text someone sitting next to me. I'm not stupid."

Olimar wasn't going to let it go. "Either you hand it over to me now, or I'm sending you to 206A with a white card."

Roy shrugged. "Go right ahead. I still didn't do anything wrong."

And so Olimar walked away and signed a Disciplinary Action slip, checking off "Cell Phone Violation". He tore it off the backing and held it out for Roy to come take.

"Let this be an example of what to _not_ do."

Roy grabbed the slip after picking up his things and walked out of the classroom.

 _Does this guy honestly think I'm going to go to 206A?_ Even Roy, who had never had a referral before, knew what horrors awaited him in that room. There was no way he was going there and no one was going to make him.

So he went into the bathroom and decided to ask Marth for advice. He knew exactly what Marth would probably say: go get it taken care of. But Marth didn't know just how evil their Head of Discipline was. Roy could end up mutated beyond recognition by that guy, for all he knew.

 _Help me, Marth, they want me to go to the disciplinary_. He slid down the bathroom wall as he hit the send button, and waited.

-x-

After waiting out the remainder of first period in the bathroom, Roy slipped out and into the throng of people in the hall. Marth had told him to just ignore it, for Mr. Albert Wesker was one evil guy, and was reportedly doing odd things with the students he deemed 'naughty'. Roy had torn up the notice and thrown it in the toilet, nearly clogging the thing, before he left it. Taking a peek at his schedule, he headed down the stairs to the third floor, and right off the stairs was 306, his English classroom.

He walked through the open door and saw a whole bunch of students he didn't recognise. Taking a seat on the opposite end of the room, he decided it was best to stay away from the other kids - they looked like they would end up being the future criminals of Nintendo Land.

 _This is like sixth period Chorus_ , he thought. _Or, as Zelda called it, 'Chorus for the Future Criminals of Nintendo Land'._

The bell rang just as the last of the students sat down.

"These new uniforms are bullshit," one of them said, his voice deep and rather gruff-sounding. "Who the hell said that this tie system was a good idea?"

"Whaddya mean?" Stephen asked, twirling his pen between his fingers as he leaned on the desk.

The kid held up his tie. "My tie is _red_ , and no one thinks this is odd or a bad colour combo?"

Stephen shook his head. "Uh, no. We've had the tie system ever since I can remember, when my step-father attended here."

The other kid muttered, "At Brawl High, we didn't have this crap. We could wear whatever the hell we wanted."

Stephen shrugged. "This ain't Brawl High, so get used to it."

"I'm gonna start a goddamn revolt against this shit," the kid said, puffing out his chest, his green fringe blowing in the breeze from the fan.

"Robert," one of the other kids in the class, Dean, said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Don't do somethin' stupid, man. Wesker'll kill you for sure."

Robert scoffed. "What's he gonna do to me, huh? Inject me with _T-Virus_ or something?"

No one said a word, nor did anyone move. Except Stephen, who pulled out an extendable DS stylus strapped on his thigh (for emergency purposes, of course) and stabbed Robert in the shoulder with it.

"Oh!" Robert said, pulling the non-too-lethal Nintendo object from his shirt. "Oh that's it, you're going down!"

Stephen urged him on with the wave of his fingers. "Come on, sucker. _Bring it_!"

"What're you gonna do, huh? Stab me with a pen in my retinas like you did to Nickie-boy?"

Stephen thought only those in his year one Japanese class knew about that incident.

" _No_ ," Stephen answered. "My step-dad is actually in one of the tournaments this year. I learned some awesome moves from him."

Robert laughed as Dean retrieved his older brother's mechanical pencil-sword.

" _Bring it_."

Stephen grinned and moved his arm so it was even with his shoulder.

"Oh _this_ should be interesting," Robert said, crossing his arms.

And then Stephen's fist ignited and he punched at the air, his hand connecting with Robert's face. Roy, who was watching the fight for lack of anything better to do with his life, immediately recognised the move.

"I didn't know Captain Falcon was your step-dad," Roy remarked, impressed at the flawless rendition of a 'Falcon Punch'.

Stephen grinned triumphantly as Dean nursed his brother's now-broken jaw.

"Little know fact, I guess."

Their English teacher finally arrived, attendance book in hand. Roy thought he looked a lot like Fox, except with different coloured fur and a meaner looking face. He seemed to completely ignore the student on the floor and sat down at his desk at the far end of the room. All eyes were on him, except for Stephen's and Roy's.

"What the hell?" Robert asked, getting back on his seat. "We have a fucking _animal_ as our teacher?"

The teacher put his feet up on the desk and crossed his arms. "I prefer the term 'anthro-fox', actually."

"... The only freak show we had at Brawl High-"

"Will you _shut up_ about Brawl High?" Stephen shouted, ready to punch Robert again. "This _isn't Brawl High_ , this is Melee Academy. If you have such a problem with it, why not just _drop out_?"

Robert growled and was about to pounce when Stephen moved his desk back, causing Robert to miss and fall to the floor again.

"You fail," was all Stephen said. "Fail, fail, _fail_."

Their teacher cleared his throat then, and slid his feet off the desk. "As you may have guessed, I'm your teacher. You can call me Wolf. This is AP Language and Composition, just in case you're not supposed to be here. As much as I enjoy seeing people fight - that was sort of apart of my previous job - I don't tolerate it in my classroom, 'cause then _I_ get in trouble and...well, that won't be too good. So if you want to kill each other, do so outside my class. And...I think that's about it. The bell should be ringing at any time, so do what you will with the rest of the time."

Robert cleared his throat. "So as I was saying before this sonovabitch decided to mess with me... The only freak show we had at Brawl High was some dude with wings. _Wings_ , goddammit."

Stephen shrugged. "Whoop-dee-do. Things like that cease to amaze any of us here. Now if someone looked like Godzilla or something, that'd be pretty weird."

"What about that Mr. Koopa dude?" Dean questioned. "He's like a...Godzilla thing."

And so the bell rang, leaving the question to hang in the humid air.

-x-

"So Roy," Link said, strolling through the crowded fourth floor corridor with Roy next to him. "I have this uberly awesome idea that you'll just _love_ -"

"Where the hell is room 411?" Roy asked, schedule in hand as he looked at the numbers above the doors.

"Who cares?" Link asked, and then continued on with, "So, do you wanna hear my brilliant idea? It'll be the best thing ever attempted in Melee Academy history and-"

" _I_ care," Roy argued, ignoring Link's babble about another so-called 'brilliant' idea. "If I'm late for Chemistry, my teacher'll probably kill me."

"Who do you have?"

Referring to his schedule, Roy read aloud, "Lucario, A."

They stopped by the faculty bathroom in the hallway next to the one Roy was seeking.

"... _Who_?"

Roy shrugged. "I haven't the faintest idea as to who that is. Must be one of the new guys - I vaguely recall a memo being passed around the Manse about it..."

And so they continued their treck to room 411.

"So anyway," Link said, "do you want to hear my brilliant idea?"

Without hesitation, Roy replied, "No."

"Well tough cucco eggs, I'm telling you anyway!"

Roy sighed. _Figures he'd pull something like that on me_.

"I'm thinking about making a club. See, we open up a request box, and if students or teachers need 'jobs' done, we can do them for cash!"

Roy stopped just a few feet away from his Chemistry class. "...You didn't happen to see this somewhere, did you?"

Link grinned cheesily. "Actually, I did."

 _Figures he was influenced by some stupid thing somewhere_.

"...This club doesn't involve dangerous objects like, I dunno, _pyrotechnics_ or anything? I don't want to explain to my father why half of my arm is burned again... He thought I set fire to myself using the _Fuuin no Tsurugi_ and it took me about an hour to explain everything and-"

"I did that in _Freshman_ year and you're _still_ going on about it?"

"Hello, Link, I still have _scarring_ from it! Not to mention I have reduced sensitivity and all. _Life changing_ accident you caused, there." Roy slid the door to room 411 open and stepped one foot inside it.

"...So are you joining the Do-It-All Club or what?" Link wanted to drop the whole 'accident' thing.

Roy wished he had an actual choice in the matter - Link was going to have him join it whether he refused or not.

"...Do I have a choice?" Just to be sure.

"No."

And with that, Link skipped off to the stairs leading down to the third floor.

Roy sighed and fully entered the classroom before realising just where Link's inspiration came from.

 _I compared him to Matsuri Honjou from Sukisho!_   
__  
**once**   
  
_and he decides to pull this kind of crap? Marth's so lucky he's not here right now._

Unfortunately for Marth, he ended up suckered into it, too. Link somehow made him the club advisor.

-x-

"...and then we had sex up against a kitchen counter, and it was great."

Roy wished he had shown better judgement in who he sat with, he really did. Stephen was a cool guy and all, but the people he hung around... They were just plain _weird_.

"That's _epic_ ," Stephen said, his breath nearly taken away. "Tell me another weird place you had sex at, Mark."

Mark smirked. "I've been pretty much everywhere. Being an army tactician does that stuff, you know. I get to bang hot women and do it in the weirdest places and... Ch'yeah."

So instead of listening in and feeling like some kind of voyeur, Roy texted Marth yet again with three very distinct and very Altean words.

 _Save you from what_? came the response. _And why are you texting me during class?_

Roy rolled his eyes and hid his phone more; he didn't want a repeat of what happened with Mr. Olimar.

 _Save me from these weirdos in my chem class_ , Roy sent, along with, _And I'm texting you cause it's boring here otherwise_.

 _I wish I could help you with that_ , Marth texted back, _but I'm busy right now. Just...ignore them._

 _Oh yeah, 'cause it's totally easy to ignore someone talking about their weird sex acts_ , Roy responded. _And Elimine damned Terry is in my stupid class. He's devising a plan in which you're attached to a bed or something._

"They didn't _have_ Chemistry at my old school," one of the new students said. He and a kid with wings sticking out of his blazer were sitting in the far corner of the room, along with a small crowd of people.

"But Ikey-chan," one of the otaku-ish fanboys said in a horrendous Japanese accent, "that's so _baka_."

'Ikey-chan' merely shrugged. "I could care less either way. All I need to know is swordplay. That's it."

A pokemon floated into the room and shoved his things on the nearby podium. He looked as if he didn't want to be there, a sentiment shared with most of the Academy.

"I want your full attention," the strange looking pokemon said. "I am Lucario. This is my classroom, therefore, what I say goes. I do not tolerate your bad behaviour. So long as you remain on my good side, you are all fine." He opened his attendance book.

"Stephen Alvarez?"

Stephen raised his hand. "Yo."

"Pit ...Icarus?" Lucario cared little as to whether or not he pronounced names correctly.

The kid with wings raised his hand and waved it a little.

Lucario sighed. This wasn't a very exciting job, teaching. But it paid good, and if he didn't do it, Tabuu would throw him out. Being thrown out meant no money, and no money wasn't a good thing, either. So really, he had no choice. But that didn't mean he had to think it was very eventful.

"Roy Pherae?"

 _Finally, someone who pronounced my name right on the first try!_ "Here."

"Mark Retsu?"

Mark gaffawed at Terry's not-very-brilliantly-awesome plan to seduce Marth. "Yeah, I'm here."

Lucario scanned the room as he called the next name. "Ike Troy?"

The kid who was called 'Ikey-chan' by some Weeaboo raised his hand. "I'm here."

Lucario missed Terry, and really didn't care. And the sad thing was, Terry didn't even notice.

"...I wonder how good Marth is in bed..." Terry wondered aloud with a wistful sigh.

Roy banged his head against his desk. "You know I can _hear_ you fartknockers, right?"

Terry got into Roy's face, uncomfortably close to the red head.

"So what?"

 _Hello, do you not realise that Marth and I are still together?_ "So? That's my boyfriend you're talking about."

Terry didn't get a notice saying Marth and Roy got back together. "...Wait, when did _this_ happen?"

Roy stared at him blankly. "You know, I knew you were a little on the thick side, but gods, man, I didn't realise you were _this_ stupid."

Terry grabbed Roy's shoulders and shook him. "When did you and Lord Marth get back together?"

 _Lord Marth_. That utterly killed Roy. _He_ never even called Marth that, not even when they first met three years ago.

"If you'll stop trying to shake my head off," Roy said, steadying the panicked senior. "Anyway, yeah. The end of last year. I'm surprised you didn't know this, considering you practically stalk him."

Terry wanted to know why he didn't know such important information, either.

-x-

"Out of uniform on the first day, Link?" Emma asked, not surprised in the least to see the blond enter the office.

"Yep," Link replied as he approached the counter. "This is nothing new, though."

Emma laughed. "No, it's not. But you do realise you can wear the blazer around your waist or something, right? Not wearing it at all is against the rules."

Link nodded. "I know, Em, I know. But I was born to _break_ those rules."

Emma's laughter and Link's bad attempts at flirting filtered out into the hallway, right where Roy was waiting.

"I have prior engagements," echoed down the hall from some other point. There was a groan of disappointment then, and a woman in stilettos and a ton of blue clothing rounded the corner, coffee in hand.

"I'm sure they're not _too_ important," she pressed, trying to rub up against the other faculty member. "What's one little 'Sorry, can't make it'? Besides, you _promised_ you'd spend more time with me, since we rarely see each other!"

The male teacher saw Roy standing there and quickly made his way towards him, as if Roy was his last chance at salvation.

"Marth? What're you-"

"Are you ready for our...date?" Marth heavily accented the 'date' portion of the sentence, hoping the teacher next to him would get the message. She did not, for she grabbed his arm and rubbed up against him. Roy's face darkened.

"Who's she?" Roy asked at the same time the female teacher asked, "Who's he?"

Marth did not like being in the middle of a love triangle. A love triangle he drew himself, even.

"...Roy, this is the new librarian, Sheeda. Sheeda, this is Roy."

Sheeda and Roy switched their gaze from each other to Marth and back.

 _Wait a minute, isn't this woman_... "Marth... Is this who I-"

Marth nodded his head. "Yes. This is my wife."

-x-

"I wish you would've _told_ me your wife was visiting," Roy said, styrofoam cup filled with coffee in his hands as they walked down the Avenue. Marth shoved his hands into his pockets and sighed.

"I wish I _knew_ Sheeda was visiting," Marth confessed, a little downtrodden from the event at the school. Seeing Sheeda and Roy stare blankly at each other was a little...disconcerting, he thought.

"I hope you know how awkward that whole thing was," Roy quipped after sipping some coffee.

"I realise that," Marth replied. "And if I could have avoided the whole thing, I would've."

They had arrived at one of the decent parks in Nintendo Land. There were scarcely any kids around, so it was eeriely quiet.

"Hey," Roy said, sitting down on one of the concrete benches. "You know that weirdo teacher on the fourth floor? I think his name was Schuldig or something?"

Schuldig was a very hard person to forget.

Marth nodded, sitting down next to Roy. "Yes, I know him. Why?"

Roy rested the cup on his knee and sat against Marth. "...He's a little...odd. Like, he said our minds tasted like crap, and then Link said the weirdest thing."

 _Link always says weird things_ , Marth thought, resting his arm on the back of the bench, behind Roy. _This isn't new, Roy._

"What did Link say this time?" Marth asked in a voice that said "I've heard this before."

Roy laughed just thinking about it, and that freaked Marth out a little.

"He said Schuldig...sounds like you. Or you sound like him."

There would have been silence, but a garbage truck drove past and drowned it.

"Says the kid who thinks doors are a pain." Marth didn't see the similarities in his and Schuldig's voices.

 _I think Link is on something_.

"And then he went on to say that you don't realise you sound like Hikaru Midorikawa."

Marth sighed in a defeated sort of way and slumped in his seat.

"One of these days I think I'll just answer 'yes' so he won't bother me anymore. I don't know where he gets these things. I don't sound anything _like_ Midorikawa Hikaru."

"Oh yes you do!" Link said, popping out from a nearby bush. Roy jumped and Marth shrieked.

"And I will insist until you realise it yourself!"

Marth, who wanted out of such a topic, distracted Link with, "So what did you do today in class?"

Link didn't notice the change in topic. "Oh yeah, it was swell I guess. My science teacher is a weirdo, though."

"So's our homeroom teacher," Roy added. "We have to see him tomorrow, too."

Link jumped out of the bush and pulled a twig out of his rear.

"Oh _no_ we don't!" Link shouted, waving the twig around frantically. "I'm not sitting for a half hour with that nutcase! _Especially_ one that sounds like Marthy-boy over here."

"' _who_ sounds like', not 'that'. 'That' is for inanimate objects," Roy corrected. "Gods, didn't you learn anything in English class freshman year?"

There was a slight pause. Link was poking Roy's arm with the twig in his hand, and Roy was looking at him with a not-too-pleased look on his face.

"I don't even remember freshman year too well."

Roy grimaced. "Of course not. Not when it's something important like that."

Link waved his comment away. "My English is just _fine_. Better than most of the people in Hyrule. I dunno about _you_ guys, though."

Roy and Marth looked at each other.

"...I'm one of the few who can speak English," Marth admitted. "I mean, you remember what I sounded like when I first came here. It was understandable but a little awkward."

Link drummed his fingers on his arm. "Yeah, it was half-backwards at times."

"Or half in Altean," Roy chimed in.

" _Your_ English wasn't perfect, either," Marth retorted, crossing his arms.

"Better than yours," Roy remarked. "Then again, half of the people in Castle Pherae speak English, so..."

"I have no reason to speak English at home."

"Neither do I!" Link chimed, getting in between the two lovebirds. "But...but Zellie always said I spoke good, so..."

"Why the hell are we arguing about this, anyway?" Roy asked, standing, his coffee now cold. "Anyway, we should be getting home. I'm sure Peach is wondering where we are."

Roy threw his cold coffee into one of the rubbish bins and stretched.

"Peach knows we can fend for ourselves," Link said. "If anything, they'd kidnap Marth."

Marth looked just a little bit offended. Pressing the palm of his hand into his chest, he said, "Me?"

Link nodded and Marth scoffed, jerking his head to the side slightly.

"Why would they take me?"

Link grinned and siddled up to Marth, hands behind his back. "'Cause you're the girliest of us three. They usually go for girls, don't they?"

Marth's face deadpanned and his hand dropped to his side. "Actually, I wouldn't talk if I were you, Link. Your hair is so long, I almost mistook you for Samus yesterday."

Roy laughed and doubled over and Link's face fell. Marth folded his arms and grinned so smugly.

"Oh yeah?" Link said as they began to walk home, Nintenpod in hand. "I thought I saw Elice yesterday, but it turns out it was only _you_."

No one laughed.

"My sister's hair is _waist length_ , Link," Marth corrected, demonstrating on himself. "Mine isn't even _shoulder length_."

"And you've never even seen Princess Elice," Roy commented. " _I've_ never even seen her."

And with that, Roy got in between Marth and Link; he grabbed Marth's hand and laced their fingers together.

"So where are we going for our little 'date', Marthy?" Roy asked, swinging their arms slightly.

"I told you this morning," Marth replied.

"I forgot."

"Typical of you, Roy." Link was flipping through his million and one songs on his Nintenpod.

"Shut up, Link, this conversation does _not_ include you," Roy hissed.

"Both of you," Marth interjected. "What are you, six?"

"Sixteen," Roy said, just as Link said, "Seventeen, almost eighteen."

Marth almost forgot that Link had been held back and was therefore, only a year younger than him.

"Then act like it," Marth replied. "Anyway, you and I are going to that new place that opened up a few days ago. I hear it's supposed to be good."

-x-

After their date, all Roy wanted to do was cuddle with Marth and just _relax_.

Of course, in The Manse, it was utterly impossible to relax. For various reasons, including annoying neighbours.

"Hmm, this makes for a good gag."

Roy's protests were muffled as his own tie was used to cover his mouth. Marth kissed him through the fabric and smirked as he slowly unbuttoned Roy's shirt. Roy's arms were free, but he was using them to remain on the bed - he was half on and half off it, and one wrong move would send him onto the floor.

" _Mmmf!_ "

"Oh please, Roy, I didn't even take your shirt off yet." Marth was too busy nipping at Roy's throat to really care about Roy's shirt.

The door slammed open and there stood Link, his jeans half off, as was his shirt. He looked absolutely mortified.

Roy went crashing onto the floor and Marth with him, landing on top of the teen. Roy grunted loudly as Marth's elbow collided with his shoulder as the rest of Marth's body followed, knocking Roy's breath from him.

"It was horrible!" Link shrieked, his eyes unable to see the scene before him. It was like he was blinded. "Horrible! My eyes, they cannot unsee these things!"

Roy pulled the gag off his mouth and pushed Marth off of him a little, enough to sit up. Marth ended up rolling off him and onto his back, sputtering all the while. He swore he broke one of his ribs, but he wasn't sure if it was his or Roy's.

"What the hell happened to you, Link?" Roy asked, hastily rebuttoning his shirt.

The Hero of Time yelled something incoherent.

"All I heard," Marth said as he slowly sat up, "was something about a horde of bees."

Before they could ask Link was he meant, the blond had fainted in all his half-dressed glory.

-x-

 **Author's Note:** Yeah, sorry it took so long! I've just been swamped with school work. The first week I was working on this, I had issues with my schedule I had to get fixed, and then my teachers are so homework happy... Hopefully the next chapter won't take so long!

...Oh man, I hope Link's gonna be okay. What does a horde of bees have to do with anything? I guess you'll just have to wait until the next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

**Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

 **Year Three**

 **-One-**

Young Link grumbled as he stared as his reflection in the mirror, holding two ends of his uniform tie and wondering how one was to tie such a thing. His first day of high school, a big deal to Zelda, who actually cried about it the night before because he was "growing up so fast" or some other sappy thing. At least he was taking Ness and Popo with him to hell.

"Oh, the Academy isn't _that_ bad," Link chided, ruffling Young Link's hair as he looked in the mirror as well. "It can be hell on earth as a freshman, but..."

Link turned Young Link around, grabbed the tie out of his thirteen year old 'brother's' hands, and tied it himself, all the while Young Link sulked at the loss of his no-uniform days at the grammar school.

"It still sucks," Young Link said, crossing his arms as Link smoothed out the wrinkles in his shirt. "Now I'm gonna become _you_."

His older self cupped his cheek and gave him a reassuring smile. "Let me give you some advice, something that Roy will probably reiterate later. If you can help it, become the complete opposite of your dipshit failure of an older self."

Young Link reached for the blazer hanging from a hook on the closet door and tried it on. A perfect fit, but that would make sense since it was Link's blazer from freshman year - he was around the same size then.

Roy stuck his head in the doorway, buttoning his shirt cuffs, which were sticking out from his blazer sleeves. He needed to remind Marth to give him his old blazer. "You ready yet? We can't spend all morning up here." Hanging off his arm from the laces were his ratty old Converse, one of the shoelaces drastically shorter than the other side, making it hard to lace up.

"Young Link's just making sure he's ready to give up his childhood innocence and enter high school," Link said. "We'll be right down. And do something with your hair, Roy - you look like a girl."

Roy stuck his tongue out and disappeared beyond the doorway. Just because his hair was almost shoulder length (after he cut it two weeks prior), didn't mean he looked like a girl. Link should be the one to talk since his hair was definitely not shoulder length.

"Marth, I need money for lunch!" Roy called down the stairs, leaning precariously over the wooden banister of the second floor.

"Then hurry the hell up and get it already!" Marth called from the kitchen doorway, glasses perched haphazardly on his nose, newspaper in hand. He looked like he just got back from a nice vacation and thrown into Hell.

Roy sighed and nearly collided with Link and his younger self.

"Are first days usually this hectic?" Young Link asked. "I don't remember there being this much commotion."

Link led Young Link downstairs and into the kitchen, which looked like a war zone. And no wonder, since it seemed like Bowser and Mario were trying to see who could kill the other first with pancake mix. The floors, the walls, even the walkway outside was covered in the stuff, as were the mutated turtle and the Italian plumber. Roy walked past all the carnage to where his boyfriend was sitting, as usual, reading the newspaper. The front page headline was "Public And Private Clash In Epic Battle", with a picture of Master Hand and Tabuu underneath it, both engaged in what appeared to be a wrestling match.

"The first floor is always this hectic at this time of day, YL. You'll have to get used to it, especially with more people here," Ness quipped from his seat next to Mewtwo.

"I remember Peach making breakfast, Zelda feeding Pichu, and Marth reading the newspaper every morning, but not pancake wars, Snake sneaking around the yard in a cardboard box, or all sorts of things breaking."

Link patted Young Link's arm, practically pinning the poor kid to his side, like an overprotective mother with her son on the first day of kindergarten.

"Lunch money, Marthy," Roy said, grabbing one of the few chairs at the kitchen table not covered in flour.

Marth shifted in his seat to remove his wallet from his back pocket; he flicked it open and gave Roy a few bills before closing it and replacing it back to his pocket. Roy took the cash and gave Marth a peck on the mouth.

"Thank you, Marth."

Lucas, who just came through the back door and ducked from oncoming pancake mix, watched an innocent peck on the mouth turn into a make-out session. Ness noticed his friend and beckoned him to sit down at the table, seemingly oblivious to Roy practically throwing Marth down onto the kitchen floor.

"Are they _always_ like this?" Lucas whispered. "I mean, yeah, it's nothing strange since a girl and guy are _supposed_ to be romantic with each other, but... _at the breakfast table_? Don't Marth and Roy realise that that's not...proper?"

"Yep," Ness replied, going over his supplies list for the hundredth time that day. He did a double-take when he heard 'a girl and guy' and 'Marth and Roy' in the same sentence. Or nearly the same sentence. In any case, Lucas was referring to Marth and Roy using incorrect pronouns.

"Wait a minute, Luc," Ness said, looking up from his list. "Marth and Roy are both _guys_."

Bowser cursing Mario's mother, punctuated by pancake mix hitting the wall behind the plumber, kept the kitchen from being completely silent.

"Are you _sure_ that Marth person is a guy?" Lucas asked after a long pause.

Ness nodded, his face completely serious. "You're not the first to mistake him for a woman."

"But..." Lucas knew that the argument was moot now, but he wasn't going to back down just yet. "But...he _sounds_ like a girl."

Before Ness could say anything more, he was interrupted by Link.

"Come on, guys, let's go!" he shouted over the calamity in the kitchen. "Don't wanna be late for your big day, do you?"

Young Link reluctantly followed his older self through the back door, Ness, Lucas, and Popo not far behind him.

"Come on, Roy!" Link called, poking his head back into the doorway. "Marth'll be here when you come home, you know."

Roy frowned and clung to Marth's arm. "I'm still afraid of being around you without him around." As if to make his point clear, he gave Marth's arm a tiny tug.

Link crossed his arms. "You and I won't be alone ever again now that YL's a freshman. I'll be watching over him like a hawk."

That didn't reassure Roy any.

Marth kissed Roy's forehead and ruffled his hair. "I already gave Link a talking to last night. And he's right - I'll be waiting for you to come home, all right?"

"Promise?" Roy didn't know how childish he was sounding.

"On my honour," Marth replied, kissing the back of Roy's hand. "Now go before you're late. I'm not signing your tardy slips, either."

Link had to practically drag the Pheraean away from Marth, but not before Roy gave Marth one last kiss on the cheek. With a final tug, Roy was dragged out of the Manse and down the back steps, the freshmen not too far away from them.

"It's gonna be so awkward not having Marth there, though," Roy remarked. "I'm...I'm not sure I can stand it."

Link rolled his eyes. "Roy. Get over it. You still have me, and you have Young Link now, too. And he'll be sitting there at the Manse after a long day at work, you'll come home from school, and then you can cuddle or whatever. It won't change _too_ much."

"He'll come home and complain about how many people don't know sword polish from their elbow," Roy joked, grinning now.

"Better than him saying, 'I don't know why I still work at the stupid lingerie store'."

And so, with the group of thirteen year olds in tow - Lucas straggling a little behind because he wasn't too fond of groups - they continued their trudge down the gravel-lined driveway to the litter-filled streets. Nintendo Land wasn't known for its cleanliness.

"Why do I even have to _go_ to the Academy, anyway?" Young Link wondered aloud as they neared the corner of the street.

"Because Zelda wants you to have an education," Link replied.

"But I'll learn all this crap that I won't ever need..."

"Life's like that," Roy chimed in. "Get used to it, Young Link."

"Welcome to the real world, I'm your host, Link. And reality's a real bitch."

If it was one thing Link was good at, it was making a joke out of any situation. That was probably what compelled Roy to converse with him the first time he arrived at the Manse. Or maybe it was because Link looked not like others in the Manse. One or the other - Roy really didn't remember.

-x-

"Can you believe we're juniors already?" Roy asked as they walked through the all-too-familiar front doors of the Academy.

"Technically, I'm still a sophomore," Link confessed. "Because of my credits."

"Well yeah, but you're still a junior. And you're taking Geometry, finally, so that's a good thing."

Young Link tugged on Link's sleeve, a slightly scared look in his eyes.

"What is it?" Link asked, stopping in front of the auditorium, Roy not too far ahead. "You look like Epona did when Ganondorf was chasing after us."

Young Link gulped and looked all around. "...How do I know where my homeroom is? What if I have to change something on my schedule? Oh Nayru, what if they ask about my ID? I didn't even get it yet-"

"Young Link, calm yourself." Link came down to his younger self's eye level, his hands on his shoulders. "Your homeroom is posted on one of the lists in this doughnut-shaped hallway. There's a big sign above them that says 'Freshmen', and it's in reverse alphabetical order. Schedule changes are done the first full week of school by appointment-only. And all freshmen get their IDs today, so don't worry about it. They'll give you a temp. instead."

"Where the heck are the homeroom postings for freshmen?" Popo shouted. "This is so confusing!"

"There's too many people!" Lucas cried, hiding behind Ness.

Link didn't remember there being such a commotion over homeroom postings when _he_ was a freshman.

"They're right there," Roy answered, pointing to the board by the guidance suite. "Says 'Freshmen' right there." He tapped Link's shoulder then as more people filtered into the front hall.

"You're gonna be fine," Link said, smiling. "You have my cell in case you have questions, Roy's too. And Marth's, though I'm not sure how much help he'd be." He stood and pushed Young Link to where Popo, Ness and Lucas were.

"Have fun!" Roy shouted behind them as they started to walk over to the other side of the floor. He squeezed Link's shoulder to comfort him, for Link looked like someone ran over his hamster.

"He'll be okay," Roy comforted, keeping his eye out for the junior class list all the while. "You worry too much."

They stopped over by the Practical Biology classrooms and there, right before their eyes, was the homeroom roster.

"This should be fun," Roy remarked, scanning the five sheets taped to the drywall. "Trying to find our names is like trying to find a needle in a haystack." It didn't help that there were several people crowding around the stupid list, either. It didn't even look like they were searching for their names, just milling about, and being a pain in the arse all the while.

"Aha!" Roy whooped and wrote his new homeroom number - 406 - on the palm of his hand. "Hey Linky! We're in the same homeroom this year!"

Link came over to see the list, and sure enough they were. "Sweet!"

Somehow, Link almost got knocked out by some kid with wings sticking out of his blazer, and Roy almost got knocked over by a tall and very blue haired youth with a bandanna tied around his head.

"Well _that_ was lovely," Link said, rubbing his face. "Just what I expect every morning."

"They're probably the transfers from Brawl High's merging with here," Roy replied, massaging his shoulder. "I've never seen them around here before."

"Wouldn't kill them to say 'Excuse me' or something," Link muttered. He looked at the clock on his Nintenpod and wheezed. Then he realised it was in the wrong time zone and switched it to the correct one.

"We have ten minutes," Link said, double checking. "Well, nine now. I can't believe I spazzed for a whole minute-"

"We should go to homeroom then." Roy tried to think of the quickest way to get to their homeroom, but Link grabbed his arm and dragged him off to where the guidance suite was located.

Scanning the list of freshmen when they arrived, Link tapped the page and then muttered "two seventy en" to himself before running back in the direction they came.

"Where are we _going_?" Roy asked, nearly bumping into a group of burly-looking seniors as they made their way to the second floor tunnel. "Our homeroom's that way-"

"I'm gonna check on YL one more time before-"

"Will you stop _worrying_ about him so damn much? You're acting like my retainer back in Pherae!"

They zipped around the corner and past two classrooms before arriving at Link's destination - 217N, their old sophomore accelerated English classroom.

Link poked his head through the door and saw his younger self sitting in the far corner, his head in his hands with the boredest expression possible. Everyone else was congregated on the nearest side of the classroom, chatting away to old friends, people extending the hand of friendship to those they didn't know... And yet there Young Link was, all by himself.

Roy poked his head through the door as well, over Link's since he was taller than the blond.

"He's by himself," Link observed.

"So? He'll find friends, I'm sure."

"But...But I don't want him to be just like _I_ was on the first day," Link argued.

 _Link clutched his messenger bag in his arms for dear life as he entered the classroom filled with unfamiliar faces. They probably thought he was a freak because of his ears, which stuck out like sore thumbs on the hands of a clumsy carpenter. He slid into a seat by the window, away from the stares, away from the comments. Why was Zelda putting him through this? Besides, the two boys he befriended two weeks before weren't there in his homeroom - he was essentially alone._

"Do you realise how often we have Administrative Stations?" Roy asked, snapping Link out of his reverie. "Almost never. So don't worry about him being alone. Ness and the others are probably in at least _one_ of his regular classes."

Link withdrew his head from the classroom, Roy following suit.

"He signed up for Chorus," Link commented. "So he'll know us at least."

"Providing he's in our period, yeah. But don't worry about it. I know _I_ didn't."

"But you at least look _human_. I mean, you don't look part dragon even though you are. Young Link's ears stick out because he's _Hylian_."

So _that_ was what Link was worrying about - how people would perceive Young Link based on what he looked like.

"...I'm a quarter Ice Dragon, so of course it wouldn't show. And even if it _did_ , I would still look human for the most part. And I doubt anyone gives a damn, Link. Now c'mon, we should go before the bell-"

The bell rang. The Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys was officially open for...schooling. At least, that was what Master Hand always _said_ it was for, and that was what Tabuu told them yesterday. Roy wanted to know how they would get screwed over this year.

"How much do you want to bet Bowser and Ganondorf are gonna string someone up on the flagpole?" Roy asked as they continued on to their homeroom, located on the fourth floor.

"A hundred rupees," Link answered, hands in his pockets.

"In Nintendo Land currency, that would be...?"

Link sighed. Being in Hyrule for a month made him forget about the differing currencies. "About fifty bucks."

"You're making me bet my _lunch money_ on it?"

Link stopped just short of their homeroom and nearly got knocked over by a burly senior. "Marth gave you fifty dollars for lunch?" Disbelief tinged his voice.

Roy waved his hands and shushed him. "Don't go telling the whole _world_ about it, dumbarse. And it's for _two_ people - Marth and I are going out later, but he's meeting me at this new place on the Avenue."

Sliding the classroom door open, Link stepped into the brightly lit room, Roy behind him, and sat down in the nearest seat.

"All right then, how much money of your _own_ can you wager?" Link asked, producing a pad of paper he dubbed his 'wager log'.

"Ten bucks, roughly," was the answer. Link wrote it down and checked it, grinning all the while.

"Sign here, here, and put your initial here," Link said, pointing to the various places for Roy to sign. Roy wrote his name and initials practically all over the sheet of paper before Link put it away, and they shook on the deal to confirm it.

A disgruntled looking person trudged into the room and threw his things onto the desk.

"Another year to put up with this bullshit," he murmured, sliding the office chair out from underneath the desk, and sat on it. "I should've taken that one job offer and ran away from here, but _nooo_. Everyone always said, 'Oh Schuldig, you're the smart one!' but apparently that's a load of shit, since I'm _here_. And your minds all taste gross." He sighed and then narrowed his eyes when everyone in the room was staring at him oddly.

"What grade is this, third?" the man named Schuldig asked, pulling out a shiny Glock hand gun.

"Yes," Stephen Alvarez answered, his trademark DS stylus in hand as he plowed the fields in Harvest Moon DS. "Are you a psycho?"

Schuldig grinned menacingly and waved his gun in the air. "Guilty." He grinned somewhat twistedly and stared. "Your mind doesn't taste _that_ bad..."

Stephen did not know what that meant, nor did he want to. And he didn't want to know why his thoughts felt violated.

Link then realised he had seen this teacher before.

"Oh sweet Farore," he cried, hiding behind Roy. "It's _him_ , the guy Marth said belonged in an asy...asy..."

"Asylum?" Roy offered as his body began to shake from Link's panicked sobs.

"Yeah, that," Link answered, his head buried in Roy's back. "Though there is a funny thing I noticed..."

"What would that be?" Roy watched their whack job of a homeroom teacher lovingly caress the Glock, as if it were his baby, and felt his eye twitch.

"Doesn't he kinda sound like Marth?"

Roy heard Stephen shouting obscene things and heard the gun go off, the bullet lodged in the cement wall behind the ash-blond boy.

"What the fuck was _that_ for?" Stephen asked, under his desk with his hands over his ears. Everyone else was screaming as Schuldig blew the smoke from the tip.

"Your whining is pissing me off."

Stephen wasn't whining at all.

"And stop plotting an assassination attempt on me," Schuldig said, pointing at one of the students way in the back. They jumped from their seat, eyes wide. They didn't say anything aloud about it...

"Are you even supposed to _have_ a gun?" Broccoli Savannah-Sodashake shouted, trying to hear himself over the ringing in his ears.

"Not really, no. I don't really _need_ one."

Roy cried out in distress as Link sobbed harder.

 _You know, Link's right - he really_   
_  
**does**   
_   
_sound like Marth. Kinda._

"I'm not quite sure who this 'Marth' person is, but I'm sure I don't sound like him," Schuldig said in such a nonchalant way.

There was something weird about their homeroom teacher, but no one could place their finger on it. Roy would have to ask Marth about it when he got home. Or got to a class where he could easily text. Whichever came first.

"Actually," Link whispered in Roy's ear, still cowering behind him, "he sounds like that J-Pop singer you listen to. What's-his-face. Hikaru Utada?"

Roy banged his head against his desk. "Hikaru _Utada_ is a woman, Link. You mean Hikaru _Midorikawa_."

Link rubbed the back of his neck and laughed nervously. "Yeah, him."

Roy froze when Link leaned over his shoulder, practically right on top of him. "Doesn't he?"

"Doesn't he _what_?"

"Doesn't he sound like Hikaru Midorikawa."

Roy said nothing for a moment. "...I guess."

Link jumped out of his seat. "No no _no_. No 'I guess'! It's uncanny!"

Roy shrugged. He really didn't care if Schuldig sounded like Midorikawa Hikaru.

"You said the same thing about Marth, you know," Roy said, opening a blank notebook. "'Oh _Roy_ , doesn't Marth sound _just_ like Hikaru Midorikawa? Huh, huh, huh, _huh_? Doesn't he? I think he does!' And then you even _asked_ if he knew who that even _was_."

Link leaned back in his seat. "And he said he did. And remember freshman year? That's originally why Terry and company went after Marth. It was originally a club for the other guy, for whatever he did."

"The 'We Worship the Sexiest Seiyuu Ever' Club."

"Yeah. And so they like, fawned over him 'cause he sounded like him. And Marth just denied it the whole time. I don't think he realises it yet."

Roy, meanwhile, wrote a letter to his father as Link rambled on and on.

Schuldig rummaged through the things on his desk and found a manilla envelope with everyone's schedules in them.

"Since you're all Third Years, I'm assuming you all know the drill by now," he said, running a hand through his hair as he placed his feet on the desk top. "And if you're new to this school, tough shit. You, with the fruity Nintendo DS" - he was referring to Stephen - "...hand these out. Now."

Stephen closed the lid of his DS and cautiously approached the orange haired man. Taking the schedules and keeping the fact that Schuldig had a gun tucked into the back of his mind, he distributed them, stumbling over a few names as he went along.

"Compare time," Link said in a sing-song voice, grabbing Roy's schedule before the red head had time to absorb it to memory.

"Heeey, we'll be having most of our classes together again!" Link chirped. "This is great. It'll be like last year all over again!"

"Minus the thing that happened at the end of the year," Roy corrected, taking his schedule back. "We don't want a repeat of _that_."

Link hadn't forgotten Marth and Roy's break-up and subsequent coming-back-together.

"Marth said he would fillé me with Falchion if I put the moves on you," Link said. "Which means he'd gut me like a fish."

"I hope he didn't say it like that."

"Oh no, of course not. I think he spent a whole paragraph on my punishment when alls he had to do was say, 'I will gut you like a fish, cut your body up into pieces, and make stew out of you'."

Leave it to Marth to not be eloquent.

Link examined his schedule more thoroughly after comparing them.

"Hey, Roy, there's something weird about my schedule."

Roy leaned to the side to get a better view. "What's wrong with it?"

The Hero of Time shrugged. "I dunno. I can't place my finger on it."

So Roy grabbed the schedule and scrutinised it, looking at the teachers instead of the courses.

"You _did_ sign up for Chorus again, right?"

Link nodded. "Of course I did. I've been in that class since freshman year!"

Roy handed the schedule back with an emphatic shrug of the shoulders. "Guess you'll have to see Ms. Seventy-Five about it, then."

Link released an exasperated sigh and banged his head against the desk. "Why do these things always happen to me? They always manage to mess it up."

Roy looked his schedule over, just to be sure, and discovered that he had the same problem.

"Oh holy hell, they screwed everyone over, I think. I'm supposed to be in Pre-Calc, not this class." He pointed to _Integrated Math 31_ on his schedule, the same math class Link had.

Roy didn't need remediation. Link might have (along with Geometry), but Roy didn't need it.

-x-

"...lunch periods are omitted," the PA announced, and Young Link and Ness could hear the groans of the freshmen around him; no one else really cared since they knew how it went by now.

"Oh shut _up_ ," Young Link said to one kid on the way to first period. "We get out early."

"B-B-But," wibbled one boy with short brown hair and up to Young Link's shoulder in terms of height. "That means no recess!"

"We haven't had recess since fifth grade, 'Lex," Ness quipped, circling all the classes he needed changed. "And getting out at one isn't that bad."

The boy called Alex sniffled and stopped at first period, Young Link and Ness on either side of him.

"You _sure_ this is 221?" Ness asked, hand on the handle.

"It says so right above the door, jackass," Young Link replied, pointing to the peeling paint that declared the room as 221. "I don't understand why Link told me to take Japanese in the first place. I wanted to take Hylian this year."

Ness slid the door open and nearly squashed his fingers in the process. He pushed the scared-half-to-death Alex through the door, Young Link following behind.

A podium, a desk for the teacher, and about a million chairs for the students was all that filled the room. Alex went to the very back, where Lucas was also sitting.

"What the- There's shag carpeting back here!" Alex called, pointing to the purple coloured shag rug.

"That's a little weird," Ness agreed.

"I think Link mentioned something like that." Young Link sat down in the first row, right next to the wall. Ironically, that was Link's very seat, and Ness sat next to him in Roy's.

"So who teaches this class?" Alex asked, taking out his schedule. "I'm not sure who this 'Lowell' person is."

And their new teacher decided to take that moment to enter the room, Doughnuts Dunkin brand tea in one hand, briefcase in the other. Alex thought that this guy looked very teacher-like, which would make sense since he _was_ one. But his homeroom teacher looked more like a student than anything else...

"...Oh Saint Akaneia, you guys are my first period?" their teacher questioned, surprised. He was so surprised, he almost dropped his tea.

Young Link snorted and Ness simply settled on staring.

"Hey, you're that guy I saw kissing that red headed guy this morning!" Lucas remarked, pointing an accusative finger at his teacher, who turned all shades of red.

"Anyway, for those who don't know who I am, I'm Mr. Lowell. Not _loh-ul_ , Lowell. But in this class, you can use either Lowell-sensei or just 'sensei'. I have no preference." He set his tea and briefcase down on the desk and grabbed a dry-erase marker.

"This is Japanese 11, so if you're not supposed to be in here, I suggest you visit your counselor as soon as possible to get that fixed. Some of you will hate this class, others will love it; some will find it difficult, others will find it easy."

"Link said this class was hard," Young Link commented. "Did he really fail this class?"

Marth was in the process of writing things on the board. "...I am not at liberty to discuss a student's grades with another."

Capping the marker, he stepped to the side so everyone could see what was written.

"You need your textbook, notebook, a folder, and a writing utensil of some sort every day unless I specify otherwise. I'm not picky about whether it's in pen or pencil - providing I can read it. I prefer black ink, but blue is fine. I don't care what colour pen you use on your notes, but quizzes, tests, and homework need black or blue. I will be _checking_ your notebooks, and I collect homework every day."

Ness was diligently taking notes whereas Young Link stifled a yawn. Typical first-day-of-class spiel. He had heard it many times before in grammar school.

"If you make a mistake, use white-out. I hate scribbling outs and cross outs. And I know some of your penmanship isn't the best, but please try to be neat."

Another student in the class, Inigo, raised his hand.

"What is it?"

"Are you OCD or something?" Inigo asked, lowering his hand back to his desk. "Seriously, sensei. When we rip things out of our notebooks, do we have to remove the frilly things? If there's one tear, will you make us redo the assignment?"

Marth sighed and opened his planner. "Congratulations, Mr. Montoya, you earned your first detention. See me tomorrow morning."

Inigo looked flabbergast.

"I deal with enough crap at home with twice as many as you, I'm not going to put up with it here. Oh, and yes, I prefer you use loose-leaf or get a notebook with perforated edges. And if your work is too sloppy, I will make you redo it. There is nothing wrong with being _neat_."

Perhaps the long list of rules about assignments being neat didn't bother Young Link and Ness as much as it should have. They _lived_ with Marth - they were very well aware of how anal-retentive he was about neatness.

"I also want a planner, so you can write down your assignments. I will check them every day we have homework - which will be every day, possibly - so make sure you get one. It can be a memo pad for all I care."

"Do you want a certain size or colour or pattern, _sensei_?" Inigo asked for the purpose of being a smart arse.

"Not only do you have detention tomorrow morning and _Friday_ morning, but that's a referral to Discipline for you." Marth removed a pad of paper from his desk and filled it out. Thirty seconds later he ripped it off the pad.

"Go now before I lose my last nerve."

Inigo grabbed his bookbag from the floor, swung it over his shoulder, grabbed the slip from Marth's hands, and walked out the door to 206A on the other side of the roundish hallway.

"Now that that's out of the way...I'll be giving out your textbooks. I want them covered."

-x-

"Why am I in this class?" Roy muttered as he and Link entered their first period together. There were only about two other people in the class, all asking themselves the same question.

"I know why _I'm_ here!" Link chirped, planting his rear in a seat near the middle of the smallish classroom.

"So does everyone else," Roy replied, taking the seat next to him. "But...but I did _fine_ and everything in my classes! I even got _switched_ from Geometry to Algebra Two, for the love of Roland."

Link drummed his fingers against the desk from too much anticipation build-up. "Then go and make an appointment to get out of here."

"I shall," Roy replied, just as their teacher, Mr. Olimar, entered the room, binder in hand.

 _Oh sweet Elimine_ , Roy thought. _He looks like my Fencing instructor back in Ostia before General Cecilia took over._

Mr. Olimar placed his things on the desk at the front of the room, and flipped the binder open to his first period roster.

"You're all Third Years, correct? At least credits wise."

Link was about to say something, but Roy elbowed him in the ribs.

"Let's just say you're a junior and be done with it," Roy murmured, doodling in his notebook.

"All right then. Let's see... Gary Martin Stu Wesker?" Olimar looked up and peered around the room to see where he was. "Gary?"

Gary Stu Wesker strolled into the room then, just as the late bell rang out. He smoothed out his platinum blond hair and produced a hall pass.

"And you're coming from where?" Olimar asked when Gary stopped in front of his desk.

"Discipline office," Gary replied, half out of breath. "I was...needed there." It was no secret that Gary Stu Wesker's father was the new Head of Discipline, and no secret as to what his father did to naughty students. If Crazy Hand were still the head of the school, such activities would not be going on, for he was good about things like that. However, Tabuu felt that extreme measures for bad students would be great, for it would deter future delinquents from causing trouble. That was what Tabuu _wanted_ , anyway. Whether it would actually work, no one knew.

Olimar took the pass and pointed to a seat in the front. Gary shuffled dejectedly to his seat, sighing all the while. There _had_ to be a way to stop his father from experimenting on innocent students. It wasn't like anyone would _believe_ him outside of the people who already knew, for his father was good at covering these things up. A chemical spill during a Chemistry lab. Toxic waste being dumped in a nearby lake. There were many things he could say to keep the authorities hot off his tail.

"All righty, Gary's here... Roy Eliwood Pherae?"

Roy was amazed someone managed to pronounce his last name right on the first try. He raised his hand slightly.

"Here."

"Link Anaka Mekkai?"

Link, preoccupied with his Nintenpod, almost missed his name. "Right here."

"Stephenie Alvarez?" Olimar didn't realise how outdated that name was, and was in search of a girl with ash-blonde hair. "Stephenie?"

Stephen cleared his throat and crossed his legs. " _Stephen_ , thank you. Stephenie was my old name."

Olimar cleared his throat and simply stared at Stephen. "Bwuh?"

Stephen sighed. He hated explaining to new teachers his situation. "When I first came to the Academy, I was a girl. They threatened to expel me if I didn't change to a guy, so I did and changed my name to 'Stephen', basically chopping of the 'ie' part. Everyone calls me 'Steff', though, if it's easier."

Link snuggled into his Melee Academy Cheerleading Squad hoodie and lowered the volume on his Nintenpod. He had heard Stephen's story about a million times and didn't want to hear it a million more.

Olimar nodded slowly, the knowledge sinking in slowly. Tabuu didn't say anything about transgendered students.

"Um...okay. Well, now that that's settled... Onto what I need in this class."

And that was where Roy stopped listening and began texting instead. Flipping open his red RAZR-esque phone, he checked his messages.

"You have 3 new messages," was displayed on the screen, vibrating thrice.

 _dis class sux_ , read the first message. Roy rolled his eyes at Link's atrocious netspeak and texted him back.

 _You need this class. I don't. STFU and deal with it_. He clicked Send and waited for it to continue before moving on.

 _I get off from work early. Need a ride?_ was the next message. It said the sender was Marth, which Roy figured.

 _Yeeees, I do._

The last message was your standard spam text from your dopey phonebook friends.

"...since you're all probably taking another math class in addition." Olimar was unaware that half of his students weren't paying any attention to him whatsoever. "And that's about it."

Link was playing Solitaire on his Nintenpod and losing miserably; Roy was playing Tetris on his cell; Stephen was playing his DS; and Gary was thinking of various ways to change out of this class.

"I don't expect much from you guys, but please take this class seriously. This isn't an easy 'A'."

"Bullshit," Roy muttered, texting Link back. "Full of crap."

Olimar neared Roy's desk just as Roy pocketed his phone. "Is there something you would like to share with the class, Mr. Pherae?"

Roy blinked. "Uh...no?"

Olimar tapped his foot. "Uh huh." He made a motion for Roy to cough up whatever he was hiding. "Give me your cell phone."

Roy cocked his head to the side. "Why? I don't have it out or anything."

"You were texting, and that is against the school policy."

Roy couldn't refute that logic, of course, since Olimar was right. But you had to be stupid to think that the students didn't bring their cell phones. Stupid or naive. Even the head of the school, the guy-hand-being-thing that made the rule, knew the students brought their phones to school.

"You have no proof I was texting," Roy answered. "My phone is in my pocket and off. I use it for emergency purposes only, not to text someone sitting next to me. I'm not stupid."

Olimar wasn't going to let it go. "Either you hand it over to me now, or I'm sending you to 206A with a white card."

Roy shrugged. "Go right ahead. I still didn't do anything wrong."

And so Olimar walked away and signed a Disciplinary Action slip, checking off "Cell Phone Violation". He tore it off the backing and held it out for Roy to come take.

"Let this be an example of what to _not_ do."

Roy grabbed the slip after picking up his things and walked out of the classroom.

 _Does this guy honestly think I'm going to go to 206A?_ Even Roy, who had never had a referral before, knew what horrors awaited him in that room. There was no way he was going there and no one was going to make him.

So he went into the bathroom and decided to ask Marth for advice. He knew exactly what Marth would probably say: go get it taken care of. But Marth didn't know just how evil their Head of Discipline was. Roy could end up mutated beyond recognition by that guy, for all he knew.

 _Help me, Marth, they want me to go to the disciplinary_. He slid down the bathroom wall as he hit the send button, and waited.

-x-

After waiting out the remainder of first period in the bathroom, Roy slipped out and into the throng of people in the hall. Marth had told him to just ignore it, for Mr. Albert Wesker was one evil guy, and was reportedly doing odd things with the students he deemed 'naughty'. Roy had torn up the notice and thrown it in the toilet, nearly clogging the thing, before he left it. Taking a peek at his schedule, he headed down the stairs to the third floor, and right off the stairs was 306, his English classroom.

He walked through the open door and saw a whole bunch of students he didn't recognise. Taking a seat on the opposite end of the room, he decided it was best to stay away from the other kids - they looked like they would end up being the future criminals of Nintendo Land.

 _This is like sixth period Chorus_ , he thought. _Or, as Zelda called it, 'Chorus for the Future Criminals of Nintendo Land'._

The bell rang just as the last of the students sat down.

"These new uniforms are bullshit," one of them said, his voice deep and rather gruff-sounding. "Who the hell said that this tie system was a good idea?"

"Whaddya mean?" Stephen asked, twirling his pen between his fingers as he leaned on the desk.

The kid held up his tie. "My tie is _red_ , and no one thinks this is odd or a bad colour combo?"

Stephen shook his head. "Uh, no. We've had the tie system ever since I can remember, when my step-father attended here."

The other kid muttered, "At Brawl High, we didn't have this crap. We could wear whatever the hell we wanted."

Stephen shrugged. "This ain't Brawl High, so get used to it."

"I'm gonna start a goddamn revolt against this shit," the kid said, puffing out his chest, his green fringe blowing in the breeze from the fan.

"Robert," one of the other kids in the class, Dean, said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Don't do somethin' stupid, man. Wesker'll kill you for sure."

Robert scoffed. "What's he gonna do to me, huh? Inject me with _T-Virus_ or something?"

No one said a word, nor did anyone move. Except Stephen, who pulled out an extendable DS stylus strapped on his thigh (for emergency purposes, of course) and stabbed Robert in the shoulder with it.

"Oh!" Robert said, pulling the non-too-lethal Nintendo object from his shirt. "Oh that's it, you're going down!"

Stephen urged him on with the wave of his fingers. "Come on, sucker. _Bring it_!"

"What're you gonna do, huh? Stab me with a pen in my retinas like you did to Nickie-boy?"

Stephen thought only those in his year one Japanese class knew about that incident.

" _No_ ," Stephen answered. "My step-dad is actually in one of the tournaments this year. I learned some awesome moves from him."

Robert laughed as Dean retrieved his older brother's mechanical pencil-sword.

" _Bring it_."

Stephen grinned and moved his arm so it was even with his shoulder.

"Oh _this_ should be interesting," Robert said, crossing his arms.

And then Stephen's fist ignited and he punched at the air, his hand connecting with Robert's face. Roy, who was watching the fight for lack of anything better to do with his life, immediately recognised the move.

"I didn't know Captain Falcon was your step-dad," Roy remarked, impressed at the flawless rendition of a 'Falcon Punch'.

Stephen grinned triumphantly as Dean nursed his brother's now-broken jaw.

"Little know fact, I guess."

Their English teacher finally arrived, attendance book in hand. Roy thought he looked a lot like Fox, except with different coloured fur and a meaner looking face. He seemed to completely ignore the student on the floor and sat down at his desk at the far end of the room. All eyes were on him, except for Stephen's and Roy's.

"What the hell?" Robert asked, getting back on his seat. "We have a fucking _animal_ as our teacher?"

The teacher put his feet up on the desk and crossed his arms. "I prefer the term 'anthro-fox', actually."

"... The only freak show we had at Brawl High-"

"Will you _shut up_ about Brawl High?" Stephen shouted, ready to punch Robert again. "This _isn't Brawl High_ , this is Melee Academy. If you have such a problem with it, why not just _drop out_?"

Robert growled and was about to pounce when Stephen moved his desk back, causing Robert to miss and fall to the floor again.

"You fail," was all Stephen said. "Fail, fail, _fail_."

Their teacher cleared his throat then, and slid his feet off the desk. "As you may have guessed, I'm your teacher. You can call me Wolf. This is AP Language and Composition, just in case you're not supposed to be here. As much as I enjoy seeing people fight - that was sort of apart of my previous job - I don't tolerate it in my classroom, 'cause then _I_ get in trouble and...well, that won't be too good. So if you want to kill each other, do so outside my class. And...I think that's about it. The bell should be ringing at any time, so do what you will with the rest of the time."

Robert cleared his throat. "So as I was saying before this sonovabitch decided to mess with me... The only freak show we had at Brawl High was some dude with wings. _Wings_ , goddammit."

Stephen shrugged. "Whoop-dee-do. Things like that cease to amaze any of us here. Now if someone looked like Godzilla or something, that'd be pretty weird."

"What about that Mr. Koopa dude?" Dean questioned. "He's like a...Godzilla thing."

And so the bell rang, leaving the question to hang in the humid air.

-x-

"So Roy," Link said, strolling through the crowded fourth floor corridor with Roy next to him. "I have this uberly awesome idea that you'll just _love_ -"

"Where the hell is room 411?" Roy asked, schedule in hand as he looked at the numbers above the doors.

"Who cares?" Link asked, and then continued on with, "So, do you wanna hear my brilliant idea? It'll be the best thing ever attempted in Melee Academy history and-"

" _I_ care," Roy argued, ignoring Link's babble about another so-called 'brilliant' idea. "If I'm late for Chemistry, my teacher'll probably kill me."

"Who do you have?"

Referring to his schedule, Roy read aloud, "Lucario, A."

They stopped by the faculty bathroom in the hallway next to the one Roy was seeking.

"... _Who_?"

Roy shrugged. "I haven't the faintest idea as to who that is. Must be one of the new guys - I vaguely recall a memo being passed around the Manse about it..."

And so they continued their treck to room 411.

"So anyway," Link said, "do you want to hear my brilliant idea?"

Without hesitation, Roy replied, "No."

"Well tough cucco eggs, I'm telling you anyway!"

Roy sighed. _Figures he'd pull something like that on me_.

"I'm thinking about making a club. See, we open up a request box, and if students or teachers need 'jobs' done, we can do them for cash!"

Roy stopped just a few feet away from his Chemistry class. "...You didn't happen to see this somewhere, did you?"

Link grinned cheesily. "Actually, I did."

 _Figures he was influenced by some stupid thing somewhere_.

"...This club doesn't involve dangerous objects like, I dunno, _pyrotechnics_ or anything? I don't want to explain to my father why half of my arm is burned again... He thought I set fire to myself using the _Fuuin no Tsurugi_ and it took me about an hour to explain everything and-"

"I did that in _Freshman_ year and you're _still_ going on about it?"

"Hello, Link, I still have _scarring_ from it! Not to mention I have reduced sensitivity and all. _Life changing_ accident you caused, there." Roy slid the door to room 411 open and stepped one foot inside it.

"...So are you joining the Do-It-All Club or what?" Link wanted to drop the whole 'accident' thing.

Roy wished he had an actual choice in the matter - Link was going to have him join it whether he refused or not.

"...Do I have a choice?" Just to be sure.

"No."

And with that, Link skipped off to the stairs leading down to the third floor.

Roy sighed and fully entered the classroom before realising just where Link's inspiration came from.

 _I compared him to Matsuri Honjou from Sukisho!_   
_  
**once**   
_   
_and he decides to pull this kind of crap? Marth's so lucky he's not here right now._

Unfortunately for Marth, he ended up suckered into it, too. Link somehow made him the club advisor.

-x-

"...and then we had sex up against a kitchen counter, and it was great."

Roy wished he had shown better judgement in who he sat with, he really did. Stephen was a cool guy and all, but the people he hung around... They were just plain _weird_.

"That's _epic_ ," Stephen said, his breath nearly taken away. "Tell me another weird place you had sex at, Mark."

Mark smirked. "I've been pretty much everywhere. Being an army tactician does that stuff, you know. I get to bang hot women and do it in the weirdest places and... Ch'yeah."

So instead of listening in and feeling like some kind of voyeur, Roy texted Marth yet again with three very distinct and very Altean words.

 _Save you from what_? came the response. _And why are you texting me during class?_

Roy rolled his eyes and hid his phone more; he didn't want a repeat of what happened with Mr. Olimar.

 _Save me from these weirdos in my chem class_ , Roy sent, along with, _And I'm texting you cause it's boring here otherwise_.

 _I wish I could help you with that_ , Marth texted back, _but I'm busy right now. Just...ignore them._

 _Oh yeah, 'cause it's totally easy to ignore someone talking about their weird sex acts_ , Roy responded. _And Elimine damned Terry is in my stupid class. He's devising a plan in which you're attached to a bed or something._

"They didn't _have_ Chemistry at my old school," one of the new students said. He and a kid with wings sticking out of his blazer were sitting in the far corner of the room, along with a small crowd of people.

"But Ikey-chan," one of the otaku-ish fanboys said in a horrendous Japanese accent, "that's so _baka_."

'Ikey-chan' merely shrugged. "I could care less either way. All I need to know is swordplay. That's it."

A pokemon floated into the room and shoved his things on the nearby podium. He looked as if he didn't want to be there, a sentiment shared with most of the Academy.

"I want your full attention," the strange looking pokemon said. "I am Lucario. This is my classroom, therefore, what I say goes. I do not tolerate your bad behaviour. So long as you remain on my good side, you are all fine." He opened his attendance book.

"Stephen Alvarez?"

Stephen raised his hand. "Yo."

"Pit ...Icarus?" Lucario cared little as to whether or not he pronounced names correctly.

The kid with wings raised his hand and waved it a little.

Lucario sighed. This wasn't a very exciting job, teaching. But it paid good, and if he didn't do it, Tabuu would throw him out. Being thrown out meant no money, and no money wasn't a good thing, either. So really, he had no choice. But that didn't mean he had to think it was very eventful.

"Roy Pherae?"

 _Finally, someone who pronounced my name right on the first try!_ "Here."

"Mark Retsu?"

Mark gaffawed at Terry's not-very-brilliantly-awesome plan to seduce Marth. "Yeah, I'm here."

Lucario scanned the room as he called the next name. "Ike Troy?"

The kid who was called 'Ikey-chan' by some Weeaboo raised his hand. "I'm here."

Lucario missed Terry, and really didn't care. And the sad thing was, Terry didn't even notice.

"...I wonder how good Marth is in bed..." Terry wondered aloud with a wistful sigh.

Roy banged his head against his desk. "You know I can _hear_ you fartknockers, right?"

Terry got into Roy's face, uncomfortably close to the red head.

"So what?"

 _Hello, do you not realise that Marth and I are still together?_ "So? That's my boyfriend you're talking about."

Terry didn't get a notice saying Marth and Roy got back together. "...Wait, when did _this_ happen?"

Roy stared at him blankly. "You know, I knew you were a little on the thick side, but gods, man, I didn't realise you were _this_ stupid."

Terry grabbed Roy's shoulders and shook him. "When did you and Lord Marth get back together?"

 _Lord Marth_. That utterly killed Roy. _He_ never even called Marth that, not even when they first met three years ago.

"If you'll stop trying to shake my head off," Roy said, steadying the panicked senior. "Anyway, yeah. The end of last year. I'm surprised you didn't know this, considering you practically stalk him."

Terry wanted to know why he didn't know such important information, either.

-x-

"Out of uniform on the first day, Link?" Emma asked, not surprised in the least to see the blond enter the office.

"Yep," Link replied as he approached the counter. "This is nothing new, though."

Emma laughed. "No, it's not. But you do realise you can wear the blazer around your waist or something, right? Not wearing it at all is against the rules."

Link nodded. "I know, Em, I know. But I was born to _break_ those rules."

Emma's laughter and Link's bad attempts at flirting filtered out into the hallway, right where Roy was waiting.

"I have prior engagements," echoed down the hall from some other point. There was a groan of disappointment then, and a woman in stilettos and a ton of blue clothing rounded the corner, coffee in hand.

"I'm sure they're not _too_ important," she pressed, trying to rub up against the other faculty member. "What's one little 'Sorry, can't make it'? Besides, you _promised_ you'd spend more time with me, since we rarely see each other!"

The male teacher saw Roy standing there and quickly made his way towards him, as if Roy was his last chance at salvation.

"Marth? What're you-"

"Are you ready for our...date?" Marth heavily accented the 'date' portion of the sentence, hoping the teacher next to him would get the message. She did not, for she grabbed his arm and rubbed up against him. Roy's face darkened.

"Who's she?" Roy asked at the same time the female teacher asked, "Who's he?"

Marth did not like being in the middle of a love triangle. A love triangle he drew himself, even.

"...Roy, this is the new librarian, Sheeda. Sheeda, this is Roy."

Sheeda and Roy switched their gaze from each other to Marth and back.

 _Wait a minute, isn't this woman_... "Marth... Is this who I-"

Marth nodded his head. "Yes. This is my wife."

-x-

"I wish you would've _told_ me your wife was visiting," Roy said, styrofoam cup filled with coffee in his hands as they walked down the Avenue. Marth shoved his hands into his pockets and sighed.

"I wish I _knew_ Sheeda was visiting," Marth confessed, a little downtrodden from the event at the school. Seeing Sheeda and Roy stare blankly at each other was a little...disconcerting, he thought.

"I hope you know how awkward that whole thing was," Roy quipped after sipping some coffee.

"I realise that," Marth replied. "And if I could have avoided the whole thing, I would've."

They had arrived at one of the decent parks in Nintendo Land. There were scarcely any kids around, so it was eeriely quiet.

"Hey," Roy said, sitting down on one of the concrete benches. "You know that weirdo teacher on the fourth floor? I think his name was Schuldig or something?"

Schuldig was a very hard person to forget.

Marth nodded, sitting down next to Roy. "Yes, I know him. Why?"

Roy rested the cup on his knee and sat against Marth. "...He's a little...odd. Like, he said our minds tasted like crap, and then Link said the weirdest thing."

 _Link always says weird things_ , Marth thought, resting his arm on the back of the bench, behind Roy. _This isn't new, Roy._

"What did Link say this time?" Marth asked in a voice that said "I've heard this before."

Roy laughed just thinking about it, and that freaked Marth out a little.

"He said Schuldig...sounds like you. Or you sound like him."

There would have been silence, but a garbage truck drove past and drowned it.

"Says the kid who thinks doors are a pain." Marth didn't see the similarities in his and Schuldig's voices.

 _I think Link is on something_.

"And then he went on to say that you don't realise you sound like Hikaru Midorikawa."

Marth sighed in a defeated sort of way and slumped in his seat.

"One of these days I think I'll just answer 'yes' so he won't bother me anymore. I don't know where he gets these things. I don't sound anything _like_ Midorikawa Hikaru."

"Oh yes you do!" Link said, popping out from a nearby bush. Roy jumped and Marth shrieked.

"And I will insist until you realise it yourself!"

Marth, who wanted out of such a topic, distracted Link with, "So what did you do today in class?"

Link didn't notice the change in topic. "Oh yeah, it was swell I guess. My science teacher is a weirdo, though."

"So's our homeroom teacher," Roy added. "We have to see him tomorrow, too."

Link jumped out of the bush and pulled a twig out of his rear.

"Oh _no_ we don't!" Link shouted, waving the twig around frantically. "I'm not sitting for a half hour with that nutcase! _Especially_ one that sounds like Marthy-boy over here."

"' _who_ sounds like', not 'that'. 'That' is for inanimate objects," Roy corrected. "Gods, didn't you learn anything in English class freshman year?"

There was a slight pause. Link was poking Roy's arm with the twig in his hand, and Roy was looking at him with a not-too-pleased look on his face.

"I don't even remember freshman year too well."

Roy grimaced. "Of course not. Not when it's something important like that."

Link waved his comment away. "My English is just _fine_. Better than most of the people in Hyrule. I dunno about _you_ guys, though."

Roy and Marth looked at each other.

"...I'm one of the few who can speak English," Marth admitted. "I mean, you remember what I sounded like when I first came here. It was understandable but a little awkward."

Link drummed his fingers on his arm. "Yeah, it was half-backwards at times."

"Or half in Altean," Roy chimed in.

" _Your_ English wasn't perfect, either," Marth retorted, crossing his arms.

"Better than yours," Roy remarked. "Then again, half of the people in Castle Pherae speak English, so..."

"I have no reason to speak English at home."

"Neither do I!" Link chimed, getting in between the two lovebirds. "But...but Zellie always said I spoke good, so..."

"Why the hell are we arguing about this, anyway?" Roy asked, standing, his coffee now cold. "Anyway, we should be getting home. I'm sure Peach is wondering where we are."

Roy threw his cold coffee into one of the rubbish bins and stretched.

"Peach knows we can fend for ourselves," Link said. "If anything, they'd kidnap Marth."

Marth looked just a little bit offended. Pressing the palm of his hand into his chest, he said, "Me?"

Link nodded and Marth scoffed, jerking his head to the side slightly.

"Why would they take me?"

Link grinned and siddled up to Marth, hands behind his back. "'Cause you're the girliest of us three. They usually go for girls, don't they?"

Marth's face deadpanned and his hand dropped to his side. "Actually, I wouldn't talk if I were you, Link. Your hair is so long, I almost mistook you for Samus yesterday."

Roy laughed and doubled over and Link's face fell. Marth folded his arms and grinned so smugly.

"Oh yeah?" Link said as they began to walk home, Nintenpod in hand. "I thought I saw Elice yesterday, but it turns out it was only _you_."

No one laughed.

"My sister's hair is _waist length_ , Link," Marth corrected, demonstrating on himself. "Mine isn't even _shoulder length_."

"And you've never even seen Princess Elice," Roy commented. " _I've_ never even seen her."

And with that, Roy got in between Marth and Link; he grabbed Marth's hand and laced their fingers together.

"So where are we going for our little 'date', Marthy?" Roy asked, swinging their arms slightly.

"I told you this morning," Marth replied.

"I forgot."

"Typical of you, Roy." Link was flipping through his million and one songs on his Nintenpod.

"Shut up, Link, this conversation does _not_ include you," Roy hissed.

"Both of you," Marth interjected. "What are you, six?"

"Sixteen," Roy said, just as Link said, "Seventeen, almost eighteen."

Marth almost forgot that Link had been held back and was therefore, only a year younger than him.

"Then act like it," Marth replied. "Anyway, you and I are going to that new place that opened up a few days ago. I hear it's supposed to be good."

-x-

After their date, all Roy wanted to do was cuddle with Marth and just _relax_.

Of course, in The Manse, it was utterly impossible to relax. For various reasons, including annoying neighbours.

"Hmm, this makes for a good gag."

Roy's protests were muffled as his own tie was used to cover his mouth. Marth kissed him through the fabric and smirked as he slowly unbuttoned Roy's shirt. Roy's arms were free, but he was using them to remain on the bed - he was half on and half off it, and one wrong move would send him onto the floor.

" _Mmmf!_ "

"Oh please, Roy, I didn't even take your shirt off yet." Marth was too busy nipping at Roy's throat to really care about Roy's shirt.

The door slammed open and there stood Link, his jeans half off, as was his shirt. He looked absolutely mortified.

Roy went crashing onto the floor and Marth with him, landing on top of the teen. Roy grunted loudly as Marth's elbow collided with his shoulder as the rest of Marth's body followed, knocking Roy's breath from him.

"It was horrible!" Link shrieked, his eyes unable to see the scene before him. It was like he was blinded. "Horrible! My eyes, they cannot unsee these things!"

Roy pulled the gag off his mouth and pushed Marth off of him a little, enough to sit up. Marth ended up rolling off him and onto his back, sputtering all the while. He swore he broke one of his ribs, but he wasn't sure if it was his or Roy's.

"What the hell happened to you, Link?" Roy asked, hastily rebuttoning his shirt.

The Hero of Time yelled something incoherent.

"All I heard," Marth said as he slowly sat up, "was something about a horde of bees."

Before they could ask Link was he meant, the blond had fainted in all his half-dressed glory.

-x-

 **Author's Note:** Yeah, sorry it took so long! I've just been swamped with school work. The first week I was working on this, I had issues with my schedule I had to get fixed, and then my teachers are so homework happy... Hopefully the next chapter won't take so long!

...Oh man, I hope Link's gonna be okay. What does a horde of bees have to do with anything? I guess you'll just have to wait until the next chapter!


	3. Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys: Year 3 Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

**Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

 **Year Three**

 **-Three-**

September left as quietly as it came, leaving multi-coloured leaves showering down on anyone passing under a tree as it did. With such a beautiful change came cooler breezes as October strolled in, taking over for a thirty one day period. It was needed for the transition to freezing temperatures in place of warmer skies.

A particularly strong breeze lifted up the fallen leaves and whirled them into a mini cyclone, an interesting sight to watch. Young Link was standing on the front porch and watched it, the wind blowing through his golden hair as the door rattled behind him. It was made of flimsy aluminum that barely held itself together during a drizzling rain, never mind strong winds as these. As long as the door didn't hit Young Link on its way to blow off the Manse, he didn't really care.

The sun filtered through the blinds, casting horizontal slits of golden yellow onto the blue carpet and the beds occupying the room.  
Marth awoke first surprisingly; it was a Saturday off, and he usually slept in just a little later than normal. Figuring it was bad to disrupt a routine schedule, he sat up and stretched, the light blue sheets tumbling off him as he moved to leave the bed. It was still too early to wake Roy up, and there was still so much to be done yet. Combing a hand through his almost shoulder length hair (and reminding himself to get it cut today), he left the bed and got his things together.

 _Link better not be in the bathroom again. He has his own, I hope he realises._  
And there, slumbering in the bathtub was the aforementioned youth. Marth sighed. When would Link learn that, just because the tub was more comfortable (for whatever reason) than a warm bed, didn't mean that he couldn't use his _own_.

-x-

The high afternoon sun peeked through the clouds, its rays dancing across the walls and floors of the Manse, casting multi-coloured light on everything they touched. Master Hand was cheap with everything else in the Manse except for the stain-glass windows on the main floor. "Status symbols" were what he usually called them. Now if only he could get the heating fixed and not worry about trivial things such as the expensive as hell windows and the marble floors Link slipped on at least twice a day.

"You look different today," Roy remarked to Marth as he swung around the banister at the foot of the stairs. The banister wasn't far from the kitchen and so Roy had a clear view inside. Marth sat in his usual place, newspaper open on the table, with tea Roy thought smelled like a combination of mint and chocolate by his idle wrist.  
"You look like you just woke up," Marth retorted after swallowing a sip of his scented tea.  
Roy commandeered the chair next to his boyfriend and sat down on it, right next to the tea Roy thought smelled unnaturally sweet.

"You cut your hair," Roy said, stealing the 'Entertainment' section of the 'Nintendo Land Saturday Post'. Seeing the headline on the front page, he continued on to say, "Oh man, the Radical Dreamers are on hiatus!" That last comment was more to himself than to Marth, so the prince ignored it.  
"Yes, I did." A good four and a half inches shorter. "And I'm sure you _did_ just wake up."  
Roy nodded and turned the page, folding the paper back so it was easier to manage. "Yee-up. I enjoy my rare Saturday off."

Link came running into the brightly lit kitchen; an armful of books came crashing down onto the wooden table, causing Marth's teacup to rattle on the saucer. The table groaned from the sudden change in weight, and both Marth and Roy winced from the loud noise.  
"What's with all the books, Link?" Roy asked, looking up from his paper.  
Link pulled out his chair from underneath the table and kneeled on its seat.  
"All of the stuff I have to do for homework," Link replied wearily, collapsing onto the seat now. "Stupid History, Geometry, Japanese, _and_ English homework!"

Roy snickered and Link looked annoyed.  
"Oh, and thank _you_ , Marth, for giving me about a billion exercises to do for homework," the Hero of Time said sarcastically, opening up the book with _Yookoso!_ emblazoned on the cover.  
"I also put evens only, Link," Marth replied in his best 'teacher' voice. "That means that you only have to do two to three questions per activity."  
Link gazed at activity thirty-one on page 215 blankly.  
Roy blew a stray strand of red hair out of his face. "Do you need help, Link?"

Without looking, Link shoved his Geometry book under Roy's nose, and did the same to Marth with his history book.  
"Help that way."  
Roy gripped the book in his hands and opened it carefully, like one of the scholars back in Pherae often did with old and dusty tomes. Marth just stared at the history book and then at Link.  
"History was never my best subject." Marth got A's in the class regardless of how much he liked it.  
Link shrugged. "I have crap from chapter fourteen to do, so chop-chop, Mr. Lowell."

Marth, being the helpful person that he was naturally, opened up to chapter fourteen and nearly snorted at the topic. (Marth, being the dignified prince his father taught him to be, managed to stop _shortly_ before he made such a rude noise.)  
"'The Beginnings of Akaneia', Link?"  
Link grunted. "There're questions at the end of the chapter you need to answer, too."  
Marth looked at Link dubiously. "In case you didn't know, Link, you and I have completely different handwriting."

Link's handwriting was a messy scrawl that slanted so far to the right, it looked it like was touching the bottom line of the paper at times. Marth's was perfectly straight and perfectly formed, each letter curving just where it should and connecting the way it should. (Marth learned to write so straight and neat and utterly perfect from his high-paid tutor, who smacked the back of his hand (and sometimes knuckles) with a ruler if he did it any other way. "A prince should have penmanship befitting his title.")

Link didn't seem to really care.

"I'm sure he doesn't care, Marthy," Roy said, half-way done with Link's maths assignment. "He'll probably just recopy it later, like he always does."  
Marth opened his mouth to speak, but shut it when he thought better of it.  
"You could just ask Marth the history questions, Link."  
Link shoved his Japanese homework to the side and took the Outside Nintendo Land History book from Marth.  
"Okay then," Link said, flipping to the end of the section. "'What two kingdoms were around during the beginning?'"

Marth finished the remains of his tea off and then replied, "Akaneia and Dolua."  
Link scrawled that on a wrinkled page from his binder. "Okay... 'What race populated Dolua during this time?'"  
"Done!" Roy chirped as he placed the Geometry stuff on the chair at the end section of the table. "I'll do your Japanese homework if you want me to."  
"You wouldn't mind?" Link asked, interrupting Marth, who was about to speak.  
"Nope."  
Link nodded. "Do it, then."

Marth cleared his throat and leaned across the table. "Dragons. Fire Dragons, Earth Dragons..."

It was the first time Link didn't actually cheat off of someone. Perhaps Link matured a little when it came to homework. Perhaps he figured out that homework could make the difference between a failing grade and a passing one.

-x-

"What'd you do, get a new wardrobe?"  
Roy was at the computer desk, swiveling in the leather-lined office chair from side to side. He watched Marth lay out his clothes on his bed, deciding which would go best with what. Marth chewed thoughtfully on the earpiece for his reading spectacles as he went over each article of clothing. In the months after his graduation, Marth had been dressing less formal and more casual. He remembered the look of shock-horror carved into Roy's face at seeing him in a pair of jeans for the first time ever. But to Marth, 'casual' was not synonymous with 'schleppy'.

"Remember those boxes I received for my birthday?" Marth was still rummaging through his wardrobe, checking every last nook and cranny for every last article of every last outfit Marth had the pleasure of owning.  
"Sorta," Roy said, feet resting on the legs of the wheels.  
"It was all clothes from Peach and Zelda. They're either great at guessing someone's size from looking at them or someone told them."

Roy said nothing as Marth stripped off the plain shirt and threw it in the hamper. Roy looked through his Winamp playlist and saw a strangely-appropriate song for Marth dressing. Double-clicking it, the first few notes began playing.  
 _Marth is going to_ _ **love**_ _this one_.

 _"I'm bringing sexy back_."  
Marth stopped with his dark wash jeans half-way up his legs. He shot Roy an evil look and resumed dressing himself once he realised Roy was trying to be funny.  
"I should make this your theme song," Roy teased, drawing his knees to his chest as he faced the computer once more.  
"Go right ahead," Marth answered, pulling a light blue shirt over his head, and poked his arms through the respective holes.  
"Y'know, I laugh every time I see your clothes." Roy was embroiled in a heated game of Minesweeper out of boredom.

Marth pulled on the finishing piece of clothing and straightened out the hood on it.  
"Why is that?"  
Roy exited out of a losing game of Mouse Pointer versus Smiley Face versus Mines and turned around in the chair once more.  
"Because it's all _blue_. Dark blue, light blue, grey-blue, navy, midnight blue... Every shade in between and then some..."  
Marth shrugged and sat down on Roy's bed. "It's my favourite colour, what can I say?"  
Roy gave Marth a look over and whistled. "I must say, you look mighty sexy in those jeans." He stood and walked over to where Marth was; once there, he pushed Marth back and pounced onto him.

A knock punctuated through the air and before either of them could bid them entrance, there Link was. The scene before the Hero of Time ceased to bother him - he had walked in on them in much more sexual positions than the one they were in now.  
Link caressed the cheap wood on the door and leaned against it, waiting for them to collect themselves.  
"Hey, at least I _knocked_ first," was all Link could think of to say.

Marth would have preferred Link knock on the door and then _wait_ until told it was safe.

-x-

Roy, clad in his 'Melee Academy Fencing' hoodie and favourite pair of jeans, stood outside as Marth grabbed his coat from the nearby rack.  
"Oh, Marth," Roy said, headed for the stairs, "it's not _that_ cold out."  
Marth closed the door behind him and dug his hands into his pockets, looking to his left and then his right. Marth did it out of habit - back in Altea, a country with so much experience in war after war, Marth would often have to look before he left his own _quarters_ , let alone the castle.  
"The leaves look really nice for the beginnings of October," Roy remarked as he and Marth walked down the stairs and then down the little pathway to the street.

Marth breathed in the autumn air and sighed, oddly content with everything at that moment.  
"You look complacent."  
Marth wrapped an arm around Roy's shoulder and pulled him close, relishing the added warmth in the chilly atmosphere surrounding them. A squirrel scurried up a nearby tree with another following it, shaking a branch and sending leaves flying everywhere. The greenish-red leaves, in their beginning stages of transformation to beautifully bright reds, gently floated down to the sidewalk. They either went 'crunch' from being stepped on or stayed to the side, out of people's way, to be admired as apart of the scenery.

The sun tried to poke through the clouds, but they wanted their space for once and instead blocked it, making the air just a bit colder than it was in the morning. A shiver made its way up Roy's spine as he snuggled closer to Marth's side. There was an odd sense of serenity and Roy couldn't place why he felt such, just that he did. Perhaps it was because it was a quiet day, a nice autumn day, and he was spending it with Marth.  
"So where are we going?" asked Roy, who was careful to avoid the one part of the sidewalk that jutted out at an almost-completely-vertical angle, lest he fall and take Marth with him.  
"Riveria's and then the park to enjoy the sights. Is that okay?"  
"How about, instead of going to the park, we go and do something else?"

They rounded the corner of the street, turning onto one of the busiest sections of the town.  
"Like what?" asked Marth, looking at the window displays without really _seeing_ them.  
Roy shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe ice skating? The rink should be open by now..."  
There was a traffic build up along the Avenue, and impatient drivers began honking their horns at the person in front of them, some complete with rude hand gestures.  
"The last time we went ice skating, you injured your shoulder really bad," Marth said, casting a look to his companion. "You could barely even keep your balance on the ice."  
Roy pouted. "I blame Link. _He_ was there and so I...couldn't concentrate because he was swinging me in circles and-"

There, across the street, was a medium sized building with 'Riveria's' on the front of it in red neon lighting. It was a coffee shop type deal with a few seats and tables here and there, all by the windows with a wonderful view of the Avenue. Marth stumbled on it accidentally during the summer to meet Sheeda once.  
"-And then I got kind of nauseous and _then_ I fell and knocked into some guy with his little sister... Link giggled the entire time and-"  
Marth sighed and Roy chattered away, emphasising certain points with hand movements. Marth smiled softly - Roy couldn't talk unless he could use his hands, a quirk Marth found odd but amusing all the same.

Grasping Roy's hands, Marth pulled him along, across the busy street, and to the entrance of Riveria's. The subtle scent of mocha-flavoured coffee escaped from the inside, enticing passers-by to come inside and sit for a while.  
"When was the last time we sparred together?" Marth asked, opening the door to the coffee shop. It was warm inside, and not too many people were around. Clearly most people were at work still, their lunch breaks having passed.  
"Last night," Roy replied without thinking as he rubbed his hands together.

A light blush appeared on Marth's face as he led Roy over to a table. It was a good thing no one _was_ really around, otherwise someone might have overheard. Marth didn't understand that most people either wouldn't get the nuance of the conversation or they wouldn't care. In Altea, since he was its crown prince, he had to be careful of everything he said, for it might cause a scandal depending on how someone interpreted it. And since Marth was used to living in such a way, he didn't think twice before wondering just _who_ heard it - even if it was only Joe the plumber.  
"Eh, no, not _that_ kind of sparring," Marth clarified, sitting Roy down before himself like only a proper gentleman would.

Roy blinked before realising what he said before. "O- _Oh_. Right. Yeah. I totally understand what you were talking about and..."  
Marth cocked his head to the side before resting it against his palm. "And?" He raised an eyebrow.  
"And...obviously my mind went elsewhere and...yeah."  
Roy drummed his fingers against the laminate wooden table top.  
"So, Mr. Pherae, when was the last time we had a _sparring match_?" Marth wouldn't admit that Roy's brain-to-mouth malfunction amused him.

Roy shrugged. "Uh... Not since... Shoot. Are we counting ones that _led_ to other activities or ones that just involved swords?"  
Roy didn't realise he made another metaphor, and Marth ignored it, figuring the general was flustered enough.  
"Both, I guess."  
So Roy began mouthing things to himself, his eyes trained at the ceiling as he counted on his fingers. Marth waited patiently, shifting in his seat so he was more comfortable.  
"A few months ago, if I did my maths right," Roy answered at last, looking at his hands.

Marth nodded once, absentmindedly fiddling with the collar of his shirt. Roy was so used to Marth doing his 'nervous quirk' that he hardly noticed it anymore.  
"Then we should have a good spar later," Marth said. "So you don't get rusty."  
Roy pressed his hand to his chest and cocked his head slightly. "Me? Get rusty? Ha. What about _you_ , dear Marth?"  
Marth crossed one leg over the other and slung one arm over the back of the chair. "I am perfect. I need no practise." He smirked.  
"Is that a _challenge_?" Roy had his game face on. But Marth, the calm person he always was, looked unfazed at Roy's suggestion.  
"Perhaps."

Roy mentally cursed at himself.  
 _Dammit, Marth, you're so hard to_ _ **read**_ _sometimes._

-x-

"Are you _sure_ you want us to use our regular weapons, Marth?" Roy asked as he slung the Sword of Seals over his shoulder, sheathed.  
"Why not?" Marth responded as he tightened his boot. "They're what we're most used to, right?"  
Roy merely shook his head and, balancing the Sword of Seals' sheath on his forearm, adjusted his gloves.  
"We'll need armour, then."  
"Do you honestly think you'll be able to hit me with all of that weighing you down?"

Roy gave Marth an incredulous look. "Do you want to commit suicide or something? 'Cause if you do, by any chance, don't use _my_ sword to do it - fall on your own¹."  
Marth stared back at him, brushing out the creases in his outfit. "Don't be ridiculous. There are safety barriers in place to make sure no serious injury takes place. Besides, it's not an actual Melee, so it's not required. And I've seen the stuff you wear and it's too heavy for you. A swordsman is useless if he can't move quickly. Go without the armour, unless you have some sort of security issue."  
Roy responded by shoving Marth through the doors to the arena. "We'll see, Marth. We'll see. I've beaten you before, with or without armour."  
"Yes, and that was only because you side-swept my leg and broke it."

The training arena was only slightly smaller than the stadium arena used for actual tournament battles. Like it, the training arena could mimic various stages one could fight on, and had special barriers surrounding the stage so no one suffered any life-threatening injuries. The worst you could get in the training area was a broken bone or two if you were really unlucky. In its 'dormant' stage, the walls were a greyish hue, almost metallic, with metal tiling on the floor. Right by the doors leading from the 'locker rooms' was a panel built into the wall. There, one could set the battle conditions, the stages, and the items, if any.

"You brought the key to operate this thing with you, right?" Roy asked, resting against his sword. Marth reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a keychain with various keys on it, all colour-coded depending on function. Flinging them in the air and catching them by the grey-coloured key, he waved it in Roy's face.  
"Of course," Marth answered, "since I knew you would forget yours otherwise."  
Roy scoffed and Marth laughed as he jammed it into the top of the panel and turned it to the right. The keys and switches all glowed a reddish tinge and the lights in the place turned on automatically.

"Please enter identification number to confirm you are Smasher Marth Cornelius Lowell," a robotic voice droned, scrolling a message on the input screen above the keypad.  
"You _do_ remember your ID number, right?" Roy teased, sidling closer.  
"Of course," Marth replied as he typed in '078147'. There was a beeping sound and the buttons on the panel raised up.  
"Smasher Marth Cornelius Lowell confirmed. Welcome to the Smash Brothers Training Arena."  
"Y'know, we would've been better off fighting in the backyard," Roy complained as Marth customised everything. "This takes _forever_."  
"And then Peach would yell at us, saying it sets a bad example for the kids. It's better we do it in here, where it's a lot safer and more controlled."

Roy stretched, warming up a bit before they started.  
"Why Fountain of Dreams? There aren't any walls!" Roy huffed, swinging the Sword of Seals over his shoulder once more.  
Marth smiled and replied, "Don't you remember? This was where our first match was held."  
Roy shrugged. "So? I want a stage with walls. I need to be able to pin you up against them and steal a kiss or two before smashing you off the stage."  
Marth rolled his eyes and selected another stage. "I hope you realise there are few stages with any walls on them."

Roy pressed the 'enter' button on the keypad and smirked. "Hyrule Temple will do, then."  
The metal tiling in the middle of the training grounds slid away to make way for the Hyrule Temple ruins, spanning almost the whole length of the area, with the little 'island' underneath the main area Marth had thrown Roy into many a time. Two glowing tiles appeared a little ways from the control area - these tiles were 'transport tiles', which allowed match participants access to the stage itself. No one was sure how Master Hand managed to create such complex and mechanically sturdy technology such as this, and Master Hand refused to give away the schematics for them. It was safe to say Master Hand was a mystical being of sorts who had power beyond mortal comprehension. It was like trying to explain how Master Hand could do things of his own accord without a body.

Marth stepped on the nearest tile and Roy followed suit, each disappearing and then reappearing on opposite sides of the stage.  
"No items, no timer, no nothing," Marth recited. "This way it makes the fight fair and neither of us has an advantage."  
"The practise match will begin in five...four...three...two...one..."  
Marth unsheathed Falchion and took a few practise swipes, warming up for the upcoming spar. Roy too unsheathed his sword, but stood their idly, already calculating a plan.

"Fight!"  
Roy immediately ran at his opponent whilst Marth merely stood there, looking at an invisible watch on his wrist. Despite his looks, Marth took the match seriously, and was waiting for the right opportunity to arise.  
After Roy lunged, he swung his sword hard, hoping it would connect with Marth's shoulder.  
"Running into a battle with a flawed strategy is not the best way to start off a fight," Marth said, now behind Roy.  
 _When did he move?_

In his moment of vulnerability, Marth took that as his opportunity to strike. And he struck Roy hard, enough to send him to his knees, enough to get a bigger opening.

-x-

"Hey, hey Older Me," Young Link said, entering the room he and Link shared.  
"What?" Link responded, shaking the game controller in an attempt to get the on-screen character to listen to him.  
"Do you think you can help me with something?"  
"Ask Marth," Link replied automatically, too used to blowing his younger self off.  
"I _would_ ," Young Link said, walking further into the room. Link was cursing at the TV screen now, ready to throw the controller if the need arose.  
"But?" Link wasn't really up for talking at the moment.  
" _But_ he's not around, so I decided to take a chance that you would know something and be able to help me."

Link paused the game and turned around from his place on the floor.  
"Mkay, so... In Japanese class, we're learning how to say 'I like this' and 'I don't like this', and...I have homework and I'm just not really getting it."  
Link turned right back around and continued on with his game. Young Link stomped his foot and clenched his hands into fists.  
"Link! I'm being serious!"  
Link waved Young Link away. "Goodbye, Younger Self. Go ask Marth when he comes back from wherever he went off to."

So Young Link stomped off to Ness's room. Kicking the door open, he found Lucas and Ness together on the floor going over Geometry homework. Ness looked up when he heard the disturbance in the PSI force surrounding his room (call it his alarm system, he often said) and saw the miniature Link standing there, Japanese text in hand.  
"Ness," Young Link said in a sing-song manner. "Help me."  
Ness chewed on his eraser. "Shoot, YL."  
Dropping to the floor, Young Link shoved his Japanese book under Ness's nose, as if that would tell Ness the exact problem.

Ness, understandably, looked at it confused.  
"...What about likes and dislikes?"  
Young Link threw up his arms. "I don't get it!"  
"...What's not to get? Did you read the dialogue?"  
Young Link said nothing.  
"It says, 'Machida-san wa sakana ga suki desu ka.' Do you know what that means?"  
Young Link shrugged. "Something about fish."

Ness resisted the urge to bang his head against the floor.  
 _This is gonna take all day_.

-x-

Marth shoved Roy against the middle pillar of Hyrule Temple, the edge of Falchion's blade held inches from Roy's throat, the point in the actual brick as a balance point. Against his own throat was the Sword of Seals held at almost the same distance, though there was no where Roy could go for more leverage. The Sword of Seals was a heavy sword, and to hold it up for this long in one position made his arm ache. Being this close meant Roy couldn't exactly get away, for he didn't have a clear enough path, and Marth was a lot quicker than he. Roy was cornered, boxed in, with the only way being up and he wouldn't get very far with such a strategy.

"Give up?" Marth whispered, his voice deep, dangerous sounding, his mouth almost touching Roy's forehead. His grip on Falchion tightened, but he didn't move it closer or withdraw it. Roy suddenly side-stepped forward, moving in such a way so his arm didn't move far from Marth, so his sword was still at Marth's throat. Before Marth could so much as register Roy's move and turn to counterattack, Roy had Marth pinned to the wall, the flat of the blade resting against the upper half of Marth's torso. Because of the way Marth was pinned, the prince had limited movement, and Roy took advantage of this by seeking out Marth's lips hungrily, leaning against his weapon, pinning Marth further.

Marth supported himself against the wall by using his arms, waiting again for an opportune moment to strike.  
 _Let Roy have his fun while he still can_ , Marth thought. _Attack him when he least expects it_.  
Roy became more forceful, more eager, his kisses more daring, more aggressive.  
And then Marth pushed him away and tried to attack Roy, but the latter dodged, repositioned himself, and analysed the situation once he was a safe distance away. Marth followed and came down hard. Metal clashed against metal as the two swords met, Marth landing perfectly on his feet as he put his weight into the sword. The contact was broken only for a moment as the sound of metal scraping against metal rang throughout the arena once more, blades beating against each other.

There was no way Marth was going to let Roy attack first.

-x-

"So do you get what I mean now?" Ness asked, closing the book with a slam. Young Link's eyes were glazed over from sheer boredom, and once he realised Ness had stopped speaking, broke out from his stupor.  
"Uh, yeah, I guess."  
Ness's eyes narrowed a little. "You have no idea what I just said, do you."  
"Nope, not a clue." There was no sense in lying to the psychic. "Half the time I have no idea if you're even speaking _English_."  
Ness didn't realise just how fruitless his efforts were. For someone who didn't want to become their older self, Young Link was good at being Link. Which would have been considered a bad thing, because he swore he would rather die than become Link.

Too bad Destiny decided that, because Young Link was just a younger version of Link, he was to become him. Even though Young Link was very much his own person.  
And Ness felt sorry for him.

-x-

Roy knocked Falchion clean out of Marth's hand and dropped his own on purpose. Met with a look of confusion, Roy made his way over to Marth, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and threw Marth onto the ground, following him to the cobblestone of the stage.  
"Roy, what the heck are you-"  
Roy was gifted in the art of Shutting Marth Up. Many simply called it a 'deep kiss', but this was no ordinary kiss. There was so much passion, so much need behind it, fueling the already raging fire inside Roy, all expressed in the simplest gesture. Roy knew exactly where to caress Marth to get the most subtle of gasps, the way Marth would press into Roy if he licked and suckled the right spot on his neck...

There was a knock on the door, followed by a shove against the doors in an attempt to open them. Like the flooring and walls, the doors were made of a tempered steel able to withstand a nuclear bomb going off right next to it. Marth didn't hear the knock and Roy ignored it, figuring it was no one important anyway. Marth gasped and mewled at Roy's ministrations, his fingers in his hair, and the person at the door knocked again; it went unheard as Marth forced Roy's head lower, wanting more, begging for more. Roy straddled Marth's waist and ground against him, a smirk on his face the entire time.

Marth, still on the floor, reached for Falchion and grasped the pommel of it, enough of the hilt so he could at least move it to get a better grip. Once he had a firmer grip on his sword, he held the blade to Roy's exposed neck once more, this time with a triumphant grin plastered on his face.  
"Touché."  
 _Right where I want you_.

-x-

 **Author's Notes:** A sort of abrupt ending, but I like it that way. I think it gives more of an...impact that way. Anyway, chapter four is already like, mostly written, so expect to see that soon!

Until we meet again in the next chapter!

 **Footnotes:**

¹ to "fall on one's sword" basically means to commit suicide. It was considered cowardly for a knight to kill himself, so they would often fall on their swords after a battle to make it look like they were killed by the enemy instead. An honourable way to kill yourself, in other words. Marth is a prince, but he also follows the code of chivalry, as a knight, and would therefore know this, as would Roy.


	4. Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys: Year 3 Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

**Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

 **Year Three**

 **-Four-**

The sky was a dreary grey, not one sign of the sun coming out any time soon. There was even a slight drizzle at one point or another, but due to the sheer number of trees on the block surrounding the pavement, most didn't notice or really care. Link merely had his blazer wrapped around his head like a headdress of some sorts. Roy, used to the occasional summer rain in Pherae, wasn't bothered by the un-October-like weather. Even though it wasn't summer anymore.

"Take it like a man!" Nicholas shouted as Roy, Link, Young Link and his 'posse' consisting of Ness, Lucas and Alex approached the campus. It was bitterly cold, the occasional wind gust biting at any exposed skin which, when mixed with rain, was not a pleasant thing. Roy sunk into his coat more as a little sunshine managed to spill forth from the clouds, making it just a bit warmer, but there was a catch - you had to be _in_ the sun to feel it. And since there were a lot of trees on Devon, the rays were few and far between. Nicholas was beating Gary Stu Wesker up as Stephen cheered them on, making noises to rile them up further as Nicholas's fist collided with Gary's jaw.

Bursting forth a little too late from the front doors was Solid Snake, radio in his hand as he searched high and low for troublemakers. He stopped at the foot of the steps and pressed the 'talk' button.  
"Redfield, we have a Code 2-4-6-8-Hike here, over," he said, his voice completely serious as he watched Nicholas and Gary fight. Gary was slapping at Nicholas's hands like a pansy, edging away from the bulkier youth, and Snake made no move to stop them - not yet. Not until there were more witnesses to see him kill people with a stare or two. Or at least subdue them - Snake was forbidden to kill anyone.  
"What?" came the response after a short amount of static. "What kind of code is _that_?"  
"Just get yer ass out here," Snake shouted into the radio, his face deadpanning.

A few minutes later Chris Redfield, clad in his old S.T.A.R.S. uniform, exited through the side doors of the building, radio to his mouth.  
"What's your position?" Chris asked, scouting the area. There were hedges blocking his view, so he couldn't see the front walkway very good.  
"Front of the school," Snake answered, as if it were obvious.  
" _Where_ in front of the school?" Chris couldn't read minds, after all. And even if he could, he wouldn't want to be in Snake's head.

Snake stared at the radio, contemplating whether Chris's head was screwed on tight. There was only _one_ 'front of the school' and it wasn't that large of an area. That and Snake stuck out like a sore thumb amongst all the blue blazers and people shorter than 5'9". In fact, he very much towered over them, glaring at the occasional passer-by.  
"Stairs, dumbass," Snake replied at last. "Front stairs. A couple'a yards from the two delinquents. The one kinda looks like the discipline guy... Ooh, that one kid just sucker punched the shit outta the other one... Might have to use tasers and-"  
"Snake, let's not get too carried away, here," Chris said quickly, running over to the front of the campus. "Let me handle it."

"Get _off_ me, Wesker, or I swear to whatever _deity_ you won't live past today!" Nicholas shouted, trying to buck Gary off his back. Everyone gathered around the two fighting teens stepped back a few feet, just so Gary wouldn't go knocking into any of them.  
"You tried to kill me, Redfield! I'm not gonna let you fuck around with me anymore!" Gary tightened his grip on Nicholas's neck.  
Chris stopped a few feet away from them and yelled, "Break it up before I kick _both_ of your asses!"

Most of the people wondered if that was even _legal_. Link got a little too excited by the action and nearly tripped over the portion of sidewalk that was nearly vertical. He instead crashed into the nearby tree. Young Link shook his head and sighed loudly.  
"I hope you don't turn out like _that_ , YL," Ness said, crossing his arms as he looked on at the security guard trying to intervene.  
"He's my older self," Young Link said flatly. "I'm doomed."

"Will you get _off_ him?" Chris managed to smack Gary upside the head, but that wasn't enough to get the youth off Nicholas. "Or do I have to tell your _father_ that you suck at life?"  
Gary slipped off Nicholas and tried to run away then, but his path was blocked by Snake, who had the scariest look on his face.  
"Guess I'll be takin' you to ol' Wesker. Sure he'll _love_ having you in his office." Snake's grin got even more creepier, if that was possible.  
Gary flailed about as Snake dragged him off, not bothering to prevent Gary's head from getting knocked into the hand rail on the way up the stairs as he did.  
"All right now, nothing t'see here, everyone get a move on!" Chris called, shooing everyone away as he approached Nicholas.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here, Dad?"  
Chris grabbed him by the arm and proceeded to escort him up the walkway. "What were you _doing_ , Nick?"  
"What do you care?"  
"I'm your father, Nick - I'm supposed to care."  
Nicholas grit his teeth. "You never cared _before_."  
Chris sighed. "I've learned my lesson, Nick. I'm not believing a goddamn word that bastard Wesker ever says. I promise."  
Nicholas wrenched his arm free and glared. "This is so embarrassing, you being all sappy and mushy-like. I would've expected this from my _old_ parents, but not from you."  
Chris snorted. "Jill and I _are_ your old parents. Those bastards kidnapped you and your sister and made off like bandits."

 _Sister_?  
"I don't have a sister."  
Chris pushed Nicholas through the door, his arm held behind his back so he wouldn't try to escape.  
"Your mother and I have to talk to you about some things later. I'm surprised you didn't find out from her already."  
Down the stairs they went. Right off the door was the Disciplinary Suite, 'Albert Wesker' carved onto a name plate which graced the door.

"Don't worry too much, I'll make sure he goes easy on you," Chris said, opening the heavy door. "Otherwise I'll blow his goddamn head off."

-x-

The third floor new building hallway was crowded just like it normally was. Since nearly _everyone_ seemed to have a locker on the floor, there were millions of people just milling about, and most of these people shared their locker with at least two other people. This created congestion in the hallways, and Link and Roy, though used to it, still cursed whoever's idea it was to give nearly everyone a locker on this floor.

Roy slammed his locker door shut, ignoring the sound of something falling down inside it, and waited for Link to finish his business in the locker directly next to his.  
"There've been a lot of fights erupting lately," Link remarked as he hung his blazer on one of the many hooks inside his locker. "It all seemed to start when Zellie and I broke up and we started arguing in the hallway..."

"Link, I have some news for you!" Zelda yelled down the hallway, her boyfriend Ike trailing behind her. Link turned towards the princess, school issue hoodie clutched in his hands.  
"What is it?" asked the Hero of Time when Zelda arrived next to him. Link briefly acknowledged Ike was there with a small glance in his direction. He tried to hide the disapproving look by closing his eyes and turning away, but that made it even worse.  
"Well," Zelda said, taking a look at the papers in her hands, "apparently you have some...living family members."

Link's eyes lit up at such news, and he immediately turned towards her fully. "Where? Who? When can I meet them? How are they related-"  
"Shut up and let her talk, Link," Ike said as he gripped Zelda's shoulder. "She'll answer those questions when she's able to speak."  
"If you're trying to be as blunt as Marth, you're failing miserably," Link retorted, narrowing his eyes slightly.  
"I'm not trying to be that tiara-wearing _anything_ ," Ike replied, "nor would I want to."

The news Zelda had come to deliver would have to wait, Link thought as he figured out the best way to knock Ike's head off. Roy, not too happy with Ike's comments (but trying to figure out Link's, for they didn't make much sense), settled for glaring. Roy wasn't one for fighting unless it was the absolute necessary, but Link did not share his views on that. Either that or Link thought it _was_ the absolute necessary.  
"It's one thing if you don't like Marth," Link said after he cleared his throat. "It's another to say such comments aloud in the company of his friends. Especially his _boyfriend_."

Zelda didn't need to be clairvoyant to see Link prepared to kick Ike's arse, and so she shushed him before he could say anything further.  
"Ike, keep your comments to yourself," Zelda said firmly.  
"He's just jealous!" Link yelled, itching for a chance to get Zelda back.  
"Of _what_?" Roy and Ike asked, his voice more dangerous than before.  
"That Marth's just so beautiful he can get men and women flocking to him, that his swordsmanship is just so much better, that-"

And before Roy or Link knew what happened (Zelda, being clairvoyant, braced herself for what was about to come), Link was down on the floor and Ike was on top of him.  
"Zelda, I think you should call security," Roy said, backing away from the fighting teens.

-x-

"Oh no, I didn't do my homework!" Alex cried as he, Young Link, and Ness entered room 221 bright and early. "Mr. Lowell's gonna have my _head_!"  
Young Link snorted. "No he's not."  
Contrary to popular belief (and what Young Link often said), Marth was not a pushover when it came to teaching. He was strict when it came to homework being done on time, and those who didn't do it got a detention most of the time. Young Link ended up with a week's worth, and instead of going to them like he should have, he skipped out on them, ended up getting another two week's worth, and an ass chewing from Link _and_ Marth.

"I'm not gonna get in trouble like _you_ did!" Alex said, pointing an accusative finger at Young Link. "Ness, let me see your answers."  
Ness guarded his homework with his arms. "Heck no. It's your own stupid fault for not doing it."  
"Not doing _what_?"  
Alex nearly screamed in horror when Marth appeared in the room. Instead, he settled for a cry of shock.  
Marth, having not been in the room previous, was utterly confused by Alex's reaction to him coming in.

"I wasn't aware of my being _that_ scary," Marth remarked as he shrugged off his coat.  
"You're so beautiful it _hurts_ sometimes, Marth," Young Link retorted as he leaned back in his chair. He had one of the few desks with a chair separate from it.  
Marth sat down on his office chair and got himself organised for the day. "So I've been told many a time."  
Young Link had his (copied) homework ready on his desk, Ness had his on his desk albeit heavily guarded from Alex's prying eyes. And Alex was stuck standing in between Young Link's and Ness's desks in a daze, trying to figure out a plan. He couldn't do his homework _now_ , not with Marth in the room.

 _What a crappy time to enter the room, Mr. Lowell._  
Roy entered the room - bowing before he entered, as was the way (and Alex thought it looked odd) - and dropped his things by the door.  
"You're not leaving that here, I hope you realise," Marth said, gesturing to the bag by the door.  
"'Course not," Roy answered as he sat on the desk. "It's there 'til I leave here."  
 _Is this the distraction I hoped for?_ Alex wondered just as Lucas meandered in. _Maybe I can sneak it..._  
"Before I forget," Marth said - and he knew with Roy sitting on _his_ desk right in front of him, he was bound to, "put your homework on top of the filing cabinet. The one by Ness over there."

Alex was screwed now. Figuratively, of course.  
"So Marth-"  
"How many times must I remind you-"  
"Mr. Lowell," said Roy, correcting himself. "May I interest you in a...private talk of sorts?"  
Marth sighed. "You know I can't leave them alone. They're too irresponsible."  
Roy shrugged. "Just leave Ness in charge. It'll be quick, I promise." He winked then, hinting towards something that had nothing to do with talking.  
"But I'm a teacher-"  
"Let me remind you that that's never stopped you before," Roy cut in, crossing his arms now.

Roy was right, of course.  
"What we do at home and what we do here are two completely different things," Marth said at last. "I'm your teacher here, your boyfriend at home."  
"We could go to the library and do it in the back-"  
Marth nearly knocked over his thermos filled with tea. Everyone else wanted to know why their teacher was getting so flustered.  
" _Sheeda_ works up in the library!"  
"She'd probably enjoy it, then." Roy smirked and grabbed Marth by the hand. "There's always the teacher's lounge bathroom..."

Marth had to resist, had to not give in, had to ignore the way Roy was looking at him, hadtohadto _hadto_...  
"What is the class you hate the most?" Marth asked.  
"Sixth period."  
"I have my prep period then. Come here for sixth."  
Roy grinned. "All right then, _Mr. Lowell_. See you then."  
Roy gave Marth a kiss on the cheek and hopped off the desk; he grabbed his stuff over by Young Link's desk and exited the room, quite satisfied.

" _Someone's_ gettin' some," Young Link teased, leaning back in his chair more. Marth gave him a dangerous sort of look. Marth may not have been good with words at times, but most of the time he didn't need any - his body language was superb.  
"No, we're just going to have a nice chat," Marth replied, his voice edged with just a bit of sarcasm. Young Link luckily missed the sarcastic edge.

The bell rang. Another hellish day in the same classroom for most of the time.

 _Now I know why Mewtwo jumped on that department head position_ , Marth thought. _Teaching's an acquired taste._

"All right, class. _Kyokashou akete kudasai_."  
Marth got the blankest look from the students yet.  
"That means 'please open your textbooks'."

-x-

Doctor Mario applied an antiseptic onto the gash adorning Link's cheek; the blond youth sat on the single cot in one of the rooms off the main nurse's office. Zelda was on the other chair by the bed, hands clasped in her lap. Ike was still in Albert Wesker's office a floor up, and Zelda was glad for that. Otherwise a brawl would have broken out here, and Zelda was too drained from the previous ordeal to prevent another altercation.

"Next time, Link, please don't provoke him," Zelda said, rubbing her forearm thoughtfully. "You know how he gets sometimes."

"What did you want me to do, Zel? Let him badmouth Marth? You know me better than that – my friends are everything."

Zelda smiled softly. "Ike, too."

Link scoffed. "That didn't seem like he was 'fighting for his friends'. I think he should find another quote – that one's a misnomer."

Zelda laughed then. "Perhaps you're right, Link."

Doctor Mario had applied a patch of gauze onto Link's cheek and kept it there with medical tape.

"All patched up!" he said in his thick accent. "If you wanna stay here a bit, I dun mind too much. Just dun be too loud."

Zelda nodded. "Thank you, doctor."

Doctor Mario got up then and left the room – he had Gary and Nicholas to contend with now.

"So what happened here?" the doctor asked as he closed the door behind him. "Let's take a look at you now..."

"What the heck d'you _see_ in Ike, anyway? He abhors royalty."

Zelda fiddled with the hem of her skirt. "If you just learned to _know_ him a little more, Link, you'd find that he's a sweet guy who cares deeply about those he puts his trust into. Besides, he and I seem to get along fine, as do he and Roy."

Link stood then and pulled his hoodie down over his head.

"Even so...I still don't think he's good enough for you."

"Stop acting like I'm getting married to him. Just get to know him a little before passing judgment on him is all I ask."

"I'm not making promises to do anything, Zel, but... I will try. But just for you, not for him."

As long as he tried, or at least learned to tolerate him... It was all he could do for her now.

-x-

"Nice bruise there, Fairy Boy."

"Oh be quiet, Roy."

The hallways were unusually quiet for this time of day as Link and Roy walked to the third floor together. The walls were also unusually sparse – no posters advertising clubs or raffle auctions or anything adorned them. It was like the school had become even more eerie than it usually was. Then again, Melee Academy was far from 'normal'.

"What's up with this silence, anyway?" Link asked the air, looking around. They seemed to be the only ones in the otherwise deserted corridor. "We're not late, are we?"

Roy was irked as well. "We shouldn't be. If anything, we would probably be _early_."

"Just what I need to do – give my teacher a heart attack 'cause I was early."

Link arrived at his destination – History with Mr. Dragmire – and stood in the doorway, though a little off to the side so people could still get through.

"Argh, I have Ike in this class, too," Link said disdainfully as he looked about the classroom.

Roy shook his head. "Just make the best of it, will you? You don't _have_ to talk to him or even _look_ at him for that matter."

With a glance at his watch, Roy added, "Anyway, I should be going. I can't be late for Chemistry or else Bowser will have my head on a platter for all of his koopa friends."

Link waved goodbye and sighed, walking to his seat dejectedly. He took out his trusty Nintenpod and scrolled through the two million songs on his playlist (and that was no exaggeration, for Link liked his music) to find something to listen to. 'Bonedust' by Virgin Steele began to blast through his earbuds and no one paid any attention to it.

"Oh Din, not this class," Ganondorf said when he nearly ripped the door out of the metal track. "This is what I get for being an evil mastermind. Such a cruel punishment."

"Yeah well, we're not exactly thrilled to be in your presence for forty-five minutes, either," Ike remarked, history things on his desk.

Ganondorf slammed the door closed, nearly jammed it in its track, and strode over to his desk at the other end of the classroom.

"One more word out of you, Troy, and I'll have you after school for a detention."  
Ike said nothing more, not because he was afraid of getting a detention, but because he could think of nothing witty to say.  
"Now then, let us begin this hellish class, for the sooner I start, the sooner I'll be finished. And then I can leave here," Ganondorf said, the last part under his breath. "Open up your stupid books to page four hundred and six. Who knows anything about the events that unfold a hundred or so years after Dolua's initial downfall?"

Link thought about it for a moment as he opened to the correct page.  
"That's right, Landon, the War of Darkness began," Ganondorf answered while Link was contemplating Akaneia's history. "The Dolua Empire led by Medeus - who was not as evil as me - and the Archsage Garnef - also not as evil as me - confronted Akaneia at this time and started invading like cockroaches to rotting meat."  
Everyone grimaced at Ganondorf's choice of imagery.

"That was all in the year 600 of the Akaneian calendar. Two years later, Dolua's troops sieged the royal capitol Pales. Armies from Gra and Altea met with Grunia's, led by a General Camus. Altea had the upper hand and then those poor sons of bitches were betrayed by their equally poor ally Gra. The leader of Altea's army, King Cornelius Lowell, was killed. By that Garnef person, who is, of course, not as evil as me-"  
"Okay, we get it!" Ike shouted, pounding his fist against his desk. "No one is as evil as you! Shut up about it already."

Ike's remark obviously struck a nerve.  
"Infidel! If I were allowed to do magic in this building... You would be saying your prayers, boy! When I see you in the arena, you'll wish you had kept your comments to yourself!"  
Ike merely waved Ganondorf's comments away. "I'll be waiting for that threat to become a reality, Ganondorf."  
"How _dare_ you refer to me by my first name! I am _Mr. Dragmire_ to you, boy!"  
"And how _dare_ you call me a 'boy' when I am a man!"

Link sighed and rested his head on his desk. He didn't see the point of taking this class. He could, after all, just ask Marth questions about Akaneia's history if he so chose. And he knew for a fact that Marth had at least twenty books on it, all properly shelved and alphabetised according to last name.  
That and Marth _fought_ in the War of Darkness. Link expected him to definitely know something about that.

-x-

"...I'm pretty sure this will be the song selection I'll go with," Zelda said as she showed the music manuscripts to Jigglypuff. "I'd also like to do what we did last year and have something with the band again, if that's at all possible."  
"Purin likes," Jigglypuff said, bouncing happily. "Purin would like to work with princess, too. Purin sure band will be happy."  
Zelda nodded. "When the date comes closer, we can figure out who will be playing and who will be with the chorus, since a lot of people in band are also in this class and... Well, we can talk about that later."

The door opened and clicked shut with the arrival of Link and Roy, lunch in hand. Roy looked quite disheveled, and Link had a huge grin on his face.  
"That librarian chick's _totally_ into me," Link said loudly as he set his things down on the next available desk. "I mean, did you see how she looked at me? Kinda like..." Link gave Roy a sultry sort of look as demonstration.  
Roy simply shook his head. "Whatever you say, Link." He could only take his word - Roy wasn't actually there with Link at the library.  
"Her last name's kinda awkward for me to pronounce, though. Kinda like... Telys or something. Her ID said 'Caeda Talys', which is like, 'How do you even _say_ that?' and stuff. She's cute, though."

Zelda tried not to listen but couldn't help it. She wouldn't admit it to anyone, not even her best friend Peach, but she was just a bit jealous. Just a tiny bit, but it was enough.  
"I think it's a typo, though," Link continued on in between bites of his ham sandwich sans crust on the top. "I mean, who the heck'd name their kid Caeda?"  
And then it dawned on Roy for a brief second. "Wait a minute, Link."  
"What?"  
"What did this 'Caeda' person look like?"  
Link pondered for a split second, and Zelda mentally berated him. He only saw her a few seconds ago and he had already forgotten her face?

"Long blue hair, kinda skinny, nice legs... Really hot, basically."  
That wasn't really helping Roy. "Is she usually in the back?"  
"...Yeah. Usually in all the sections Marth frequented - and probably still frequents. Maybe she's a sucker for Akaneian history."  
It hit Roy like a ballista to the head.  
"That's _Sheeda_. Sheeda of Talis. Man, they really screwed up the spelling of _that_."  
And then something hit Link in the back of the head. He turned around and saw a textbook lying on the floor.  
"Wait a minute," said Link after handing the fallen textbook back to its rightful owner. " _Sheeda of Talis_? Isn't that Marth's..."  
"Wife," said Roy.  
"Oh _crap_ ," finished Link, looking at his hands like they were going to jump up and bite his face off.

Zelda smiled behind her hand and went back to future music selections. She didn't know why she should feel so relieved, but she did.  
"I hope she won't tell Marth I slapped her ass on the way out," Link murmured, head in his arms on the desk.  
"Link, there are a lot of blonds in this school - I'm sure he won't connect it to you."  
Link prayed to Farore that he wouldn't. Little did he know that Sheeda was quite used to that and had become desensitised to it.

-x-

Link came waltzing into room 221 and found that he was the only one there, aside from Marth. He took his usual seat by the door and avoided staring at the Altean prince as much as possible. He daren't even remark that Marth was quite attractive, lest Roy cease talking to him again. He wasn't going to relive the summer again. And Marth _was_ quite attractive in Link's eyes, and such thoughts scared him, especially after he remembered the comment he made to Ike that morning - _Marth's just so beautiful he can get men and women flocking to him_ \- and that comment kept haunting him throughout the whole day. He had to admit to himself that he was just a bit jealous of Roy having someone so damn gorgeous it should've been illegal.

Link glanced out the door and saw Nicholas and Stephen holding hands and laughing.  
 _Is_ _ **everyone**_ _in this school gay or something and I'm the only straight guy?_ Link pondered as they came through the door. _And even then, I sometimes question myself._  
And then a sort of revelation came to Link. He had seen this predicament before.  
 _Oh goddesses, I'm turning into_ _ **Marth**_ _now. Questioning myself._  
It was uncanny. Marth went through the exact same thing the year before, probably asked the exact same question and pondered on it.

Link let out a cry of distress which caused Marth to look up from his paperwork, concern on his face.  
"Link, are you all right?"  
That soft, velvety smooth voice made Link's heart skip a beat and he straightened up in alarm. Especially since Roy came in and sat down next to him, completely unaware of Link's current situation.  
"Oh yes, I'm fine!" Link said a little too hurriedly. "I was just thinking about all the homework I have to do, is all."

Marth knew there was something deeper than that but said nothing more. It wasn't his place to go prying into Link's business.  
"Oh shit, not this class." Stephen never looked forward to this class, not since Freshman year, really. "I wonder what piece of crap assignment we'll get _now_."  
Nicholas concurred. "I still don't understand why I still even come here."  
Robert snorted. "I don't _have_ to take this class and I'm wondering the same thing."  
Dean looked at his brother. "You're taking this class because you love _me_ so much, right, bro?"  
"No." Robert just gave Dean a look that said, "Are you out of your mind?"

Marth cleared his throat and gestured to the SMRTBOARD located at the centre of the room.  
"We're watching a movie today."  
Robert scoffed and examined his desk. "It's not that stupid Charlie Brown Halloween movie, is it? 'Cause if it is, I'm outta here."  
But Marth shook his head and picked up the DVD case. "No, it's not a kiddie movie. It's actually pretty good from what I've heard. In any case, I suggest you pay attention since you're doing a paper on it."

No one in the room uttered a word. They simply stared like their teacher had finally cracked under pressure, like an egg in a microwave.  
"Basically, the paper should talk about the cultural and historical inaccuracies this movie presents. It's _supposed_ to be about the Satsuma Rebellion, but there's a lot of the Boshin War in here. And for those of you unaware (since Mewtwo never said anything about it), the Boshin War happened during the Bakumatsu era, not the Meiji, as it led to the Meiji Restoration and what not."  
Stephen rubbed his cheek, scratching an itch. "Like, I think that was in Rurouni Kenshin."  
"Yeah, Kenshin fought in that war," Robert agreed. "He 'sliced open a new era'. He was with the Ishin Shishi and stuff."

Marth wasn't exactly sure what they were talking about, but said nothing. He figured that, since it was Japanese related, it was a harmless topic.  
"Sensei." Dean waved his hand about.  
"Hai, Dean-kun?"  
Dean thought briefly about his question before saying anything. "Sensei, can we do cultural _and_ historical inaccuracies or do we have to decide between them?"  
Marth didn't really care, so long as the assignment was done and handed in. "If you wish to, you may."  
"Yes!" Dean grinned in triumph. Stephen already had a game plan in his head.  
"Oh Lord, your paper's gonna be longer than my term paper," Nicholas said, shaking his head in disbelief when he saw the look on Stephen's face.

Marth picked up the remote for the DVD player and hit the enter button to "play movie".  
"Take notes if you wish, but try to pay attention - Robert." Marth looked right at the blond-with-chartreuse-fringe.  
Robert gestured to himself. "Ore wa?"  
Marth nodded. "Hai."  
"But I-"  
" _Shizuka ni shite kudasai_ ," Stephen said, resting his head on Nicholas's shoulder. Robert scowled, but his head atop his arms, and watched the introduction play. He would try his best to watch it, but he wasn't going to be active in it.  
"Oh, and Robert-kun," Marth began, "you owe a lot of work to me."  
" _Ore wakarimasu_ ," Robert answered, his voice partially muffled.

Marth rolled his eyes as he looked over the grades for the class. Robert would never make up the work, and Marth knew that.  
 _It will be a cold, cold day in hell when he turns in his missed assignments_ , Marth thought bitterly, shutting his grade book harder than he meant. He was quite the passive-aggressive one. _A cold, cold, and very bleak day._

-x-

"So today," King Dedede droned on after talking for fourteen minutes on absolutely nothing important, "we will be learning about the persecution of Dragons across the various continents."  
Stephen snorted. "Does anyone really _care_?" he asked the nearest person, who happened to be a kid named Shyam.  
"I know," Shyam answered back. "There are better things to learn about then some stupid dragons."  
Roy shushed them both, finger to his mouth. "Shut up, this stuff is interesting."  
Stephen and Shyam both looked at the general like he was nuts.

"Let us take a look first at the continent of Akaneia." Dedede roamed over to the blackboard and pulled down one of the various maps rolled up above it.  
"Y _awn_ ," Stephen said, tapping his mouth with his fingers flat against it. Shyam snickered. Dedede seemed bemused by the whole situation, as if he had a small inclination towards making things as boring as possible.  
"The dragons were forced to abandon their powers and assume human form," Dedede prattled on, "and were rather hated by the human populace."  
"Well I would hate them too." Everyone stared at the kid behind Shyam named Russel. "What?"

"So the leader of the Earth Dragon Tribe and head of the Dolua Empire, Medeus, rebelled against the humans. They almost became extinct creatures."  
"The dragons?" It was Russel again. "Serves those bastards right."  
Shyam smacked his palm against his face and shook his head. "Shut up, Russ."  
"No, actually," Dedede corrected. " _Humans_ were almost extinct. Fortunately, Narga of the Divine Dragon Tribe intervened and created the Shield of Seals and the Falchion to protect mankind."  
"Fuckers," a kid named Drake said, crossing his arms. "Puny humans should've died a long time ago."  
"Here we go again," Shyam muttered and rolled his eyes. "Same old spiel from this kid."

-x-

"I swear I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown and school's only a month in," Link said as he waited for Roy to open the locker.  
"You're _always_ on the verge of a mental breakdown around this time," Roy said matter-of-factly, inputting the combination. "Since freshman year, even."  
Link sighed and held all his books up in one hand as the lock went _click_. The tumbler portion of the lock clanged against the metal door as Roy hooked it onto the top of it.  
"And when the heck are we getting our class rings?"  
Roy had forgotten about that, and would have continued to had Link not brought it up. Dumping all the contents of his bag on the top shelf, he shrugged.

"That's a good question," Roy said at last, stepping aside so Link could drop his things on the bottom. "I heard at the end of this month. Before Halloween, maybe."  
Link's ears twitched at the mention of Halloween. "So about Halloween-"  
"I'm not dressing up, if that's what you're gonna get at." Roy wasn't going to fall for Link's tricks this year.  
"You'd make a cute 'neko boy'," Link insisted, unhooking the lock from the top of the door. He slammed it shut and threaded the shackle through the hole in the handle, pushed up on it, and locked it.

Roy held his ground as he slung his bag over his shoulder. "Oh no, I'm not getting caught up in your schemes again."  
"But we have a contest sponsored by the Do-It-All Club and-"  
"Y'know, Link," Roy said as they headed to the gym, "I compared you to Matsuri Honjou _once_ and you took it all to heart like I _knew_ you would."  
Link sighed and grabbed Roy's shoulder and upper arm. "It was a good idea he had!"  
Roy brushed Link off him. "I have too much to do, regardless. Like practise for the upcoming Fencing competition against my old school."

Link scoffed. "Like your team _needs_ practise. Not with you as captain."  
Roy pulled open the back doors to the locker room, Link following.  
"Ostia's School for the Battle Arts is _not_ to be underestimated," Roy stated as he headed to his locker, duffel bag in hand. "Only the gifted are accepted there, and they're all of noble blood, and their fathers are usually old war veterans. They can _fight_." Roy stripped off his hoodie, followed by his shirt and tie. Link sat on one of the benches and sighed.  
"How good is their Fencing team?"

Roy shoved his head through the hole in his long sleeved shirt and pulled the rest of his shirt down, his sweatpants already on.  
"If I _wasn't_ Fencing captain for the past four years, we would've had our asses mopping the floors of the gym. Before me, they were using the same damn strategy year after year, and soon enough they became predictable. I have to surprise them, especially so, since my old sword arts teacher is their coach." Roy donned all of the required protective gear, sans helmet, which was held under his arm. Roy threw the keys to the supplies closet to Link, who barely caught them, and wondered why he was given them.

"Get the foils for me from the closet at the back of the gym," Roy ordered. "You can be my page boy." He said it with a grin, in a joking manner, but Link took the job seriously anyway.

-x-

"Lunge!"  
The fencers on the right side of the white line attacked their opponents, stepping forward just a bit. Roy came up behind one of the First Years and tsked.  
"No wonder you can't lunge correctly," Roy said, grabbing the freshman by the elbow of his right arm, "your stance is incorrect."  
The freshman, nervous as could be, whimpered slightly. "I'm sorry, captain! I've never done this before."  
Roy hushed him and moved the boy's sword arm forward all the way, even corrected his grip.  
"And your other arm should have your wrist in line with your shoulder," Roy explained. "For balance."

Link watched in mild fascination. For some reason he didn't know, Link didn't ever try out for the Fencing team, though he would be good at it, good enough to be co-captain, even. But he figured his mild clumsiness would only hold him back, so he never tried out. That and he was horrid at explaining the various moves and terminology that went with the sport.  
"En garde!" Roy shouted as he walked along the lines. Immediately, twenty people took the proper sword stance, foil points all facing Roy's direction. Anyone on the right side of the line had to turn to achieve this, but they didn't mind.  
"Salute!" Many could tell Roy was once an army general - it was the way he shouted the commands: firm, but not with the intensity of, say, a drill sergeant.

Twenty foils all moved so that they were parallel to their owners' faces.  
"At ease."  
They all moved so their foils were perpendicular to the floor, hands still clutching the hilt.  
"Split up into groups of two and begin your usual drills for practise. I'll let you guys know when you can stop." Roy gestured to the rest of the gym behind him. "Begin!"  
As everyone broke up into their respective groups, Roy walked over to the bleachers where Link sat watching, chin resting on his hands.  
"You sure you don't want to join?" Roy had been trying to get Link to join since Roy took over the team. "You'd be great, you know."

Link sighed and shook his head. "Nah. I'm content with just watching."  
Roy quirked an eyebrow. "You _sure_?"  
Link nodded. "Yeah. Positive. Though it _does_ look fun..."  
Roy extended a hand to the Hero of Time. "C'mon, you can practise with me."  
Link grabbed the offered hand and stood then, looking down at the ten hardworking groups below.  
"But I don't have any protective gear on."  
Roy shrugged. "Really you only need a face mask on so you don't lose an eye. Now come _on_."

Link, out of excuses, finally relented and followed Roy down the bleacher steps to firm ground. Throwing him a face mask, Roy said, "Students, let me demonstrate how good Ostia's fencers are since most of you are new. Link here is just like you, a student under my command. I'll be one under their coach, General Cecilia." Not like it was hard for Roy to accomplish it since she _was_ his teacher when he was just starting out. Handing Link a foil, they both stepped back the required amount of steps as the rest of them stood back a good amount.  
"Jaimie, you can be the ref for this if you want," Roy said to the lone girl on the team. She nodded and took her place between them, still a ways to the side.

"En garde!" Jaimie said as she crossed her arms, relaxing. Link took Roy's lead - he had never started off a sparring match this way, though he knew both Marth and Roy always did - and copied his movements. Roy gave him a smile of encouragement.  
"Just act as if this is any other match we've had."  
Jaimie made a signal to start the match.

Roy moved so fast Link barely noticed he was gone until something sharply tapped his blade.

-x-

"That wasn't bad, you know," Roy said, fencing equipment jutting out of his duffel bag as they walked out into the plaza of the school. "With a little practise, you'll be just as you usually are in a tourney match."  
Link sighed. "I wouldn't've lost if I didn't trip trying to redouble on you that last time."  
Roy shrugged. "No big deal. Anyway, I'm sure Marth'll be happy to hear I finally got you to join. You even get an awesome hoodie to add to your already large collection."  
Link grinned. "Sweet."

And as always, Marth was there waiting in front of the school, sitting on the curb.  
"I hear you have a match tomorrow," Marth said as he noticed the two boys approach.  
"Yep," Roy answered as he helped Marth up. "Against Ostia's School for the Battle Arts. No big deal - I've taken them on before."  
Marth gave a look to Link then. "You look like you have some news."  
Link, suddenly shy, managed to stammer out, "Y-Yeah, I joined the Fencing team."  
Marth grinned and clapped him on the back good-naturedly. "It's about time."  
"Yeah, and I had to pull him down the bleachers to boot," Roy added as they began their trek home. "I wonder what's for dinner..."

As they walked home under the mostly clear skies, Link looked on with silent jealousy as Roy laced his fingers with Marth's. It was a feeling Link didn't want to even acknowledge.


	5. Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys: Year 3 Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

**Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

 **Year Three**

 **-Five-**

Sunlight filtered through the slits of the blinds and cast its golden glow on the bumps under the covers in a feeble attempt to wake them. There was the squeal of a faucet knob and then the sound of water hitting porcelain from the nearby bathroom, where someone was trying to make use of the shower.

Roy rolled over and snuggled up to what he assumed was the furry blanket Marth always had on the bed, draped over Marth's form.  
"Chu!" the 'furry blanket' said, and licked Roy's cheek before snuggling up to Roy's body heat.  
Something was, quite obviously, not right. Especially since blankets weren't supposed to have tongues. And Marth's tongue didn't feel like sandpaper, nor did Marth normally lick his face like a dog.  
Roy woke up and saw that it wasn't a blanket, but Pichu. Marth was no where in sight.  
"Pii! Pichu pi!" It jumped into Roy's sheet-covered lap and nuzzled up against him, obviously finding him to be deliciously warm.  
 _Like a cat_ , Roy mused, petting the pokemon's back.

The door to the bathroom swung open a few minutes later, and there amidst the steam was Marth. Roy flushed bright red at Marth's lack of a towel around his waist and turned away, off to find his pants among the clothes on his side of the floor.  
"What's Pichu doing in here?" Roy asked, pants now in hand. The over-sized mouse-like creature jumped from Roy's lap and ended up rubbing against Marth's leg, almost purring.  
Marth shrugged. "Someone must have let him in. Probably Link - he's constantly barging in here."  
Roy slipped his pants on and then wandered around looking for a shirt, trying to avoid looking anywhere below Marth's waist.

"Did you steal my towel?" Marth asked as he made himself presentable by shoving on some boxer shorts.  
Roy smoothed out all the wrinkles and shrugged his shirt on, buttoning it up starting from the bottom.  
"Uh...no, I just woke up. Why?"  
Marth looked in the hamper, found nothing but dirty underwear, three mismatched socks, and a shirt that belonged to neither of them, and then went out the door to check the linen closet out at the end of the hall (read: the door next to their bedroom).  
Roy sighed and pulled on clean socks, afterwards pulling on his rattier-than-ever Converse Hi-Tops. Marth had kept telling him to buy new ones, but if they were still good, why throw them away? So Roy continued on with his morning routine and Marth kept shouting rude phrases in Altean because there were no more clean towels.

Link, meanwhile, had accidentally taken Marth's towel on clean laundry pick-up, hadn't realised it until he finished using it, and then discreetly disposed of it in Zelda's hamper. He hoped she wouldn't notice anything.

-x-

"Some guy was using my shower this morning at some weird hour, or something," Zelda said over tea and doughnuts as Peach set the dishwasher. Master Hand was in a good mood and decided they needed one, for he was getting complaints from Peach and just about everyone else about the stupid kitchen sink always being full. Peach gawked at the princess then.  
"What makes you think that?"  
Zelda stared into her tea cup. "A towel that wasn't mine was in my hamper, sopping wet. I didn't actually _see_ anyone, but... Someone was definitely in there."

Link came running down the stairs then, his face tomato red, with Roy right on his heels, his face filled with embarrassment tinged with anger.  
"Please don't kill me, I didn't mean to, I swear!" the blond shouted as he went sailing out the back door, barely registering Zelda's and Peach's presence. It took the blonde princesses five seconds to realise Roy had a textbook poised high above his head.

Blinking, both females turned to the staircase, where one very red-faced King of Altea stood, hand covering his mouth, still only in a dress shirt and boxer shorts.  
Still trying to process all of what just conspired, Zelda bravely asked (while trying to not gawk at Marth), "What just happened?"  
Marth just stood there and said nothing.  
"Hello? Marth?" Peach walked over to him and waved a hand in front of his eyes. She seemed to not notice his state of dress and he jolted out of his reverie and looked at her questioningly.  
"What happened?" Peach asked again, flushing slightly when she realised Marth barely had clothes on. (And then Peach mentally slapped herself, for she began to undress him with her eyes.)

There was a slight pause as Marth tried to figure out a way to word his response.  
"...I'm not even sure."  
And they left it at that.  
"By the way, Peach," Marth said as he walked her back to the kitchen, "do you happen to have a...padlock anywhere?"  
Peach looked puzzled. "What would you need one of those for?" And all sorts of images came to her head, such as Roy being locked to the bedpost - with Marth brandishing a riding crop for whatever reason her brain saw fit - and then padlocking the door so no one could rescue him...  
Flushing an even deeper shade of red, for he seemed to know what she was thinking, Marth answered, "...There are some things I would like to have locked up."

And Marth refused to elaborate, which only made the situation worse.  
"I'll see what I can do." Peach went to the door and saw Link, arms above his head, and Roy on top of him, trying to restrain himself from murdering the poor blond with his Japanese textbook.  
Peach could only make out part of what Roy was shouting.  
"If you _ever_ enter our room without knocking again, I swear I'll get something more dangerous than our stupid _Yookoso_ text!"  
And then the rest of what Roy said was incomprehensible, unless one spoke Pheraean.

-x-

Link was disappointed at the lack of costumes this year at Halloween as he saw people pass by his locker. He had decided that morning he would be a samurai. A very blond and elven samurai, but Link figured that didn't matter. He wasn't like some of those people who put cat ears in their hair, pinned on a cat tail to some jeans, and called themselves 'cat boys'. Oh no. Because Link figured that, if you were as lazy as that, why bother? They just didn't want to wear the uniform.

Roy rounded the corner to the third floor new building and then stopped in his tracks when he saw the Hero of Time waiting for him by the locker they shared. When Roy had last seen Link, he was still in his pajamas. Link left with the rest of the posse, Roy excluded as he was "waiting for Marth", and so he didn't see Link change into something else.  
"You disappoint me," Link said as Roy slowly approached him. Roy was in his uniform, Fencing hoodie taking the place of his equally blue blazer. Link looked downcast at Roy's blase appearance.  
"What?" Roy responded to Link's look. He opened the locker and replaced the books he didn't need with the ones he did, and when he _did_ replace them, he dropped them unceremoniously into the locker, causing everything to rattle. Link, whose ears were incredibly sensitive, cringed and covered his ears.

"Sorry," Roy mumbled, then stepped to the side to shove everything into his bag whilst allowing Link access to the locker. Link just retrieved his various notebooks and then locked up.  
"You really need to learn the combo," Roy said, shouldering his bag. "Suppose I'm not here one day. What'll you do then?"  
Link shrugged as they began their usual walk to the second floor of the old building - their hang-out.  
"Uh...get the lock cut off," Link replied after he thought it over, in his matter-of-factual voice. He nudged the door with his boot and pushed it open, holding it with his foot so Roy could get through.  
"Yeah, and then I'd get in trouble for sharing my locker."

One of the security personnel stopped a few feet away from them, scanning the area. She too was dressed like a cop - just like the majority of security in the Academy - with a blue beret covering her head - which set her apart from the others - and a radio, which was standard issue for all of them. There was some static and a single name uttered before it went out.  
"This is Valentine, go ahead." She released the talk button and waited for a response.

It was Snake. "Yeah, uh, we have a code 43-42-0 near the business office, over."  
Jill rolled her eyes at the made up code name and looked up what it meant.  
"Public displays of affection, Snake?" _Why do we even **have** a code for that, anyway?_  
"Yeah. Two guys. At least I _think_ the one's a guy. You never know now-a-days-"  
"Where _are_ you?"  
There was no answer for a brief moment. Then, "In the locker behind them."  
Jill sighed. She had had a weirdo for a boss before, but Snake... Snake was just _weird_.  
"Then why don't _you_ deal with it?"  
"Because, Valentine, I have better things to do than break up a make-out contest. Now just get it done."

And that was the end of contact. Jill blew a stray strand of hair away from her face and looked down the hall, past the business office. Sure enough, there were two teen-aged boys in a deep kissing match. The rest of the hallway was deserted, save for the two boys headed in the direction Jill had to go in.

"N-Nick... Hey, leave a mark and I swear-"  
"Just shut _up_ , Steffie," Nicholas said, cutting Stephen off. Stephen glared at Nicholas before grabbing his arms and slamming him into the locker behind them.  
"Ooh, you like it _rough_ , don't you, Steffie-"  
Stephen shut Nicholas up with another well placed kiss. Nicholas entwined his fingers into the ash-blond hair and braced himself against the locker behind him. Stephen, meanwhile, had himself against Nicholas, his tongue running all through Nicholas's mouth.

When Jill arrived at the scene of the 'crime', she stopped in her tracks and simply stared at the two for a good second or two. Radio still in hand, she pressed the talk button once more.  
"Uh... Chris? Are you there, Chris?"  
"Jilly, I'm kinda busy-" While Chris was speaking, Jill distinctly heard, "Redfield, can't you shut up for two seconds while I-"  
"Chris, who's in the room with you?"  
Silence.  
"Chris?"  
"...Yeah, Jilly? Whaddya need?"  
Jill figured she would ask her husband later. There was a more pressing matter to attend to.

"Come to the second floor."  
"Why?"  
Jill rolled her eyes and sighed. "Because there's something you should see."  
"...I'm quite busy at the moment, Jilly. Just tell me what's going on."  
So Jill told him everything she was witnessing.  
" _Our_ Nicholas?" was all Chris could choke out.  
"Do you know any _other_ Nicholas Leon Redfields, Chris?"  
"... ...No."

And then suddenly, Snake burst out from the locker a good two feet away from Stephen and Nicholas, scaring the crap out of them and poor Jill. She even had her gun out, afraid it was something more, like a zombie.  
"What the fuck?" Stephen shouted, shirt half off, belt unbuckled.  
"Jesus H.!" was all Nicholas could utter, albeit muffled because Stephen fell on top of him.  
"Holy shit!" Jill shrieked, garnering all sorts of looks from teachers poking their heads out from their rooms.  
And then suddenly, Snake had Link in a headlock.  
"What did I tell you people about sucking face in the hallways? WHAT. DID. I. TELL. YOU."

Link flailed and pounded his fists against Snake's bulging biceps in an attempt to be released.  
"I wasn't making out with anyone!" Link shouted, doing a perfect imitation of Nobuyuki Hiyama. "Honest! I might have a crush on my Japanese teacher, but I haven't done anything yet!"

And then Snake realised he had the wrong blond and released Link, who fell onto his knees and yelled, "GAME OVER!"  
"Good job, Snake, you've traumatised one of the students," Jill scolded, hands on her hips. "Tabuu's not gonna be happy."  
Meanwhile, Nicholas and Stephen snuck off to the boys' restroom to continue their previous actions.

-x-

"So after school, there's a costume contest for the Do-It-All club..."  
"We've gone over this before, Link," Roy said as he slid down the wall near the Japanese classroom. "Your persistence is getting a little annoying."  
Link sighed. "Hey, uh... Roy? Can I talk to you about something?"  
The sudden change in topic nearly gave Roy whiplash. "If it's about what you screamed at Snake before, then by all means."  
"Well..." The floor became very interesting now. "What I meant by what I said was..."  
"Yes?" Roy had his arms crossed now as he waited patiently for Link to continue. "I'm waiting."

There must have been a loch ness monster peering up from the floor, for Link's gaze was intent on it.  
"...I think Marth's pretty," Link muttered, nearly inaudible.  
"What?" Roy had an eyebrow raised. "I didn't hear you."  
"I think Marth's one sexy piece of ass!" Link shouted, nearly toppling over. Link, always having crappy timing with everything, chose that moment to confess his thoughts, the moment where Marth just _had_ to make an appearance and hear everything. (Everyone else in the hallway, however, somehow managed to ignore Link's very loud outburst.)  
Roy merely blinked and said nothing; Marth turned around ever-so-slowly to face the blond youth.

And Link nearly died and ran off right after making his confession. Roy had no idea what to make of the situation - whether he should run after Link or whether he should stay behind and let everything run its course.  
"I figured as much," was all Marth said. Sliding the door to his classroom open, he added, "I knew there was a reason he was acting a little weird around me as of late."  
And Roy had no idea what to say to that. And then, knowing he should be a good friend and see if he was all right, Roy stood up and followed Link's path of destruction to the bathroom.

-x-

"Ssh, it's okay, Link..."  
"No it's not! Now you hate me and Marth hates me and _Farore_ damn it all! I'm not even _gay_!"  
Link was sobbing on the floor, Roy next to him on his knees. They had been like that for the past five minutes, except Link became just a little more coherent.  
"You don't have to be gay in order to think Marth's attractive, you know."  
Link looked up, sniffling. "Y-You don't?"  
Roy shook his head. "You don't," he confirmed. "Sometimes you turn out to be gay, but I don't think that's the case with you. You're too hell bent on getting Zelda."  
Link wiped his nose on the back of his hand and sniffled more.  
"S-So I can think Marth's attractive and _not_ be like, sexually attracted?"  
Roy nodded.  
"...That makes me feel better about myself."

Roy patted Link on the back. "I'm glad." He offered Link a tissue for his nose, who took it and blew his nose loudly.  
"But if you try to molest Marth in a deserted hallway or something," Roy threatened, his gaze seeming to penetrate through Link's very soul. It reminded Link of their homeroom teacher and so he got a little freaked out.  
"I swear you will rue the day you ever laid eyes on him. He's _mine_."  
"And Sheeda's," Link added, standing up now. "It's _her_ ring he's wearing on his finger, you know."  
Roy held up his right hand and waggled his ring finger. "And it's _his_ ring I'm wearing on _my_ finger."

Link grabbed at Roy's hand and examined the ring. It was a platinum band with an aquamarine stone set in the middle. On one side of the setting, engraved into the band, was '2007', and on the opposite side, 'MAHLB'. And Link, for a split second, had no idea what that even stood for, until it dawned on him that 'MAHLB' was emblazoned on their school blazer emblems in a cursive, fancy-looking script.  
"I'm surprised it fits you," Link remarked, letting Roy's hand drop. Roy picked up his school bag and together, they left the boys bathroom. It was still noisy in the hallways, not necessarily a good sign. Everyone was moving, which meant the bell had rung a little bit ago.

They managed to squeeze themselves into the crowd and take the long way to their respective classes so they could talk just a bit longer.  
"Marth and I have the same ring size," Roy said, grabbing Link's wrist so they could hustle some. Link nearly bumped into his younger self on his way to Japanese class, but that was okay since Young Link seemed to have not seen him. Either that or he was just ignoring Link.  
"Well that's a little odd," Link said. Roy headed through the doors at the end, Link with him.  
"Not really. Anyway, I'll see you for third period, 'kay?" Roy couldn't be late for gym, otherwise they would lock him out of the dressing room and he would get a zero for the day.  
Link was already being shoved up the stairs by the people behind him.  
"Of course!" Link managed to shout, and Roy went on his way.

-x-

"Spike the damn ball!"  
One of the teammates on Roy's volleyball team was getting just a bit _too_ competitive for the 'non-competitive' side of the gym.  
"Dude, calm down!" the guy next to him said, setting the ball to him. "Not everyone can spike the ball."  
The Obsessed-with-spiking guy demanded that one of the setters set it to him. "I'll show y'all how it's done!"  
The ball came to him... He went to attack it with all his strength...

And he missed completely, instead getting whacked in the face by the volleyball. But Roy, having quicker-than-average reflexes, dived down and managed to keep it in play, passing it to the nearest player, who managed to (properly) spike it.  
Terry, on the bench, was cheering for Roy to win the entire time, an ear-to-ear grin plastered right on his face. Falcon blew the whistle, signaling gym was over for the day.  
"Hey, Pherae!"

Roy tried to, whenever possible, avoid Terry, who was now - suddenly and mysteriously, of course - Roy's number one fan.  
But it was impossible to ignore him this time.  
So Roy, polite, yet somewhat curtly answered, "Yes?"  
Terry wrapped an arm around Roy's shoulders and pulled him in close, as if they were close buddies from kindergarten. He leaned in close to Roy's neck and poked the pinkish mark there, seemingly fascinated by it.  
"So Marth marks his lovers, huh."

Roy opened the door to the locker rooms and shook Terry's arm off. He wasn't feeling very comfortable around Terry at the moment.  
"Tell me," Terry began, hanging around Roy's gym locker now as Roy took his shirt off. "Who usually tops? And whose bed do you do it in?"  
Roy knew Terry was a creep, but he didn't know he was _this_ kind of creep.  
Guarded, Roy responded, "Why do you care?" He shrugged his uniform shirt on and buttoned it, realising it was probably not a good idea to stay shirtless around this guy for too long.  
Responding as if it were obvious, "Because I always imagined Marthy taking a good pounding."

Roy said nothing.  
"And I would totally give him a good one any day of the week."  
Roy continued to dress himself and tried to ignore Terry, but he kept repeating his question over and over as if he had some divine right to the information. Roy couldn't get out of there fast enough.  
Terry wanted information, though, so after Roy put his gym stuff away and went through the door and up the stairs to the gym, Terry followed like an abandoned puppy to its new found master.

"Answer my question!"  
Roy was tempted, _oh so tempted_ , to slam the door in Terry's face and run far, far away from him, but resisted. He knew what Marth would do - make an excuse and leave - but Roy wasn't one to make excuses and he was a crappy liar. In fact, if he made up a fake excuse, he was sure Terry would see through it. Perhaps Roy's way with words could get Terry off his back... From all his time hanging around Marth, he had managed to pick up the art of 'diplomatic persuasion', which was basically ordering someone to do something by making it _sound_ like it was a request.

"What you're asking...," Roy said at last, calmly, quietly, as Terry continued on with his pleas, "is it really something you just _have_ to know? Can't you be content with your imagination? I don't think you want your fantasies ruined, so maybe it's better you stay away from the truth." The truth being that there _were_ no set positions - Roy and Marth would be easily bored if they only had one set position.  
Terry had to make a decision: did he really want his fantasy ruined, or was it worth his curiosity being sated and relieve him? Was it worth the potential cost? Terry had to deal with Marth stripping in the darkest corner of the locker room for two years, leaving much up to the imagination.

And then one day he peeked on him, he was disappointed (but still pleased) at what he saw. He imagined sexy battle scars one would normally brag and flash about. Instead, a very self-conscious Marth hid so no one would _see_ them. Marth did not like to talk about all the innocent people - ones who fought for the pride of their country - killed and all the families and lovers ripped apart. And while Marth's scars were indeed very sexy - to not just Terry, but also to Roy - he didn't like Terry's obsession with them.

Terry was faced with the same decision: to peek at Marth and Roy's sex life, or leave it in the darkest corner of the locker room.  
And while Terry took that time to contemplate it, attendance was taken and the bell rang shortly thereafter, leaving a dazed and very contemplative Terry all by himself as everyone else made a mad dash to the front doors of the gym.

-x-

"Hey, Roy, guess what?" Link, still dressed as a samurai, met Roy by his Pre-Calculus class - which was, ironically, next door to Link's Geometry class. (Link often excused himself to use the restroom, made up an excuse for Roy to leave _his_ class, and then asked him questions about triangles and radii and whatever else Link didn't know.)  
"What?" The general was still on the look out for Terry, in case the obsessed-with-Marth brunet somehow acquired a copy of his schedule.  
"We get our class rings today!" Link seemed chipper about the whole event, as if it were the best thing to happen since Ganondorf got a sword shoved into his head.  
"Really?" Roy asked as he fiddled with his circlet. "When does this happen?"

Link gave him the flyer for it. On it was this:  
 _Fellow students,  
During your lunch period, Cust-a-Ring will be in the cafeteria to hand out your class rings. To pick it up, simply give cash, a check, or your credit card information, hand it to our representative, and you will then be handed your ring. If using cash, please have the exact amount - we don't give out change (we're not a bank)._

 _If you are unable to pick it up, please look for our own studio in Little Tokyo, west of Nintendo Land, and pay for it up front._

 _We hope to see you there!_

Roy read through it twice to make sure he had all the information, then checked the back to see if there was anything more.  
"Zellie already picked mine up," Link said. "I won't get it till next period, though. She and Ike are swapping rings, whatever that means. I think the idea's stupid."  
Roy leaned the paper against the wall and filled out his credit card information as Link babbled on about Ike and Zelda.  
"Uh, Link, swapping class rings means two people are going steady."

Link looked at him blankly. "What?"  
Roy sighed and looked at his watch. "I'll text you, okay? The bell's about to ring." And without another word, Roy went into his Pre-Calculus classroom. Taking out his RAZR, he texted Link.  
 _Going steady means Zelda and Ike are dating each other exclusively.  
which means wut?_ Link answered back.  
 _They're pretty much on their way to getting married,_ Roy replied.  
 _...no. they cant get married! zellie'll dump him easy.  
It's hard to break up after you've swapped rings, Link_.

The teacher rapped a ruler against his desk for attention and Roy shoved his phone into his hoodie pocket. Thinking of something else, he pulled it back out as Yoshi went on about parabolas and texted Marth.  
 _Did you get my class ring?_  
A few seconds later, Roy's phone vibrated.  
 _Yes_ , was the answer.  
 _Okay. When will we meet?_  
 _...How about the library before you go to Chorus?  
Yeah, that's fine. I'll see you then._ Roy shut the cover of his phone and replaced it in his pocket.

No matter how hard Roy tried, he just couldn't focus on the lesson at hand. He didn't really care about parabolas, anyway. He didn't need them to be a ruler someday.  
 _They should gear school courses towards something **useful**_ , Roy thought, and rested his head against the palm of his hand.

-x-

Roy headed down the hall to the library. He understood why Marth wanted to meet in the library: his Japanese classes were doing research for their rubric papers. Marth didn't have any fourth period class, so he often went up to the library, anyway. It was usually to read something - a newspaper, a magazine, a novel - or grade papers or go over lesson plans. And it was really the only way he could see Sheeda and talk. It was mostly idle chatter - nothing more, nothing less.

Roy walked into the eerily quiet library - practically empty, save for a few students eating lunch, studying, or using the computers - and found Marth behind a stack of paperwork, his hand resting on his forehead, fingers gripping his hair, his reading spectacles low on his nose. He was writing something down on a worksheet - probably grading it or creating an answer key - with his legs crossed at the ankles underneath the chair directly across from him. He seemed so absorbed in his work, almost too absorbed. Sheeda was in the back putting books away when she stumbled upon two teens being overly passionate with each other. She backed away slowly and went around, not wishing to disturb them, a light flush on her face.

Ike had his arms around Link, who had his hands gripping Ike's shoulders, and the most shocking thing of all was that _Link_ was the one being overly passionate with _Ike_. Ike, his princess's boyfriend, his rival, his 'arch-enemy'. He pushed Link against the side of the mahogany bookcase and kissed him with more intensity, his hands moving to Link's wrists and he pinned them there.  
But no one aside from Sheeda knew they were back there, so there were no interruptions, no questions...nothing.

Roy dragged a chair over to the table and placed it by Marth, directly next to him.  
"So... Do you have it?"  
Marth's hand stopped mid-page, the pen slipping so it fell on the sheet of paper. He gestured to the small ring box in the middle of the table. Roy picked up the velvet box and opened it carefully. It was the same ring Marth had, except the stone was garnet and the graduation year was 2010.  
"Did you see it before?" Roy asked, finding Marth's taciturnity to be just a little odd as he removed the ring from the box.  
"No," Marth replied, looking up. His eyes found the ring in Roy's hand and he gazed upon it, admiring the deep red stone, how it match Roy's hair.

"Do you like it?" Roy grinned and rested his hand on Marth's, caressing it with calloused fingers.  
"...Do _you_ like it?"  
Roy hated it when Marth answered things with a question.  
" _I'm_ not going to be the one wearing it. Do _you_ like it?"  
Marth said nothing at first, then, after thinking of a proper response, replied, "Yes. I like it very much."  
"Well then... Let me put it on you."

Marth held out his right hand and Roy grasped it, lifting his ring finger so Roy could slide the ring onto it easier. Roy inched the ring on, feeling awkward, like he was getting married and exchanging rings; perhaps he should get down on one knee and ask for Marth's hand. (And that would lead to complicated things, for one of them would have to be the 'bride', and Roy knew Marth would rather die than wear a frilly white dress. Roy couldn't blame him, of course. Though Roy had to admit Marth would be a very beautiful princess...)

When he was done, Marth laced his fingers with Roy's and gave him a quick peck on the mouth.  
"I'll see you next period," Roy said as he got up.  
Marth smiled. "I would hope so. I don't want you cutting my class now."  
With another peck on the mouth - which almost escalated to a french kissing match, Marth gently pushed Roy away and said, "Later." Roy licked Marth's lip and then stood up straight, ring box still in his other hand.

Terry, over by the magazines, saw the whole scene, misconstruing Marth's pushing Roy away to mean something entirely different.  
 _Could there be trouble in paradise, dear Marth? Do I have to swoop in and rescue you?_  
Terry hadn't planned on his 'masterpiece of an awesomely epic plan' failing miserably when Roy took a sip of Marth's vitamin water.  
 _Oh shit.  
_ Terry straightened himself and, with a look of utter guilt, tried to leave the library.  
Too bad Schuldig, who had the ability to read people's thoughts, knew exactly what was going on with Terry. He eyed him as he used the copier and pondered whether or not to report the youth. Deciding against it, he went back to copying the articles on assassin organisations he was planning on handing out to his students.

-x-

"Roy, why are you so late?" Zelda had such a peeved look on her face and in the background, Link was nursing his rather burned cheek.  
"I had to see Marth-"  
"Were you two screwing again?"  
The Chorus room grew quiet and everyone stared at Roy. No one knew Roy and the Japanese teacher were together. They were mostly freshmen, so they didn't know any better, but even so. Zelda realised what she had said, but it was too late to take it back.  
"What is your _problem_?" Roy asked, trying to remain calm, stay civil. "I had to give something to Marth and you jump down my throat?"

Zelda inhaled and then exhaled slowly, trying to calm herself down. Without any further words, she stomped over to her office, went inside, and locked herself in. Roy, confused, looked to Link, who was still tending to his face.  
"What happened?" he asked the Hero of Time, taking a seat next to him.  
"Well... It's a long story," Link answered.  
"I've got time."  
Link took a deep breath and let it all out. "Zelda found out Ike was cheating on her and so she hunted him down and blew up at him. Then she found out who he's with now, and then she turned on _me_ and threw a well-placed Din's Fire at me and...yeah."

Roy blinked. "I thought you said you _weren't_ gay."  
Link shrugged. "Like you said before, these things tend to happen, don't they?"  
Amused, Roy said, "I thought you _hated_ Ike."  
Link grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, well... I thought I did, too."  
Roy elbowed Link's arm. "So... So is Ike good or...?"  
Link thought for a moment. "...Well. His kissing kind of sucks but I'm sure he'll be fine once we get going, you know?" He gave a mischievous sort of smile and tapped his chin with his fingers.  
"I mean, Marth wasn't Mr. Perfect First Kiss, was he?"

Roy thought back to his first kiss with Marth, all the way back when Link was hell bent on the whole talent show nonsense last year.  
 _"Who would honestly have sex to this song?" Roy asked, referring to 'Insatiable' playing on the stereo. "Maybe making out, but not sex." He gripped the edge of the stage between his legs and leaned forward slightly, getting into Marth's face just a bit. Marth moved his hand to Roy's cheek and slowly caressed the skin, all the while getting a confused look from Roy. Marth leaned down and over just enough and lifted Roy's head by placing his fingers under Roy's chin.  
"It's cheesy, but it works," Marth whispered before ever-so-lightly pressing his lips to Roy's. Roy's arm linked with Marth's and he pulled him over so Marth was on top, the fingers of his other hand grasping Marth's silky hair..._

Roy's cheeks flushed at the memory and he licked at his suddenly dry lips. "Actually... It _was_ perfect."

Well, it was perfect to Roy, anyway.

-x-

"Why am I so _tired_?" Link said, almost incoherent as he yawned. He slid open the door to his Japanese class and collapsed into his seat, nearly falling asleep right then and there.  
"Because you didn't have your Mountain Coke Dew this morning," Roy answered, walking in after him. "Which, might I add, tastes like Fruit Loops."  
"Which is good 'cause Fruit Loops are awesome."

Marth was seated at his desk, legs crossed once more at the ankles and placed underneath his chair, book in hand. Roy simply stared at him the whole time, oblivious to anything or anyone else. He pictured himself jumping from his seat and pinning Marth to the desk, all the while kissing him with such intensity that Marth wouldn't be able to do anything except moan and submit... And then Roy would lean him over the table...  
Marth noticed Roy's glazed over look, dirty grin, and the flush on his face - he knew exactly what Roy was thinking about.

"Roy, are you all right?" Marth's voice sounded distant.  
"Just be still, my dear prince," Roy muttered, obviously off in some other place. Marth's eyes widened at the sudden realisation that something bad was happening. But to Roy, who didn't realise he was on the floor or that he wasn't in reality anymore, Marth's look said something entirely different.  
Marth got up from his desk and someone else dropped their textbook on the floor, effectively jolting many out of their almost-asleep state.

 _"Roy, are you all right?"_  
Roy was too preoccupied with other things to notice he was actually half delirious.

"Marth," Roy said.  
 _"I can't understand what you're saying... You're mumbling, Roy."  
"I think he said something about jelly beans."  
"...You're not much help right now, Link."  
"Sorry."  
_Before Marth could utter another word, Roy had already jumped from his seat - though he wasn't even in a chair, and instead tried to flop out of Marth's arms.

 _"What are we gonna do, Marth?"  
"If you could please **help** me, I'd take him to the nurse's office. He's pallid and burning up." The voice sounded worried, but the boy in his arms heard nothing of the outside chatter.  
"Okay, okay. I'll help him up and then you can carry him or whatever you wanna do with him."  
_  
Roy's dream quickly turned into a nightmare. There was nothing but an expanse of blackness. He was standing at the edge of a cliff, an ominous crumbling sound coming from somewhere below him... There was some unknown force pushing him closer and closer...  
"Stop tempting me to jump!" Roy shouted, his voice echoing in the chasm of almost nothingness.

 _"Is he still muttering incoherently?" Link asked, escorting Marth to the nurse's office. Marth was careful to not knock Roy's head into any doors or door frame, lest he do more bad than good.  
"I heard something about 'temptation', whatever that means."  
Link gave him a look. "That could be anything from chocolate to coffee to floral prints."  
"...Floral prints?"  
"Yeah. Roy has these boxer shorts that have little flowers with happy faces on them and-"  
Marth nearly dropped Roy going down the stairs. He gave Link a glare as the Hero of Time regained his posture, releasing Marth's arm.  
"Sorry."  
"Could you **try** to not fall and take me out with you?"  
_  
Roy cried out when he saw Marth dangling from the edge, a frightened look in his eyes. Someone from behind grabbed Roy and caressed him, as if he was a pet.  
"Only _I_ can have you," the voice said, striking up some familiarity in Roy's mind. "I won't let him take you from me."  
"Roy!" _  
_  
 _"Roy...!"_  
 _Marth saw Roy stir some in his arms as Link held the door open.  
"Roy, wake up!"  
"Oh Farore, don't tell me he's dying!"  
There was a pause as Marth looked Link over. "...You don't have to be so dramatic."  
"But he **could** be dying!"  
"Not if he's moving."  
_ _  
_And the cliff crumbled to pieces, Marth fell backwards into nothingness and Roy screamed his heart out, the person behind him holding him back, preventing Roy from going after Marth. _  
_"Roy...!"

 _"...Roy!"  
_ "Roy, I know you can hear me. Open your eyes now!" _  
_And then the next thing he knew, he was in the nurse's office with Marth's and Link's concerned faces hovering over him. Though Marth looked stoic, one could see in his eyes that he was truly concerned for his boyfriend; Link was openly concerned, his hands gripping the foot board of the small cot. Blinking, Roy realised he was in his undershirt and dress pants, his face flushed from what he thought happened moments ago. Marth had a rag in his hand and a basin filled with water and wondered if he was delirious from Elimine only knew what.

"W-What happened?" Roy asked, his throat parched, hoarse, as he sat up. Link handed him a glass of water and with shaking hands, Roy took it and gulped it all down.  
"You came into Japanese class, sat down, and then you collapsed," Link explained, taking the glass, and filled it up again. "Marth brought you in here and Doctor Mario looked you over a few minutes ago."  
Roy looked from Marth to Link and then back to Marth. "Well? What did he say?" He grabbed for Marth's hand and Marth grasped it, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Someone apparently spiked your drink. He said it probably happened right before fourth period, based off how long it took for it to pass through your system."  
"Wait a second." Roy was so confused. Hadn't Marth just fallen from a cliff...? How did he suddenly teleport to here...? "You just _died_."  
Marth stared at Roy like he was a mental asylum escapee, his eyebrow quirked.  
"You were dreaming, Roy. You were mumbling in your sleep even, though I have no idea what it was about. You even managed to spike a fever during it."

"The question I think we're all dying to ask," Link said, changing the topic of conversation, "is who the heck managed to drug you without anyone noticing."  
"It's like someone didn't want me around anymore or something," Roy remarked, running a hand through his hair. And then it dawned on him. "...The drink I took was _Marth's_."  
No one said a word.  
"So _that's_ where my vitamin water went," Marth muttered, fiddling with his ID card, his eyes trained on the floor.  
"Does anyone know what the hell my - err, your - drink was spiked with?" Roy swung his legs over the side of the bed and reached for his dress shirt hanging from the foot board.

Again, no one said anything.  
"Judging from the effects, I'd say it was some sort of hallucinogen," Marth answered at last. "You were unconscious for a bit and then you were hallucinating and muttering incoherently with the oddest look on your face and then you came back from wherever your mind went off to."  
"But who would want to drug _you_?" Link quipped, looking straight at Marth. Marth shrugged.  
"You want me to just pick _one_ or do you want me to make a list?" Marth was half-serious, half-sarcastic.

Roy jumped from the bed, nearly tripping over his own shoes.  
Recovering, Roy said, "Terry would."  
The pieces then seemed to all fit together.

-x-

"When I find that Terry, I swear I'll let my hand fly of its own accord..."  
Marth was usually not the type of person who threatened people - he was actually opposed to senseless violence (or violence in general) because, in the end, someone was going to get hurt. And more often than not, it was the other person. However, if someone had the balls to threaten or hurt someone Marth held a relationship with... Well, they had better keep an eye out.  
"I don't want you getting fired," Roy responded as Marth escorted Roy to his locker, on edge from the events that had conspired that day. "I'll handle it myself."  
"I don't want you getting suspended," Marth countered. "And since that drink spiking was intended for me... Well, it's only fair I give out some sort of punishment..."

Roy sighed as they arrived at his locker. He entered the combination as usual and grabbed his books.  
" _I'll_ think of a proper punishment, Marthy," Roy said with a grin as he slammed the locker shut and shackled it closed. "He calls me the 'overprotective boyfriend'."  
Marth didn't look too happy. "...If he hurts you, I swear-"  
"Marth, you're talking to a sixteen year old boy who led a rag-tag army and is known for his brilliant strategies. I'll be fine."

They walked down the hall, turned, went down another staircase, and then out the front doors.  
"Oh, and Marth..."  
"Mmm?"  
"There's this pamphlet going around the school about how you should be more open with your partner."  
"And?" Marth wasn't getting it - his mind was still trying to think of a proper punishment for Terry. The bastard was in his sixth period... He could 'lose' Terry's assignments or...  
"And I think we should be more open."  
"...What's your point, Roy?"  
"Would you mind if I screwed you up against the bathroom wall?" Roy was known for being blunt, but not _that_ blunt. Marth nearly choked on his own saliva.

There was silence.  
"If you ever want sex again from me, you won't suggest such a thing ever again," Marth answered, shattering the silence like a sledgehammer to a mirror.  
Roy chuckled. "You're so vanilla."  
Marth flushed. "Call me what you will. Sex is for beds."  
"And showers," Roy added. "And the computer chair. And-"  
"Those aren't vertical objects!" Marth blushed harder.  
"...Can we at least do it on the floor?"  
Marth gave him a look. " _No_. Do you honestly want rug burn on your most sensitive regions? I know _I_ don't."  
Roy sighed in defeat as they crossed the street. "Okay, fine. We'll do it in our bed."

And Roy's apparent half-possession on Marth's bed irked the prince to no end.  
"'Our bed'?"  
Which sparked another half-argument on whose bed it was.  
"Hey, have you seen the pamphlets they've been handing out about safe sex and being open with your partner?" Link always found the most inappropriate time to pop in. He wound his arms around Roy's and Marth's shoulders and got in between the two swordsmen. In one of his hands was the aforementioned pamphlet.  
"Marth and I were just talking about that."  
"Nu-uh," said Link as he wagged his finger. "You and him were arguing about who had possession of the beds."

Marth removed Link's arm from around his shoulders and placed it at his side.  
"Roy and I are already open enough, thank you."  
"I dunno, Roy complains that you keep too much to yourself."  
Roy opened his mouth to make a comeback, but no words would form. Marth quirked an eyebrow and Link had such a serious expression on his face.  
"I complained _once_ about Marth having a roundabout way of saying things instead of being blunt," Roy said at last. "That doesn't equal 'complains that Marth keeps too much to himself'."

And so it went on.

It was just like any other day at Melee Academy - when you least expected it, something went wrong.


	6. Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys: Year 3 Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

**Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

 **Year Three  
-Six-**

It was only December and the teachers at Melee Academy were already barking about midterms. He couldn't wait for them to be over and yet they hadn't even started. Roy sighed as he slammed the door of his locker closed.  
" _Mayou na SEKKUSHI na no? KYUUTO na no?_ "  
"Link," Roy said as the blond danced all around him, clearly oblivious of anything else, "it's too early for this."  
Link opened the locker door, still dancing and still oblivious of Roy even talking to anyone.  
" _-mashita_... _Hontou ni mou shinai? Odekake itashimashou!_ "  
"Link!" Roy tugged on the wire of Link's earphone and pulled it out.  
"Wha'? Whaddya want, Roy?" Link stopped dancing and looked just a little peeved.

Roy blinked a few times in rapid succession before saying, "It's too early for you to be prancing around the halls singing J-Pop."  
Link laughed and then slammed the locker shut without bothering to retrieve any of his stuff, making sure to shackle it closed.  
"It's never too early - or too late - to sing J-Pop, Roy! Why, you and Marth were singing a duet last night..."  
Roy flushed as they began walking to their usual destination. "It was a Sunday and we got a little _too_ carried away with the whiskey shots."  
Link looked thoughtful. "I thought Marth managed to smuggle in some Altean wine up into your room and you were playing a drinking game as to how many times Heero tries to blow himself up. AND," he took a deep breath, "you and him somehow got really sloshed and you guys were _really loud_ when you started singing drunken karaoke... And then there were some _suspicious_ noises..."

Roy almost knocked into the door by the second floor. "Marth just got a little _too_ into singing _Ore no shita de agake_."  
For some odd reason, Link didn't believe Roy, but decided to let it go. There was no reason to really pry. Yet. And now that he gave it some thought, Marth's noises - whatever they were - _did_ kind of sound like 'Ore no shita de agake'. With most of the Japanese slurred all together and half of the words changed, but still...you could hear the resemblance.

Some freshman bumped into Link, and Link nearly had a heart attack.  
"HOLY FARORE, WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE ME?"  
Young Link looked up and glared at his older self. "Because I _am_ you, unfortunately."  
"...Oh. Hey there, Young Link. You look so... Grown up."  
Young Link shrugged. "Not more grown up than usual."  
"You sure?"  
Young Link glared and went on his merry way up the stairs. "Yeah, I'm sure."

Link sniffled as his Nintenpod switched the song to 'Ganon Slayer'. "They grow up so fast!" He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his blazer. Roy patted Link on the back as they continued their walk to room 221.  
"They really do. When I visited my father in the summer, he couldn't get over how grown up I looked." Roy shrugged. "I guess since we haven't really seen Young Link much lately, we really see it."

Link sighed as they came closer and closer to their destination. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"But this _is_ an A plus-worthy paper, Lowell-sensei! Did you even _read_ it?" Roy heard as they approached the shut door marked with the numbers 2-2-1 on it, and like all the other doors in the building, it was written in peeling yellow paint. Roy snuck a glance through the window of the door and saw Ike standing in front of the teacher's desk, a paper in his hands, his hands gesturing to random paragraphs and gesticulating wildly when he wasn't gesturing to the paper. Marth, meanwhile, just stood there calmly, his hands gripping the back of his chair for what appeared to be balance, though it could have also been so he wouldn't slap Ike and tell him to shut up. Marth considered himself to be a dignified royal and, as such, he would resist the urge to simply throttle the blue haired teen and tell him to go to remedial English.

"Yes, I had the misfortune of reading your 'paper' - and I use that term loosely - and it was most certainly _not_ an A plus paper. It wasn't even a D minus paper. If you paid any attention to the circled words and the red ink in the margins, you would know that I basically rewrote your entire paper. I don't know where you got your research on the Meiji era from, but it was definitely far from reliable."  
"And yet the kid who used Rurouni Kenshin as a source got an A plus _how_?" Ike challenged through grit teeth as he slammed his essay down on the desk.  
Link tapped Roy on the shoulder. "Someone used Rurouni Kenshin as a source?"  
Roy flushed a bit. "Yeah, that was me."

"They just happened to have used a historically accurate portion of it, but yes," Marth replied, his demeanor still calm. He couldn't see why Ike was making a big deal about it.  
"And yet I use actual sources and get a D minus?"  
Marth adjusted his glasses and pulled his chair out from under the desk. "That was me being generous, too."  
Ike stared, dumbfounded. Generous? Marth was giving him a passing grade because he felt _sorry_ for him?  
"You can take this paper, sensei, and shove it." Ike threw the paper at the desk - which, of course, missed, since paper isn't all that dense - and slid the door open with such force that it got stuck in the track.

"Ikey...?" Link hadn't ever seen Ike this mad before. Except for that one time where his lasagna TV dinner blew up in the microwave and splattered everywhere. But that was because burning hot Italian food was rather painful when applied to skin.  
"Don't talk to me now, Link, Ikey's frustrated." And with that Ike walked away, the door still stuck in the track.

"Mr. Mekkai," Marth said after he retrieved his irate student's paper from the floor.

"Hai, sensei?" came the Hero of Time's reply as he examined the rest of the carnage from the argument. There were papers all over the rest of the room, various things on Marth's desk knocked over, and various pornographic pictures stapled to the chalkboard somehow. Marth was still trying to figure out how Ike managed the last one, but decided he would rather leave it as one of life's mysteries.

"Please remind your boyfriend that if he threatens assault against me again, he will be expelled from the school."

Link nodded. " _Boku wa Ike wo iimasu_."

Marth nodded, satisfied with Link's response.

-x-

"So. The talent show's coming up soon," Link remarked as they ran up the stairs to the fourth floor for first period. "You thinkin' of trying out for it?"  
"And do what, may I ask? I have no real talent for anything."  
"What about that sword dance thing I saw you doing once with Marth? That was pretty cool looking."  
Roy scoffed as they neared the top of the stairs. "Anyone can do something like _that_."  
"Yeah, but not with the grace you have."  
Roy hesitated before speaking again. "This isn't one of those Do-It-All sponsored events, is it?"  
"Not that I've heard," Link said, and stopped on the landing. "The scavenger hunt thing however, is."

Roy gave Link a look. "Scavenger hunt?"  
Link nodded. "I'll tell you more about it later - Olimar'll kill me if I'm late again, and then I'll get a cut and Ike'll be so disappoint-"  
The late bell rang throughout the building, echoing off the walls of the mostly empty corridors.  
"-ed. _Mereyon't_!"  
Roy sighed. "Bowser doesn't even care - he said it'd be the right thing to do if he gave out tardies, so I could never show up for class, hack into the computer system, and fix my absents and everything would be fine."

The conversation paused for a brief moment; Link looked hopeful at Roy.  
Then, "Can you fix my-"  
"No," Roy answered automatically. "I don't know how to hack into a computer, for one thing, and for another, that's something you have to deal with yourself."  
"But-"  
"Shouldn't you be going to your Integrated Maths class?" Roy saw how deserted the hallways were and how loud they were being, and changed to a whisper. "Olimar skinning you alive and all that."

Link looked at the watch he never realised he always wore. It was green and waterproof and it played 'Epona's Song' when it was noon, six pm, midnight, and six in the morning, but somehow Link always managed to either tune it out or was playing his music too loud to hear it.  
"Yeah, I think I should. I'll see you later, Roy!"  
Roy sighed once more and shook his head before entering his first period - Chemistry lab.  
"You're late, Pherae," a gruff voice said once he saw the red head step foot into the classroom. Roy dumped his books on the nearest lab table, where his partner Stephen sat.  
"I know, Mr. Koopa. I was getting help from one of my teachers." Roy knew Bowser would want to see a pass and so Roy hastily wrote one out underneath the desk and signed a name on it as neat and elegant as he could.

Bowser raised a shaggy eyebrow and roared. He hated it when those stupid teachers on all the other floors conveniently 'lost track of time' and kept students for help longer than they should. But Bowser took a rather large intake of air and exhaled out through his nose - out through his mouth would have set six of his students on fire, and then he would have a lot of explaining to do, and Bowser couldn't afford to lose yet _another_ job due to negligence - to calm himself.

"Let me see the pass this time, Pherae." Bowser held out his hand expectantly, waiting for the lord to hand him the note.

So Roy stood up and walked all the way over to the other side of the science lab where Bowser stood impatiently. Bowser swiped the note from Roy and took one quick glance at it.

"You _suck_ at Japanese or something?" he asked, eying the pass.

"Um...not really?" Roy answered, confused at first.

"Then why do you go to help period for Japanese every single day?"

Roy took the note back and shoved it in his pocket. "Because I...can go there?"

Stephen flailed in his seat. "Can we just get on with the lesson here?"

Bowser grunted and Roy shuffled back to his seat just in time for Bowser to pick up where he left off.

"Anyway, what I was saying was that you turn the gas on like this-" Bowser demonstrated by turning the gas valve; nothing happened, "—and then you light a match and hold it into the invisible air." Once more, he demonstrated by holding the match in the stream of gas and the class watched in amazement as a gigantic red flame burst forth. "You have everything in front of you, all of the instructions... You begin _now_."

Meanwhile, down the hall from Chemistry 31 in room 404 was Integrated Maths 31 with Oliver Olimar in room 421. Currently, he was writing things on the board in yellow chalk that snapped every third or so number. Olimar, however, couldn't be arsed to get another, better piece of chalk and instead continued on like nothing was happening. The result was jagged and nearly incomprehensible algebra equations.

"So the problem is quite easy to solve," he explained as he pointed to the board. "2 _x_ equals 4. Now, who can tell me what one does to solve the problem?"

Link raised his hand as everyone else stared at the problem blankly.

"Yes, Link?"

"You divide the 2 _x_ and the four by two."

Olimar looked at the problem closely and rubbed his chin, exaggerating his show of thought.

"Why yes, that is correct!" He tried to make it sound like he was talking to a seventeen year old, but instead he sounded slightly patronising, like he was rewarding a three year old for being a good boy in the grocery store.

"Mister, how did you get two as an answer?" a boy named Viviano asked as he pointed to the board with the blankest of all looks gracing his features.

 _You've gotta be kidding me_ , Link thought. _I think I need a 'bang head here' sign._

Link might have been bad at maths, but even _he_ knew that four divided by two equaled two. He didn't even need to use a calculator for it, unlike Viviano, who honestly thought one plus one equaled eleven.

-x-

"Chorus class at last!" Link said in a sing-song manner as the door slammed open and closed with his arrival. He sighed in a satisfied manner and his demeanor brightened dramatically. "Couldn't wait to get out of stupid Geometry class. I swear maths was created by Ganondorf – no one else could create something that...evil."

Roy meandered in afterwards with a mix of anger and "what the crap" on his face.

"What's wrong, Roy?" Zelda asked as she organised the music on the piano. She could feel that something was not right with the general, and though she wasn't like Link, who pried into someone else's business, she was deeply concerned for her friend – and student.

Roy brushed past Link and went straight to the piano. "Did you see the note they were sending around the school?"

Zelda shook her head, her hands now clasped in front of her. "I don't have a first period so they tell me nothing. Tabuu still doesn't know what email is."

Roy reached into his hoodie pocket and pulled out the folded memo. He then promptly crossed his arms and looked at the piece of paper as if it had threatened to kill his father, pour gasoline on the corpse, and have a bonfire in front of Castle Pherae with it.

The memo said:

 _Effective immediately – any student who is caught in a relationship with any faculty or staff member beyond that of teacher and pupil will be suspended and the offending employee of the Academy hereby fired. This comes from the rumours that at least two of our fellow students are involved with fellow faculty members, and though we are unsure of the truth status to this gossip, as a precaution, this rule has been passed. All reports are to be submitted directly to my secretary._

 _Signed,_

 _  
**Tabuu**   
_

Zelda neatly refolded the memo and handed it back to Roy, who just let it fall onto the floor.

"What exactly does that _mean_ , Zel?" Roy asked, absentmindedly backing up into a chair and plopped down on it. "Does this mean that Marth and I, despite the fact that he and I were in a relationship _before_ he became a teacher here, can't be together anymore?"

Zelda shrugged. "I'm not sure, though the memo made it perfectly clear... It might be to prevent _future_ relationships, not break up already established ones? That would be something to ask Tabuu himself, not me."

Roy thought it had to be a conspiracy, there had to be someone who didn't want him and Marth together. Roy started a list of names and came up with only one.

 _Terry Bocheski_. The boy who changed his last name so that, when people looked at it, they wouldn't accidentally say, "Boucheveskesky," or even "Chef Boyardi". The boy who was hellbent on stealing Marth away from him.

There was no one else.

-x-

The door to room 221 was still jammed in the track, and Marth had given up trying to fix it – or at least trying to _find_ someone to fix it. The janitor he called an hour ago was not too helpful at fixing anything, and he recommended the computer tech to try a go at it, and Marth simply stared at him thinking, _What the hell is a computer technician going to do about something that has nothing to do with computers? Isn't this the job of a janitor? Or a maintenance guy?_

Even the maintenance guy pretty much said, "I have no idea what the hell I'm doing."

Marth sighed and flipped through his lesson plan. _No one in this school has any idea of how to fix something when it blows up on you. No one is qualified to be in their positions – even the teachers._ _ **I'm**_ _not even qualified to be a Japanese teacher, and yet here I am. There is something fishy about this place..._

According to his lesson plan, which he had now just decided to focus on, as his next class was beginning to trickle in very slowly, he was to have them begin a children's book translation and start a new kanji packet; he was going to probably move the book translation to February instead and have it count for the new semester. The kanji packet, however, was certainly doable.

Roy walked into the classroom and put his things down on his desk.

"Did you...read the memo?" Marth asked quietly, his voice barely carrying from his place behind his teacher's desk.

"Unfortunately."

"...So? What are we going to do?"

Roy shrugged, his back still to Marth as he fished through his book bag for his class stuff. "Dunno. There aren't many options to pursue, are there." It was more like a statement of the obvious, not a question.

Marth shook his head and moved closer to Roy. "I must admit that you are right – there are little to no options in this situation."

There was an awkward silence for a bit as Marth closed the large gap between him and Roy, and instead leaned against his desk as Roy sat down in his seat. Marth's desk was one of those portable types, which made it a pain when it came to making it _not_ move somewhere.

"Roy..." Marth placed two fingers under Roy's chin and forced him to look up; he saw the anger and sadness in the general's eyes. "I can always find another job. I can learn a skill of some sort and go work elsewhere."

Roy laughed bitterly as he rested his hand on top of Marth's, which was still on his face. "But the thing is, Marth, I don't _want_ you to go work elsewhere. I want you to stay here, even though you don't _have_ to work. Even though you're a prince – no, a king. Even though you have money and power. Even though this teaching thing is beneath you."

Marth shrugged as he let his hand drop to his lap. "I don't mind educating the future of this country. To be honest, it looks like they really need it." He smiled ruefully. "But I have some time to decide what I wish to do. I do not like to make hasteful decisions."

Roy drummed his fingers on the desk. "Marth, 'hasteful' isn't a word."

Marth sighed and pulled at his fringe. "You know what I mean."

Roy grinned and leaned away from the desk. "You just don't want to ever be at a loss for words, do you."

If one knew Marth even a tiny bit, they would know that Marth hated it when he couldn't think of something to say. In fact, he hated not saying anything _period_. Marth wheeled himself and the desk back to their original positions and went back to his lesson planner.

Nicholas came in the room, followed by an ashen blonde student wearing the unofficial girls' uniform, which was essentially a red plaid skirt, a white dress shirt with a grade-appropriate tie, black knee socks, and the school blazer. Not too far behind was Kweenetra holding hands with Robert, and Gary Stu Wesker glared at Nicholas as he walked over to his seat. Nicholas sat down in his seat, next to the girl with the pink DS, and Gary muttered death threats to the back of Nicholas's head.

Marth wasn't aware of there being any new students in his class.

"Nicholas? Who's the girl sitting next to you?"

Nicholas looked to Kweenetra, and Kweenetra gestured to herself; Marth shook his head and pointed to the ash-blonde, and she stared at him like he was sprouting corn from his ears.

"Sensei, it's the same person who's been sitting here for the past, oh, _three years now_." Clearly she thought it was obvious as to who she was. _Always_ was, deep down inside.

Marth, confused, looked at his seating chart just as Link entered the room and plopped down onto his chair.

"...Stephen?"

"-Ie," she added. "Stephenie. My mom threatened to rip Tabuu limb from limb, so I got to be a girl again."

 _Why couldn't I work at a_ _ **normal**_ _school?_ Marth understood now why Mewtwo _really_ disliked his job as he penciled in the correction to Stephenie's name. _A normal school where students stay one gender all four years, people don't threaten suicide five times a day, and where your boss is just an asshole and not an overly nice weirdo._

"Anyway," Marth said after he cleared his throat, "let's begin class. _Kiritsu_."

Link was mid-whisper to Roy when Marth began the class. Nearly falling out the open door, Link managed to straighten himself up and regain balance.

" _Konnichiwa onegaishimasu_ ," said Marth, standing at last.

" _Konnichiwa onegaishimasu_ ," the class echoed, sounding like they didn't want to be there, which was probably true. Someone purposefully Anglaisized the greeting, but Marth couldn't place who it was.

" _Rei_." Marth bowed so gracefully, Link wondered how Marth didn't manage to fall over or knock his head into something. The rest of the class followed, then took their seats.

" _Minna-san wa koko ni imasu ka_ ," Marth asked, wanting to know if everyone was here. Stephenie raised her hand.

" _Hai_ , Stephen...ie...ku- _chan_."

"Dean- _kun wa keseki desu_."

Marth checked off who was present in the class - almost marking Stephenie absent ( _This will take some getting used to_ , Marth thought) - and sure enough, Dean was absent.

"Dean- _san wa doko da_?" Marth had a suspicion someone knew where Dean was, and he was going to find out.

" _Minna wakaranai_ ," Stephenie responded. Clearly, she must have been the spokeswoman of the class.

Marth sighed, frustrated. "Robert- _san_ , _anata no otouto wa_?"

Robert shrugged. He didn't care where his younger brother was. "Sick _deh-soo_."

Marth marked Dean absent at last. "Could your accent be any more...foreign?"

Not like Marth was one to talk really, but at least he didn't mispronounce things wrong on purpose.

"You have an accent when you speak English, and I never said anything like, 'You're doing it wrong!'"

Even though Marth knew Robert was right, he still shot a half-arsed glare. Marth sucked when it came to trying to be extremely angry looking. Normally, Marth's 'stoic glare' would be the tip-off that someone was doing something wrong.

Realising that his glare probably wasn't effective enough, he said, "A Japanese accent isn't _that_ hard to learn, and I think you're doing it on purpose anyway."

Robert scoffed and Kweenetra muttered, "Get out while you still can," just as Marth's back turned.

-x-

"-And there was this really hot guy. I forget what his name was... I think it was Shitaroo or something."

Link's conversation about _Live Pastel Collection 2005_ was mostly going in through one of Roy's ears and out the other with no processing required.

"You mean _Shoutarou_." Well, maybe Roy _was_ listening. Secretly.

"Yeah, that guy. And Hikaru Midorikawa was... Wow. I think if I were straight, I'd go gay just for him."

Roy was stopped in his tracks, which wasn't good considering Ganondorf liked to mark students point five seconds late 'tardy'.

"...You mean to tell me that you've never seen the guy you constantly compare Marth to before this?"

Link nodded sheepishly. "...Yes."

"You fail at life, Link." He resumed walking, Link a few paces behind. "And don't you have to go to the fourth floor?"

Link cursed as he looked his watch. "Shit, yeah, I do. I'll see you later!" He ran as fast as his long legs could carry him.

Link spent too much time with Roy - the blond rarely muttered anything worse than a _dammit_.

Roy sighed and continued on his merry way a floor up to have History with Link's arch-nemesis.

-x-

"So, who can tell me more about Artemis's Curse? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller, how about you?"

Nick Bueller shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno what that is, Mr. Dragmire." Neither did the rest of the class, for they simply stared at Ganondorf blankly. A few of them flipped through their textbooks to see if the answer was there. Roy, though his boyfriend was from the continent of Akaneia, didn't even know the answer.

"Well, judging from the blank stares I'm getting, you people have no clue what I'm talking about." Ganondorf moved to the board, picked up a piece of chalk, and wrote 'Artemis's Curse' in big letters.

"Basically, the Princess of Akaneia, Artemis, was in love with Anri, who was fighting the war against the Dark Dragon Medeus - who has nothing on my awesome power. He also loved her back, and they were to be wed eventually. But when Princess Artemis gave Anri the Fire Emblem, she pledged the end of the war on it - but she also wagered her love for him on it. What that means is that, if the war ended, so would her love for him. It was a big price to pay, but she paid it. Now anyone who gives the Fire Emblem to someone is doomed to losing their love forever."

Nick raised his hand. "What happened to Artemis, then?"

"She eventually went off and married another man, leaving Anri behind, brokenhearted. Because of this, Anri never married or fathered any children."

"It sounds like Romeo and Juliet," one of the students remarked. "'Cept no one died."

Roy didn't realise he was the only one taking any notes. _Why would someone bother showing up if they're not gonna bother doing anything?_

Someone raised their hand then.

"What?" Ganondorf said upon seeing the hand shoot up.

"But it says in the textbook that all the kings of Altea have been descendants of Anri."

"Your point is?" Ganondorf was not a very patient man. He crossed his arms and drummed his fingers on his upper arm.

"Well... If he didn't have kids, how could they be _directly_ related? He'd be their uncle! And uncles aren't directly related."

Ganondorf stared. "Sure they are, if they're related by blood."

Billy Boyd, the kid who asked the question, was confused. "What...?"

"Tell you what," Ganondorf said in a business-like tone. "Why don't you go to room two twenty one after school today and ask the teacher there how it's possible. Now if there are no more stupid questions, you can all jump out the window for all I care. Just don't get your blood on the walls, it's a bitch to clean out."

No one said a word after that.

-x-

Roy closed the classroom door behind him - the stupid thing had finally been fixed by someone competent - and threw his bag onto the ground beside him. There, behind the desk, was Marth finishing up some last minute lesson plan or something due for the Power That Was - Roy couldn't exactly tell. Roy walked over to Marth's desk and leaned over the top, blocking his view of whatever he was working on.

"When are you gonna be done here?"

Marth looked over the top of his spectacles. "Give me a few minutes." He opened a desk drawer to throw something into it.

Roy gave Marth a kiss on the mouth and nearly yanked himself onto the desk. Marth backed away from the red head's display of affection and rolled himself over to the closet to get his things.

"...Did I do something wrong?" Roy asked, troubled by Marth's sudden coldness towards the kiss.

Marth had his jacket half on when he heard Roy's question. "No, you didn't do anything wrong."

"Then what's bothering you?"

"The fact that, if we want to be together, I have to leave here. Or, if you'd rather I wait a year..."

"Marth." Roy's tone was serious now as he toyed with Marth's tie. "I was miserable the whole last week of sophomore year because you...broke up with me. I don't think it's worth it."

Marth stood up from his desk and pushed his chair in underneath it, his coat fully on now, finger on the light switch.

"Then I'll leave here and Mewtwo can have his stupid job back, you and I don't have to look over our shoulder every time we so much as glance in one another's general direction... And we can be a normal couple."

"But what about that speech you made before about educating the future of Nintendo Land?" Roy inquired, moving away from the desk to retrieve his things.

"You should know by now that you're more important to me than they are. Now let's get out of here before someone asks me to stay for help."

Marth flicked off the light, Roy slung the strap of his back onto his shoulder, and they left the room. Roy nudged Marth's hand as they walked down the hall and up the stairs to the third floor, and Marth slowly laced his fingers with Roy's. By the time they left the school, they were hand-in-hand, like any ordinary couple would be, and Marth realised one thing.

He didn't care who knew about his relationship or whether they approved of it. He loved Roy and he wasn't about to hide it. He hid his feelings for him long enough - it was time for them to really blossom now.


	7. Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys: Year 3 Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

**Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

 **Year Three**

 **-Seven-**

The dreaded midterms had finally arrived. Link spent all morning trying to find his notes for his second exam period, all the while Young Link slumbered in his bed, oblivious.  
"My notes from last year aren't gonna help me!" Link cried to the heavens as he threw his Biology notebook to the side and nearly out the open window. He rummaged some more and threw more stuff to the wayside, that is, the growing pile next to his nightstand in between the beds.

"Hey, older me," Young Link said after he got slapped into full awakeness by an old maths folder. He was then pelted by another folder that said, in typical left handed scrawl, 'Folder O' Junk'.

"Can't you see I'm busy here?" Link's voice was muffled since he was still under the bed. Young Link was amazed by the sheer amount of crap hidden under the dark recesses of his older self's bed, and knew that if Marth saw it, he'd have a conniption.

Young Link pointed at the Biology notes by Link's foot. "Mind if I gank those?"

Link fumbled for his maths notebook. "Knock yourself out." He didn't even know why he kept them, but he did. Then again, Link never threw anything out – it might come in handy someday was his reasoning, but some people (most notably Marth) said Link was just being a hoarder.

Not like Link really knew what that even meant. Marth had said it had to do with collecting things, but he didn't think there was anything wrong with being a collector. He still had his complete set of Pokémon cards (and he still collected them) from when he was nine years old, a starter deck for Yu-gi-oh!, and a collection of Magic: The Gathering cards numbering in the tens of thousands. And a rock collection he was quite proud of. And that box filled with paperclips he named in the eighth grade…

All right, maybe he had a lot of stuff. Maybe Marth had a point – collecting too much was bad.

Speaking of the Altean Prince-turned-King, nearly diagonal from Link and Young Link was the room he and Roy shared. Roy was finishing up some last minute homework due the day of his exam (his teachers were crazy) while Marth was in the shower. Normally, Roy would have joined him, but Marth had taken to locking the door due to Link's tendency to barge into the bathroom; he secretly thought Link did it just to see if he could spot anything 'interesting'. Or if they were doing anything 'suspicious', which they never really did, either.

Not that locking the door really did anything since Link played a little too much Resident Evil, and he somehow acquired the ability to, like Jill Valentine, become the 'Master of Unlocking'.

Well, actually, in reality, Link stole Roy's keys once when Roy first came to The Manse three years prior, made copies, and said it was "just incase you get locked in your room or your bathroom."

It was then Roy realized, as he tried to fill out question four on his worksheet, that he knew fuck all as to what he was actually doing – he was just writing down some diagrams and making up some numbers on said diagrams. He sighed and was ready to throw down his pencil and admit defeat when Marth walked out of the bathroom in a blue terrycloth robe. He was, unfortunately for Roy, not the type to walk around starkers. And because of Link's aforementioned 'Master of Unlocking' skills, it was probably, as Martha Stewart would always say, a good thing.

"Marth, were you good at Chemistry?"

The Altean focused on his reflection in the full-length mirror as he brushed his hair. "I got A's. Why?" He peered at his boyfriend's reflection.

"Because I haven't a clue as to what I'm doing, so I'm stumped on the homework."

"Maybe you should pay better attention, then," said Marth matter-of-factly, as he parted his hair _just so_. He parted his hair in such a way that people would have said he had 'emo hair', had his fringe been shorter on one side than the other. Marth didn't really understand what 'emo hair' was, and really didn't care.

Roy scowled. "I pay a lot of attention and still nothing."

So Marth put down his hairbrush, sat down next to Roy on his bed, and took his homework from him. In his hands was a sheet labeled 'A Short Introduction to Gas Laws'.

After looking it over for all of thirty seconds, he said, "…It's just basic Algebra, Roy."

Roy took his homework back. "Clearly there's more to it than that…"

But Marth shook his head. "Stop trying to over complicate things. Say you need an equation that equals two. Instead of two squared plus four minus six equals two, it's just one plus one. Simple is often best. Etcetera. Besides, it's only an introduction – you'll probably get into the more complicated stuff after exams."

Roy still threw his homework down on the floor when he realized Marth was in nothing but a robe. At almost seven in the morning. This was unusual for Marth.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready for school about now? You have an exam to proctor, don't you?"

"I'd say the same to you," Marth answered, throwing down the towel hanging from around his neck. "Except you have to take one."

"I asked you first," Roy countered, inching his face into Marth's personal space.

Marth idly played with the reddish spread on Roy's bed as he backed away a bit. "There's no help period, so I can stroll in around eight or so. I'll get dressed in a few minutes. You, on the other hand…"

Roy said nothing at first.

"But I still have to write out index cards for my stupid Chem exam. If I do anything else, I'm just gonna get distracted and then I'll be screwed." Then, after seeing the smirk on Marth's face, he added, "Figuratively speaking, of course."

"I'll make sure you get the index cards done. Now go on and get ready for school," Marth said as he left the bed and walked over to his dresser. Pulling out his usual 'teacher ensemble', he went off to his 'changing corner' and undid the belt of his robe. Despite the fact that Roy had seen Marth undressed too many times to count accurately without the use of a calculator, he was still self-conscious. He often felt the need to look in the mirror and trace over his old battle scars, scars Roy thought nothing of since they were both involved in wars. Marth thought them grotesque and tried to hide them.

"Come to think of it, I don't have to show up until ten thirty eight," Roy stated with a shrug as he watched. He shifted and went through his notebook to find his extra cards. "So I can do my index cards, maybe do some last minute studying, and _then_ get dressed. And maybe, just maybe, there'll be some…extra time." He gave a suave little smile that Marth didn't miss at all.

"Oh?" Marth was genuinely surprised as he dropped his robe to the floor. Roy was disappointed when he saw Marth was clad in a pair of navy boxer-shorts.

 _Dammit, Marth. You're such a tease._

"I'm exempt from my gym exam, so Link'll just have to leave without me." Roy didn't sound regretful in the least. All Link ever did on the way to school during exam week was complain about how his life was over, how he was going to fail at life and school and everything else, how Ike would hate him for failing… And then they would actually _get there_ and Link would start studying like a guy on Speed. Then they would take the exam, Link would go, "Oh, I dunno why I worried so much!" and ace the stupid thing. Meanwhile, before all that, Roy would try to not pull his hair out from Link's melodramatics.

Roy found his cards and saw that they were half-finished. It crossed his mind that perhaps the cards were useless, that it would turn out that all of the stuff he wrote down wouldn't be on the exam, but he decided to take his chances and at least _try_ to finish them.  
Marth once again sat on Roy's bed after getting mostly dressed, and looked at the writing on the cards. "You done with those stupid things yet?"

Roy shoved them into his textbook and closed it with a huge slam. "No, but I can do them later. You're giving me that look."

Marth nearly snorted. "I do believe the proper term is 'bedroom eyes', isn't it?"

"'Seductive gaze' is what I always heard, but I suppose that makes sense, too."

Roy grabbed Marth by his tie and pulled on it so Marth nearly fell in his lap. Then he gave him a peck on the mouth, which turned into a long and drawn out romantic one, and then _that_ quickly turned into a kiss where a lot of tongue was involved. Marth placed his arms on either side of Roy's shoulders, pushing him onto his back, and Roy moaned when Marth moved to kiss his jaw, kiss just under his ear, as his hand inched up Roy's undershirt…

As if on cue, Link kicked the door open, all sorts of books gathered in his arms, papers every which way. Clearly the insanity had already begun as Link examined the deepening dent on the door and Marth and Roy sprang away from each other. Marth nearly landed on the floor, and Roy's head hit the headpost.

"You ready?" the blond asked, oblivious to Marth's and Roy's activities. After a while, one became desensitized to the image.

Roy scowled from the sound of wood smacking against plaster. "Don't you _knock_ , Link? Seriously!"

Link sighed and folded his arms around the books tighter. "We've been through this a million times, Roy. In Kokiri Forest, we didn't—"

"—have doors, I know," Roy finished as he sat up. "But I would've thought that, after all this time, you would've, you know, _learned to knock_. Or read."

Link huffed. "I know how to read! I just figure that, if I don't hear suspicious noises, it's safe to barge in."  
Obviously, Link never gave any thought to the fact that Marth and Roy were, nine times out of ten, rather quiet during any 'suspicious activities'. Roy was only somewhat loud at the end of them, and it usually involved some choice cuss words and Marth's name thrown in there somewhere.

Roy grabbed his school shirt and shrugged it on before buttoning it.

"Shouldn't you, uh, be ready to go, Roy?" Link asked as he shifted the books from one arm to the other. "It's nearly seven thirty, you know."

Roy glanced at the clock before searching for his pants. Marth picked up his bathrobe, draped it over the computer chair and went about straightening up the room instead. He often did this when there was nothing else for him to do, and Roy often watched from boredom. Often Marth would find a sock or something and start _yelling_ at it, as if it offended his sensibilities or something. And very often, the sock turned out to be neither his nor Roy's. It was usually a green one, too, and neither of them owned green socks. Only Link did, and the whole scenario usually ended in Marth giving Link a lecture on keeping his laundry with his own stuff.

"I don't have to show up until ten thirty eight," the red head repeated from earlier. He found his pants, slid them half way on, and put everything into his bag for school. Stretching, he got up from the bed and pulled his pants up the rest of the way before buckling them.

Link raised an eyebrow. "Why, pray tell?"

"Exemptions are wonderful things, Link," replied Roy as he slipped his low-tops on. They were almost as tattered as his hi-tops, which unfortunately wore out to the point where they could no longer function as a sneaker. "Maybe if you got an A in the class, you'd be able to experience such awesomeness."

Link nearly dropped his books. Exemptions? He had never failed anything (except Algebra One freshman year, but since Link didn't care much about maths, he decided it didn't count), especially not in gym, which was a class he was good at. Clearly there was a mistake. There _had_ to be a mistake.

This wasn't funny. This was serious business. And Link wanted to know who was in charge of making such a grievous error. Probably his gym teacher.

He would have to confront Samus about this.

-x-

"So how the heck did _you_ get exempt from the PE exam?" Link asked at breakfast five minutes later, after he shoveled scrambled eggs into his mouth. Egg and bacon bits went flying everywhere, and Roy was glad Marth was still upstairs. He never _did_ approve of Link's eating habits. He often scrubbed the table afterwards due to the mess.

"Because I was never absent for anything and I participated all the time," Roy replied. He was raiding the fridge for something edible – he wasn't a fan of eggs and bacon and he didn't trust Link's culinary skills. "You got a B the one marking period, so that brought your grade down, plus you didn't change the last two times." He found some left over ramen under the meat keeper and popped it in the microwave; Link got a second helping of eggs in the meantime.

"You have your Integrated Maths exam, don't you?" Roy grabbed the carton of orange juice from the counter and kicked the fridge closed from his scouring moments before. Link almost aspirated his eggs.

"Are you kidding me?" he wheezed as he tried not to choke. "I'm the only one who _isn't_ failing. And that's saying something." He coughed and the bits of egg went down the right pipe this time.

The microwave beeped and Roy removed his 'breakfast' just after pouring himself a glass of orange juice. He grabbed a pair of chopsticks from the dish drainer next to the sink and sat down in his usual seat.

"Well… That's kinda sad," said Roy as he picked up a nice serving of noodles. "'S kinda sad and pathetic that people don't know four into two is two."

Link finished his second helping of food and stretched before standing. "We've got 450 kids in our grade, and I think numbers 440 to 449 are in my class."

"Does that make you 450?" Roy joked, and Link glared as he ran a hand through his now shortened hair, dirt blond from the lack of sunlight in the bleak winter.

"I'll have you know that I'm in the top fifty. Which isn't bad considering I was held back on account of my not being here for most of freshman year."

Roy slurped a stray noodle. "Good to know."

The Hero of Time looked about the room. "Besides, I'm sure the last ten people of our class are contemplating dropping out, anyway. Or they're waiting to be kicked out. With such a prestigious reputation to uphold, the Academy has to get rid of the people bringing it down, you know?"

Roy nodded as he finished his chicken ramen up and he noticed a certain blonde princess missing. "Hey, Link, where's Peach?"

Link grimaced. "She's gone on strike or something, last I heard. Said she hated cooking for people and not being told 'thank you' or anything. I had to cook my own stuff this morning."

"I bet you earned a Cooking skill point," said Roy sarcastically.

Link crossed his arms. "I'll have you know I maxed my Cooking skill, and it raised my Aspiration level."

Clearly they played too many computer games. Or maybe they just played too much of The Sims 2, where Link once made a Ganondorf sim and killed him in a stove fire.

Roy finished his ramen and placed his fish in the sink. "Anyway, if Peach has gone on strike, that means we'll have to fend for ourselves."

Link nodded. "Yep. We'll order take out for the rest of our days, get fat and lazy, and probably die from clogged arteries. I hope Peach knows that and sleeps well at night." He then stole a pack of Kit-Kats from the counter and took a swig of Mountain Dew. "The best after-breakfast snack is Kit-Kats and Mountain Dew. Mmm."

Roy looked a little grossed out, but said nothing. After all, he liked barbecue sauce on everything, so he couldn't exactly complain about weird eating habits.

And Roy wanted to know how the three of them could get fat and lazy since, well, they were _swordsmen_. You could tell just from looking at them that they either did Fencing, or perhaps _kendo_.

-x-

"Please make sure all exam excuse lists are submitted to the main office, otherwise the students will receive cuts for those exams and will be unable to make them up," the monotone voice said. Many complained about how lifeless the Wire Frames sounded, or how creepy that monotone was, but Master Hand was too lazy to create newer and better ones, and he had no resources to do so, anyway. Besides, the Wire Frames weren't _supposed_ to sound human since, well, they really weren't. They were dolls, really. Living dolls that could talk and eat and do other human things, but there was no way you could mistake them for people.

Young Link scratched the back of his neck as he sat down for his first period exam. Like his older self, he didn't really wish to take exams at all. Unlike his older self, however, he was confident he'd pass his exam since he wasn't stupid. Sitting behind him was Ness, who was doing some last minute cramming. Sitting next to him was Lucas, who was totally not enthused about exams. He would have rather watched paint dry, or been abducted by aliens and probed. Popo was in the corner all by himself; he simply stared off into space and awaited his doom patiently. Smatterings of other first year Japanese students, like Alex, were filling in the rest of the space.

They weren't expecting to find a substitute sitting at the teacher's desk, especially since three of the students had seen their teacher just moments before. Did something happen to him…?

"My name is Miss Purell," the substitute said as she twirled a strand of strawberry blonde hair around her pinky. "That's purr-uhl, though my great grandfather _did_ create the hand sanitizer. But that's not the point. Your Japanese teacher has been replaced once more by that…purple thing, according to Principal Karada, but he's decided to go inside a pokeball and get thrown off a cliff, so I'm here instead!"

Everyone stared blankly at her. Young Link sneezed; Ness blew his nose; Popo stared at the light fixtures, and Lucas raised his hand.

"Where'd Mr. Lowell go, then?"

Miss Purell grinned. "I think they said he went off to be, like, a maths teacher or that he, like, didn't show up or something. But _that's_ not important!"

 _Someone took too many happy pills this morning_ , thought Young Link as he tapped his pencil against the desk top.

"…So you're gonna give us the exam?" Ness asked. He obviously cared more about taking the stupid test than about his teacher. After all, he didn't want all ten hours of studying to go to waste.

"I would, but, like, I dunno where the papers are, so, like, I'll just give you all A's. Is that okay?"

Ness jumped out of his seat and exclaimed, " _What_?" Ironically, he was sitting in Marth's old seat, which was broken from Marth doing the exact same thing junior year.

Ignoring Ness's outburst, Popo asked, "Don't you have to hand everything in so the D.C. can grade it and everything?"

The substitute shrugged, and no one said anything. They didn't know how these things worked, anyway.

-x-

The trek to school was nice, for once. The sun's rays weren't too hot and the breeze wasn't too cold. Over all, it was an unusual day in January, but they enjoyed it whilst they could. However, it wasn't warm enough to go sans coats, so they were still in their jackets and hats and some were in scarves, but it _was_ warm enough for most of the snow to melt. There were a few students here and there arriving or leaving, and they were too drained from exams or studying to say anything to anyone. Unless it was something crude or obnoxious, like Gary Stu Wesker being his normal self.

In short, they looked like zombies from hell. Except without the want for brains or the decayed skin, and the higher learning capacity (for most of them, anyway).

Roy and Link entered the warm and toasty building at ten o'clock, giving them twenty eight minutes before the first bell. Roy ran to his locker, his companion not far behind, and he unlocked his locker, shoved everything in there, and closed it.

"Your first period's on the fourth floor, isn't it?" Roy asked as he shackled his lock.

"Yeah," Link replied. "Yours is in the gym, eh?"

"Mm hmm."

Link looked behind him and saw everyone flitting about. Marth poked his head out of the English office and spotted Roy.

"Roy, can I see you for a minute?"

Roy looked puzzled and then glanced at Link. "Guess I'll see you later then?"

Link shrugged. "Guess so. I'll be meeting you here after second, so don't leave before I do."

Roy went over to Marth and together, they went to a deserted part of the new building.

"Now where'd we leave off from before?" Marth whispered in Roy's ear before capturing Roy's lips in a kiss that sent a shock down his spine.

-x-

Link sighed. "I'd rather be at home sleeping than here." He kept walking and went up a flight of stairs, right to the fourth floor. However, this way put him on the wrong side of the hallway, so he had to run around to the other side, to room 421. As he walked, he pondered what would be on his history exam. Ganondorf, just to spite everyone, would probably make it extra hard. He almost walked past his actual classroom and into the one next to it; he was a little _too_ absorbed in his thoughts.

 _He'll probably make it super hard to see who'll stab themselves with a blunt object first._ He managed to slide the door open and trip into the classroom.

 _Stupid metal track thing_ , he mentally screamed at the inanimate door track. It wasn't like it could really 'trip' him to begin with since it lacked legs, but then again, Link wasn't the most coordinated person on the planet, either. He then bee-lined to his seat all the way in the back of the room, where there were practically no empty seats – that was how small the room was. There in front sat Viviano and his friend whose name Link forgot, but they were equally stupid and probably – and this was what Link thought – shared a single brain cell. Towards the back corner was Brendan, and directly next to him was Gary Stu Wesker, the guy everyone hated. Especially if your name was Nicholas Leon Redfield.

Link sighed. _Great. Eight minutes with these morons_.

He wasn't sure where this pessimism came from; maybe he had a severe case of Junior Depressionitis. Or he just wanted exams to be over. Whichever.

-x-

Roy had just made it in time to his gym class when the bell decided to ring. He collapsed on the bleachers, but no one noticed, as was the Melee Academy way of doing things. Someone could cough up blood and have their head spin around a la _The Exorcist_ , and no one would notice or care. Terry was nearby, and Roy was not in the mood to deal with his antics today. Not with exams eight minutes away.

"Well if it isn't Pherae," Terry greeted, scooting closer. Roy kept staring straight ahead. Many had often compared their rivalry to that of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. The only difference between them, however, was that Malfoy was redeemed at the end of the seventh book. Terry had no hope.

"What do you want _now_ , Bocheski?" _Do I look like I'm in the mood to talk today_?

He scooted over more. "Just a little info on how you and your _boyfriend_ are doing." He sneered at the emphasized word.

 _Why the hell would you care_?

Roy leaned into the bleachers and stared at all the frightened looking freshmen, being nonchalant as hell. He almost answered with, "We're doing just _fine_ , thanks," but he remembered that no one knew he and Marth got back together. So instead, Roy said, "Boyfriend? I wasn't aware of my having one."

Terry snorted. "I'm sure." He was very sarcastic. "It must've been my imagination, then."

"Your imagination?" Roy was now staring at Terry.

"I and my fan club saw you and Marth – sorry, Mr. Lowell – holding hands last week," Terry went on to explain. "Now the whole school knows you and him got back together, thanks to our contribution to the school newspaper. I'm sure you'll enjoy the pictures I took and submitted…"

And with the bomb dropped and lit, Terry left after Samus called his name, not wanting to be caught in the impending blast and the huge amount of shrapnel. Roy glared at the brunet's retreating back and even growled.

 _You're bluffing_ , Roy thought as he turned his attention back to the frightened First Years. _You're fucking bluffing. There was no one within a five mile radius of us when that happened._

-x-

Link couldn't wait to leave the class and go to his history exam. Viviano was discussing some of the questions on the exam, and Link was trying to control his urge to throw him against a wall and scream, " _Are you an utter dumbarse or something to not know that seven times six is forty two?_ " until he could understand how stupid he really was. They even had calculators, so there was no excuse for such blatant moronic tendencies.

He knew one day he would snap. He would snap like the snap of a bowstring being released after being held by an archer.

Instead he settled for banging his hand against the back wall. Repeatedly. Until it hurt like hell and he was more focused on the impending migraine than on Viviano's stupidity.

 _I hope to Farore you'll never breed_ , was all Link could think. _The Goddesses help those poor children._

Link was contemplating suicide by a papercut to his carotid, and Roy was contemplating suicide using his tie.

-x-

Roy sat down in his testing seat at his lab table. Laid out on all of the tables and desks were scantrons, pencils, calculators, and the exam packet – Roy was surprised Bowser actually did something that made everything _convenient_ for the student. There were five other people in the room, one of whom was Stephenie. This was her first exam as a girl since, well, freshman year. She happily wrote _Stephenie Kennedy_ in the 'name' field on her scantron. The week before, she had gone to court and had her name reverted back to what it was legally after finding out her father wasn't dead. She doodled happily on her scratch paper.

A kid named Kevin sat down in one of the empty seats, took out his cheat cards, and glanced through the test.

"This thing is long as hell," he said. "And look at all this paper! You could probably kill a cat with this thing."

"I highly doubt _that_ ," said Thomas, a boy who looked like a wannabe 'gangsta'. "It just kills lots'a trees, is all."

The rest of the students entered, Bowser behind them. He grumbled in discontent as he slammed the door shut.

"You know the drill – no questions, no bathroom breaks, no humming, no talking, no cheating… When you're done, I don't care what you do, just don't kill anyone."

One guy with black hair mixed with streaks of red and one side of hair in front of his eyes put his machete underneath his chair. "Aww, that sucks."

No one said anything. As was mentioned before, the student body of Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys was not very observant. Albert Wesker, the head of discipline, could walk in shirtless, laugh dementedly, and jump out the window without a scratch on him and no one would acknowledge him.

-x-

In room 316, Link was concentrating on his History exam; he knew nothing on it. First of all, it looked like a bunch of gibberish, like the computer printer vomited all over the paper. Second of all, he wasn't even sure if they covered these topics in class – Ganondorf hated his class and so they rarely learned anything. Third of all, there were nine essays and they had to be written in three different languages.

Link then realized that he was the only one who had that exam – everyone else had a normal one.

 _Just because we're archenemies_ , Link thought as he began his third essay in Hylian, _doesn't mean you have to be biased towards me and give me something stupid to do_.

Ganondorf had his feet on his desk, his arms behind his head, and he was taking a nap. After all, he had nothing to do, and he didn't care if the room decided to spontaneously combust. Or if someone had decided to spontaneously combust. Either way, it wasn't his problem. There was a water fountain right next door – someone could get water to put the fires out. Or wipe the blood off the walls.

 _No wonder Ganondorf's students have a high suicide rate_ , Link thought, glaring at the warlock. _He makes them do retarded things._

-x-

"Mr. Lowell, I have a question," one of the students in the back of the room blurted out. Everyone else in the class glared at him, and one contemplated throwing a desk at him for breaking his concentration. The people in AP Maths were hardcore like that.

"Come up here and ask me then," Marth answered, "so that you're not disturbing everyone else."

The boy named Radclyffe (his parents wanted him to be a 'special snowflake' and so they spelled his name funny) grabbed his paper and came up to Marth's desk.

"What's the problem, Radclyffe?" Marth said quietly as everyone else returned to their exams. Radclyffe pointed out the problem he was working on.

"Are you an utter moron?" Marth asked after he looked over the problem. Radclyffe stared him down as he waited for Marth to elaborate more.

"No, Mr. Lowell," Radclyffe murmured. "I reckon I'm quite, uh, smart. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't, sir."

Marth gawked at him. "Can you even spell 'smart'?"

Radclyffe beamed. This was his moment to prove he was indeed a very special snowflake. "Ess. Ay. Ar. Tee. 'Smart'."

 _Why did they pick me of all people to take over this class? These people are idiots._

"Don't ever become an English major, or do anything that requires spelling," Marth said. "Now, you use a _calculator_ for this problem, and you use the log button, and it gives you the answer." He handed the exam back to Radclyffe. "Now sit down and finish your exam before I fail you." His voice was low and dangerous, and Radclyffe obeyed. He didn't want Marth yelling at him any more.

"My parents will sue the school for this, though!" Radclyffe said as he sat down in his seat. "I am not a moron and I will not tolerate being called such!"

Marth, however, didn't care. He had had parents bitch at him before. It was nothing new.

-x-

In room 404, Roy and several classmates turned to page eleven and noticed something funky.

 _What the hell? The questions are repeating themselves!_

Apparently, his teacher decided to take the lazy route and copy and paste previous questions. Some even had answers in the questions. Or there were no answers _to_ the questions.

 _I think he did this on purpose. There's no way someone_ _ **didn't**_ _notice this. None. Unless they were stupid_.

Kevin let out a sigh of aggravation and threw his pencil across the room. It ended up killing Machete Kid somehow. Not like anyone noticed or really cared. In fact, most didn't notice he existed, so it wasn't like he was missed. Besides, he was failing the class anyway, and he was in the bottom twelve as far as his class rank went. He slumped over and blood squirted everywhere, and yet still no one noticed.

Except Roy, who noticed everything. The kid sitting behind Machete Kid was getting soaked in blood and he went on with the exam.

 _There's something wrong with this school_ , thought Roy. _No one was this oblivious before._

Either Tabuu had some diabolical plan, or it was coincidence that people became more and more unaware of their surroundings right after he took over as principal.

Or they were just _that_ unobservant. After all, just because Melee Academy was a so-called 'prestigious' school, didn't mean they didn't have their fair share of moronic people.

-x-

Link was once again listening to his Nintenpod Mini Nano Shuffle, plugged into the sound as he always was. He leaned against Roy's locker and waited for him; he bided his time by scrolling through all 24,098 songs (12,049 of those songs were techno). And that was only _half_ of the music on his Nintenpod. In any case, anyone who might have walked past probably heard the techno music blaring from the tiny earbuds as if they were right next to the stereo monitor. It was amazing Link hadn't gone deaf and the next town over couldn't hear it.

Now the halls were empty, save for him, some kid attempting to clean out his locker, and the janitor, Mr. Six, whistling a little tune as he rolled a trash can to each classroom. The enhanced acoustics made for a very eerie sound, and it was set up like your average B-rated horror movie. Except without the horror stuff. Link didn't notice the distinct lack of much noise because he was too absorbed in listening to 'What Hurts the Most' by Cascada.

"'What hurts the most was being so close,'" Link sang as he danced like someone in a commercial for iPod probably would. "'And having so much to say… Watching you walk away…'"

It was probably a good thing there _was_ really no one around. No one (save for that locker kid and the janitor) needed to see Link dance around in an empty hallway and look like a moron. Roy and Marth didn't realize how lucky they were in not being there at that exact moment.

"Where the heck _is_ this kid?" Link muttered as he stopped dancing and switched the song to something slower instead. "The dismissal bell rang ten minutes ago, that's how long I've been standing here, and he's _not here_." He folded his arms and continued with his rant. "If he's off screwing Marth in the faculty room again, I'm gonna just…leave. Just walk away and leave them and _then_ they'll have wished they were on time." He checked his watch. "I mean, _I_ have things I want to do, like cram for tomorrow's exams, and study up on how to make some lobster, and screw my boyfriend, and yet I'm waiting here." He tapped his foot impatiently as if to emphasize that point. " _Waiting_. I hate waiting."

Link was beginning to wonder if Roy and Marth had left without him. Or maybe, just maybe, when Link was so absorbed in his dancing, he _missed_ them. Both were unlikely, but there was that chance of it happening. He sighed.

 _This is the last time I wait for you guys_ , he thought. And if you knew Link well, you would know that Link would forget he ever had such thoughts, and tomorrow he'd be waiting by their locker, sitting there, like an obedient puppy promised treats on his master's return.

He could have left, but he didn't. All because he was too nice of a guy to just walk out on someone. _He_ was the good guy.

At least that's what he thought.

-x-

"Took long enough to find you."

Marth finished filling out what looked like a cut slip and put it with his attendance sheet. Then he stood from his desk, grabbed a stack of books, and placed them in a box labeled 'old textbooks' in curly, very neat handwriting. The way he continued to carry on with his work made Roy think Marth hadn't heard him, and so he entered the room.

Marth placed other things from his desk into another box, this one unmarked, oblivious to anything else in the room.

"What's with the box?"

Marth _almost_ didn't hear him. "Hmm?"

Roy inched closer and wondered if Marth developed some sort of hearing impairment. "I said, what's with the box?"

Marth stopped what he was doing and focused on Roy instead. "Packing," he said nonchalantly as he ran a hand through his hair. He looked and sounded as if the very idea of moving to some other classroom _bored_ him. And maybe it did, because let's face it, packing for _anything_ wasn't very exciting to begin with.

"For what?" It intrigued Roy enough, though. Why the hell would Marth be packing, anyway? Did he decide Mewtwo was right about the whole 'teaching' occupation? Was Marth moving to a different classroom? Maybe even a whole different department? Or perhaps he wanted everything in big ugly boxes for organizational purposes? There were so many questions running through his head, and so many different answers to them. And knowing Marth, it could be any one of them. Or all of them, if it suited Marth enough.

Marth continued to pack and flitted about the room to grab various last minute things, unaware of all the questions Roy wanted answered.

"I'm leaving."

 _Well,_ thought Roy, _that's certainly descriptive. That tells me a hell of a lot of information._

"Leaving _where_?"

Marth closed the box and left it there on his desk. Mr. Six would bring it to his new place in the morning, or at least that was what Tabuu told him.

"Well," Marth began, finally having a spare moment to focus on something other than what went in what box. "Tabuu wanted me moved to another department. There's a severe understaffing problem at the moment, and Bowser's decided to drop teaching and stay at The Manse and do nothing, so… So I'm going to be a science teacher."

Roy looked dubious. "Like… For how long?"

Marth shrugged and then grabbed his coat. "I don't know. Probably until they can find a permanent replacement."

"Knowing Tabuu, that might take a million years," Roy muttered, and then stifled a yawn. Marth, meanwhile, slung his bag onto his shoulder and made sure his things were in order.

"Possibly," Marth answered as he placed an arm around Roy's shoulder. "But what does it matter? I'd be out of a job otherwise if this hadn't come along… You have everything?"

Roy gestured to his lone bag, slung on his back. "But then you could've just meandered around The Manse instead."

Marth flicked off the lights and the sunlight from the window was their only light source now. "I'm the type of person who needs something to do or I'll go crazy."

"You could've studied something new or something."

Marth hadn't really thought of that. "I'd probably get bored of that very quickly, despite the fact that I don't mind learning new things. Now let's go home before Link has a conniption and thinks we got abducted by unsavoury charlatans or something." He guided Roy out the door and down the hall to the stairs leading to the new building.

-x-

Link was still on the fence about whether or not he should leave the school or continue waiting for his best friends. He stood there in front of the opened locker and had a mental battle with himself so horrible that, well, the Spartans themselves would probably blush and hide behind their bronze plated shields. And the Spartans were not ones to blush in the face of bloodshed, so this was a pretty epic battle.

"Shut up!" he cried, not meaning to scream out loud. Being caught talking to yourself is embarrassing enough; to be caught _screaming_ at yourself is ten times worse. Worse than your pants falling down in public in front of the police and several small children. Lucky for Link, there were no people around. His boyfriend left him to his own plans and Roy was still nowhere to be found.

 _That bastard._ Link must have been pretty agitated to swear – the Hylian rarely used such awful vocabulary.

Then, finally, Roy and Marth rounded the corner together.

"Do you know how many times I nearly got accosted by a freaking cardboard box waiting for you two?"

Roy sidestepped the seething blond and got his Pre-Calculus stuff from his locker.

"No idea," Roy said after he shoved everything into his bag and locked his locker. "How many?"

Link balled his hands into fists and looked like he would scream at any moment. " _Five times_."

"Oh," was all Roy could say. "That sucks," he added as an afterthought.

Link shouted something in Hylian and stomped off ahead of them. He refused to talk to them the entire journey home and instead talked to himself.

 _I think Link's cracked_ , was all Roy could think. _Either that or he didn't have enough Mountain Dew this morning_.


	8. Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys: Year 3 Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

**Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

 **Year Three**

 **-Eight-**

It was the weekend, finally. Exams were almost over, the weather was warm (for January anyway), and no one bothered with studying except Ness and Lucas. And maybe Link, who was freaking out over his last two exams, but that was nothing unusual – he was like this every year.

Ness was up in the library with his Geometry and History books laid out neatly beside him, sheet after sheet of notes splayed out in front of him. He took great notes according to his teachers and he prided himself in that fact. As a result of his epically awesome note taking skills, his 300-sheet notebook for History was full, and the first semester was only just about to end.

Lucas was next to him at the table studying Algebra One and English. He didn't mind the maths since he was just that kind of person (and as a result, he and Ness got along great), but he absolutely loathed English – especially the stuff they had to read in class. In all honesty, who really _cared_ about 'The Odyssey'? Lucas didn't. Lucas liked to read, but classics were just not his thing. And since he was only in Year One English, that was pretty much all they read. Only his teacher, Mr. M. Mario, gave a damn, really, about the material they covered in class, and Lucas thought him extremely boring because of it.

The other two members of their Mischievous Quartet (as Link had once dubbed them and the name stuck) were off doing their own thing, and Ness – the brains of the group – didn't really care where they were. As long as Young Link wasn't holding the bodega down the street up, anyway. (Ness was always under the impression that Young Link would one day end up as an escaped convict or something by the time he was in his late teens. No one knew why this was since Young Link was harmless to everyone whose name wasn't 'Ganondorf Dragmire'.)

-x-

"Hey, YL, did you go to that study meet Ness invited us to?" Popo asked as his friend approached him, Nintendo DS in hand. He nearly walked right into a tree and almost trampled Princess Peach's flower garden, but he made it to Popo nonetheless.

"Die you stupid Lucario!" Young Link shouted at his white DS. "I will _end you_ with my Rapidash's Solar Beam—"

Popo took the handheld and closed the cover, nearly dropping it twice in the process of doing so. The battle theme music from Pokémon Diamond abruptly stopped.

"What the hell, Popo?" he demanded of the male Ice Climber. "I was almost done with that fight!"

Popo glared. "Now that I have your attention… Did you go to Ness's study meet thing today?"

Young Link snorted, crossed his arms, and shifted his weight to only one leg. Behind him, a bird landed on a nearby tree branch and began its chipper song. It was only Peach's pet Pidgeon she named Gaebora, which Young Link thought was a butchering of that annoying owl he met during his adventures.

"Do I _look_ like I study?"

Popo hesitated and fidgeted with the DS's wrist strap. "No," he confessed.

"S'what I thought. Now then, if that answers your question, gimme my DS back before I fight you." He raised his fists to emphasise his point. Wordlessly, the Ice Climber handed the device back to his friend.

"Now where was I...?"

Just as Young Link continued on to the deck area of the yard, a huge pile of snow fell from a branch Pichu jumped on and landed directly on Young Link's head.

"And that's what you get for being a jerk," Popo said with a smirk on his face.

-x-

"Hey, Older Me," Young Link chorused as he barged into their room, "can I borrow your—" He stopped dead in his tracks, right in the middle of the room, when he saw what Link and Ike were in the middle of doing. Ike whimpered and tugged on Link's hair before bucking deeper and deeper into his—

"What the _hell_ are you doing _on my bed_?" Young Link pulled his hat over his eyes, but it was no use. The mental damage was already done.

Ike, surprised, pressed down on Link's head just a little _too_ hard and Link choked.

"My eyes are ruined!" Young Link screamed, tears streaming down his face from underneath the green cap. "They burn!"

Link covered up Ike's bits with a bedsheet – Young Link's bedsheet – and glared at his blinded younger half.

"Don't you know how to knock?"

Like Link should really talk. He never knocked when walking into Marth and Roy's room, which was why Marth and Roy had new locks put on their doors and gave the keys to no one.

Young Link didn't dare remove his trademark hat from his eyes. "Yeah, I do, but in Kokiri Forest, we didn't knock on doors! You should know that."

Silence.

"We didn't even _have_ doors," Link corrected as Ike groaned from sexual frustration.

 _Yeah, Link_ , Ike thought as he stared at the older Hero of Time, _just forget that your boyfriend's right here next to you. Your younger self – who's probably going to end up in an argument with you – is much more important._

"Yeah, well… We didn't suck people off in Kokiri Forest, either!"

Link wanted to wipe that shit-eating grin off his younger half's face. "That's because no one in their right mind would blow _Mido_ of all people."

"Or that kid who humped a rock," Young Link added.

Ike tugged on Link's arm. "L _in_ k, I have needs you need to finish tending to here."

Link sighed exasperatedly. "Well, I just lost any mood I had, you know."

"Climb on top of me and I'll help you get it back, then," said Ike who was, by this time, very horny and desperate.

And just before Link could cry out "Oh Fa _rore_!", Young Link hightailed it the hell out of Dodge.

-x-

"Don't tell me," Marth said as a somewhat wet and frozen red head walked through his bedroom door. "You went in the pool in _January_."

Roy shook his head. "Nah, I went in the hot tub."

Marth deadpanned. "What's the difference? It's still water – you can just take a hot bath at that rate."

"And then I'd get out of the bathroom and come into this frozen room 'cause MH is a lazy bastard. He won't fix the heat."

Marth sighed and grabbed a towel from their bathroom and threw it at him. "I could've gotten you _blankets_ or something if you were that cold here. Or let you cuddle with me. Something."

Roy grinned sheepishly as he toweled himself off. "…I could have done that, I guess."

Marth left Roy's freshly laundered clothes on his bed and then sat down next to it. "If you dry yourself off enough, my cuddling offer is still open."

Marth had never seen Roy strip so quick in his three years of knowing him. He wasn't sure if it was because he was offering something that would probably lead to sex, or because Roy was just that cold from all the water and the temperature in the room. In any case, Roy changed into his drier clothes and jumped stomach-first onto the bed, right behind Marth.

"Cuddle time," Roy said as he sat up. "Now. Or else." He made a vaguely threatening gesture with his hands that Marth didn't quite understand.

So Marth fluffed out his pillow and leaned against the headboard. Roy snuggled up next to him and took one of Marth's legs hostage with his own.

"Does my leg have anything to do with your, ah, 'or else'?"

Roy had an uncharacteristically evil look on his face. "Maybe." And then he stole Marth's lips in a kiss.

If anyone walked into their room, it was their own fault; Marth left the door wide open.

-x-

"Help me with this stupid thing, Ike!"

Ike sighed as a panicked Link practically ripped his homework assignment to shreds. Unlike Marth and Roy, Ike was unused to Link's mental breakdown moments over schoolwork. So he agreed, if only to calm Link the hell down. He sat down on the floor across from Link and took the homework.

"What don't you get, Link?"

"Everything!" Link cried, his head in his hands. "I totally just fail at life."

Ike exhaled loudly at Link's apparent lack of self-worth.

 _What am I getting myself into here_?

"Um…okay… When's this due, anyway?"

Link looked up from his hands and sniffled. "Tomorrow."

The blue haired mercenary looked incredulously at Link. "You've got to be joking."

But Link just ignored him and continued. "It's due at the end of the exam tomorrow, and if I don't turn it in, I get points taken off my average and then I'll end up failing and—"

"I get it, Link," Ike interrupted as his brow furrowed. "What do I need to do here?"

Link shrugged. "I was kinda hoping you'd know."

Ike stared at the paper. He scratched the side of his nose and tried to figure it all out. Link sat there and waited patiently.

"Well," Ike said at last, "this isn't my area of expertise, so…" He handed it back to the Hero of Time. "Maybe Ness can help you."

It was Link's turn to look skeptical. "How the heck can Ness help me? He's a First Year!"

"This is true," Ike agreed. "But he's also really smart. The worst that could happen is that he has to look it up on the internet for you. You really have nothing to lose by asking him." He picked himself up off the floor and stretched.

"Where are you going?" Link asked.

"To the…training arena," Ike said in between yawning. "So I can keep up my skills. I have a match against that blue haired prince king guy dude later, and from what I've seen, he's really good. So I have to become stronger."

Link snorted. "Good luck with that."

Ike looked slightly annoyed and hurt. "What, you think I can't hand that guy's ass to him on a silver platter?"

"Ikey, honey, he cleaned the floor with all his opponents' derrieres in the last tournament. That's why he's not being cocky when he says he's the best."

"Well, I'm glad you're so positive, that you have so much faith in me," said Ike sarcastically. "Sometimes I think you care more about your friends and their skills than you do about me and mine."

And with that said and out of his system, Ike left the room.

"Are you saying I have no faith in you?" Link shouted after him, abandoning his homework in favour of running to the doorway.

Ike turned sharply on his heel. "Yeah, Link, that's _exactly_ what I'm saying. You love your friends; I don't mind that at all. I love my friends too – they're pretty much all I have in terms of family aside from my sister. But it wouldn't kill you to love me, too."

And Ike turned back around and continued his way down the hall, down the flight of stairs, and out of Link's sight.

"…I didn't know you had a sister," Link murmured.

 _What else is there that I don't know about?_

-x-

"Well would you look at this," Marth teased. "Roy's actually eating at the kitchen table instead of at his computer."

Ike tried to not laugh, so he ended up smirking instead behind his hand. Roy chewed thoughtfully on his fried rice as he finished writing something down. From what Marth could make out from the doorway, Roy was writing some sort of 'cheat sheet'.

"Guess he's decided to not be antisocial," said Ike, who sat down at the table.

"Ha ha ha," said Roy dryly. "What brings you guys here?"

Marth sat down next to Roy and couldn't help but clean up some spilled soy sauce.

"We're starved and saw the Chinese food on the table," Ike answered as he tipped back his chair, fingers linked behind his head.

"I was going to share it anyway," Roy said once he caught their gazes on the food. "There's certainly enough for the whole Manse."

It was then Roy noticed Ike and Marth were dressed in their fighting gear. "I thought your match together was _tomorrow_." He mixed his food around on his plate with his chopsticks.

"Obviously not," Ike said. "Master Hand changed it at the last second for some reason. So we're going at it today."

"You're coming to watch, aren't you?" Marth asked as he stole a container of the untouched white rice.

"Of course. I have to lend my support, you know. To both of you."

Roy's response made Ike raise an eyebrow. " 'Both of us'?"

"Well yeah," Roy said, as if it was so obvious. "Marth's my boyfriend and you're one of my friends. That's what we do, right? I mean, it'd be nice if Marth won, but that's because I'm slightly biased. But I wouldn't mind if you won, either, since you're my friend and I give a damn."

Ike chowed down on the beef with broccoli since Roy wasn't a huge fan of it and Marth was a vegetarian.

"I'm sure Link'll be there," Roy added. "He'll want a front row seat, probably. You'll be able to hear him – he is a cheerleader, after all."

Ike grunted. "He'll be cheering for Marth."

"And you," Roy corrected.

"No," Ike said with a shake of his head. "Just Marth. He already told me he has more faith in Marth than me."

Both Marth and Roy had no idea what to say.

"That doesn't sound like something he'd say, though," Marth said. "Link's always cheered for everyone in matches. Like that one fight between Samus and Roy where he alternated between them. The only person he never cheers for is Ganondorf, and that's understandable."

"Maybe you just misunderstood him," Roy interjected. "Sometimes Link says things that have other implications. Just because it comes out the way it does, doesn't mean he actually means whatever he says."

"…I guess we're saying to just verify it," Marth finished. "Sometimes when you point it out to him, he realizes it and corrects it."

Ike just sat there and absorbed everything. "Somehow, I doubt that's it."

"See, this is what happens to couples. They refuse to talk about something that's bothering them and that's just not good." Roy dumped a good portion of lo mein onto his plate. "That's how relationships end. That's how Link and Zelda's ended, and according to Zelda, that's also how yours ended…"

"That was on _her_ part," Ike argued. "I tried and she just…didn't want to open up. I think it's the fact that I have no status compared to her."

Roy looked thoughtful once more as he slurped at a stray noodle. "Funny, that was the issue with Zelda and Link."

"Zelda's a princess, so it's been hardwired into her head to only look for eligible princes or kings," Marth said. "I have no idea how Hyrule's royal system works, and I don't claim to, either. But that's just something common with all royalty. …I don't know what Link's excuse is, but really, you should talk to him."

Roy would have said something, but his mouth was full, and Marth would have had a breakdown if Roy broke etiquette rules.

"Just try it," Roy encouraged. "After the match with Marth, catch up to Link before he leaves and say you have to talk with him about something."

"Mmm," was all Ike said. He wasn't too sure it would work, but he had to at least try it.

 _Hopefully he won't take this the wrong way_ , Ike thought.

Ike decided he should get in some last training and left after saying his goodbyes. Just as he did, Mewtwo and Ganondorf entered the kitchen for their coffee break. Actually, it was less of a coffee break and more of a food-stealing break. And just what was this break from, you ask? A World of Warcraft raid, of course. Anyone who said World of Warcraft was stupid was just jealous of them, that was all. That was what they told themselves, anyway.

"That's what we need, Ganon," Mewtwo said as he pointed to the pantry. "Ramen. Lots of it. We have to raid the Molten Core tonight and there will be limited breaks for anything."

When an argument broke out over which flavour of ramen was better, Roy took the remains of the Chinese food and snuck upstairs with Marth to their room.

The sheer weirdness of The Manse's residents was one of the reasons why Roy (and sometimes Marth) never ate with them for dinner. Breakfast was one thing because most of them were gone, but dinner was around six, and everyone was home by then. And let us face it – would _you_ eat with them? No, probably not. Hell, they didn't even really want to eat with _each other_.

-x-

"This reminds me of a slumber party," Link said as he chowed down on the stolen food from his place on the blue carpeting. "Except we're not girls and it's usually pizza that's served."

"That's great to hear, Link," Roy said as he doodled in Photoshoppé. "Why're you here again?"

Link took that opportunity to shove more food in his mouth. "Because the kitchen's a warzone between Ganondorf, Mewtwo, and Bowser; you have food and a computer; and because we're going down to see the match later tonight together like you promised yesterday."

"Oh," Roy said. "Fair enough." And then he did a double-take. "Wait, what'd Bowser do to get sucked into the Ramen War of 2009?"

"Well, Ganondorf threw some coffee at Mewtwo, missed, and Bowser got hit instead."

"…I see."

Link nearly choked on a lo mein noodle. He coughed and sputtered a bit before he dislodged it, and instead of it coming out of his mouth, it came out of his nose.

"Oh no, my brain's coming out!"

Roy turned around to see what was going on and found the offending article of food dangling from Link's nose.

"What the hell, Link?"

Link sputtered more and the noodle popped out. It could have landed in Link's lap, but just to be a pain and offend the masses who lived there (that is, offend Marth's sensibilities), it landed on the carpet instead.

Roy and Link both just stared at it.

Of course, Marth took that moment to come into the room to retrieve Falchion from under his bed, and thus could not miss the fact that there was a noodle on the carpet. He stopped right next to Link and, with both hands, gestured to the offending food piece.

" _Why is there a noodle on my carpet_?"

"Because Link's digestive tract works weird, and instead of him choking and it coming out of his mouth, it came out of his nose," Roy answered; he was trying hard to not laugh at Marth's serious and freaked out expression.

"...I refuse to touch that." And Marth then promptly walked a good two feet away from it, towards the bathroom.  
Roy didn't understand why Marth was making such a huge deal out of it. "Just get your gloves out and clean it. Or use toilet paper if you're so afraid of touching it with your bare hands."  
But to Marth, it didn't matter if it was already in the trash. Or covered in toilet paper. "I refuse to touch something that came from Link's _nose_."  
Link looked affronted. "It's not like there's snot on it or nothing, Marth." He didn't see the big deal, either.

Marth took that moment to twitch. Just a little.  
Roy sighed and got up from his chair. "Fine," he said. "I'll clean it. You won't even have to go near it." So Roy went to the bathroom, grabbed some toilet paper, made a huge wad from it, and ventured back over to where the noodle was. He wiped it off, saw there was no residue or anything, and threw it in their rubbish bin.

"There," Roy said. "That wasn't so hard."  
"Now I'll have to scrub the carpet with bleach again. And then scrub my own hands a dozen times because that is just dis _gusting_."

Link only made the situation worse when he remarked, "You know, Marth, you sound like Hikaru Midorikawa when you're pissed off."  
As if to only further encourage him, Marth replied with, "I will kill you."  
Link stood up suddenly and pointed a finger at the prince. "See? He totally does! Roy, you can't tell me he doesn't!"

Roy crossed his arms and Marth continued to stare at the spot where the noodle once was.

"Says the guy who once told me I sound like Jun Fukuyama when I scream something."

Link too crossed his arms and stared Roy down. "Well, you _do_."

Marth decided it would be best if he left the room, otherwise he would have put on gloves, would have retrieved Link's blown out noodle, and would have attempted to strangle the Hero of Time with it.

"See what you did, Link? He's gonna have a panic attack now 'cause the rug isn't clean."

Link merely hmphed. "You know, they make _pills_ for OCD."

Roy sat back down in his chair, only to realize it was eight at night; the match between Ike and Marth would be starting in ten minutes.

"Let's go to the Stadium before Marth and Ike have a shitfit over us not showing up." Roy got back up and dragged Link out of his room and outside.

-x-

"Shove over, Mini Me, I wanna get down front."

" 'Scuse me, Older Self, but I was here _first_."

"I will throw you over the railing and then Ike and Marth can double-team you."

"…Is that some sort of sexual reference, Older Me?"

"Link, another row just opened up closer to the field… Let's just go _there_ ," Roy interrupted. Link was about to throw Young Link over the railing when Roy informed him of the new row. He none-too-gently threw his younger half back in his seat. Roy led the way down to the row right out by the stage, and it gave the perfect view of all the action.

There were only three other Smashers sitting in it: Samus, who was rooting for Marth; Falcon, who was rooting for Ike; and Luigi, who was rooting for them both. Link nearly tripped over his own pant leg and bolted into the row, almost headbutting Luigi, too. He plopped down unceremoniously in the seat with Roy close behind.

"The popcorn actually tastes _good_ this time," remarked Zelda, who was sitting directly behind Samus.

"If it were absolute shit, you could've just given it to Kirby," Samus said. "He'll eat anything."

The lights in the stadium dimmed and a spotlight centred itself on Master Hand, Tabuu not that far away. Master Hand was floating somewhat lethargically, as if he couldn't be arsed to truly do any announcements whatsoever, or like it inconvenienced him in some way. Tabuu, however, looked very overjoyed, to the point where someone might think he overdosed on anti-depressants or had more caffeine than was considered healthy.

"Tabuu looks like he's got a stick shoved up his ass," Falcon remarked as he casually and very nonchalantly rested his arm on Samus's seat.

"Maybe he got some before the match," Samus bantered. "Maybe some from that blue haired, big sword wielding guy."

There was silence as Falcon examined the field. "Uh, Sammy…"

"What?"

"Are we talking about Ike or Marth here?"

Samus smacked her palm against her forehead. "I don't think I'd be insulting the guy I'm rooting for, you moron."

"Silence, fools!" Master Hand shouted. It echoed off of the walls and made him sound otherworldly. He liked the effect and mentally noted to use it more often.

A hush fell over the stadium.

"Welcome, Smashers and visitors alike to Level Nineteen of our famous Brawl Tournament. Today's match will be up against Middle Tier Swordsman, General Ike Paris Troy of Crimea—"

The crowd of people from The Parthenon cheered and saluted, and a select few of The Manse people joined them.

"—and his opponent, Top Tier Swordsman, Prince Marth C. Lowell of Altea!"

Everyone except Falcon and two people from The Parthenon gave thunderous applauds. Link nearly jumped over the railing from all the enthusiasm and Roy had to pull him to safety.

"I would've just landed on the stage," Link mumbled as he accidentally elbowed Luigi.

"And you _really_ wouldn't want that," Roy said.

Tabuu stepped up to the microphone and cleared his throat. "It is customary for my fighters to salute their opponent before the fighting commences – I suppose it is the same for yours, Master Hand?" He looked to the disembodied hand.

"Yes. Yes, it is," Master Hand replied. "We are not a bunch of barbarians."

"Yes, well… I would like to wish both fighters good luck and…"

Master Hand decided that, if he didn't intervene, Tabuu's speech would be five hours long. "Troy and Lowell! Salute to each other!"

Both swordsmen drew their swords. Ike did a sweeping bow, sword extended to his side; Marth went for something less flashy and more appropriate and gave a knight's salute, which consisted of holding the sword parallel to his face with the tip pointed ever so slightly towards Ike, and he too bowed.

"…What kind of salute is _that_?" Link wondered aloud as he dangled his legs over the railing.

"Whose?"

"Marth's."

"It's old fashioned and very simple. You do it in Fencing and when you're, uh, saluting someone of equal or higher status," Roy explained.

"Oi, Marth."

"Yes, Ike?"

Ike flashed a grin as he shouldered Ragnell. "Good luck. I mean it."

Marth twirled Falchion in his hand and kept it at his side. "May the better of us win."

Once the formalities were exchanged, they each took their places on opposite sides of the field and waited.

"So if Marth wins the tournament, are you gonna go and run out on the field and kiss him or something?" Link was never one to stay quiet during a fight until something interesting happened.

"Maybe," Roy answered. "You have to remember that not everyone in The Manse knows about us yet."

"Well, they must be pretty stupid to've not noticed by _now_."

"What about you? You gonna kiss Ike if he wins?"

Link shrugged. "Only if you go out and kiss Marth."

Roy took it on as a challenge. "Fine then."

"Ready…"

Ike readied himself, mentally preparing himself for what Marth might have in store for him. He studied the crowd and saw Link sitting near the middle of the stage, up front, in the bleachers.

 _So he showed up after all_ , Ike thought. _Well, I'll have to show him that I am not to be underestimated._

"Hold on a sec!" Roy called to Master Hand as he flagged him down with Link's bandana.

"What's the matter, Pherae?" the sentient hand inquired, floating over to him.

"…Can you call Marth over here for just a few seconds?"

If Master Hand had a face, he would have probably given him a look that said "you do realize this is a _battle_ , right?" But since he didn't, he couldn't give him such a look.

"Please?"

Master Hand sighed. "Thirty second time-out!"

Ike and Marth both looked surprised.

"But…the match hasn't even started yet!" Ike yelled. "What gives?"

Master Hand didn't give a damn about Ike's yelling. "Lowell, go to section B, row 1 of the bleachers."

Marth sputtered. "Why?"

"Just _go_ or else I will disqualify you and Ike will be crowned champion of the tournament."

Taking the hand seriously, Marth went over to section B, row 1, and found Roy and Link sitting there.

"You called?"

Roy gently pulled on Marth's collar. "You left so suddenly, I didn't get a chance to wish you good luck or anything."

"…Are you here to guilt-trip me for it?"

Roy shook his head. "Nope, just wanted to tell you 'good luck' and…" He gave him a peck on the mouth.

Marth blinked, surprised. He wasn't the only one, either, who was taken aback by such an action.

"There's your good luck kiss," Roy said, unaware of the stares. "Now go and show Ike who he's messing with."

"Time's up, Lowell! Return to the field or you will have forfeited."

Marth trotted all the way back to his starting position.

"You know, he looked like a horse doing that," Link observed.

"Shut up, Link."

"Ready…"

Marth didn't look bothered by anything at all – if he _was_ bothered by anything, he kept it behind his mask of utter calm and nonchalance. And it perturbed Ike to see that.

 _Either he's not taking this seriously or he's going to be one cunning bastard and hard to figure out._

"Set…"

"Well if no one knew you were gay, they do now," Link said to Roy as he shoved popcorn into his mouth.

"Does it look like I really give a damn?"

Link stared at Roy's face. He saw minor annoyance, but other than that…

"No."

"Good." Roy turned back to the impending fight. "Now don't say anything the rest of the fight or I'll throw you over the railing."

"Go!"

Ike charged at Marth right away, sword poised over his head. Marth didn't look surprised or worried in the least; in fact, he chose to stand there and wait.

 _What the hell is wrong with this guy_? Ike thought it strange, but that didn't stop his attack. Rather, the sound of metal against metal stopped it.

 _When the hell did he even_ _ **move**_?

Marth put a bit of weight behind his sword and broke into a parry, ending up behind Ike. Ike managed to turn around just in time to see Marth coming for him, but he could barely dodge the attack in the first place.

 _Link wasn't kidding when he said Marth was tough. It's hard to read his footwork at all._

Out of nowhere, when Ike least expected it, a Smash Ball appeared on the stage, near his starting point. Marth noticed it and dashed over there, Ike hot on his heels. Ike stabbed at the prince and Marth fell into a roll of sorts.

 _Shit, that didn't even faze him_.

"You look surprised," Marth said.

"I have to admit, I've never been up against someone with your style before."

Marth chuckled and struck Ike, who fell backwards and slid a good ten feet.

The minutes ticked by. One minute, Marth had the lead; the next, Ike managed to overtake him. It was, surprisingly, quite close, and this fact was what kept the crowd excited beyond belief.

"I dunno who's gonna win this one anymore," Link said as he rubbed his temples. "Just watching it makes my head hurt."

"Marth's unexpectedly ruthless today," Roy observed.

"That just makes him more dangerous. Oh, Ike! Watch out!"

Ike went to dodge another strike, but Link actually distracted him and he instead got hit.

"…You don't realize how distracting you are, do you, Link?" Roy asked.

"I'm just making him aware…"

"He's _fighting_ Marth. I think he's plenty aware of what's going on."

"Time!" Master Hand called. Their fifteen minutes had flown by so quickly, and Master Hand almost lost track, he was so engrossed. "It looks like we have a draw, ladies and gentlemen! That means—"

Ike was leaning against a well placed tree on the stage to catch his breath. Marth wiped the sweat off his brow as he stooped over to calm his heartrate.

"Oh gods," said Ike upon realizing what Master Hand was going to say. "We're going into a Sudden—"

"—Death Match!" Master Hand finished.

Ike limped over to his starting position and stretched as best as he could.

"Not sure I can do this… I'm too—"

"Tired?" Marth inquired, unintentionally finishing Ike's sentence.

Ike could only nod.

"Ready…"

"If you want, I can go easy on you," Marth offered.

Ike spat off the side of the stage as he positioned himself. "Why would you even think of such a thing, let alone suggest it?"

"Because I don't want you to keel over and die from overworking yourself." Marth wasn't faring much better than Ike, but he refused to show any weakness.

"Set…"

Marth wiped his blade off with the edge of his tunic as he awaited Master Hand's signal. "Contrary to popular belief, there's nothing wrong with recognizing your limitations and forfeiting the fight."

Ike spat once more. "My father would be ashamed to know his son took the easy way out." He smirked. "We of the Greil Mercenaries refuse to back down. You'll have to kill me, Marth. Or at least knock me out."

"Go!"

The roar of the crowd seemed to ring through Ike's ears as Marth advanced towards him.

"Ike! Don't give up!" Link shrieked as he stood on the railing.

… _Sorry, Link, but I think I've already conceded the battle._

Ike tried to parry, but failed, and with a swipe, Ike plummeted to the Oblivion below.

And then everyone was shocked when Marth fell to his knees and then face down in the dirt. Roy, naturally, was the first on the stadium field.

-x-

"Hey, Ikey."

Ike nearly had a heart attack when he saw Link waiting for him. "Thanks for scaring me half to death."

Link smiled softly. "My specialty." He walked over to his lover and embraced him tightly.

Ike wasn't sure of what to do exactly. "What's this for?"

"For trying your best today," Link replied as if it was supposed to be apparent. "I was cheering for you the whole time."

Ike finally returned the embrace and rested his weary head on Link's shoulder. "…I know, I heard you."

"You know I said that stuff about Marth being better than you so you could try your hardest, right?"

Ike smiled discreetly. "…Yeah, I do."

"You know," Link muttered in Ike's ear, "YL's having a camp-out in the yard with Ness and everyone else. You can stay with me tonight if you want."

After a slight pause, Ike responded with, "…Yeah."

-x-

"If you scare me like that again…"

Marth and Roy were in their room, sitting on their bed. Roy had the look and voice of a parent scolding their child. If anyone from Pherae had seen their lordling then, they would have remarked on how much like Eliwood he looked. Especially now, what with the expression.

Marth picked at the bandage on his cheek. "I know, I know. I'm sorry."

Roy batted Marth's hand away. "Stop picking at it."

Marth practically sat on his hands. "Right. Sorry."

They sat there in silence for a while, neither knowing exactly what to say to break it.

"Everyone knows now," Marth said quietly.

"About?" Roy had his head against Marth's arm and was gradually finding it harder and harder to stay awake.

"Us," said Marth simply. "After what you did today at the match, I'd be hard pressed to find someone who _doesn't_ know."

Roy said nothing for a bit. "…Sorry."

Marth snaked an arm around Roy's shoulders and absently played with his red hair, dulled from the bleak winter skies. "Why?"

Roy found Marth so warm and so comfortable, he could have just fallen right asleep…

"I forgot you weren't a fan of public displays of affection, and I didn't know you wanted this to be a secret from everyone."

Marth kissed Roy's forehead and pulled him just a little closer. "It's true I'm not a fan of kissing out in public – I'm a prude like that. But I never once said I wanted this to be a secret." He looked into Roy's eyes and pressed his forehead against Roy's. "I'm not ashamed of anything. If I were the type, I'd shout it from The Manse's roof. But since I'm not a fan of heights, I'd rather go out on the lawn and shout it from there."

Roy smiled, practically asleep. "Picturing you on the lawn shouting, 'I'm gay!' is just so funny."

"I'm glad I amuse you so." Marth then noticed Roy had indeed fallen asleep, so he moved Roy into a much more comfortable position on the bed. He slipped into bed next to him and turned the light off.

"Marth…?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you kiss me goodnight?"

Marth couldn't help but grin at such an innocent request. He rolled onto his elbow, caressed Roy's cheek, and kissed him tenderly.

"You know you don't have to ask me."

"… …Yeah, I know."

 _You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall._

 _You steal my heart, and you take my breath away._


	9. Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys: Year 3 Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

**Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

 **Year Three**

 **-Nine-**

"I hate coming here," Link said as he slid the door to room 406 open, Roy close behind. "We have a psycho for a teacher, for starters."

"Exactly why most people don't take German," Roy alleged as they took seats near the back. It wasn't like it mattered where they sat – they wouldn't be able to escape from Schuldig, anyway. Though the students didn't somehow notice (or bother to hazard a guess) that Schuldig was a telepath. A masochist-sadistic telepath who could make the burliest of Fourth Years cry, all because he missed one homework assignment.

Such incidents, however, quickly spread around the school; Tabuu managed to find out, and thusly docked a week's pay in damages from Schuldig's nice-sized paycheck. The red haired assassin, however, didn't care. In fact, he didn't care much about anything, really. And that was the reason why most students didn't take German – they feared the man who taught it.

More students gradually spilled into the room, and once they saw their assassin-teacher sitting at his desk, they immediately halted their conversations and processed into the room in silence. Schuldig pretended to not notice them at all, though it was hard since he could hear every last thought.

 _It's truly amazing I haven't gone nuts yet_ , he thought as he relished the looks of fear he was given.

"Why are we here, anyway?" one kid asked, a 'super senior' with Third Year credits who cut half of his classes anyway. He'd probably end up dropping out, if he wasn't given the boot before then by Tabuu. The Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys was known for its high academic standards – this was because they got rid of all the stupid or lazy kids who wouldn't make it anywhere in life. And this kid would probably end up in that statistic on the pie chart.

Schuldig glanced in the kid's direction and nudged a manila folder with his boot tip. "Your new schedules," he replied. "Stephenie, hand these out."

Stephenie scowled as she reluctantly closed her DS and removed herself from her seat. Stuffing the pink handheld in her pocket, she approached the desk, grabbed and opened the envelope, and stared at the packet of schedules. She took hers and stuffed it in her pocket before beginning.

"Addam Liardo, Lloyd Lohandor, Philippe Llellado...," she said in a monotone. The aforementioned stood and walked zombie-like to the front of the room to receive their schedules.

"Link Mekkai, Remus Mendez, Martin Thomas Moran…"

Link nearly tripped over himself as he left his desk, Remus somehow bumped into a wall (and was therefore going the wrong way to begin with – he was the 'super senior'), and Martin's pants came undone due to Addam Liardo's prank (the world didn't really need to know Martin wore Spongebob Squarepants boxers).

"Roy Pherae and George Washington Bush Laurent Neo Pash Phinneas."

Since Roy didn't have anyone around him aside from Link, he had no one to trip over or undo his pants. He got up gracefully and received his schedule like one would their diploma.

"Say, Link," Roy said as he sat back down, "what's your schedule?"

Link handed his over to Roy and crossed his arms. "Completely different. Figures."

Link's schedule was as follows:

Zero period: Band (which Link rarely showed up for)

First period: PE/Chemistry

First period: Chemistry Lab (Mondays only)

"Hey, you have the same lab as I do," Roy remarked.

"That's one class I don't have to worry about, then."

Roy continued reading.

Second period: Chemistry 3

Third period: Hylian 2

Fourth period: Chorus

Fifth period: Japanese 3

"I thought you gave Japanese up?"

Link shrugged. "My counselor said I couldn't. I have to finish out the year, unfortunately."

Sixth period: AP Language and Composition

Seventh period: History – Foreign Cultures II

Eighth period: Geometry 2

"Your schedule sucks," Roy stated. "And where's your Integrated Maths class?"

Link shrugged once more as others in the room whispered discontentedly about their schedules.

"I guess because I passed the class with an A plus, I got out of remediation…?"

Roy handed Link back his schedule.

"Mr. Schuldig, sir?" another kid called as he raised his hand.

"I have no clue how long we're here for," Schuldig answered nonchalantly. "Too long, probably."

Another Kid was very scared. _It's like he can read my thoughts!_

"What was your first clue, kid?"

Another Kid screamed and promptly knocked himself out with his own book bag.

Like everything else, no one witnessed what had just happened.

"Did you just cause Another Kid to bash his skull in?" Philippe asked as his mouth gaped in horror. Maybe he was the only witness to the kid's apparent suicide attempt.

Schuldig gave the creepiest grin ever. "And if I did…?"

Philippe said nothing.

"Look, kid." Schuldig removed his feet from the desk top and sat up straight in his chair. "I am an assassin. I kill people when they piss me off. I can easily turn someone's brain to mush. Don't question me or you'll end up like that kid with the bashed in skull. _Verstehen mich_?"

Judging from the blank stare Schuldig received from Philippe, he hadn't understood him at all.

" _Du Leute enttäuschen mich_."

"Hey, I know what that means!" Addam shouted as he nearly up-ended the desk. "It means 'you people disappoint me'!"

"Do you want a medal or something, boy?" Schuldig asked, resuming his position from earlier.

Addam thought about it for a moment. "Well, yeah, it'd be nice—"

"I was being sarcastic."

Link banged his forehead against his desk. "Is this period over yet? I want out before I commit seppuku with my schedule."

Roy gave Link a look. "How'd you manage that?"

Link looked up at his red haired companion. "Easy. I'd cut my carotid with it by inflicting a paper cut."

Roy wasn't even going to let Link know he couldn't die from a paper cut on his neck. Link just wouldn't understand.

-x-

"Midterms – over, semester – over… New schedule – get!"

Roy had no idea what made Link so hyper, but whatever it was, he wanted Link to share the stash. Roy shuffled dejectedly to the first period class he now shared with Link. In fact, he shared most of his classes with him; he noticed this when they swapped schedules to compare earlier.

"So is today a full day or a half?" Link asked, his nose still immersed in his new schedule. Since it was the first Saturday of the month, it was a half day. Link had been in the school for four years (twice as a First Year, once as a Second Year, and then his Third Year) and still didn't know how things worked.

"First Saturday and last Saturday of the month are halfs, Link," said Roy as they went down the back staircase to the gymnasium.

"I wonder what we're doing in gym…"

Roy shrugged. "My guess is sex ed."

Link snorted. "Like any of us need that, that's what Google and Wikipedia are for!"

They entered the gym and bumped into Ike; Link's eyes lit up when he came across his boyfriend.

"Hey," Ike said coolly as he wrapped his arm around the Hero of Time. Link pecked Ike on the cheek before saying, "What's _your_ schedule, Ikey?"

So much for a simple 'hello' or 'Hi, how are you?'

"PE, English, study, lunch, art, Japanese, and some typing class they stuck me in," Ike answered.

Link pouted. "Aww, you're not in any of my classes."

Ike made a gesture that could basically be read as 'not my problem'. "Third and Fourth Years usually don't. But that's okay – we'll still see each other."

"Providing you don't forget to wait for me after school," Link said, and Ike ruffled his hair.

"I won't. Marth'll remind me."

 _Since when were you and Marth so friendly?_ Link wondered as they moved away from the doorway.

"Miss Aran's class over here!" one of the gym teachers yelled, gesturing to section L.

"Falcon's class over here!" Mr. Falcon called, and Ike gave a hasty kiss goodbye. "I'll see you – Falcon'll have a fit if I'm not there for his roll call."

Link barely had time to kiss him back. "Bye." He watched Ike's retreating back.

"Hey, Link," Roy called.

"Mm?" Link turned his head towards Roy's voice.

"Think we should head over to wherever Sonic's class goes?" Roy watched as students crowded the bleacher steps.

Link's mouth pressed into a thin line. "Makes sense to, doesn't it?"

And so they went to section J, where Mr. Hedgehog's class was congregated.

-x-

Link nearly died from the hike to the fourth floor all the way from the gym. And just to be an extra pain in the rear, he took the wrong staircase and ended up on the other side of the floor from his class. Sighing and realising that, gee, that wasn't such a good idea to do when one was nearly hyperventilating, he trudged on regardless and made his way around the floor to get to room 404. On his way, he saw Roy emerge from the correct staircase – the one across from their classroom – and scowled. Roy didn't have to climb up five long staircases and walk around in almost a complete circle whilst hyperventilating.

"Can you believe we're gonna start Sex Ed on _Tuesday_?" Link asked when he and Roy entered the room together at the same time. Surprisingly, there was no collision or either of them getting stuck in the doorway.

"No, not really," Roy answered. "It's probably going to be all about abstinence anyway, how sex is bad for you, despite the fact that probably half of the school's done it at least _once_ …"

Link tapped his chin. "Maybe you could teach the class about sex or something. You know, always wear a condom and use lube… Stuff like that."

They stopped short of their table and Roy gave Link a glare from the corner of his eye. "Can you honestly picture Marth going to the local CVS to buy condoms? He'd rather be caught in a lingerie store."

Link blinked. "So you guys don't…?"

Standing in the front of the room was someone completely unexpected, and Roy nearly had a heart attack. Well, for what it was worth, their substitute teacher nearly had a brain aneurysm, which would be twice as bad as a heart attack.

"Marth? What are _you_ doing here?" Roy was almost the colour of his hair. _Tell me you weren't paying attention to our conversation just now._

Marth gave Roy a look that said 'why were you discussing our sex life just now?' Roy got even more flushed.

"I'd like to know the same thing." Marth gracefully sat down right in front of the computer.

Link and Roy dumped their bags by their usual seats and stood there right next to the stools.

"This is my _class_ ," Roy answered as he pointed to the floor. "I come here every single day, second period. Except Mondays where you have us for first too, 'cause that's our lab day."

Marth rifled through some papers to find his class list. Lo and behold, right there, near the end, were Roy's and Link's names. He even _highlighted_ them and hoped Tabuu wouldn't give him that list.

"…Right." _I switched out of Japanese so I wouldn't have to teach him and be distracted. Here I am in Chemistry and I have the same problem._ He sighed.

Roy finally decided he could sit down, and did so. Link, however, remained standing. He was weird like that.

"So where's Bowser, then?"

Marth shrugged. "I have no clue. You think Tabuu actually _tells_ us anything?" He then looked at the computer and saw twelve new messages in his school email account. "He tells us anything that _isn't_ important."

"Like what?" Roy asked with genuine curiosity.

Marth clicked on his inbox link and quickly browsed through the email subjects. "Like to wash our hands after using the restrooms, to not smack students with rulers, to not steal other people's lunches… Stupid things. He's never used email before, so I guess he's going a bit crazy with it. He's never once even given out what the Code Yellow and Code Red procedures are, so if someone dangerous is in the building, I'd have no clue what to do short of retrieving Falchion…"

Someone entered the room at that moment, long enough to hear the tail-end of Marth's remark, and said, "But Mr. Low-uhl, you can't have weapons on the premises!"

Marth drummed his fingers against the desk as he waited for the dial-up connection to not suck too much.

"I can have a sword that has a blade of about this long—" he gestured with his hands at Falchion's blade length; his left hand rested at his belt, his right hand rested somewhere near his chin. "—and that's not really all that big. That's only around twenty six inches." Marth was _going_ to also ignore the mispronunciation of his last name, but it irked him, so he added, "And it's loh-ell, thank you."

"Most people say low-uhl," someone – whose name was actually Mark Scheptockie – said. "Potato, potahto."

Marth gave _him_ a look, this time it said 'it is most certainly _not_ potato, potahto, you moron'. "No. I don't _care_ what most people say. That's not how my family pronounces it. All the way back to Anri, it was – and always will be – loh-ell. Most people say your name is sh-ep-tock-ee-eh, but that's not what _you_ say, is it?"

Whilst Marth was having a debate on how Lowell was pronounced (and Marth had a point: if he pronounced it loh-ell, then it was loh-ell, because in Altean, that's just how the letters worked), more students filed into the class, the late bell rang, and Link managed to almost concuss himself on the lab table somehow. Since no one was paying any attention, no one was witness to Link's clumsiness. (Either that or they had become desensitized to it since, well, Link was just naturally like that.)

"Where the fuck is Mr. Koopa?" one of the students asked as they unceremoniously fell onto their seat. "Why do we have some fag teaching us?"

No one said a word, and it seemed like time had stopped then. Very slowly, half of the classroom faced the kid, glowering in his precise direction.

"Ex _cuse_ me? 'Some fag'?"

"What the hell is your problem?"

"Do you realise how offensive that is? You should be ashamed!"

Marth ignored the total anarchy that ensued due to one student's utter asshat-ness. _He_ would have clobbered that student over the head with a blunt object, but that would not have been a good example to set.

Once things began to settle down (and Asshat was beaten into a submission of sorts), Marth started the lesson.

"Mr. Koopa will not be in for the rest of the year due to thinking his career choice over," the Altean prince explained, not giving the exact words Bowser used. (Bowser's resignation note said, "Screw you and the 'pwecious' children – I'm going back to kidnapping princesses for a living.")

Asshat booed. "So we have some _princess_ for a sub, then?"

The poor student barely dodged the expo marker meant for between his eyes.

Marth somehow kept his composure the entire time, leading everyone to believe some phantom had come and thrown it instead of the calm and collected prince-king before them.

"See, Asshat, look what you did!" one of his classmates shouted. "You made the Nintendo Gods angry!"

Link shook his head in disgust. "How dare you anger Shigeru Miyamoto? He'll smite thee with lightning and possibly cause a flood!"

"And the skies will turn blood red!" another kid added. "And Koji Kondo, the God of Music, will be playing your funeral march."

Asshat thought the whole world had gone insane. Marth thought the same thing.

 _Perhaps I should have just listened to Roy and left here_.

-x-

After dealing with a class in which Asshat McHattery was sacrificed to appease the Nintendo Gods (and Marth trying to actually find Falchion so he could commit ritual suicide a la the samurai), Link was relieved to find his Hylian 2 class quiet and not full of weirdos.

"Today, class," Sheik announced after he teleported via Deku Nut into the class, "we will be going over suffixes. Who can tell me what a suffix is?"

Link raised his hand.

"Yes, Link?"

Link cleared his throat. "It's a word that comes after a word."

Sheik smiled, though no one could see it. "Yes, exactly. So these are name suffixes, or honourifics, I guess you could call them. If anyone takes Japanese, they'd know what I was talking about."

No one except Link understood, but that was okay; the only reason Link understood was because he was fluent in Hylian.

"So let's get the rules out of the way." Sheik began writing on the board in Hylian script. "There aren't many rules to follow at all, really, since not a lot of the name suffixes are gender-dependant. It's when it is that you have to be careful, and you always attach them to a name with a dash, like this." Sheik demonstrated on the board.

"What's that say, Mr. Harkinian?"

Sheik mentally slapped himself in disbelief. "Do you know your Hylian script, Youhan?"

Youhan shook his head. Sheik nearly slapped himself for real.

"Well then that's why," Sheik said through grit teeth. "Maybe you shouldn't be in this class."

Youhan said nothing further.

"Anyway, this example says _Zelda-tay_ , which is what you would use to address someone of high respect, like your elders, teachers, royalty…"

"So we would call you Harkinian-tay?"

Everyone else in the room released a collective sigh of annoyance.

 _This is going to be a long forty five minutes_ , Sheik thought. " _Yes_ , you would. And should, really."

So Sheik wrote the rest of the name suffixes on the board for them to copy. Link was the only one who _didn't_ , reason being he didn't need to.

"So your fellow classmates would use _sein_ since it means 'someone who is the same age'. You can use it for someone who's a little older or younger than you, but not by more than a year."

There was a knock on the doorframe, and a boy appeared in the door. He was around Young Link's age, maybe a bit older. In fact, it looked a lot like Young Link.

" _Estat_ ," the newcomer mumbled, excusing himself.

"Ooh, a newcomer," someone mocked, obviously thinking he was superior in intellect or some such nonsense. "And he knows Hylian."

The kid who looked like Young Link rolled his eyes. " _Foo penzen yan foo ter si futacht_?"

"Are you mocking my intellect?" the superior-feeling student asked, affronted. "My name is Steve fucking Machintosh, okay? And I know everything there is to know—"

"I don't think you know more than someone _fluent_ in Hylian, dumbarse," the Young Link lookalike spat.

No one said anything to that.

"All right, enough," Sheik said. "I'm getting a blaring headache listening to the argument. Come up here and introduce yourself."

The newcomer came up to the front of the class and stood casually. "Link _je dielja. Miare nin sin._ "

"You call that an introduction?" Steve Machintosh asked as he stood angrily from his chair. "Who the hell just gives a first name? And that 'nice to meet you' was tacked on for tact, wasn't it? _Wasn't it_?"

Whilst Steve was having a heart attack over a simple introduction, someone else asked, "Hey, your name is the same as that kid's!" whilst pointing over to Link, sitting all the way in the back.

The other Link didn't look surprised. "Well _duh_ ," he said. "He's my older self."

"…Older self?" Steve's brain was on its way to self-destructing.

"Yeah, by three or so years," Young Link replied nonchalantly.

All eyes (except Sheik's) were on Link now.

"It's too long to explain," was all Link could think of to say.

-x-

"I hope your day was better than mine," Link said when he saw Roy enter the Chorus room, lunch in hand.

"Why? What happened?" Roy slid onto his seat with ease. "Aside from the blood sacrifice to the Nintendo Gods."

Some nondescript student by the name of Wilde Woode drummed his pencil against the desk. "I hope the teacher who condoned that gets fired, put in jail, and assraped by a guy named Bubba."

There went Roy's pasta. Wilde Woode had to wipe marinara sauce from his eyes so he wasn't blinded; Link had to restrain his best friend from knocking Wilde's head clean off his shoulders.

"Roland be damned if I find you in an empty corridor somewhere!" Roy threatened as Wilde cowered like a pansy. "If I had the _Fuuin no Tsurugi_ , your body would be charred beyond recognition."

"Roy, calm the heck down!" Link said as Roy flailed in his grasp. He managed to close his legs just in time, otherwise he would've been on the ground, Wilde would have been dead, and Roy would've been thrown in jail.

"This is just _not_ anyone's day here," Link said when Roy's homicidal urge dissipated.

"You're telling me," Roy said as he glared daggers at Wilde. "What's with everyone banging on Marth now, anyway? The hell'd he do to anyone?"

Link blinked. "Roy, perhaps 'banging on' is not a good choice of words to use…"

"They're probably trying to do that, too."

Link winced. "Terry again?"

Roy shook his head. "No."

Link folded. "Tell me, then, so I can help kick their butt."

Roy just stared at Link, looked like he was about to spill, and backed down at the last minute.

"You look like a Zora doing that," Link observed. "Just tell me. I probably don't know them, anyway."

"…I wouldn't say that, exactly."

Link's brow furrowed. "It's not Ike, is it? Because if it is, I will kill him with my own hands."

Roy shook his head. "No, it's not Ike."

"Then _who_?"

Zelda walked into her office, happier than Link and Roy had seen her in months.

"Wonder what she's so happy about?" Link asked, and Roy scowled. It was then Link realised something.

"…Oh, she _doesn't_. Tell me she doesn't."

Roy said nothing.

"…Shit, Roy. You're not kidding. That silence says all."

Roy nodded once as he looked at the blue carpeting.

"I suspected it for a while, but that just says all, really."

"She's banging Marth?"

Roy gave Link a glare. "What?"

Roy's reaction meant that Link was wrong about where he was going.

"What the hell does she have to do with Marth?" Roy asked. "She's in love with _Pit_. No. It's someone else."

Link's look of concern turned to bitterness as he watched Zelda twirl about the room. "So I really _wasn't_ good enough for her, then. She goes after a friggin' _angel_ because she'd rather marry someone who'll only hurt her in the end by saying 'No,' than someone who really _loves_ her."

"…You never got over it, then," Roy remarked.

Link folded his arms on top of his desk and grimaced. "No. I haven't. _She_ hurt _me_ by cheating on me with Ike, so I got her right back."

Roy was bothered by this latest development now. This was the second time someone was actively trying to take Marth away from him. And this time, Roy was actually worrying.

"…How did you find this out?" Link asked, turning away from the happy-go-lucky princess and back to his friend.

"… …Well, Marth got a letter from someone."

Link leaned in closer. "And?" He slurped at his slushie through a straw.

"Whoever it was didn't know Marth was committed to anyone, because they asked for his hand."

Link shrieked. "Oh Farore, what would someone want with Marth's hand? Is there a Jack the Ripper-esque guy floating around somewhere?" His eyes glanced about the room.

Roy covered Link's mouth. " _No_ , not like that! They wanted his hand in _marriage_."

Link stopped screaming and pushed Roy's hand off his mouth. "S-So then… That's it? Pfft. Marth can just throw that in the garbage. Ike gets those all the time – he ignores them."

But Roy shook his head. "The letter said that, if he won't comply, he'll steal something important to him."

Link cocked his head to the side. "I just got déjà vu here."

"Déjà vu?"

"Yeah, like I've seen this before."

Roy leaned closer. "You mean like…" He was whispering now, like someone conspiring against the government.

"A vision? Naw. I don't have those anymore." Link waved his hand dismissively. "It just reminds me of something I saw in an anime once."

Roy pulled away and nearly fell backwards in his seat.

"What?"

The red head regained his balance. "…Well, how'd it turn out in the anime you watched?"

Link scratched his head as he tried to remember. "Uhm… This bandit guy burst through the window and kidnapped the main guy's best friend – the 'precious treasure' – and ran off. So the main guy and his other best friend ran after, weird things happened, there was a fight scene, and the main guy's treasure was freed."

Roy had a blank look on his face. "…That sounds like something from an RPG."

They sat in silence for a bit.

"So is Marth going to get married a second time, then?"

Roy wanted to slug Link. " _No_."

Link tapped his chin at that answer. "So then he's willing to have his precious possession stolen?"

Roy shrugged. "He probably figures it's an empty threat. I told him to be careful."

"And what'd he say in response to that?"

Sighing, Roy repeated what Marth said earlier, complete with his best impression of his boyfriend. "'My diadem cannot be removed from my head, so there's no concern.' I guess the letter meant material possessions."

Little did any of them know that that was definitely _not_ what the letter meant, as they would soon find out.

-x-

The hellish school day was finally coming to an end. Link and Ike were against the front gate, Link snuggled contentedly in Ike's muscular arms, waiting with Roy. Roy was removed from them and instead sat on the steps. He was bored, and if Marth took any longer, he'd have to get his homework out, or do something productive.

At last, Marth emerged from the front doors. Roy got up and wrapped his arms around Marth's neck before giving him a kiss.

"I guess you missed me?" Marth asked as Roy pushed him against the brick of the school. Roy was too busy sucking on Marth's neck to respond.

"Roy…" Marth gently pushed him away. "Not in public, please."

Roy snuck in one more kiss before he pulled away, instead lacing his fingers with Marth's.

"I hope your day was better than ours," Link said when Marth and Roy came down the stairs.

"I don't think anything could be worse than human sacrifice," Marth said, wincing at the memory. "Or that weird letter I received."

Link snorted. "Well, let me tell you about my day, then."

"Why not just write in your Livejournal about it, Link, and we'll read it then?" Roy said, admiring the nice day. Sure, there was snow on the ground from a flurry earlier, and it was a little colder, but the sun was shining, and spring would be around soon.

"I could do that," Link said. "But you have to promise to comment on it. Otherwise I won't know if you read it."

Ten minutes of Link headbanging to music on his Nintenpod and Marth and Roy walking far behind him, they finally arrived at The Manse, more tired than they had ever felt in their lives. Marth and Roy immediately went up to their room; Link and Ike stayed downstairs to get something to eat and perhaps watch some television.

-x-

Roy stifled a yawn as Marth went around collecting all the dirty clothes on the floor. Throwing them in the hamper, he sat on the bed and rested his head on the pillow.

"I think I'll take Bowser's advice," he said suddenly.

"And what was that?" asked Roy, who was working on a paper for English.

"Put in my resignation slip and leave before I lose my mind."

Roy saved his English essay and logged off the computer. He turned the monitor off to conserve some energy and plopped down on the bed next to his lover.

"My back hurts," Roy said. "I must've sat in some weird position for too long or something."

"You want a massage?"

Roy stared at Marth. "We all know what that's gonna lead to."

Marth kissed Roy softly. "That's why I offered. Some people vent their frustrations through sex."

Roy let Marth stay on top of him for once. "If we did that, we'd never have time for anything else."

Marth smirked. "Like you'd mind all that much."

Roy shut Marth up by sticking his tongue in his mouth. In fact, Marth couldn't speak for the rest of the night because of Roy. Nothing coherent, anyway.


	10. Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys: Year 3 Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

**Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

 **Year Three**

 **-Ten-**

"Good morning, sleep heads!" Link chirped as he once again barged into Marth and Roy's room. The light from the hallway behind Link filtered through the otherwise darkened room. Marth kept the blinds shut for 'privacy issues', though the windows were high enough on the wall that onlookers from the street would see _maybe_ his head and just a little below that. Certainly not enough for anything to be visible that shouldn't be.

"You forgot to lock the door again, didn't you," Roy murmured to his half-asleep boyfriend after he turned onto his side.

"Must've slipped my mind."

Link stood there in the doorway, waiting with his hands on his hips. "C' _mon_ , lazy people. The sun's a-shining, the wind's a-blowing, and it's a-flurrying."

Marth tried to smother himself with his pillow. "If he adds 'a' to the beginning of another word, I'm going to asphyxiate myself."

"Oh, and Link?" Roy rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he rose up on the bed, and scratched in between his shoulder blades through his tank top.

"Yes?" That grin of Link's was a bit frightening. Just a little. If you woke up to that grin, you'd assume you were in a nightmare of sorts.

"It's 'sleepy heads', not…whatever you said."

"'Sleep heads'," Marth reminded him. "It sounds like…fish heads."

Link shrugged and decided 'sleep heads' sounded better than its grammatically correct version.

"Gods, what time is it?" Roy had his head in his hands – his eyes hurt from the overhead light Link decided to turn on. After all, the hallway light wasn't capable of lighting _all_ of the rooms. Just the hallway. Because Master Hand didn't like using the expensive, ultra-bright, fluorescent light-bulbs. _Those_ were capable of lighting the entire Manse with just one light-bulb.

Link looked at the alarm clock placed on the night table. "It's almost seven."

Roy shot out off the bed like it spontaneously combust. " _What_?"

Link didn't see the problem. "Seven in the morning on February the fourteenth, two thousand and nine, the year of our Nintendo Gods."

Roy scrambled about the room; all the while Link meandered over to the full-size bed (which was really just Marth's and Roy's twin beds shoved together) and poked the Altean.

"C'mon, Marthy," he whined. "Get up. Get up before I…uh…throw you off the bed. Yeah." He failed at sounding the least bit threatening.

Marth removed the pillow from his head and chucked it at the Hero of Time. "You wouldn't even be able to lift me."

Link waved dismissively. "Oh _please_. You're a waif."

Marth sat up and gave Link a confused look. "I'm an orphan?"

"Aren't we all?" said Link as he crossed his arms. "But seriously, you're like, all skinny and anorexic-looking. I could probably chuck you out the window."

Roy was half-dressed and came back from the laundry room with the rest of his clothes. Link didn't even know Roy _left_.

"Who's anorexic?" Roy asked, albeit muffled due to the toothbrush hanging from his mouth.

"No one," Marth replied, right when Link said, "Marth is."

Roy dumped his clean clothes on the comforter and looked to Marth for an explanation.

"Link's insisting he could pick me up and throw me out a window with ease."

Roy then looked to Link for his side of the story.

"I probably _could_ ," Link argued. "I mean, you can't weigh _that_ much."

Roy stared in between them, for lack of anything else to gaze upon. "Marth's only a hundred and sixteen—"

"—twenty six," Marth corrected.

"Bullshit," Link interjected.

"—Sixteen," Roy amended Marth's correction. "You told me you lost ten pounds, remember?"

Marth sat up and blew a stray strand of hair from his face. "What does it matter? Link wouldn't be able to lift me."

"If I had the Silver Gauntlets, I could lift this house," said Link matter-of-factly, with a smug look on his face.

Link received blank looks in return. "Fine, don't believe me. Besides, Marth's _tall_. He doesn't look fat."

Marth looked affronted. "Are you calling me _fat_?"

"What the hell is going on in here?"

All three heads turned to face the doorway. There was Young Link glaring at them all, as if he were offended by the conversation at hand. Or he was offended at being excluded from it.

"Nothing that concerns you, Younger Self," Link answered.

Young Link scoffed. "Well, if it concerns you, then it concerns me since we're the same _person_."

"Can everyone leave so I can get dressed?" Marth asked, still covering himself with the bed covers, which he had pulled up to his chin.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before," answered Link. "Or Roy. Or even Young Link."

Marth glared at the blond.

"Okay, okay." Link put his hands up in front of him. "Walking out now. Come, Younger Me. We'll go terrorise Zelda or Peach or put arsenic in Ganondorf's Cheerios." Link walked backwards towards the door, turned sharply on his heel, and kicked the door closed behind him. If one listened closely, they would have heard an evil cackle.

"You can show me your chest, at least," Roy said as he finished dressing himself. He tugged his blazer on and buttoned it.

Marth refused and Roy sighed.

"It's nothing _I_ haven't seen before, and I've seen every last inch of your body."

Marth still refused, so Roy took the foot-end of the covers and pulled them off the bed, off of Marth, and onto the floor instead.

With his hands on his hips, Roy said, "Get up and get dressed before I take my belt off and spank you. And you might like that, so I really don't want to do it." There was a hint of a smirk on his face, and Marth didn't miss it.

"Turn around." Marth even made the little 'spin' motion with his finger.

Roy sighed and complied. Marth could just be so stubborn when he wanted to be.

"It's only a scar, Marth. It's not some grotesque disfigurement, or a second—"

"Don't finish that thought, because I know what you're going to say," Marth interrupted, a hint of warning in his tone. He grabbed a dress shirt and pulled it on, found his pair of dress trousers and nearly tripped getting into them, and then he nearly concussed himself on the metal frame of the bed falling because he _did_ trip then.

"This is why you should sit down on the bed and put your pants on." Roy was still facing the opposite direction, but he could still see everything in the mirror. Marth glared at Roy's back as he rubbed his head.

"Did I ever tell you how sexy you looked in that position?"

Marth had stood by that point, and he nearly lost his balance again. Either Marth lost the ability to use his legs or Roy's words just had that paralysing effect on him.

"I could just pull your boxers down around your knees, grab your hips and—"

"Roy," Marth warned, flustered beyond belief now. "Shut up."

"Or what?" Roy turned around now and saw his boyfriend on the ground. "What'll you do?"

Marth managed to pull his pants up in one fluid motion, ruining Roy's chance to molest him.

"That was hardly threatening," Roy said, disappointment flooding his voice.

"The more you have to take off, the more protected I feel."

Roy smirked as he kissed Marth. "It only helps if you button up."

The look on Marth's face was priceless as Roy lovingly caressed him. The prince grabbed Roy's wrist to prevent him from going any further down, but the action didn't stop Roy from squeezing…

"R-Roy… If you don't… Don't stop, then we're going to…be…"

Roy pushed Marth onto the bed, his actions kept at a steady pace as he showered him with kisses.

"Why don't you finish that sentence, hmm?"

Marth couldn't. He couldn't even remember what he was saying in the first place as Roy pinned him down using his legs.

 _Since when was it so hot in here?_ Was the only coherent thought Marth could muster.

All of the sudden, as Roy caressed Marth gently, his tongue preoccupied with Marth's, a light went off in his head.

"Oh _shit_ , I forgot my English essay was due today!"

If their life was but a scene in a movie, there would have been a sound effect akin to a DJ disc abruptly coming to a stop, also known as a disc scratching noise in most places. But since their life wasn't a scene from a movie, there was no such sound. Only the birds chirping their high pitched melodies, death threats coming from downstairs, and something probably expensive crashing to the ground down below could be heard.

Oh, and the sound of the sexual mood being broken, flung across the room, and thrown unceremoniously out the window. Figuratively, of course.

-x-

"Geez, what took you guys so long?"

Link was half-way done with his bowl of Cheerios-that-weren't-filled-with-arsenic when he saw Marth and Roy march into the room. Well, Roy kind of marched – Marth walked normally.

"Roy had to finish his stupid English assignment," Marth said as he fell onto his chair. He looked cranky, and people could tell his mood was soured somewhat. Peach flitted about the room, making a pink cake with equally pink frosting adorned with strawberries. "And what's with the cake?"

Peach gave Marth a look of utter shock. "Don't you know what day it is, Prince Marth?"

"King Marth—" Link corrected.

"Am I supposed to?" Marth asked, ignoring Link's correction. He preferred the title of 'prince' over the title of 'king', really. He hardly noticed anyone putting titles in front of his name anymore, anyway.

"Well, yes," she replied as she went back to slathering on more frosting to the top of the cake. "Seeing as you have a lover to shower kisses and love and gifts upon—" She said it with just a little hint of bitterness. "—you should know what today is."

Marth looked utterly clueless.

"Marthy, it's Cupid Day," Link said.

"'Cupid Day'?"

"Don't you have a day in Altea where couples give flowers or gifts or something to each other? Where two people who love each other confess their feelings? Something like that?" Roy asked as he reached for a spoon.

" _Sarang Hilla_ ," Marth replied.

Link laughed hysterically for whatever reason. It could have been from Marth announcing to all three people in the room what Altea's version of Valentine's Day was, or it could have been from the comics he was reading from the back of the cereal box. Whatever the reason, Marth still glowered at him.

"Sah-rah-ng… Hee-ya?" Roy repeated. "Like, um… _saroonga hilana_ in Sacaean?"

Marth shrugged. "Possibly. It means 'love day' in its literal interpretation. Except, well… It's celebrated differently in Altea."

Roy and Link scooted closer.

"Do tell." Roy was interested.

"It's for virgins." Marth said this as if he were reporting the weather. "There's a special day for married couples, of course. It's the following week."

"What happens if you're _not_ a virgin and you celebrate it?"

Marth pretended to not hear Link's question as he pushed away from the table. "I think we should go – it's almost eight."

"Do you just magically know the time or do you just throw out random numbers?" Link asked. "You never wear a watch."

Marth pointed to the clock on the wall behind Link. He turned and saw the answer to his question.

"…Oh. Right. Silly me."

Marth got up, pushed in his seat, and gathered his things. "You need a ride, Roy?"

Roy shrugged. "I guess. I'll take one if you're offering."

Link was going to make a sexual joke about that when Ike entered the kitchen.

"Ikey!" Link clung to Ike's arm and practically knocked him over.

"Hey, Link." Ike ruffled Link's hair and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"What're we doing for Cupid Day, Ikey?"

Ike quirked an eyebrow. "'Cupid Day'?"

Link threw up his hands. "Another one who doesn't know?"

"Link, people from different cultures have different holidays, you know," Roy said as he followed Marth out the back door, grabbing their coats along the way.

Link glared at the closing back-door. "Anyway."

"What's a cupid, anyway?"

Link grabbed his stuff and rose from his seat at the table. At the rate he was going, he was going to be late for school.

"I'll tell you on the way to the Academy. You driving?"

Ike snorted and pointed out the window. "Link, it's snowing out. You know I don't drive in the snow."

Link sighed. "Well then, we'd better go before we're _too_ late, then."

Ike grabbed his jacket and slipped it on, made sure he had his keys and that he was as bundled up as possible without impeding on his ability to move, and followed Link out the door.

 _How the hell can Link not wear a jacket when it's twenty degrees out?_

-x-

Link did a little dance in the copy room as he turned the volume on his Nintenpod up a notch. He placed his flyer for yet another Do-It-All Club event on the copier glass, selected the options he thought were best, and watched as it was duplicated on about a million sheets of paper. Well, it looked like a million sheets of paper. In reality, it was only about a hundred or so. He had never used a copier before, so the fact that it turned out okay was a relief. He didn't want to ask anyone for help, because honestly, who hadn't ever used one? And Link didn't want some condescending librarian telling him what to do like he was five years old. He wasn't as stupid as everyone thought.

"Where is that music coming from?" some passerby asked his friend. "And why does it sound like U2?"

His friend gave him a funny look. "It's probably from someone's mp3 player, and it probably _is_ U2."

One of them needed to use the copier and was disappointed to see Link sucking the ink and paper supplies dry. Never mind the fact that there were two other copiers waiting for someone to use them.

Roy was outside the copy room, his head in a book once more. It was a book about vampires and unrealistic romance, and Roy thought 'Days of Our Lives' was much more serious than this novel could ever hope to achieve. It was called 'A Luz da Manhã da Pena Bonita da Faísca', and despite its Portuguese title, the book was in all its badly written, English glory. What made the book even weirder was its constant use of what the internet termed 'fangirl Japanese', with every female screaming, "Oh, that shirt is so kawaii, girl!" or something like it.

Peach had recommended it to him and said it was the best thing she had ever read, and Roy was beginning to doubt the Mushroom Kingdom princess's taste in literature.

"Will you hurry up, Link?" Roy asked, looking away from the trainwreck of a novel to glance at his watch. "We still need to hang those stupid things, and if you lollygag any more, we won't have enough time."

Link came out five minutes later with a huge stack of flyers.

"It's about _time_ ," Roy said as he slammed the book shut. He didn't bother marking his place since it was basically the same thing in every chapter, and he wasn't even sure he was masochistic enough to continue on towards the end anyway. "You weren't making copies of anything obscene, were you?"

Link looked at Roy in a way that said "are you talking about me or someone else here?"

"Dude, this is _me_ we're talking about, right? Do I _look_ like the type who takes pornographic photos of myself and makes a bajillion copies to distribute?"

Roy didn't want to think about Link taking pornographic pictures. "You know how people sit on the glass and scan their arse in…and then leave the pictures there for all to see later."

"Well, I'm not the type to do stupid crap like that." Link brandished his stapler and treated it like a weapon of sorts. "Now help me put these things all over the school. It's imperative people know about this event."

Roy took half of the stack Link was holding and followed him over to the fourth floor bulletin strip. As its name suggested, it was a strip of cork board that went around the walls of the corridor most of the way. Reinforced with metal strips on the top and bottom, students used it to post announcements about various functions and activities occurring throughout the school year. Many used magnets to hold them to the metal strips, but a lot of people also used staples, thumbtacks, screws, nails, and push pins. One person even used a knife once. This happened when Crazy Hand was the principal, and he thought it was a great idea, much to the chagrin of Master Hand. If there was a knife stuck in an announcement now, the student body knew it was from the Head of Security, because only Solid Snake would be crazy enough to use a lethal weapon as a thumbtack.

Link stapled a whole bunch of announcements along the length of the bulletin strip, so that no matter where anyone looked, a flyer was always in view. He even placed them over existing announcements Link thought had little or no importance (such as ones about the Chess Club, or about the Saturday Lunch Specials the lunch staff never updated, because they were just that lazy).

"So just what _is_ this event?" Roy asked as he taped a few to the opposite wall. The walls were a bland taupe colour anyway, so adding a bit of colour to them never hurt.

"It's a _dance_ ," Link replied, as if it were obvious. Well, it kind of was – it was on the flyer itself, if anyone cared to read it. "A Cupid Day dance. And it'll be awesome and lots of people will come. There's even this thing you can fill out to see who you're compatible with in the Academy."

That piqued Roy's interest. "Compatibility thing?"

"Yeah." Link unloaded twelve staples into the poor innocent sheet of paper. "You answer some questions about what you like in a person and it chooses five people in the school with those same answers. It chooses who would be your best friend, your lover, and your worst enemy, so…"

"What would happen if you got Ganondorf as your lover?"

Link nearly stapled his hand. "That won't happen, I sure you – we're about as compatible as water and electricity."

Roy nearly dropped his now-small stack of papers out the open window. No wonder the school was chilly – no one bothered to close the stupid windows.

"You never know, Link," said Roy as he collected the almost-fallen papers. "He could secretly be compatible." He chewed his lip thoughtfully. "Do I have to go to some stupid dance, though? I just wanna fill one out and be done with it."

Link sighed. "Yeah, I guess so. I may be able to find one. For you and for Marth, just for laughs."

One of the Second Years passed by and whispered to his friends, "Hey, the brunet's pretty cute." The rest of them giggled like 1x2 shippers at Yaoi Con and gave Link 'The Eye', which Link noticed.

Roy stared after them and then turned to gawk at Link. "…You're a brunet?"

Link fiddled with the stapler in an attempt to unjam it. That's what he got for trying to staple something to a concrete wall.

"What? Me? With brown hair? Pfft." Link dropped the stapler and it magically fixed itself. However, there were staples everywhere; Link didn't care and just swept them to the side of the corridor with his foot. "It's quite obvious I'm blond." He ran his fingers through his hair for emphasis.

Roy leaned against the wall as Link gathered up his things, and then pushed off from it and headed for the staircase.

"I mean yeah, there's been like, no sun due to all the stupid snow we've been getting," Link continued on as they went to the third floor new building, "but my hair is like, dirt blond at the most. Definitely not brown, though. If they took a look at my younger self, they'd be able to see it."

Roy and Link arrived to the new building only to find posters for a dance already there.

"What the hell is this?" Link tore the poster from the wall and examined it closer. Roy moved closer so he could read over Link's shoulder.

"'Do you have plans for tonight? Of course not! Come on down to the auditorium for a dance-off! First place wins a lifetime supply of KY Intense lubricant, twelve boxes of condoms, a manual on sexual positions, a name book, and cheez-its for those after sex munchies.' What the crap is this?" Roy's reaction looked like the poster was trying to proposition something.

"'Tickets are five dollars. Don't be a loser and go by yourself! It takes two to tango, after all, el-oh-el.' Who would honestly go to something like this?"

Then they saw who was in charge of it and it all became clear.

"Terry doesn't give up too easily, does he?" Link asked as he tore up the invitation to a sex promotion.

Roy shook his head. "N _op_ e."

"Figures. Well. I'll show _him_. I've fought seemingly-hopeless battles before and came out victorious. This should be no different."

Roy had to remind Link that those battles involved shoving a sword into someone's chest, but Link just waved that away.

"That was only Ganondorf," Link said. "And let me tell you, even with a sword shoved in his chest, he refuses to die."

That was obvious considering Ganondorf was still walking around, albeit extremely bitter towards life and most people.

-x-

"Can anyone tell me what the male reproductive organs are?" As much as Sonic didn't want to talk about such a sensitive topic, it was his duty as a teacher to educate the masses, especially about something as important as sex. _Especially_ sex, since it wasn't something to fool around with.

The class stared at Sonic like he had a third leg sprouting from his ear or something. Aside from Stephenie, the class consisted of males. Males who, for the most part, knew what was nestled in between their legs and covered by their pants.

Besides, the class was too busy laughing like a bunch of twelve year olds anyway. You couldn't teach sex to Third Years and expect them to take it seriously.

Stephenie – the only person who wasn't giggling incessantly like a moron – raised her hand.

"What the fuck would a girl know about male bits?" Kevin sneered with a smirk on his face.

"More than you, probably," she replied.

"Enlighten us, Stephen…ie," Sonic said, almost forgetting the rest of her name.

"You have the testicles, the penis, the prostate…"

No one could contain themselves. Well, Link and Roy could. Link wasn't paying attention and Roy was already given 'The Talk' four years ago by his father who, admittedly, was quite embarrassed and described sex as a 'special dance'. Then his father repeated the talk a year ago, over the summer, after Roy confessed his homosexuality. Except this talk was a bit more useful.

 _If Marth were here, he'd probably call everyone else douches for laughing at something so important_ , Roy thought. _And then he'd call them childish and moronic for not knowing their own anatomy_.

Instead, Marth was in room 404 teaching ungrateful students all about how to _not_ mix certain chemicals. He was lucky the windows were open, or else cyanide gas would have killed everyone. Marth often threatened suicide via his sword, but he was only saying it in jest – he had lived through too much to be killed by some pansy gas.

Sonic passed out extremely detailed diagrams of the male anatomy, and the class just about lost it.

"Hahaha, this guy's wiener is small!"

"His balls are nonexistent!"

"You're all three year olds mentally," Stephenie muttered as she turned her attentions to Phoenix Wright. "OBJECTION!"

The whole class stared at her.

"…It's not as fun if you don't shout it," Stephenie stated, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

Link doodled a top hat on top of 'Mr. Snake' and put a bow tie on it.

"Is this class really that boring for you, Link?" Roy asked.

Link sighed. "Yeah, it is. Besides, I doodle when I think, and right now, my brain is being pushed to the limit."

"What about?"

"What Ike and me are gonna do for Cupid Day. I wanna do something romantic, but I'm not sure if that's the way to go. I mean, I dunno if Ike is the romantic type, you know? So I'm kinda…questioning my decision a bit here." Link decided a mustache was in order for 'Mr. Snake'.

"Ike kisses you a lot, and he's not stingy at all about any sort of public displays of affection, like hugs and things like that…"

Link's pencil stopped moving. "Being physically affectionate doesn't really mean he's into candle-lit dinners, strolls along Ninty Shore's beaches while basking in the moonlight, or even presents like chocolate or something. I mean, Marth's physically affectionate with you, but that doesn't mean he's romantic."

Roy snorted. "No, but it just turns out that he likes a nice dinner, he likes the ocean, and he's a big fan of chocolate flavoured anything."

Link supported his head with his hand. "That's because Marth's easy to please. Ike isn't so straight-forward. In fact, he's not straight at all."

"Obviously not if he's with you," Roy joked, taking advantage of the unintentional pun Link made.

"Not what I meant," Link said, groaning.

"Have you tried asking?"

Link turned in his seat. "You expect me to waltz up to Ike and go, 'So are you romantic or are you just dull and don't like anything having to do with emotional attachment'?"

Roy clapped his hands on Link's shoulders. "Not being romantic doesn't make him dull. He might just not like cheesy stuff. I mean, he's not a girl."

"…I'm not, either."

Roy grinned. "That makes two of us. And Marth isn't either, despite what tons of people think. It just depends on the personality. Ike's not the type to wear his heart on his sleeve."

Link blinked. "Marth isn't, either."

"Because he's used to repressing his emotions 'for the sake of his people'. And he's not really good at expressing his feelings, anyway, though he has been working on opening up more."

"It helps that Marth's a prude, too, so he's more for the romantic, non-sexual things."

"Since when was this about my love life?" Roy asked. "I thought you needed help with yours."

Link banged his hand against the back of the chair. "I _do_ need help! But that's the thing – Marth acts like the perfect boyfriend and Ike is just so hard to figure out."

"Well, dearest Link, Marth and Ike are two different people. And Marth's far from perfect."

Link crossed his arms on the desk. "Oh yeah? How come you and him never have arguments? Ike and me do. We have plenty."

"So do Marth and I. We have some pretty bad ones, usually over stupid things. And then we have hot, passionate make up sex and forget what we were even arguing about." Roy had that wistful look on his face.

"See, Ike and I discuss things without involving sex."

"If you had a romp with Marth just _once_ , you wouldn't be able to remember anything long enough to discuss it afterwards."

The end-of-class bell rang out, as if it didn't want Roy and Link's conversation about their sex lives to continue.

"Thanks for telling me about your sex life and how amazing it is," Link grumbled as he collected his things.

"Why? Does Ike suck or something?"

Link shook his head as he got up from his desk. He almost crashed into Roy after he tripped over a poorly placed floor tile, but managed to recover before that head-on collision.

"Well… I wouldn't say 'suck', really. I mean, I enjoy it, but… _I_ have to be the aggressor, and that's a problem because I like being dominated. Ike doesn't dominate very well."

If it was one thing Marth was good at, it was dominating. Well, when Roy wasn't slamming Marth onto the mattress and molesting him, anyway.

The thing was Marth secretly liked to be dominated, so he didn't mind. Much.

"Well, then, all you have to do is talk with Ike if it's such a problem."

Too bad that was a lot easier said than done.

-x-

"You know, if Ike ever teaches at the Academy, I'd want him to bend me over the table, threaten to fail me if I didn't perform sexual favours, and then proceed to take me right then and there." Link mentioned this to Roy as they walked into room 404, where Marth was trying to not swallow his whole bottle of Advil. Never mind the fact that Marth wouldn't be able to swallow that many pills without immediately throwing up, and he'd never go through with something like that in the first place.

"Do student-teacher relationships turn you on or something?" Roy asked as they sat in their usual seats.

Link shook his head. "I like distribution of power to be somewhat equal. But it'd still be hot because I like the feeling of domination in that situation."

Marth gave Roy a "what the hell is he talking about?" look and gestured to the Hero of Time.

"Sex," Roy mouthed, and Marth just rolled his eyes.

"What am I gonna do for Cupid Day for Ike?" Link shouted. "I dunno if he likes chocolate, or presents in general or romantic outings or…"

Roy grabbed the nearly hysterical Hylian and stared straight into his eyes. "Dude, calm down. You can treat him to a normal dinner, go to some place that's somewhat neutral, and give him candy or something. I don't think I've met anyone who'd turn chocolate down, so…"

"But—"

"For the love of Roland, Link, just try it and see if it works!"

Link's talk on how he couldn't figure out what to get Ike made Marth think about _his_ boyfriend.

 _What am I going to get Roy?_ He thought. _What haven't I gotten him yet, anyway? I want something symbolic, something important, without being too cheesy_.

Marth was then reminded of the talk he and Roy had not that long ago about the future of their relationship. His wandering thoughts gave him the perfect present idea – something Roy couldn't refuse.

The bell interrupted Marth's thoughts and he instead cleared his throat in preparation for the lesson.

Marth thought as he grabbed his trademark blue Expo marker, _I hope it's perfect. He better not have been kidding when we had that whole conversation_.

"Chapter twelve – solutions," Marth said as he wrote it on the white board. "Who can tell me what a solution is? Don't be shy now. Someone has to know."

-x-

Young Link poked at his chicken parm sandwich and then sat back in his seat, disgusted.

"What's wrong, YL?" Ness asked as he bit into his chicken chipotle wrap.

"This chicken isn't even _real_ chicken. In fact, it sucks worse than fake chicken. Like the stuff at McBurgerBell."

Ness just gave Young Link a look. "You've never been to McBurgerBell."

Young Link poked at his sandwich more. "That's why. The food sucks."

"So I was thinking of this place down by the river…"

The door to the Chorus room swung open, and Ike and Link entered at that moment. Ike was being a gentleman and carried both of their lunches; Link twirled a piece of hair around his finger, something he did when he was nervous or bored.

"Not McBurgerBell, I hope," Ike replied as he set their lunches down on the table in the corner of the room, right by the door.

Link laughed and playfully shoved Ike. "Of course not, silly. I have more class than that."

Ike took a seat and Link sat right next to him.

"PeachFly, then?" Ike asked as he dug into his macaroni and cheese.

"Well, yeah," Link replied. "That's the only place that's local and by the river. Plus it's not that expensive."

Young Link sighed scornfully and Ness simply turned the page of the book he was reading.

"So… You got anyone, Nessie?"

"For what?" Ness questioned without looking away from his book about aliens.

"Cupid Day."

"Well, I—"

"Aside from your books and studies, of course," Young Link joked as he pushed his food away.

Ness glared at him. "Aren't we a little young to be thinking of the fairer sex, YL?"

Young Link's eyes narrowed slightly. "Nessie, we're like, fourteen and fifteen, right? Aren't we supposed to be interested in girls by now?"

"You don't even like girls in the first place, Young Link," Ness countered.

Young Link seethed and grit his teeth together. "Just because Link happens to be in love with a guy, doesn't mean _I_ like guys. I happen to like a lot of girls."

Ness closed his book, a look of amusement on his face. "Oh really, YL? Name one girl, then."

"Well, there's this girl I grew up with named Saria… Unfortunately, she can't grow up, so she's out of the picture. Then there's Malon, she runs a ranch with her dad just outside Hyrule Castle Town… There's also Ruto, but she's a Zora, so she's out of the picture. Then there's Zelda."

Ness didn't know who any of those women were, save for Zelda.

"Hey, Link…"

"Yes, Ikey?"

Ike gestured to the door. "Where's Roy? Shouldn't he be here by now?"

Link shrugged. "Marth has his break at this time, so…"

"Ah." Ike understood. No other explanation was needed.

-x-

"Can you believe that HSPA is next month?" Roy asked as he, Link, and Ike walked to his locker.

"Is that why they were passing out these 'practise booklet' things today during our English class? To prepare us?" Link asked. He took his out of his bag and threw it in Roy's locker. It wasn't like he was ever going to look at the thing in the first place, let alone actually take the test and pass it.

"Oh, Link, it's not _that_ difficult," Ike said. "I took it already."

"When?" Link asked, leaning against the locker row.

"Back when I went to Brawl High." Ike twirled a pen between his fingers. "It wasn't that hard. I thought it was easy."

Link assumed the begging stance.

"The test is different every year, so don't even bother asking me for answers."

Link pouted. "There has to be some sort of secrets you have…"

Ike sighed. "Just answer all the open ended questions and fill in all the multiple choice and you're golden. You can't fail then."

Roy shrugged his jacket on. "Link, calm down. There's nothing to really worry about – you're just making a huge deal out of it, and it doesn't have to be like that."

Roy had a point, after all. The school hyped up the test to be so difficult, but in reality, it was probably easy as pie.

"And if it's hard?" Link questioned.

"…Then it's hard." Roy sighed. "Just do your best, Link. That's all you can do."

Ike was looking over his assignment list with a grim look on his face.

"Something wrong, Ike?"

Ike absently shook his head. "Not really. Just forgot I had a creative writing assignment due tomorrow."

Link looked at Ike's assignment pad and scanned the list of items on it. "Well… Hey, at least it's only a poem!"

Ike gave Link a look. "Easy for you to say. I have to write it on forbidden relationships."

Link poked Ike's chest. "Should be easy for you then."

Silence.

"You're saying that two guys—"

"Not what I meant, Roy," Link interrupted. "I meant, you know… Ike's a commoner and Zelda was a princess…"

When Roy gave Link a blank stare, Ike pitched in with, "My previous relationship."

Roy wanted to bang his head against the lockers. "Don't tell me you're still bitter over that, Link."

Link shook his head. "Pfft, no. I've gotten over that since it interferes with my duties as her personal guard."

This time, both Ike and Roy gave him blank stares. Ike almost dropped his assignments list, even, and Roy's book bag slid from his shoulder to the ground, almost landing on his foot.

"What? You didn't know I was obligated to be her bodyguard? That's why the relationship really didn't, uh…work out."

If they were in an anime, they would have face-vaulted and Link would have sweatdropped. But since they were not in an anime, they instead settled for stares of disbelief. After all, Link _was_ quite bitter when Zelda didn't accept his feelings and instead went for Ike – who was a commoner – and Link couldn't really deny that.

But he could have at least told them _that_.

-x-

"Where are you going?"

Roy cocked his head to the side, something he did whenever he asked a question and expected an immediate answer, as he watched Marth suit up for the harsh February weather. It was a lot warmer in the morning than it was now, and though Marth had high tolerance to extreme temperatures, he was feeling it now.

They stood there in the grandiose hallway of the Manse, right next to the bay window. Roy had traded in his uncomfortable school uniform for a pair of lounge pants and a shirt that said "It's not easy being green" on it with a picture of Kermit the Frog, Link's idol. Roy had found the shirt in his room one day, and Link – though a fan of Kermit – claimed the shirt wasn't his, so Roy kept it. If he hadn't, Marth would've thrown a perfectly good shirt out, because Marth wasn't a fan of other people's things on his side of the room. Marth had also traded in his work clothes for something more comfortable, a simple blue turtleneck and dark wash jeans.

"What, I'm forbidden to leave the house now?" asked Marth as he patted himself down for his wallet and keys. He didn't need to be pulled over, only to find out he left his wallet in his other pants. And he wouldn't get far without his keys.

Roy idly sipped something from a straw – probably iced tea or soda or something, Marth surmised – and walked closer to Marth.

"No, I'm just curious. Usually you don't leave at, uh…" He glanced at the clock in the hallway. "Six at night."

"I have an appointment," Marth said, wiping a stray strand of hair from his eyes. He really needed a hair cut.

"Marth. It's Cupid Day. You and I are supposed to spend time together."

Marth sighed and placed one hand on Roy's shoulder, the other cupped his cheek.

"When I get back, we'll have all the time in the world for that. Besides, you'd kill me if I had no gift for you."

That nearly made Roy drop his soda, or at least sputter a little on it. "You didn't get me my gift yet?" he wheezed.

Marth winced. "That's why I have to go. I'm not coming to you empty-handed. I never have and I never will." He kissed him on the cheek. "Now let me go before the place closes."

Roy gave Marth a peck on the mouth, leaned against the now-open door, and casually took a sip from his drink as Marth exited.

 _I should get shoes on or something_ , Roy thought as he finished his drink up. _I still have to get Marth something._

With that, he ran up the stairs to the second floor, made a slight left so he could enter the correct dormitories, and sprinted to his room for some sort of footwear.

-x-

"Hey, look at the birdies, Ike!" Link pointed to a whole flock of seagulls and the odd pigeon. He whistled a short tune and the birds all sat down and waited.

"I don't think I've ever seen so many birds," Ike mused as Link dragged him closer. "Not even the Bird Laguz have this many people. And there's a lot of them."

Link had let go of Ike's hand and instead picked up a seagull. "What's a 'laguz'?"

Ike chuckled at Link's child-like nature. He had asked the same question once, and his comrade Shinon answered with, "They're sub-humans, Ike."

"They're, uh, half-human, half-animal, and they have the ability to transform into a given animal. The Bird Laguz can turn into various types of birds, the Beast Laguz can turn into various beast animals – lions, tigers, things like that, and there's probably a few more I missed somewhere along the line."

Link looked at the seagull he was carrying. "Can any of them turn into a seagull?"

Ike shrugged. "I don't know, but I can ask one of my friends back home for you. He's quite knowledgeable about things. Mostly because he's stuck in the library for all eternity."

"…What should we name our seagull?"

Ike shrugged, and then did a double-take. "…What?"

"Our seagull. Our pet," Link clarified. "This is your present."

Ike blinked a few times in quick succession. "Uhm… What do you want to name it?"

Link petted the bird and it cooed, seeming content in his arms. "I was thinking… Either Aouette or, uh, Aryll."

Ike cocked an eyebrow. "Aouette? Aryll?"

"Aouette is Hylian for 'bringer of the sea' – basically a fisherman – and Aryll is Hylian for 'child of the sea'."

"Maybe Aryll would be good?" Ike suggested. "I mean, Aouette's kinda…long for a bird."

Link chuckled. "Yeah, I guess. So Aryll it is!"

The sun was beginning to set as they and their new pet stared out at the river.

-x-

"You _said_ you had it in stock when I came here on my break!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we sold the last one."

Marth took a deep breath in an attempt to keep calm. "How can you sell something that's _personalized_ for a specific person? Unless there's someone else named Roy Eliwood here in this town…"

The sales clerk simply gawked at the secretly seething prince before a light bulb clicked on in his head.

" _Oh_! You wanted… You wanted _Roy_!" He chortled to himself as Marth's jaw locked. "I thought you said 'boy'. Someone earlier came in here asking for an engraving for 'It's a Baby Boy!' and, well, you know. Millions of sales every day, it all melds together eventually…"

The sales clerk left Marth momentarily to go into the back of the store to retrieve the item Marth wanted so bad. He came back with two items: a ring box and then a longer, thinner box.

"Cash, charge, or cheque, sir?"

Marth handed his charge card to the clerk as he rang up the order and waited as patiently as he could.

 _I'd better get home before Roy wonders if I fell into a ditch and died_.

-x-

"This is the twelfth place I've gone to," Roy said to the cashier at the local Bargain-Mart. "And it's the twelfth place that doesn't have it," the cashier said as she examined her nails. Obviously she didn't want to deal with Roy.

"You have signs all over the stupid store saying it's in stock, and how many are left. And according to my iNintephone, your store has it." He leaned against the counter. "You just don't want to bother going to the inventory and actually _getting it_."

She looked up from her nail inspection. "Like… What's your point?"

Roy grit his teeth. "I want to see your manager."

At the threat of her boss coming out and seeing her slacking off, she stood to attention and quickly ran off to get the item Roy asked for.

Roy smirked and examined the other wares of the store from his place in front of the counter as he waited.

 _Works every time_ , he thought. _Ask for the manager, they get scared, they do whatever you want._

She returned to the register and rang the order up like a good little employee. "That'll be twenty five dollars."

Roy handed her exact bills, took his purchase, and hurried back home.

 _I hope Marth didn't get back before I did._

-x-

"Link."

"Yes, Princess?"

"Why do you have a bird waddling around the kitchen?"

Link looked up from the comics section of the newspaper to see Zelda's ever-calm face.

"Aryll needs exercise, too, Zelda."

She sat next to him and helped herself to a piece of strawberry-and-vanilla cake. "Link…"

"Hmm?" He had resumed reading his comics and didn't bother to look up at her again.

Zelda fiddled with her fork as she stared at the front side of the comics.

"…Since when did you start calling me 'Princess' and 'Zelda'?"

Link set the comics down and took a swig of Mountain Dew. "Well, that's what I really should be calling you. You're my liege, after all. My obligation. My duty. My—"

Zelda placed one slender finger to his lips, shushing him.

"But it isn't necessary," she said, removing her finger from his mouth. "I…I liked it when you called me Zel. I mean…Gan calls me 'Zel'…"

Link thought nothing of it until he heard the last part.

"'Gan'?"

Zelda took a few bites of the cake. "Yes. Gan."

If Zelda thought he couldn't figure it out, she wasn't as smart as she thought she was.

"Since when did _you_ call Ganondorf 'Gan'? In fact, since when were you and him best buddies?"

"Since… Since Ike and I split up." Her voice was softer than usual. Perhaps she felt bad about admitting that she and her archnemesis were friendly.

Link wanted to just crawl into a hole and die.

"Zelda. Zel, listen to me." There was a far off look in her eyes, he noticed. "Hey! Zelda! Listen! Hey! Hey, Zelda! _Zelda_!"

Young Link took that moment to enter the kitchen for a cold glass of Lon Lon Milk.

"If you're trying to be Navi, you're failing at it," he said. "She's much more high-pitched than that. If you want, I could kick you in the balls and—"

"Go away, Young Link," Link said as Zelda snapped back to reality once more. "Zelda and I are having an adult conversation. Butt out."

Young Link sighed, took a bottle of Lon Lon Milk, and left to play a prank on Bowser involving paperclips, duct-tape, and a loofa.

"What were we saying?" Zelda asked.

"About you and _Ganondorf_." He spat the latter one's name, the harsh Gerudo syllables uncomfortably rolling of his tongue. "How you're all buddy-buddy with him now."

Zelda sighed. "Peach is civil to Bowser. In fact, she treats him like she treats anyone else, despite the fact that he's accosted her several times."

"Bowser hasn't tried to _murder_ her, Zelda. Ganondorf only wants your Triforce piece and he'll do anything to get it."

Zelda scoffed. "Link, you're just paranoid."

"I have every right to be paranoid, Zelda. I'm your _protector_. I went forward and backward in time to save you and Hyrule, I rallied for his execution – and he almost got it, had he not killed most of the people who tried to kill him…"

She said nothing in response.

"I want good relations between the various countries in Hyrule, Link," she said at last. "That is why I…could not go off with you."

Link froze. He knew what was coming next. And he knew deep down, it was the last thing he wanted to hear.

"You're…"

All Zelda could do was nod.

Link sneered. "Whose idea was this?"

"My father's. But I agreed to do it." She took Link's hands in hers. "I am sorry, Link, but that is the way it goes."

Link gave her a determined face. "I'm not giving up. I'm not going to let Ganondorf of all people take my princess away. I'd rather see you dead at the bottom of Lake Hylia than in his hands."

And with that he picked Aryll up and left the kitchen without another word.

-x-

"You knew I was running out, didn't you."

"Well, no, I noticed you weren't wearing it and I wondered why. Especially since it's your favourite and you wear it every day…"

Marth kissed Roy's cheek. "Let me guess, you had to go to five different stores before you found this rare cologne."

Roy snorted. "I wish. More like twelve. I had to threaten one of the employees to get off their rear and get it from inventory."

"Well, then." Marth reached from behind him and handed Roy a long and slender package. "Open it."

 _It figures he wrapped it so perfect; I don't even want to touch it_.

Roy carefully tore open one end of the paper so he could slide out whatever was inside. He wasn't like Link who, on Christmas last year, nearly ripped the thing to shreds. Inside was a black velvet box.

 _Oh Elimine, he went to the expensive jewelry store, didn't he_.

Roy opened the box just a little so he could peek before opening it all the way.

"…Wow." Inside was a small pendant in the shape of a dragon, and it was blue. Blue like an Ice Dragon. "How did you…"

Marth removed the necklace from the box and unclasped it. "We went to the jewelry store that one time for your birthday, remember? And you were browsing around when you pointed that out to me. So when you weren't looking, I had that customized for your present."

"You're sneaky," Roy said as he turned so Marth could put it on him. "Very sneaky."

Marth snaked his arms around Roy's waist and kissed the back of his neck. "That's just how I work, love. And…" He removed one of his arms from Roy's waist so he could flip the dragon pendant over. "It's engraved. You can't really read it from this angle, but when you take it off…"

Roy leaned back into Marth. "You spoil me, you know that?"

Marth kissed Roy's shoulder. "Yes. I spoil you rotten, because that's what I'm supposed to do. Shower you in love and attention."

Roy shifted slightly. "You know, we really need to buy a new bed. Like a full size or something."

"I know, but we know what Master Hand will say."

"Yeah. 'What do you need a full size for? That costs money! I have better things to spend it on, like stain glass windows and big stadiums!'"

"Well, it's true."

Little did Roy know that Marth had another present for him, this one hidden away for another point in time.

-x-

The next morning, everyone received what looked like a large and very thick envelope in their room mailboxes.

"I didn't know we could even _get_ mail on Sundays," Fox remarked as his half-asleep roommate leaned heavily against the door frame.

"'s it pos'marked?" a heavily slurring Falco asked.

Fox looked on both sides of the envelope and saw nothing. "Nope, just 'Mr. Fox McCloud'." He fished into the mailbox and pulled out Falco's. "Here's yours."

There was a scream from near the end of the hall, and everyone poked their head out their doors to see what was up.

"This is my worst nightmare come true!" Link shouted as he let the envelope's contents fall to the ground.

Bowser roared as he appeared in the doorway of his bedroom, a sleep cap resting haphazardly on his head.

"I just wanted to tell all of you to _shut the hell up_ ," Bowser said. There was some sort of murmur coming from the inside of the room, and Bowser added, "And Ganon said, 'If you're so distraught about whatever, Link, just jump off a bridge.'" With that, Bowser retreated into his room and slammed the door.

Roy and Marth were looking at the envelopes like they were going to be executed. And from the sound of Link's shouting, they probably were.

"Let's open this, shall we?" Roy said as he tore the seal. Inside was another envelope, this one saying 'Lord Pherae and Guest' on it in fanciful cursive script.

"I hate it when people put 'Lord Pherae' on things," Roy muttered, opening the inside envelope now. "It makes me think they're addressing my dad and they sent it to me by mistake."

Inside that envelope were a number of things. There was a card with the heading _The Umi no Suifu Hotel_ , talking about how they were pleased to offer special overnight accommodations for the week of the…

Did that say the Ganondorf Dragmire and Zelda Harkinian Wedding?

 _No wonder Link screamed_ , Roy thought. _Zelda's marrying_ _ **Ganondorf**_ _of all people._

 _This would be like my sister marrying Garnef_ , Marth pondered. _What was she thinking?_

With that shock aside, they were greeted by a white and gold bordered invitation. It was about the size of the second largest index card you could buy in a store, maybe a little smaller.

 _Reception at six o'clock in the evening_

 _The Umi no Suifu Hotel_

 _Hartford Avenue at Sixty-Fourth Street_

 _Sega City, Nintendo_

Then after that was the invitation that basically hit Link in the balls with a two-by-four.

 _His Majesty the King Dedeus Harkinian of Hyrule_

 _Requests the honour of your presence_

 _At the marriage of his daughter_

 _Her Royal Highness the Princess Zelda Harkinian_

 _To His Majesty the King Ganondorf Dragmire of Gerudo Desert_

 _Saturday, the fifteenth of August two thousand and nine_

 _At half-past three o'clock in the afternoon_

 _Blansén Lilien Church_

 _Fifth Avenue at Hartford Avenue_

 _Sega City, Nintendo_

"Oh wow," Roy said when he was finished reading it. "This is quite unexpected."

Marth was still in shock, so he didn't bother telling Roy his sentence made no sense.

"Hey, um, Link?" Roy put everything away and then set it back in his mailbox. He saw the Hylian's blank stare and knew it wasn't a good sign at all.

Then, suddenly, Link collapsed.


	11. Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys: Year 3 Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

**Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

 **Year Three**

 **-Eleven-**

Nintendo Land High School Proficiency Exams came and went for the juniors. For three excruciatingly long days, Roy and Link were stuck in their chemistry room with nothing to do after the testing was done.

"Everyone please report to their period one immediately. I repeat: everyone please report to their period one immediately. The administrative station for this morning has been cancelled. Thank you," the wire-frame announcer droned. Link and Roy sprinted down the front hall; the first bell had already rung, and they were running late. They quickly ran up the stairwell leading to the fourth floor and sped down the hallway like a bunch of crazed-and-foaming-at-the-mouth loons.

"If I'm late because you got into a fight with Ganondorf this morning," Roy warned, "then I swear on my mother's grave, I will hurt you."

Link was running as if his life depended on it, which it might have if Roy's threat was any indication. "It wasn't my fault – he shouldn't have been kissing Zelda!"

Roy just wanted the misery to end as he rolled his eyes and sighed exasperatedly. "Link, Ganondorf and Zelda are getting married whether you like it or don't."

Link sighed. "She wants to promote unity between everyone, and yet no one will want to associate with her with that _thing_ as her husband and king."

They rounded the corner and saw their destination at last – their Chemistry room.

"That may be, Link, but the point is, it's her decision, she's made up her mind, and there's nothing you or I or anyone else could do."

They stopped in the door so they could catch their breath.

"Do you think I could protest it at the wedding?"

"For the love of Elimine, Link, just _drop it_."

They entered the classroom and took their seats.

"Hello, Ma—Mister Lowell," Link said as he planted his butt down on one of the empty lab stools. He still wasn't used to Marth being a teacher and oftentimes refused to use his last name, much to Marth's chagrin. But at least it sounded like Link stuttered.

"What are we doing for lab today, Mister Lowell?" one kid neither Roy nor Link knew asked, hand raised. Marth gestured to the white board.

There was a collective groan about the classroom when they saw the sheer amount of work ahead of them, and Link looked like he was ready to jump out the window. However, the windows opened in a way so as to prevent that sort of thing, and Link silently cursed.

"Oh, it's not that bad," Marth said as he took his seat behind the desk. "Simply get with a partner, go to one of the set up lab stations, and follow the written instructions. Although… If you happen to like fire, this might be a little dangerous, so have one of your non-fire-loving friends light the matches. And no blowing up chemicals – you are to stay to the task at hand."

Roy and Link got up from their seats and went to the nearest lab station. In front of them was a Bunsen burner, some sort of metal stick with a rounded prong at the end, and small containers each filled with different coloured salts. These containers were labeled for easy reference, and so they could fill out the table on their worksheet.

"Okay, so according to this, we take this thing—" Roy reached for the metal stick, "—and we dip it in each of these salt solutions, stick it into the flame, and observe what colour the flame turns."

Link looked at the worksheet. "This shouldn't be _that_ difficult, right?"

Roy shook his head. "No, not really."

Most people couldn't figure out how to light the Bunsen burner; one group couldn't figure out what the salts were for, and another group just stood there and stared at the flame the entire double period. Marth wondered what Bowser had taught them about lab safety, or about anything, really. Roy and Link seemed to be the only ones who had everything under control, though Roy almost burned himself lighting the stupid gas burner.

 _Figures,_ Marth thought. _Roy's the only one who read the instructions. Otherwise they'd know how to work the burners and what the salts were for. Idiots._

For the third time that day, Marth wondered why he came back to the Academy to teach. ("To spread the wonderful knowledge around!" he had said in his interview with Tabuu, when asked what his reason for teaching was. Little did he know that no one wanted the 'wonderful knowledge' to be spread to them.)

"Some pyromaniac you are, Roy," Link muttered as he twirled his pencil in his hand.

Roy looked confused. "I actually hate fire."

It was Link's turn to look confused. "Everyone said you were obsessed with fire."

Roy chewed his lip as he took the metal stick and dipped it in the scandium salt solution. "Who said this?"

In a completely serious tone, Link replied, "Terry and his gang, plus a few random girls who cream their panties over you."

Roy dipped the metal rod into the flame of the burner and watched the flame go from blue to the shade of his hair.

"That's awesome," Link said, distracted by the pretty flame.

"Yeah," the red head agreed as the salt burned up in the fire. "And anyway, since when did you believe anything Terry ever said?"

"Well, Roy, you gotta admit that you _do_ look like you enjoy burning things with the Fuuin no Tsurugi."

Roy wrote down his observations as he dipped the rod into water to cool it off. "It's a legendary weapon, it's going to have fire, and I don't enjoy burning people's flesh off their faces with it."

"So then why do you have a hatred for fire when everyone else says you like it?"

Leave it to Link to pry away until he gave in.

"When I was a kid, I almost died when the horse stables caught on fire. I was trapped inside and my father nearly died saving me. Plus, I had an unfortunate incident a few years later during the Bern Incident with the Durandal."

"Oh." It wasn't like Link actually knew what any of that was, but he nevertheless understood where Roy's fear came from.

"So you can tell Terry and his legion," Roy began as he dipped potassium into the fire now, "that they need to stop browsing on Wikipedia for information on me."

Everyone knew how untrustworthy that site was half the time; most of the students (and a few teachers) would never admit that they wasted half their lives on it. Like TV Tropes.

Marth, meanwhile, was sitting in front of his computer Googling Nintendo Land's laws concerning unions.

 _Just as I figured_ , he said as he scrolled down a particularly informative website. _The laws are drastically different._ Drastically different in what sense, no one knew.

-x-

"Mortals! _Kiritsu_!"

Everyone in Young Link's Japanese class bowed as Mewtwo floated in the front of the room.

" _Suwatte kure_ ," the psychic pokemon commanded, telling them to sit down. They did without a fuss, since they saw that Mewtwo wasn't in the mood.

"Put your homework on your desks and keep quiet."

" _Some_ one's PMSing," said a kid, whose name was Jeremy, in a sing-song way.

"Detention tomorrow morning," Mewtwo said as he took his roll book out. "Anyone else want to join Mr. Hertz?"

No one said anything.

 _Why did they make this guy a teacher again?_ Young Link pondered as he brushed through his hair. The kid behind him was playing something on his Nintenpod that sounded like "The Devil Went Down to Georgia", except it was about burning things with kerosene and giving up on love because love gave up on the singer. The kid was tapping against the desk with his hands to the rhythm of the song, and everyone could tell it was beginning to shred at Mewtwo's nerves.

"Mr. Alexander."

Lucas raised his hand. "Present."

"Mr. Hertz."

Jeremy looked like he could barely stay awake. "Hai, sensei."

Mewtwo sneezed right before Young Link's name. "Mr. Mekkai."

Young Link had his feet in the bars of the book holder under his desk and nearly ripped his feet off – he didn't expect Mewtwo to call his name so soon.

"Ow… Right here, Mewtwo-sensei." Young Link rubbed his ankles and Popo snickered.

"Mr. Psiqi."

Ness was too engrossed in his Biology textbook to hear Mewtwo. The pokemon marked Ness 'absent'. Young Link elbowed him, but Ness didn't seem to feel it – he didn't respond, anyway.

"Alex, do you have a last name?"

Shy and extremely timid Alex sank into his seat and said, "I-Iie, sensei."

Mewtwo marked him in and closed his book. Popo either didn't seem to notice that Mewtwo forgot to call his name, or he didn't care.

"Who didn't do their homework?"

Jeremy shamelessly raised his hand and waved it around. Mewtwo exhaled noisily and marked it down in his grade book.

"Anyone else?"

No one else raised their hands. Mewtwo took the homework assignments using his telekinesis and placed them in his period one folder, though Young Link's accidentally went in the period five one. That was what happened when you had an older self and a younger self in two different classes.

"Okay, class. Today, we're going to watch some 'Immerse Yourself in Japanese Culture', featuring a guy named Jun Fukuyama and his friend, Takehito Koyasu." Mewtwo took out the DVD and put it in the DVD player, turned the TV on, and ceased to care about anything else. Jeremy put on some Nightwish and he too decided to not care about anything else. Ness was a little too excited to Immerse Himself in Japanese Culture, Lucas fell asleep and dreamed about magpies in drag, Popo was texting his girlfriend, and Young Link kept shouting out inappropriate jokes.

-x-

Zelda was browsing one of those bridal magazines as she sat on the piano bench. Every once in a while, she'd take a sharpie and circle some gorgeous and extremely expensive dress fit for a princess. She had already picked out the bridesmaids' dresses (a light blue with gold trim) – she had yet to find _the_ dress for herself.

Link came waltzing in by himself – Roy had gotten in the habit of doubling back to their Chemistry room to meet a certain Altean prince for lunch (and probably some other things too), and would cut their fourth period as a result – with his lunch in hand. Shortly after, Ness – head always in his books – entered, along with Young Link and Popo, who were in an argument over – of all things – _pokemon cards_.

Link grit his teeth when he passed Zelda, the very core of his being seething in anger. Zelda closed the magazine and instead opened a book of wedding music.

"So, Zellie," Young Link began. "How many people've RSVP'd?"

Zelda pulled out a list she happened to have on her person. "Let's see… I got everyone except Marth's, Roy's, Samus's, Luigi's, and…" She glanced in Link's direction. "Link's."

Link was enjoying his pasta up until Zelda mentioned who responded to the invites.

"This pasta's left a bad taste in my mouth." He looked at his lunch in disgust. "I think it's wilted."

Young Link snorted. "Pasta can't wilt, stupid." He ignored the glare Link shot at him.

"It can when unpleasant things are talked about." Link ate the rest of it anyway, and Zelda just sighed.

"Hey, Older Me."

Link licked his spoon clean – he rarely used a fork for anything, he preferred spoons or sporks instead.

"What, Younger Self?"

Young Link kicked at the carpet and toyed with the opening of his milk carton. "What's Marth been doing all this research for?"

Link blinked and stared. "What research?"

Young Link felt the urge to put a 'bang head here' sign on his desk. "Well. He's been looking up a lot of stuff about Nintendo Land's laws and… Yesterday, I overheard him talking to Master Hand about stuff."

Link, never one to turn down gossip, moved closer to his younger half. "Go on."

Young Link doubted his intentions, but he was just as bad with gossip. "He was talking about, uh, papers of sorts. Something about unions."

Link scratched his cheek as he pondered on what that meant. "Does he have notes or anything strange concerning these 'unions'?" He even made air quotes around the word 'unions'.

"Yeah, he has notes, but they're not in English or Japanese, so I couldn't read them."

Link cursed. Damn Marth for writing everything in Altean and him not being able to understand it.

"I'll have to keep tabs on this story," Link said. "This sounds really interesting."

 _And besides, Roy might know something about it_.

-x-

"Papers on unions…?" Roy had no expression on his face when he said this and Link felt very disappointed.

"Yeah, you know…" Link made all sorts of gestures with his hands, and he nearly slapped himself and someone going to their locker in the break between fourth and fifth periods. "Papers. On unions." Link made it quite obvious he was just as clueless as Roy about these papers.

Roy still didn't understand, and Link was getting aggravated.

"Link, there are many different unions. There are marriage unions—"

"Marth's already married, so it can't be that."

"—And there are work unions, like the one for teachers. Maybe he was getting dirt on them or something."

Roy slid the door to their Japanese class open and bowed before entering. Link didn't even bother. Both made a bee-line for their desks and they dropped their things. Roy massaged his temples in an attempt to put a stop to a headache.

"In any case, Link," Roy said as he sat down, "it doesn't really matter what he's doing. Let the man have at least _one_ secret, okay?"

Stephenie and Nicholas entered as they always did – noisily. Nicholas was complaining about his job at OrangeFly and the ungrateful customers to the point where Stephenie was zoned out. Gary nearly tripped over the cord of the fan and almost impaled himself on the flag stand. Not like he would've died or anything, because he was Albert Wesker's son, and Wesker had some pretty unorthodox methods concerning death and its prevention. In his attempt to thwart off his own death, he grabbed onto the closest thing to him to keep balance.

"What the fuck, Wesker?"

That 'closest thing' happened to be Nicholas's pants. The auburn haired teen stood next to his girlfriend in his Metal Gear boxer shorts with his pants around his ankles, seemingly perturbed only because Gary put them on display.

"It was either this or impaling myself on the pole," Gary spat as he picked himself off the ground.

"I'd rather you'd speared yourself." Nicholas glared, grabbed his pants, and pulled them back up.

Gary had to admit, Nicholas _did_ have a nice arse.

 _Wait. What? Redfield with a nice ass? No. No no no. Nonononono. Definitely not. Not my sworn enemy! I'd rather make out with Mewtwo than think_   
_  
**Nicholas Redfield's ass**   
_   
_was nice._

After he seated himself on the other side of Nicholas, he thought, _What would my father think?_

He already knew the answer to that. Albert Wesker would murder him.

At least he couldn't say his father was trying to win some sort of 'Father of the Year' award.

Mewtwo floated into the classroom just as the bell sounded.

"You know the drill," Mewtwo said, sounding a little calmer than he did in the morning. " _Kiritsu_."

Everyone in the room stood as they did every Japanese class.

" _Ohayo gozaimasu_."

" _Ohayo gozaimasu, sensei_ ," the class responded, to Mewtwo's satisfaction.

" _Rei_!"

They all bowed to each other, then took their seats. Gary nearly missed his – clearly it just wasn't his day.

"As I have done with all my periods today, I will be showing you the third part of 'Immerse Yourself in Japanese Culture', featuring Jun Fukuyama and Takehito Koyasu, if that matters. A few people in my second period fainted after saying, 'Koyasu-sama is so _sexy_!' so I figured I'd warn everyone."

Stephenie was suddenly compelled to put her DS away and actually pay attention for once.

"I will be over here grading papers and doing anything but teaching, so if you have any questions, I don't want to hear them, unless someone is dying or in desperate need of the bathroom. And even then, I might not give in." Mewtwo even added in a little laugh, which greatly weirded Kweenetra out. The psychic pressed play on the remote for the DVD player and the video played out.

Robert and Kweenetra could care less about the video and instead made out in the back corner of the room; Dean was like Ness and Immersed Himself into Japanese Culture – perhaps too much; Gary wrote profane things on his desk in Expo marker; Roy and Link got into an argument over what the heck a 'union' was.

"It's gotta be work related," Roy said, crossing his arms.

"Surely it's gotta have something to do with the Manse," Link argued. "He went to Master Hand about union forms and blessings and crap."

After giving it some thought, Roy said, "That sounds more like something having to do with marriage."

Link banged his head against the wall. "You and I both know Marth is _married_."

Sitting behind them was Nicholas, who was looking at the TV, but not actually paying attention, and Stephenie, who had to practically glue herself to her seat so she wouldn't molest the telly. Unfortunately for Mewtwo, Stephenie had a thing for _both_ actors in this educational video. They were two of her favourite seiyuu, after all.

"God, I would tap that so hard," she said wistfully, and Nicholas made a gagging sound.

Unfortunately for everyone's sanity, Koyasu Takehito decided to say something, to which Stephenie screamed, "Zechs!" and nearly fainted.

"That's not Zechs!" Dean said, almost saying 'sex' instead. Little did he know that it was actually common to say 'Colonel Sex' instead of 'Colonel Zechs' in causal conversation.

"He also does Aya from Weiss, Kelpie in Hakushaku to Yousei, Yoru in Sukisho, and about five hundred sixty seven other people," said Stephenie, who was trying hard to not die from her heart exploding.

Nicholas pounded his head against his desk in an attempt to end his life.

"Oh wait, Roy – that guy sounds like you!"

Roy smacked Link upside the back of his head.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"First Marth sounds like Midorikawa Hikaru, the next thing I know Jun Fukuyama sounds like _me_?"

Link deadpanned. "I told you before you sounded like Lelouch from Code Geass."

Roy scoffed. "I do not. My voice isn't that deep."

"Does Marth sound like Mira from Papa to Kiss in the Dark when he has sex?"

Roy was totally not touching that topic.

-x-

Marth was scouring the school library for information on his little secret, the first thing he had kept from Roy since he confessed his feelings last year. After all, Marth was doing the research because Roy _was_ involved – he just didn't know it. He pulled yet another heavy tome from the shelf and carried it over to his table. He didn't bother supervising his class in the library because there weren't that many in it to begin with, so he just went off on his own and continued his research.

It was just as every other source said. Marth's marriage was only valid in his country, not in Nintendo Land. That made things simpler somehow – technically, he wasn't cheating on his wife, because Nintendo Land didn't see Marth married in its eyes, so him being with Roy was technically not illegal. For obvious reasons, Marth seemed to always worry about this, so to finally be told that he wasn't sinning or doing something that would require life imprisonment or castration was a relief.

He went through his stack of papers and found the appropriate forms. Master Hand had already signed the necessary parts, all he had to do was fill it out himself and get Roy to do the same.

 _But there is one thing I have to do before we get that far_. Marth absently caressed the piece of twisted metal in his pocket – a ring. He had to figure out the 'opportune moment' to ask, first of all, and before he actually _asked_ , he had to find a place to hide the ring. Its future owner couldn't find it or it would be moot.

Marth was ready for this, but was Roy on the same page as him?

 _It's time for that talk._ Marth felt anxious about it – he was never good at expressing his emotions in the first place, and with that talk, it would be crucial to do so. He would sit Roy down on their bed, take his hands, gaze into his eyes and go, "Roy, we need to talk about our future."

Yes. _Our future_. His heart fluttered at the thought of the plural possessive referring to him and Roy. True, there was a lot that needed to be sorted out, like what they would do after Roy was finished with high school, what about Pherae and Altea, and their general situation. He took a breath. There was so much to think about.

 _This is why communication is important_.

Marth closed the book and replaced it on the shelf.

He was ready, but was Roy? There was only one way to find out.

-x-

"So I have about twelve million pages of Geometry homework," Link complained as he followed Roy to the locker they shared. Roy undid the lock and opened the metal locker.

"That sucks," the general said as he stuffed his bag into the closet-like container. "I have absolutely no homework."

Link's brow furrowed as he retrieved his things. "We have Chem homework, don't we?"

Roy tipped back against the adjacent locker and watched Link empty his bag of all the subjects he didn't need.

"I finished the assignment."

Link blew a stray strand of hair from his face as he shouldered his back pack and closed the locker. He then made sure it was locked.

"Where's Ike?"

Link shrugged. "Probably has a detention. I think that's what he texted me about."

Roy pushed off the locker and walked to the front doors of the school with Link by his side.

"Zelda said you didn't give in your RSVP for her wedding."

Roy stretched. "I haven't filled it out yet 'cause I'm not sure if I'll even _be_ here." Roy usually went away early-August, to visit his ailing father.

"Right, you visit family and stuff."

Roy nodded once. "I want to be able to visit my father while he can still…function all right." He pushed on the bar of the door and opened it, giving way to the sunshine outside.

"What's wrong with him again?"

Roy cleared his throat. "He's dying from tuberculosis. At least, that's what they say. It acts more like lung cancer than TB."

Link was blinded temporarily from the sunlight, but got over it after they descended the stairs to the front walkway.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Link said.

"Don't be – he's been sick since I was fourteen. I've been taught to expect to receive a letter any day now."

Link squeezed Roy's shoulder. "Well, Marth and I are here, you know. In case the worst happens."

Roy smiled softly. "Yeah, I know. …Thanks."

Link returned the smile. "What're friends for, huh?"

Roy ran a hand through his hair as they slowly made their way home. "I really need a hair cut."

Link tsked. "Oh, it's not _that_ long. But if you want it cut, you can always ask Peach. She did mine and it turned out fine."

There was silence between the two. A few dozen cars passed them by, most of them playing loud rap music, some were playing the latest Miley Cyrus song, and others were playing normal rock music. No one seemed to notice since it was so common place, but Link grimaced and Roy was too busy pondering things.

"Hey, Link."

"Mmm?"

Roy shoved his hands in his blazer pockets. "Have you ever wanted to spend the rest of your life with someone?"

Link shook his head. "Not really. I haven't even given it much thought." He paused for a second before adding, "Why? Do you feel that way about Marth?"

Roy sighed and looked at the trees surrounding them. "Marth and I very briefly talked about our future. He always says, 'When we come to that bridge, we'll cross it then,' and it's like, I want to _know_. I want to have an idea of what our future may hold. …I want to know if we'll even be together then."

"So what exactly are you saying?" Link wasn't sure he understood everything. "Are you saying you wanna _marry_ him?"

Roy made a noise that sounding like a mix between a chuckle and a scoff. "…Yeah. I guess I am saying that."

"But he's already—"

"I know. He's already married. Maybe I don't want to use that term. We could just live together in total happiness forever, you know?"

"You haven't even _been_ with anyone except Marth! How do you know he's the right guy?"

Roy sighed as they crossed the final stretch towards the Manse. "Point taken. I haven't had much experience in the whole 'dating world'. But my father didn't, either, and he was married to my mother for fifteen whole years before she died. He said it was 'love at first sight', and he knew she was the one."

"You know I'm totally supportive of you two, right?"

Roy nodded.

"Well, having that said, I'm just not sure you should be throwing your life away, you know? Having someone put a ring on your finger after saying he'll love you forever, and then you take their last name, and then suddenly you realize, 'I haven't seen everything yet,' but you're screwed now because you're in this whole contract. So now you need a divorce and—"

Roy stopped Link by covering the blond's mouth.

"I'm not rushing into anything. Besides, Marth might not even be ready for marriage, and who knows? He might not even _want_ that. And even if he _did_ propose to me, he'd probably wait about ten years or something absurd like that, with the excuse that I need to finish high school, go through college, start graduate school or find a career or _something_ before he'd dare to put that ring on my finger."

Link removed Roy's hand from his mouth.

"That would make you twenty six and him twenty nine if he waited that long." Link pursed his lips. "You'd both be kinda old."

Roy chuckled as they walked up the driveway. "I'd be married by now if we were in Pherae. Twenty six would be, well, old. I'd be a father at least three times over by that age."

Roy and Link stepped through the back door (it was ajar anyway, which was good since neither of them had their keys), where Link was greeted by Zelda and Peach squealing over wedding dresses, and Roy was greeted by someone pulling him into an embrace and kissing him hard.

Only Marth could kiss him like that, Roy thought as he opened his mouth to give Marth's access. The prince carefully led Roy up the stairs to the dormitories, where they swiftly made their way to their bedroom, shut and locked the door, and let instinct take over.

-x-

Roy ran a hand through his messy hair and stifled a yawn as Marth's arms encircled his waist once more.

"Roy…" Marth could hardly fight back a chuckle as he inhaled Roy's scent. It seemed like whenever he so much as grazed him, Roy managed to smell so much like him. Then again, the bedding smelled of him, too, and Roy had a penchant for not putting his own clothes on.

"Yeah?" He covered Marth's hands with his own and shivered slightly as Marth traced the juncture of his neck with his mouth.

"We need to talk."

Roy bit his lip. He was wondering when this topic would come up.

"I know," was all the red head could say.

Marth nuzzled him now and held him tighter. Roy had no objections.

"Do you want to speak first or should I go?" Roy asked.

"If you wish to go first, I have no objections."

Roy took a deep breath. "Marth… We've been together for a little over a year now, right? And during this time, well…I thought over a few things."

Roy shifted and tried to remember what those thoughts even _were_.

"Continue."

 _I promised myself I wouldn't beat around the bush with this_. "Marth, I want to spend the rest of my life with you." There. That was as blunt as Roy could make it without getting down on one knee and asking for Marth's hand.

"You honestly want to be with me for the rest of your life?" Marth seemed slightly taken aback by Roy's sudden confession.

 _Perhaps I'm rushing things_ , Marth thought, realising that he was second guessing himself again. _Maybe we should have more time to think this through_.

Roy fiddled with his school ring as he mulled over his words carefully. "I'm sure."

 _Does Roy know what he's really saying?_

"Roy, this isn't something you should take lightly. You need to really think about this."

Roy stared at their hands. "I _have_ been thinking about this – I said that already. I've been thinking about this since we decided to go steady. I…" Words were beginning to fail him now. "I love you, Marth – and I know you know that. I've never met anyone in my life who I connected to like this – there's this sensation, this feeling or intuition or whatever, that I never felt with anyone else except you. We're two halves of a whole, here." He wasn't sure if that made sense, but he knew Marth would be able to understand.

"…The problem is we're men, so even if we did want to get married, there would be few places to go," Marth said quietly. "And the fact that we hail from different places, even different continents. They might frown on this type of thing." If Marth was so self-conscious about it, they wouldn't have gotten as far as they did in the relationship. He thought he was over the whole 'this is taboo' phase.

"We can't get married in a church or anything," Roy stated. "I read about that somewhere. But neither of us is particularly religious, so that shouldn't really be much of a problem. We can always have a judge or someone 'marry' us…"

Marth sighed. "I suppose that is an option."

Roy pouted. "Even if we couldn't get married or anything, I wouldn't care, because I'm not in it for the ring or the vows or any of the pomp and circumstance. I'm here for the love. That's how much I want this to work, Marth."

Marth kissed Roy's shoulder. "You're serious about this, then? This is really what you want?"

Roy nodded. "It is. Marth, I love you, and eternity isn't nearly long enough for me to explain it. Don't think I'm joking – I'm serious."

Marth chuckled then, and Roy didn't quite understand what was so funny.

"I wasn't sure you were ready for a commitment like this, but apparently you and I are on the same page."

Roy chortled. "Yeah. But that's if we were to ever get, uh, joined. It's one thing to talk about it and plan for it; it's another to actually go through with it. But I figured I'd just, you know, say something just so you'd know how I felt."

Little did Roy know what Marth had planned for him.


	12. Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys: Year 3 Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Melee** **Academy** **of Higher Learning for Boys  
> **

**Melee**   
**Academy**   
**of Higher Learning for Boys  
**

 **Year Three  
**

 **-Twelve-**

The hallways of Melee Academy were uncharacteristically quiet, especially for it almost being eight in the morning. The halls were practically deserted, which was also unusual, and the few who walked up and down them questioned whether or not school was in session that day. No one caught wind of Tabuu calling off school – and really, what reason was there to? – so they just dismissed it as people coming in late. Or maybe they had even found another floor to hang out on.

"So prom's coming up," Link said as he and Roy slid down the wall of lockers and onto the floor. Link fiddled idly with his tie and Roy rested his eyes.

"And?" Roy sounded disinterested. He knew Link was going to try and get him to go, but it wouldn't work. Link's plans having to do with school functions usually backfired.

"You should go," Link said, nudging Roy in his side. "Ike and I are going."

Roy glanced at Link from the corner of his eye and sighed. "Have fun."

Link's face fell. "Oh, it'll be fun, Roy. You can, uh, find a date or something!" He paused to think of all the possible people Roy could go with. "You could go with Pit."

Roy glowered at him. "Definitely not. Marth would cut Pit's wings off and mount them over the fireplace in his study."

Link thought harder. "Get Marth to chaperone?"

"He has other things to do."

Link gave Roy a look. "Like _what_?"

Roy was silent. This just made Link even more curious.

"Roy?"

Roy found his shoes very interesting. He even idly inspected them.

"Spill it, Pherae." It was odd for Link to use Roy's last name, even in anger. He put his hands on his hips after shifting so he could do so. Link tended to have a flair for the dramatic.

"I… I saw—very briefly, mind you—what Marth's been doing these past few weeks. All the research and pages and pages of notes."

Link had the urge to get his memo pad out and take notes – he wasn't called 'Mr. Gossip' for nothing, after all, and he had a newspaper column to write for, too – but he resisted and instead listened intently.

"What'd they say?" He didn't even question how Roy could read them. Roy _was_ learning Altean – perhaps now he was knowledgeable enough to read it. Link didn't question much, really. Unless your name was Ganondorf Dragmire, in which case, Link made it his personal mission to find out every last detail.

"Link…" Why was his heart pounding so hard against his ribs? It felt like it would burrow a hole through his chest and spill out into his lap. "Link, I think Marth's planning on—"

Zelda came out of her classroom at that moment, interrupting Roy as if she had some sort of cue. Whatever she left for, she didn't look too pleased about it.

"Roy, I need a gay man's opinion," she said as her heels went _click click click_ on the linoleum the school seemed so fond of. (Master Hand insisted on marble tile, but Crazy Hand, who designed the school in the first place, just pushed his brother out the door, assured him linoleum was best, and slammed the door in his face.)

Roy pointed to Link.

"Ask him – he watches Queer Eye and idolizes Carson more than you'll ever know."

Link crossed his arms. "I'll have you know that just because I think he gives great fashion advice, doesn't mean I'm stereotypically _gay_. I'm happily bi _sexual_ , thank you."

Zelda cleared her throat and the two boys stopped their pointless chatter. "It doesn't matter – I just need an opinion of sorts."

Before either of them could ask what for, she shoved a magazine in their faces. Link received it and glanced at the picture.

"This is a wedding dress," Link said. "Oh, Zelda, this is _totally_ not my colour."

Roy resisted the urge to hit him upside the head. "Link, just because it isn't green, doesn't mean it'll look hideous on you."

"It's not for _you_ , anyway," Zelda pointed out. "Unless you and Ike are planning on getting married, but then you can get your own dress. This is for _me_. What do you think about it?"

Link stared at it in contemplative silence, occasionally turning the magazine this way and that, hoping that some glaring error would make itself known. The dress itself was floor-length with a rather long train; the bodice looked like it was actually more of a corset style, with silk ribbons lacing it up in the back. The bodice itself was actually a powder blue, and the skirt reminded Link of Cinderella. It came with opera style gloves, also powder blue in colour, with a tiara and a veil long enough to match the train of her dress.

 _This is kinda plain_ , Link thought, even though he had to admit it was quite impressive. _It's very…white._

Zelda tapped her foot impatiently. "Well?"

"It's nice," Link lied. _Definitely not something I'd let you wear if it was **us** getting married_.

Zelda beamed. "What about you, Roy? What do you think?"

Roy shrugged. He could care less about any sort of feminine clothing. "If you're happy with it, then I'm happy with it."

Zelda's smile got bigger and she even squealed a bit, as if Roy's opinion meant the world to her. Link handed her the magazine back just as Peach came by to use the bathroom – the women's bathroom on the fourth floor was rarely _not_ out of order, which annoyed Peach to no end. Zelda intercepted her and the two blonde princesses chattered about the wedding.

"You didn't really like it, did you," Roy stated when the two females ventured into the bathroom together; they babbled about what Zelda should have for the bridesmaids dresses now.

Link shook his head. "Nope. Not one bit."

They sat there for a bit before Link remembered what they were discussing previously.

"So what were you saying before?"

Roy didn't remember. "Something unimportant, probably."

"You were saying Marth was planning on something," Link prompted. He wanted details, and he wanted them now.

That seemed to spark something in Roy, for he said, "Oh yeah. That." He chuckled.

"Details, Roy."

Roy waved at Link, as if dismissing Link's need for information. "Well, it's ridiculous in the first place, but…"

"But?"

Roy did some sort of motion with his shoulders, and Link interpreted it to mean "I can't discuss this sort of thing here, wait later".

Link put on some music, and Roy could hear what was playing clear as day.

"Are you listening to Hilary _Duff_?" It was a little sad that Roy even knew that fact.

Link was dancing in his place and mouthing the words to 'Reach Out'.

"And what if I am?"

Roy shook his head. "Nothing."

 _I should be used to Link's weird taste in music._

Link didn't like the word 'weird' used for his taste in music. He preferred the word 'eclectic'. Everyone else just used the word 'bad' when it came to describing Link's taste in music.

-x-

"You know," Link began at the height of his yawn, "I'd like Chemistry if Marth didn't make it so damn _boring_."

Roy shrugged as he held his science text under his arm. "Chemistry isn't _supposed_ to be exciting, Link."

"I don't know why I signed up for the class in the first place – I'm not going to college. I'll probably be going back to Hyrule after all of this."

Roy rounded the corner with Link in tow to his Pre-Calc class.

"They're having a DDR tourney during lunch today," Link said as he read a flyer for it from its place on the beige-painted wall. "And a karaoke competition as well."

Roy rolled his eyes. "Oh, great, we'll get to see rhythmically uncoordinated people get raped in DDR and people who can't sing worth crap do just that. I think I'll go out to eat."

He slid the door of his class open and placed his things on his desk before returning to the hallway.

"But you have _Chorus_ , Roy! You can't just keep cutting the class."

"Sure I can," Roy answered. "Zelda's never said anything to me about it, anyway, and I haven't received any cut slips from Wesker, so…"

Nicholas zoomed into the classroom and nearly burned the rubber off his Oxfords, hoping with every fibre of his being that he wasn't late. There was no one else in the class, so he took his seat and caught his breath.

"Why did I bother with this class," he muttered as he opened up to last night's homework and fanned himself with it. "It's not like I need this class to graduate or anything – I have enough credits. Stupid counselor…"

Too bad no one cared about Nicholas's miniature monologue.

"Do you and Marth have like, a rendezvous or something during fourth? Does he bend you over his desk and go, 'Your score on the test was less than satisfactory, Mr. Pherae… You need to be punished like the bad boy you are…' and then pull your pants down, and then you go, 'Oh, Mr. Lowell, please, not here! I'll do better, I promise…'" Link then began to pretend he was having sex on top of a desk. Roy, meanwhile, turned a shade slightly lighter than his hair and ignored everyone's stares.

"Not…quite," Roy whispered, wishing for lightning to smite him where he stood.

Link smirked. "Then what _does_ he do?"

Roy muttered it in Link's ear, and his eyes went wide at the details.

"…Okay, you know what? That sounds like one of those pornos," Link remarked, staring at Roy with an unsurprised look on his face. It was like he was expecting Roy and Marth to be starring in a pornographic movie or something, the way he was reacting.

"No one ever uses the back counter anyway," said Roy as he messed with the flyer by the door. "And we do a good job at cleaning up."

More students trudged past the two swordsmen, books in their hands and solemn expressions on their faces. They looked like they were off to their execution instead of entering their Pre-Calculus class. Then again, maths wasn't very exciting to begin with.

"…Shouldn't you be off to your next class?"

Link looked at his watch. "It's only Hylian. I have straight A pluses, anyway, so what am I missing?" He peered into Roy's class. "Besides, this class looks okay."

"Link, this is a math class."

"Oh. Never mind, then, I retract my previous statement."

Roy never saw Link nearly kill himself trying to get down the stairs before.

 _Pre-Calc isn't **that** bad._

It wasn't anything to nearly kill one's self over, anyway. Unless you were Nicholas, who was freaking out because he missed the last two problems.

-x-

"Can you wait five seconds for me to—" Marth was silenced by Roy's mouth covering his, the room suddenly becoming so unbearably hot as Roy slipped his tongue into Marth's mouth that he was sure he would faint.

"No, I can't wait five seconds for you to get up from your stupid computer chair," Roy said, pulling away just an inch or so.

Roy scowled when Marth used a manila folder to block him just in time.

 _Always the strategically sneaky one_.

"So we could do it in the faculty lounge bathroom, and I could throw you up against the chalkboard back when you stole Mewtwo's job…"

"Don't forget what we did last year in the bathroom all the time," Marth added, putting the folder back on his desk as he resumed typing up the final exam review.

Roy crossed his arms. "And yet we can't do anything _here_? I mean, a classroom is a classroom."

Marth stopped typing and looked at Roy over the top of his glasses. "Mewtwo's classroom was more isolated, since it was in that corner, and the door was further in the wall than any of the other rooms. And we were in the corner of the room, which meant that no one would be able to _see_ anything." He typed a few more words before continuing. "And that's the important part—not being able to see anything."

Roy sat on top of the small filing cabinet Marth had to his immediate right. "There was another reason for why I was called here, wasn't there?"

Marth tapped impatiently on the keyboard's wrist rest. The internet service the school used really needed to be updated – who the hell used dial-up anymore for a business?

"Just give me one moment."

Roy sighed and shook his head. "Can you not multi-task or something, dear?"

"No."

"Well _that_ was apparent," said Roy sarcastically.

The internet decided to commit suicide just as Marth's upload hit ninety-nine point nine percent.

"I hate the school's computers," Marth muttered as he searched for a specific folder on his desk.

"So does the rest of the school, Marthy."

Marth almost forgot about the 'affectionate' nickname Link had given him, though Roy often claimed ownership for having coined it. He found it less annoying when Roy used it, of course.

"First 'dear' and now 'Marthy'?" _Where is that stupid folder_? He continued his quest to Find the Missing Folder.

Roy shrugged. "You're so hard to pick affectionate nicknames for, so I'm experimenting with different ones."

Marth chuckled. "I don't think anyone's called me 'dear' before, except maybe in a letter." _Still not able to find this stupid thing—since when was my desk such a mess_?

"Even then, I bet it's 'Dear King Marth, our Prince of Light and Resident Dark Dragon Slayer'."

Marth opened the cabinet drawer, which was located between Roy's legs, hoping to find a trace of the folder.

"You're close. They title them 'Dearest Majesty, King Marth of Altea, our Beacon of Light and Wielder of Falchion'."

Roy had a look of disbelief on his face.

 _I was only kidding, Marth. I can't believe they address their letters like that._

"I wish I were kidding," Marth said in reply to Roy's expression. "I'll have to show you one of the letters sometime. Aha!" He emerged from the deepest, darkest corner of the drawer (which was only the very back in reality), folder in hand. "I knew I didn't leave it somewhere."

Roy wanted to know what the hell was in that folder – it had to be held closed by a rubber band – and why it was so important.

"Is that what you wanted to show me? An overstuffed folder?"

Marth removed the rubber band. "Ha ha, Roy. No, it isn't."

When Roy saw the contents laid out in front of him, he was confused at first.

 _What **is** this_? Papers with all sorts of legalese filtered out into view, along with lists and signed parchment and a map of different places Roy didn't get a good look at.

"I don't get it."

Marth smirked. "Let's go to the park after school. I'll explain everything there." He found the paper he was looking for and placed it on his keyboard. He was hoping the internet wouldn't kill itself again just enough for Marth to Google something.

Roy looked puzzled. The park? Why there of all places?

"Why there?"

Marth took a separate folder, this one filled with students' work, and wheeled himself over to his other cabinet. It was labeled 'Periods 3 and 4', and Roy wasn't surprised at it. Marth labeled everything "for clarification purposes". He could be very anal about organization when he wanted to be.

"Because it's the beginning of April, Roy. The cherry blossoms will be in bloom, so it will be quite…scenic." Marth would have used the word 'romantic', but he thought what he said was sappy enough without it.

Roy chuckled. "Are you asking me on a date, Marth?"

Marth almost closed the drawer on his hand. Well, he closed it gently on his hand, rather than slammed the thing closed.

Roy looked very amused. "I'm taking that as a 'Yes, Roy, I am' answer."

Marth nursed his wounded hand. It _was_ made of metal, and metal and flesh were not the best of friends. "Take it however you wish."

Roy pulled Marth over to him, taking care to yank on his good hand. Marth almost landed in his lap. Instead, Marth caught himself using his arms, and towered over Roy, their faces inches apart. He flushed when Roy wrapped his legs around his waist and pulled him closer.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're adorable when you get all flustered?" Roy made a point to play around with Marth's tie.

Marth was now the colour of a red rose. "N-Not really, no." He was avoiding Roy's eyes again.

Roy smirked. "Aren't _you_ the one who's supposed to exude authority on _me_ and not the other way around?" He had Marth's tie wrapped around his hand now, and he tugged on it. Now their noses were practically touching.

"Well, Mr. Lowell?" Marth hoped Roy didn't know that he got so turned on from him sounding so seductive. In fact, he found it a little harder to breathe.

Marth managed to gain control of himself and instead pulled Roy so he now sat at the edge of the cabinet top. Roy, not expecting it, nearly cried out.

Well, he did, but to Marth it sounded like a moan against his lips.

-x-

"You look flustered," Link remarked as Roy clumsily rebuttoned his shirt on the way to Mewtwo's class. Roy was thankful he always wore a wife beater under his uniform, otherwise some unsuspecting student might pass out from the hotness that was half-shirtless him.

"Not as flustered as Marth." He took his books back from Link and sighed contentedly, not caring that his shirt was misbuttoned. You wouldn't notice unless someone either pointed it out or you looked close enough.

"Is it really that hard to keep it in your pants for six hours?"

Roy shot Link a death glare. "Says the boy who demands Ike to fuck him up against the lockers."

Link was almost the same shade of red as Roy's hair. "Yeah, but we've never actually _done it_ against the lockers."

"You did so!"

"When? Where?"

They stopped a short distance from room 221, where Roy confronted Link head-on.

"The locker rooms after midterms for gym were over."

Link tittered and scratched the back of his head. "Oh yeah…," he said quietly. "But that was the locker rooms! There wasn't a soul in sight."

Roy merely shook his head and stepped into the room, bowed, and took his seat at his assigned desk. Link shrugged and dropped all of his books on his desk.

"You and Ike'll have to walk home by yourselves today," Roy said as he got himself organized.

"Why?"

"Because I'm getting a ride from Marth."

Link snickered. "I thought _you_ were the one who rode _him_?"

Roy didn't see the joke right away. "I would, but I don't have my lic— _Link_!"

Five seconds later, Link was nursing his left arm.

"I hope you know I use this arm to _write with_ ," Link said with grit teeth, "and that this'll probably leave a bruise."

Roy gave a curt nod. "Serves you right."

"You know," Link said as he rummaged for his frozen water bottle in his bag, "I think Marth's rubbed off on you."

Roy shook his head. "Nah. Marth threatens to punch you in the arm the next time you make a perverted joke. I actually _do_."

Link put the frozen beverage on his bruised limb, wincing from the discomfort the cold brought.

"You didn't even give warning!"

Roy pointed to his head. "I have red hair. That should give some warning."

"Since when did you act like a stereotypical red head?"

Roy deadpanned. "Obviously you're not good at understanding sarcasm. Although they _do_ say red heads are good in bed…" He grinned goofily.

Link blinked. "…Are they?"

Roy shrugged, the wistful reverie over at once. "Ask Marth. I'm sure he could tell you."

Whilst Roy and Link were talking about their sex lives once more, Nicholas and Stephenie were outside the classroom, practically feeling each other up. Passers-by almost collided with the wall from gawking.

"Get a room!" one student yelled.

"Redfield, we have a Code 2-4-6 near room 221," said a cardboard box nearby into a walkie-talkie. No one questioned his sight one bit.

"Which one?" a feminine voice replied over the static.

"Either of you," a gruff voice replied back. "Whoever's closest to room 221."

Gary Stu Wesker strolled into the classroom with a rather angry look on his features. Maybe it was the way he wore his hair today, but he looked like a mini-clone of his father. Then again, no one was sure he _wasn't_ a clone of his father, but that wasn't the point. If Albert Wesker was an eighteen year old schoolboy, he would've looked like Gary Stu Wesker. Except Gary had blue eyes and he didn't possess superhuman powers, but Wesker was that way at some point, too.

 _Stupid Kennedy stealing equally stupid Redfield_ , he thought as he plopped down onto his seat. _If it weren't for the fact that her father could—and would—kick my ass, I'd teach her a lesson or five on why you shouldn't steal people. It's not nice._

"How could this happen me?" Gary shouted to the heavens above. "I made my mistakes! Why must I suffer?" He then sobbed into his arms.

Unfortunately for Mewtwo, he took that moment to walk into the room.

 _Why did I take this job back_?

He then promptly walked right back out. He was going to hand in those stupid resignation papers first thing after school, or do something stupid to get him fired.

"I'll be right back," Stephenie said after she and Nicholas walked into the room. She handed him her bag and smiled.

"Where're you going?" he asked, following her out the door with his eyes.

"Bathroom." She then hightailed it out of there like Dr. Salvador was chasing after her with a chainsaw. If that were the case, she could just call her father up and he would blow him to pieces with his shotgun. And then kick him while he was down.

Nicholas put her things on her chair and then sat down on his.

 _Stephi's been doing that a lot lately_ , he thought as he looked around the room. _I'm a little concerned._

And then it dawned on him.

 _Oh man, I bet she's got her-_ He then shivered in disgust. _That means a whole week without anything._ He groaned and placed his head in his hands. Gary was still sobbing over his pathetic life on his other side, and he didn't notice.

Kweenetra waddled into the room, her boyfriend not far behind her and her boyfriend's brother behind him. She was wearing a uniform that was clearly not her size, and everyone stared at the reason for it.

"Don't. Say. Anything," she warned as Robert pulled her seat out for her. She sort of fell onto it and squirmed a bit to get comfortable.

"You're all looking like you've never seen a pregnant girl before," Mewtwo said as he floated into the room. _I'm teaching a trainwreck_ , he thought the entire time.

Stephenie made it back just before the bell rang, and she nearly cried at the sight of Kweenetra.

"I appreciate the support," the sophomore said sarcastically.

 _Oh gods, that's what I'm gonna look like someday_? Stephenie thought as she made her way over to Nicholas. She then stared at her own stomach, as if she were expecting it to suddenly morph into something else.

"Everything okay, babe?" Nicholas wrapped his arm around her shoulders and squeezed her gently.

She nodded emphatically. "Of course."

"Hey, you two! Stop practically having sex in the hallway and get to class!"

Nicholas and Stephenie both immediately recognized that voice as everyone else looked towards the open door.

"What're you gonna do, cut it off?"

There was the sound of a gun cocking.

"No, I'll blow it off instead."

There was a shriek then, and no one was sure if it was the boy or the girl.

"Now zip up and get to class."

Nicholas gulped and crossed his legs and Mewtwo got his roll book all organised. "Your dad's scary."

"Y-Yeah," she replied with a nervous laugh. "But he's a real softie underneath all of that."

"Did the bell ring?" Dean asked as he doodled two ninjas fighting each other on his notebook cover.

Mewtwo looked at the clock. "I didn't hear anything."

"So do you think Marth's gonna propose or something?" Link asked as Dean and Mewtwo got into a discussion about the bell.

Roy flushed a little. "Aren't you rushing things a little?"

Link waved at him dismissively. "Nonsense. You and Marth have been going out for like, a year and a half now, and you've been going steady for how long?"

"A little more than four months now."

Link opened up his textbook for the first time in three years. "So you know, maybe it's time for him to step up to the plate and swing." He wasn't sure if that was the right metaphor, but he didn't really care. "Maybe he wants to make an honest man outta you."

Roy blinked. "You make it sound like he got me knocked up or something."

Link poked Roy's abdomen with the eraser side of his pencil. "That'd be something." He then rubbed it like there actually _was_ a baby in there.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"You have nice abs. Oh, and your shirt is buttoned wrong."

Roy pushed Link's hand away then. "Anyway."

"I mean Roy, listen to me. Going to the park at this time of year, when the cherry blossoms are in bloom, is probably the most romantic thing aside from going to Hawaii."

Roy looked puzzled. "Hawaii…?"

"It's some place Zelda keeps talking about. 'S supposed to be really nice."

"Oh."

"Anyway." Link wanted the topic back to Marth and Roy. "I swear he's gonna ask you to be his…uh… Well. His partner person dude guy."

"Mewtwo-sensei, are we doing anything today?" Dean asked.

Mewtwo was busy reading the newspaper. "Not unless you want to teach the class."

Dean sighed, disappointed. "Man, I wanted to immerse myself in Japanese culture, just like those videos you make us watch."

"Well tough shit."

Dean looked slightly affronted. "Mewtwo-sensei, you act like my German teacher, Meister Schuldig."

Mewtwo laughed evilly. "That's because Schuldig and I often swap tips on how to torture the students. It's easier for him, though, because he can easily screw with people's heads by listening to their thoughts and…'suggest' things. I have to think about it and think of better ways."

Dean didn't know what to say. "Whaddya mean he can listen to people's thoughts?"

Mewtwo put the paper down and gave Dean a look. "He's a telepath."

Dean stood from his seat, knocking his chair over and almost up-ending the desk. " _What_?"

Suddenly, Mewtwo blurted out, "Have you ever watched Live Pastel Collection, Dean?"

Dean nearly fell to the floor. He wasn't expecting such a question. Neither were the rest of his classmates, for they looked at Mewtwo with a look that said, collectively, "What the frig?"

"Uhm, a little," Dean admitted when he fell onto his seat. "Why?"

"Which one?" Mewtwo pressed.

"2005, I think."

Mewtwo hummed slightly. His suspicions were correct.

"What the heck does this have to do with anything?" Kweenetra asked, not understanding what was going on.

"All of my students who do that whole routine you just did have all watched that particular segment. Usually they're boys, and the girls swoon over it and say incomprehensible things."

No one spoke for a moment.

"Apparently it's only interesting when hot people do it."

-x-

"Do you have an idea about what Mewtwo's whole thing was about?" Link asked as he and Roy walked to the third floor.

Roy shook his head.

"Well, you remember what Marth did during exams freshman year, right?"

Roy thought back to two years ago, during midterms for Mewtwo's class.

 _"Mr. Lowell, stop cheating or I will rip up your exam," Mewtwo warned the prince. He had eyes like a hawk, but the sad part was Marth wasn't even cheating._

 _Marth, affronted, stood abruptly from his seat, knocked his chair over and almost got hung up on his desk._

 _"What?" he screamed, ignoring the chaos he was causing._

"Oh ye _ah_ ," Roy said. "The whole desk thing."

"Well apparently, it's in some show called 'Live Pastel Collection 2005'," Link went on.

"Marth's not into all that Japanese voice actor event stuff, though," Roy said, "so I doubt he'd watched it beforehand."

Link tapped his pencil against his chin in thought. "It's too big of a coincidence."

They walked up the stairs to get to their sixth period classes – AP English for Link, History for Roy. Both needed to go up two flights of stairs in order to get to the third floor, which meant that no matter what staircase they went up, it would be extremely busy and slow-moving. After shoving through the crowds, they both went past the front desk – each of them grabbing the school magazine aptly titled 'Melee Academy's NINTENDIAN POWERZ' – and continued on their merry way.

On their journey, they spotted Dedede and Ganondorf in a fight with each other. It was quite a sight to behold – Dedede staring up at Ganondorf, fists clenched and teeth bared. Ganondorf looked unfazed by everything and simply crossed his arms.

"What is your _point_ , Dedede?"

Dedede gulped, though most didn't notice. "You _must_ practice the blackest magics! That makes you a warlock! …Or at least a very bad man."

Ganondorf laughed from deep within his throat. "How long did it take you to figure _that_ one out? Enlighten me."

There was a ring of students inching closer and closer each second. Everyone was interested in what was going on, save for Link and Roy, who just kept on walking. They didn't care about the accusations Dedede was throwing at Ganondorf.

"Maybe Dedede should live with us for a while," Link said as they came to his class. "Then he could see that Ganondorf really _is_ that evil."

Roy simply shook his head as they said their goodbyes; Roy continued his trek around the hall and was surprised to see Terry and his group of fanpoodles trailing behind him.

"Well if it isn't Pherae," Terry said with a sneer that would make even Draco Malfoy look down on him. One of the so-called 'sluttiest' male cheerleaders was practically making out with Terry's neck, complete with the schmoopy sounds no one really wanted to hear. Roy pretended he neither heard nor saw Terry and tried to go on his way. Terry didn't like that, however. Breaking the one fanpoodle's grasp on him, he lunged straight for the general, grabbed his arm, and flung him into the lockers. Roy hissed from the pain and was greeted by Terry's chocolate brown eyes.

"What the _hell_?" said Roy through grit teeth as he tried to wish away the pain creeping up his spine. "Do you _mind_?"

Terry smirked and got right in Roy's face. "When I say hello to you, you _answer me_."

Roy scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Since when was there a law saying I _had_ to?"

"Since I decided you high and mighty sons-of-bitches needed to get off your goddamned horses and look at us."

"I did nothing to you," Roy argued. "All I did was get together with Marth. Is that a capital offence punishable by bullying or something? Because if it is, grow the hell up and act like an adult. I have no time to waste with five year olds in the sandbox arguing over something utterly stupid."

There was an audible crack and Roy yelped. Terry hoped he broke Roy's wrist.

"See? This is what I'm talking about. Well guess what? I don't _give a fuck_ about you and Marth dating!" He punctuated every word with a twist of Roy's probably-broken wrist, and Roy was trying to figure out just where to kick him so he'd back off.

"Then why do you harass me so much, Terry? Is it because you like me and you're just too _dumb_ to come out and say it?"

Terry let go of Roy's wrist and instead pinned his shoulders to the lockers.

"I mean, really, that's so second grade," Roy continued. "And I don't date second graders, either. That would make me a borderline paedophile."

Terry grabbed Roy's head and aimed for the kill. Roy had never felt so violated in his entire life.

"Ohmigod, Terry-chan~! Are you daijoubu?" one of his fanpoodles said in typical Weeaboo Japanese.

Terry was too busy clutching his mouth to respond. It was hard to talk anyway with a half-bitten-off-tongue in your hand, anyway. And he was too blinded by pain to run after the red head, so he instead settled for cursing at him in his head.

Roy went into the nearest bathroom, ran over to the nearest stall, and promptly threw up.

You'd throw up too if Terry – whose breath smelled like a mixture of garlic and old gym socks – shoved his tongue in your mouth. Once he was done reviewing his lunch, he weakly walked out of the stall, saw no one in there still, and decided to text Marth about what had just happened.

When Marth heard his phone vibrate, he figured it was Link being stupid with the chain texts. He reached for the phone concealed on his desk just as his students began working on their note-taking, and clicked on the '1 unread message' box that was flashing at him.

 _Terry fucking shoved his tongue down my throat_ , the message read, and upon seeing it was from Roy, Marth felt the need to hunt Terry down and shove the cellular device in a very uncomfortable area. After all, no one messed with Marth's loved ones and got away unscathed. But since Marth was a teacher and in the middle of a lesson, he settled for texting Roy back and then slamming the phone back on the desk.

When Marth got up from his desk and asked a nearby teacher to watch his class, he opened and closed the door none-too-gently and nearly ripped the stairwell door off its hinges. Just where was Marth going?

To guidance. Marth had had enough of Terry's crap and was going to report it like he should have done two years ago.

-x-

For Roy, English was none-too-eventful. His teacher was starting on _The Grapes of Wrath_ , and the class groaned at the mere thought of reading something longer than two paragraphs.

"But this book is _exciting_!" Mario said as he tried to get everyone else as hyped up as him. "It's about how the government isn't very good when it comes to certain things and we might be able to relate and—"

"Who _cares_?" asked one student. Others murmured in agreement. Roy was staring out the window and didn't care one way or another.

"Everyone pick up your pens and pencils and copy down the notes I have on John Steinbeck."

Roy sighed as he looked at his now-useless hand. It was put in a brace similar to what kids used to protect their wrists whilst roller-blading, in case they fell.

 _Stupid Terry spraining my wrist_. He was lucky it wasn't broken, Dr. Mario told him. _But then I could have sued him for my medical bills and pain and suffering_. He scoffed into his good hand and decided taking notes wasn't worth the pain.

The classroom phone rang and Mario, being quite short, couldn't really reach it. He nearly tripped over someone's bag trying to get to where it was to begin with, and now he had another obstacle to overcome. So one of the students took the receiver off the cradle and handed it to him.

"Yes, thank you," he said in his thick Italian accent as he placed the phone to his ear. "Hello, room 306." He listened intently to the person on the other end; Mario looked about the room and saw the person they were asking for, so he replied with, "Yes, he is here. …I'll be sure to send him. No problem. Bye." He then handed the receiver back to the student and they hung up the phone.

Mario strolled back to the front of the room and wrote out a hall pass.

"Roy, guidance wants you," he said as he ripped the paper off the pad's backing. Roy said nothing, just grabbed his things, took the note, and left. He didn't even ask any questions, like what the hell did he do to go there in the first place. He had a hunch, anyway.

"Ooh, I bet he did something bad!" said one student, and Mario immediately told them to be quiet and continue to take notes.

Roy walked the very short distance to the guidance suite and slid the door open before taking a look around. For once, the place was almost completely deserted, save for the secretary and the students who worked there for work credits. He slid the door closed and walked over to the secretary.

"I was called down here for something?"

The secretary, a rather large woman with a tired face, looked up at him and gestured to his counselor's door. "Your counselor wishes to talk to you about an incident that happened earlier."

 _Oh great, I'm in trouble for almost biting someone's tongue off in self-defence. Wonderful_ , Roy thought as he thanked the woman and walked to his counselor's. _Just wait until Father hears about this. It'll be enough to kill him_.

He knocked on the door jamb out of courtesy since the door was open, and was surprised to see Marth was in there as well.

"Ma—Mr. Lowell? What are you doing here?"

His counselor cleared his throat and closed the door for privacy.

"Mr. Lowell contacted me with some rather disturbing news," Mr. Twelve said as he gestured for Roy to sit in one of the chairs. Roy stiffly sat down next to Marth and looked at the computer desk instead.

"What news is this?"

Mr. Twelve too sat down and turned to face them both. "I'm not going to get into exactly _how_ you managed to find out Mr. Lowell's cell phone number, but apparently he received a text message from you saying that Mr. Bocheski 'effing shoved his tongue in my mouth'." He then looked to the red head for clarification.

"He did." Roy managed to stare back into Mr. Twelve's eyes. "If I'm remembering my laws correctly, that's sexual assault."

Mr. Twelve cleared his throat and grabbed another piece of paper. "Well, Mr. Bocheski wrote a testimony stating that you egged him on through taunting and teasing. He said, 'Roy kept saying, 'Don't you love me?' and I went, 'No! No, of course not!' because I knew he was already in a relationship with'—"

Mr. Twelve then stared at the paper. Clearly this was the first time he had seen said testimony, since he gazed surprised at the words on it.

"Yes?" Marth said, clearly wanting this to be over with so Terry could get his just desserts. "Roy is in a relationship. What does this have to do with anything? There is evidence that Terry shoved his tongue into Roy's mouth. Regardless of whether or not Roy was taunting or teasing or doing anything to provoke him, Terry could have just walked away." He spoke like a lawyer on _Law and Order_.

"That isn't the point, Mr. Lowell. I am just telling you what Mr. Bocheski—"

"Isn't his last name Boche _f_ ski? Everyone I know says Bocheski and it bothers me because there's an 'f' in there." Roy was confused all the while due to them not pronouncing it correctly.

Marth crossed his arms. "…I believe that's what it is."

Mr. Twelve was getting a little annoyed. "That isn't the point."

"Then what _is_? I reported it because Terry's been terrorizing Roy and I for two years. I thought that once I graduated it would stop. But he's instead turned his sights on Roy, and this was the last straw."

Mr. Twelve sighed. "Mr. Pherae, what is your side of the story?"

Roy kicked at the floor as he recounted what had happened before sixth period that day. Marth winced when Roy described, in really gruesome detail, the cracking his wrist made, and both he and Mr. Twelve discreetly shuddered when Roy talked of biting Terry's tongue.

"I didn't bite it almost _off_ , though," Roy finished. "It was a little worse than when you bite it accidentally from eating something. He's blowing it all out of proportion."

Mr. Twelve wrote something down on loose-leaf once Roy was all done.

"I'm going to talk to Master Hand and have him press charges on Terry on my behalf," Roy said as he gestured to his wrist. "This affects my ability to perform in the Tournament, and as you know, that's the only reason I can go here for free, so I'm also going to sue him for pain and suffering and any medical expenses I've collected because of this."

Mr. Twelve nodded and made note of it.

"There's something else I wanted to talk about," he said as Roy and Marth got up to leave. They sat back down, Marth a little more gracefully than Roy.

"What is it?" Roy asked. After all, he had class to return to, and Marth wasn't on his prep period yet.

Mr. Twelve looked very uncomfortable, but it was only noticeable for a split second before he launched into his question.

"Are you two…involved with each other?"

There was the sound of shattered glass, and someone muttered, "Shit!" outside the door.

"It's rather complicated," Marth admitted. "Complicated and rather long."

Mr. Twelve leaned back in his chair, which made a squeaking noise in response. "I've got time, Mr. Lowell."

Marth inhaled deeply, held it for a moment, and then released it, as if mentally preparing himself.

"Well… As you know, I was a Fourth Year here last year and…Roy and I were seeing each other then."

"Then he became a teacher and I didn't know what to do—"

"—and we didn't really know who to ask, so—"

"—we just decided to keep it hush-hush," Roy finished, ending the verbal ping-pong conversation.

Mr. Twelve took more notes, like he was some sort of psychiatrist. (Truth be told, Mr. Twelve majored in Psychology and aspired to become a psychiatrist. Then Master Hand told him only wimps became psychiatrists, so he ended up as a guidance counselor. He was not really thrilled with his job.)

"How old are you, Roy?"

"Seventeen."

Mr. Twelve then looked to Marth. "And you are what, twenty?"

"Nineteen going on twenty." Marth didn't want to be any older than he already was.

Mr. Twelve sighed once more. "It's still illegal on a technicality since he's a minor."

"But the Romeo and Juliet Clause states that there can be up to four years between a couple before it isn't legal," Roy said, shifting in his seat.

Mr. Twelve leaned forward in his seat. "That is for heterosexual couples only, I'm afraid. The law states that two people involved in a homosexual relationship must be of legal age." And then, when he saw the glare from Roy, added, "I didn't make the legislation."

Marth folded his hands and rested them on his crossed knee. "What about students who are in a relationship with their teachers?"

"It's a little more complicated than that. The law dictates that, since you are in a position of authority over Roy here, you could potentially abuse that power and use him for your own gratification. Once he is eighteen that becomes less of a legal issue and more of a moral one."

"But Marth and I were involved before all of that," Roy piped in. "So what then?"

Mr. Twelve shrugged. "It is my understanding that you would have to end the relationship until you were of the proper age, or… There is one exception."

Roy leaned forward in his seat. "And that would be what?"

There was a small silence. What sounded like a cart moved past the door and the sounds of broken glass hitting metal permeated through the wood of the door. Roy felt a calloused hand graze against his own and looked to see it was Marth's. He took it and squeezed it gently, thankful for the silent reassurance that everything would work out.

"If you two were to be married… Or, rather, have a legal union as it is called for your joining… There would be no issue and we would have to honour and acknowledge your relationship."

The bell signaling the end of seventh period rang; it also signaled the end of the discussion at hand, and the beginning of Marth's plan.

-x-

Roy and Marth walked to the cafeteria for eighth period study in silence. The hallways smelled of lemon Mr. Clean and evergreen Pine-Sol, so their shoes squeaked along the newly-washed linoleum. The halls were also not as busy or as noisy as they usually were, and when they did pass by a group of students, they were whispering about the latest gossip. ("Did you hear about Terry?" whispered one boy to his friend as he eyed Roy coming down the hall.)

"I suppose everyone knows what happened between Terry and me," Roy said at last.

"Yes, but probably not the entire story," Marth replied. "He's probably spreading some heavily embellished story around to make him look like the victim."

They entered the cafeteria and saw Terry at one of the tables surrounded by his group of like-minded peers.

"So then I shoved him against the locker and basically told him he was an asshole," Terry said to his best friend Philippe. "An asshole who needed to stop being all high and mighty and at least acknowledge my existence. But _no_. So then I guess I snapped and I sort of broke his wrist. But that bastard deserved it."

They continued on to find an empty table and saw one in the back by the snack bar. Roy collapsed into one of the chairs, Marth next to him.

"Roy…"

"I won't be eighteen for another nine months," Roy said drearily. "…That means we shouldn't even be together until then."

Marth grasped Roy's chin and made him look at him. "Don't say that."

Roy laughed bitterly. "It's true."

Just when Marth was going to say something else, Roy interrupted him.

"Maybe we should have never gotten back together. Then we wouldn't be in this mess."

Marth let his hand drop from Roy's face and he instead tightly grasped his lover's hand.

"Roy, don't do this. Don't say it. You know in your heart that you don't want history to repeat itself again."

Roy sniffled. "I'm sorry, Marth…"

Marth shook his head. "No. You are _not_ going to hurt me like I hurt you. You are _not_ going to do the exact thing I did to you. We both know how it stabbed both of us in the heart."

Roy sniffled once more. Marth took Roy's face in both hands and wiped away his tears. Roy rested his hands on top of Marth's and bit his lip.

"You can't just give up so easily, Roy. We've come so far—too far—to just…let it go. _I'm_ not giving up on us. _You're_ not going to give up on us, either. Otherwise that talk we had a few weeks ago was meaningless."

Roy was shocked when Marth moved his chair closer and embraced him tightly. Marth didn't care who saw him, if they condemned them both in their minds.

"Sometimes I think my life would be so much easier if we had never met," Roy muttered into Marth's shoulder.

"It would be," Marth answered, petting Roy's hair. "But then it would also be very boring."

One of the other kids in Roy's study period came over with a rather confused look on her face.

"Mr. Lowell, where's the rest of the class?" Stephenie asked.

"Cutting," Marth replied. "If you don't want to stay, you're welcome to go elsewhere."

Stephenie squealed and immediately ran over to where Nicholas was. He grinned widely, linked their arms together, and ran out of the cafeteria to God only knew where.

"You know, something just occurred to me," Roy said as he crossed one of his legs with Marth's.

"What?"

"We haven't really cuddled much recently." Roy looked understandably downcast. "I miss it."

Marth blinked in surprise. "You want us to cuddle _here_? _Now_?"

Roy shrugged. "Why not? We're in the back corner of the cafeteria. No one's looking at us. No one would even care. Terry and his brood might even find it hot."

"No, Terry would only find it hot if it was something sexual," Marth corrected.

So, for old time's sake, Marth and Roy cuddled together in the back corner of the cafeteria, and contrary to what Roy said, everyone was staring. But they were staring more because the teacher they had a crush on was taken and cuddling with someone who wasn't them.

Then Ike entered the cafeteria and diverted all of the attention, much to Marth's and Roy's relief.

-x-

"You know, Marth," Roy said as they entered the park, "you were right. This _is_ scenic."

"What's even better is that there are few people around," Marth pointed out. "So we have the whole park to ourselves, pretty much."

They walked, hand-in-hand, staring at the cherry blossom trees that lined their path, until they reached what Roy would call a field and Marth would call a meadow. It was somewhat secluded and it was near the back of the park, so it was practically deserted. There was a small pond in the middle that reflected the trees in the water and had fish and the odd frog in there.

"Okay, forget 'scenic'," Roy said, "this is more 'romantic' than anything else."

Marth laughed. "It's a date, isn't it? Aren't they supposed to be romantic? Besides…" Marth flushed a little. "There's something I want to do here with you."

Roy chuckled. "Oh, Marth, I didn't know you were one to roll around in the grass!"

Marth turned the colour of Roy's hair. "I didn't mean _that_! Remember that folder I showed you?"

Roy nodded. "Yeah, that really big one."

"Well, that's why we're here. I wanted some privacy, so I took you to this meadow—"

"Field."

"It's a meadow, Roy. As I was saying, I wanted some privacy, so I brought you here."

"By 'privacy', you mean 'I didn't want us bothered by Link'."

Marth pulled Roy into the clearing and sat him down by the pond.

"So are you gonna tell me what this is all about?"

Marth took a deep breath. "Just as soon as I've figured out a way to really word it."

"I'm not asking for some eloquent speech, I'm asking for an explanation."

Marth took Roy's good hand in both his hands and used that as his focus.

"As you know, we've been going out for a year now, and we've been going steady for quite a while… It's been a long road filled with pot holes and detour signs and broken down traffic lights, but…I wouldn't wish to redo any of it."

Roy giggled. "I wouldn't, either."

Marth continued on with his speech. "You mean the world to me, Roy. When I wake up and see you there next to me, slumbering away, I can't help but think I don't deserve someone like you. Someone who actually understands me, who doesn't care about my title or my power or money or anything like that. You love me for me, for my flaws, for all the good things I do. We get into fights sometimes—"

"Over stupid things like whose socks are on the floor," Roy added.

"—but in the end, we start laughing over how trivial it was. It brings us closer together and…I've never felt this close to anyone before outside of my family, so… I have but one thing to ask you, Roy."

Without Roy having realized it, Marth had a ring half-way on his finger. He must have been mesmerized by Marth's speech creating skills to have _not_ noticed. He looked from the ring to Marth and then back again, before it dawned on him what Marth was about to ask.

"Roy… Forgive me if this sounds too forward, but… Let me be the one who always wipes away your tears, the one you always come to for comfort. Let me be the one you wake up to every morning and fall asleep next to every night. Let me take you and never let you go. Allow me to give you my heart and tell you it's yours forever so long as you accept this."

Roy didn't know how to really put how he was feeling into words, so he instead pushed his hand against Marth's, effectively sliding the ring onto his finger all the way; he then wrapped his arms around Marth's neck and kissed him with renewed passion.

"You were the only one anyway," Roy whispered against Marth's lips.

From behind one of the bushes in the park, Link held out his hand, palm up, expectantly. Ike groaned and handed over fifty dollars; Zelda, Peach, and Young Link did the same thing.

"I _told_ you," Link whispered as he counted the money he made. "But _no_ , you guys said it was impossible. Well! I proved you all wrong."

Peach clasped her hands together and sighed wistfully; Zelda dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief and tried not to cry, lest Peach follow suit.


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

**Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys**

 **Year Three**

 **-Epilogue-**

 **Author's Note:** There was only supposed to be twelve chapters originally. However, my subconscious thought I could do a better ending, hence why there's an epilogue here.

This is the real end of Year Three.

Thank you guys so much for your support through the year this story's been going on. Thank you to all the people who've stuck with me since Year Two, or even before that with Melee School Boys. Though I may not reply to your reviews, I read every single one and they always put a smile on my face. This is where I thank everyone, reviewers and readers alike.

Thank you all so much!

 _Jayden_

-x- _  
_

Roy rarely received any mail during his stay at The Manse. Sure, he got the occasional "WE WANT YOU FOR THE ARMY" mail, or even companies giving him free credit cards and money providing he sign his life away and vow to be their bitch. Sometimes he even received something from Lilina, his best friend back home, containing gifts that could only be found in Lycia, like certain fruits he enjoyed.

Roy was not prepared to receive a scarlet coloured envelope on this lovely August morning, where everyone was bright and cheerful for Zelda and Ganondorf's wedding later on in the day.

"What's that?" Marth asked when Roy returned to their bed. He leaned over the general's shoulder so he could have a closer look.

Roy turned the envelope over in his hands so he could see the seal. It was of a lighter red, almost like a crimson colour, and on it was his family's coat of arms.

"It's a letter from my father," Roy answered, and he cut the seal. "I wonder what this could be about?"

Marth encircled his arms around Roy's waist and murmured in his ear, "He probably misses you and wants to know how you're doing."

Roy pulled the folded letter out of the envelope and opened it so he could read it.

"But he knows that I'll be leaving in two days to visit. He couldn't've waited until then?"

Marth kissed Roy's jawline and pulled him closer. "Just read it, Roy. I'm sure there's an explanation in there."

 _Lord Roy,_

 _It is with a heavy heart that I must tell you of your father's passing. Due to his deteriorating condition, no letter or messenger on the fastest Pegasus would have been able to send for you in time._

Marth felt the muscles in Roy's shoulders and back tense ever so subtly, and knew that was a cause for concern; Roy was normally relaxed and quite laid back after all. That and Marth was very good at reading people – that part of his job as a king, after all – and he had been around Roy long enough to know when something was bothering him.

"Love?" When Roy didn't answer, Marth tried again with a more softer, "Roy?"

Roy swallowed hard as the news from the letter finally hit him. It hit him like a tidal wave would hit the shore during a storm, with the impact hard and unforgiving, with salt stinging his eyes and living a bitter taste in his mouth, and when the wave would recede, the sudden coldness left behind.

"My father… He died last night." He felt the tears stinging at his eyes, threatening to fall if he wasn't too careful.

Marth wasn't sure what to say except for a whispered, "I'm sorry."

Roy sniffled. "He was…ill for a long time. He… He deserves to rest… peacefully."

Marth hugged him tighter now – it was all he could really do.

"You don't have to be strong all the time, you know," Marth whispered. "You need to grieve instead of setting it aside."

"But I should have expected this—"

"I expected my father to die as well, eventually, in the heat of a battle… And I still wasn't prepared for the news of his death, either."

"But—"

"Roy… I'll be strong enough for the both of us. You don't have to hold it in anymore. It will drive you to the edge if you don't let it out."

When Marth felt the trembling and Roy clutching to him for dear life, he held him even closer than before.

 _I'll be strong enough for the both of us_.

-x-

 _Dear Zelda and Ganondorf,_

 _It is with my deepest regret that I must inform you that Marth and I will not be able to come to your wedding. There has been a death in my family, and as a result, I will not be able to make it. Since Marth is coming with me, he will not be able to attend, either._

 _Apologies for any inconvenience we have caused. I know this is short notice, and I am sorry for that as well._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Roy (and Marth)_

Zelda quietly pocketed the note just as the wedding guests began to arrive. Samus was scowling as she munched on hors d'oeuvres. Zelda had had a little pre-wedding party just to calm everyone's nerves, and of course the best thing to calm people's nerves was food. Peach was happy as could be in her gown of light blue and ivory with gold trim, admiring the flowers adorning the pews, the red carpet runner that carved a straight path right to the altar, and how tastefully dressed everyone was. She remembered Luigi and Daisy's wedding, where most of the guests looked like they had just woken up and stepped out of the house. She shook her head, ridding negative thoughts from her head. This was Zelda's special day! No need to remember horrid wedding disasters now…

"You're acting like this is just a regular day," Peach remarked as she toyed with her bouquet.

Zelda shrugged. "Just because I'm getting married, doesn't mean this day can't be a normal one."

Link shot Ganondorf a glare as he went past to get to Zelda.

"Zelda, I need the rings."

Zelda flushed as she retrieved them. "…Almost forgot."

Link took them and placed them in his tuxedo jacket's pocket.

"Hey, Peach, where're Roy and Marth? Shouldn't they be here by now?"

Peach shrugged. "Why would I know where they are? I'm not in charge of that."

"They're not coming."

Everyone looked at Zelda then. She didn't look perturbed in the least by this fact.

"But they're like, the only groomsmen you have!" Link said, unaware of the acoustics amplifying his voice so everyone could hear.

Peach motioned with her hands for him to quiet down. "Link, we're in a church. Please calm down."

"Peach and Samus were going to walk down by themselves anyway, so why is it such a big deal?"

Link stood there with a blank look on his face. "See, Zelda, this is a sign you shouldn't've married Ganondorf. Marth and Roy deserted you."

Link didn't see the death glare Ganondorf gave him.

"That's not the reason in the least," Zelda replied, still calm as ever.

"Then what?"

"There has been a death in Roy's family, and Marth went with him for support."

No one spoke for a moment. Peach bit her lip and wondered if he was all right; Link still had that blank stare on his face, which quickly turned into one of disbelief; and both Zelda and Ganondorf remained stoic.

"Now if the interrogation is over, I'd like to get this wedding started," Zelda stated, just as the music changed.

-x-

"…If anyone objects to this union, please speak now or forever be silent."

"Until there's a divorce," Young Link muttered to Popo, who started laughing. Ike smacked Young Link upside his head.

"Shut up you two."

"I have an objection or five."

Everyone in the church faced Link then, who had his hand held in the air.

"What are you talking about, Link?" Zelda asked, an annoyed look on her face.

"You can't marry him, Zelda," Link said. "I won't let you screw Hyrule over. You may not give a damn, but _I_ do."

Zelda scoffed. "My father knows what he's doing—"

"No offence, Zelda, but I think your father's a senile old man who doesn't remember the fact that Ganondorf _almost destroyed Hyrule_."

Someone in the congregation coughed, and Young Link raised his hand too.

"Normally my older self is an utter moron, but…" He stood then. "He's right. Maybe not necessarily about your father, but about Hyrule. If you really don't care that much about Hyrule, you can go ahead and get married to the very man who tried to destroy it and take the Triforce for himself. But if you _do_ care, walk away now before it's too late."

The pastor looked confused.

"Just continue with the ceremony and pretend they said nothing," Ganondorf growled.

Zelda looked rather uncomfortable at all the accusative stares people were shooting her.

"If there are no objections, then—"

"Zelda, you're a smart young woman," Link continued, interrupting the pastor. "You don't want this either."

"You know nothing about royalty, Link," Zelda said. "I'm not meant to marry for love. We never marry for love."

Link scoffed. "Is that why Marth's engaged to Roy? Because they don't really love each other?"

"Marth is a man and can do whatever he pleases," Zelda spat. "Princesses conform to different standards. I'm sorry, Link, but it's out of my hands."

Link fished for the rings in his pocket. "In that case… I refuse to watch Hyrule go to Hell." He threw the rings onto the ground.

"Link, what are you—"

Link walked down the steps leading up to the altar. "You can go down with your kingdom, but I won't follow you."

Everyone assembled in the church watched the Hero of Time walk back up the aisle and out the doors.

-x-

 **Author's Note** : And that's the end of Year Three. Once again, thank you for sticking with me all the way till the end! I'll see you all in Year Four - The Last Year... At least, I hope I'll see you in Year Four.


End file.
